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My Body Hurts All The Time


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I know grief causes all kinds of pain: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical. Since last November 22nd, the day half of my heart was ripped from my body, I have had aches and pains like never before. I have been to the doctor and chest pain even landed me in the hospital overnight last spring. 

Here's the thing. My body aches ALL THE TIME. The heaviness in my chest is overwhelming and it even hurts to breathe deeply. As November 22nd approaches, it is getting worse. I exercise and eat well most of the time. My doctor says it seems all grief-related. 

I want my life back. I want my husband back. I want my spirit to settle back in my body and give me the vessel that carries me around back.

I am weary, you guys, so very weary. I am tired of being strong. I thought I had redefined that for myself, but I am simply tired.

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I know the feeling!  After Al died, my knee went out the day before memorial service.  I went right from service to E.R.  Then I got bad anemia and could barely move.  It has been one thing after another.   Knees, hips, anemia and recently feet and ankles.  I am grateful that I held up long enough to keep helping Al.   It is very tiring, I agree.

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Same thing here, not a thing wrong that was debilitating til he died and then my body went into overdrive with one thing after another.  Read this is very common for caregivers.  So great!  I felt better physically when he was dying and now that he is gone I can barely function.  Hell of a deal.

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The last two meals I cooked for Billy nearly killed him from pain.  I gave him 6-7  hydrocodone pain pills, did not touch the pain and did not kill him either, which I was afraid of, it was in about a 7-8 hour period.  Visit to the ER, stay in hospital, stents to his mesenteric arteries, he came home, but would not eat or drink.  The morphine stopped the pain and he could take it.  I knew the path we were on but I expected a miracle.  It did not happen.  If I go to cook something, the stand on my feet hurts my back so bad that I swear I won't do it again.  We eat fast foods, frozen microwave food 99% of the time.  The dishes are piled in the sink.  Billy always loaded the dishwasher.  Hurts my back terribly to stand at the sink.  I won't use the dishwasher.  Either my mind is overloading my reason, or possibly it could be referred to the ruptured colon.  

I can walk Walmart's aisles for hours, no backache.  I am holding on to the shopping cart though.  Does not matter the reasoning, the pain is real and severe.  I can only take Tylenol.   Reasoning sometimes does not cure this kind of pain.  

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Marg, the more fresh food you eat, the better you will feel.....With my osteo,  I am heavy into Omega 's, mostly Fish....And I avoid red meat....I load up on my Turmeric/Oil/Pepper mix  ...helps the joints...I'm trying to undo a lifetime of "excessive" habits....I'm at 40% of where I want to be....I still have two Pints of Beer daily and my portions are bit high some times....Rome wasn't built in a day....Walking on the Golf course is easy because I'm also leaning on my Cart.......

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Kevin, I am on what they call a low residue diet.  I have not had a green salad since before March of 2014.  The only veggies I can have are green beans and spinach.  I have learned to make a grits corn bread.  My sister makes me a grits dressing for holidays.  It is kind of like a diverticulitis diet.  I get the best tasting food, but cannot have any fiber, but they did let me have wheat bread.  No cornbread, beans, peas, any of the good old southern foods (except southern fried chicken and steak, etc.  Avocados I can have.  Lots of fatty stuff..  Cake, (as long as no nuts or coconut, berries, etc.).  I just need to start a walking regimen, drink lots of water, take my vitamins, and try to live.  I did walk to the end of the apartments and back.  This is a large group of apartments and sidewalks, so while I can, I have to start walking.  I'll get into it.  By the way, who would believe that grits would be the only corn this ole southern girl could have.  

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MBBH, I'm more tired than I can ever remember. Can be sitting reading and just go to sleep. Get up with alarm and go back to sleep. Can only listen to work-related stuff for a short time before getting sleepy. Also very achey. No question in my mind that grieving is hard work & we react like any other hard work.

Funny thing is that even tho I start swim practice feeling this way, I've been able to do some hard sets. I try to swim hard enough to drive the grief thoughts away.

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I got a bad case of sciatica this morning.  I did nothing that I can think of to bring it on.  In bed all day.  Taking the limit of Celebrex and Tylenol.  Can barely walk.  Assume it will gradually get better.  I will look for exercises tomorrow.   These setbacks make the grieving worse.  If only he were here.........

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Marg, I bought some walking sticks(ski poles),and I swear by them....evens things out and reduces pains....Arms take pressure off hips and knees....But the walking is the Key, do what ever you have to, but keep walking...........Gin,warm water, easy stretches, and muscle relaxants (don't push too hard)......Forgot Big news..Came in Second in HorseShoe tournament...I may have found a hidden talent...haha

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1 hour ago, kevin said:

some walking sticks(ski poles

Gin, I think you and I are about  the same age.  I know my inactivity has aggravated my back more than anything I have not done.  

Kevin, we bought hiking "poles" from an outfitter company many-many moons ago and back in the 1970's they were over $30 each, I think they were $36.  Billy needed them for his back.   We did a lot of hiking.  We still have one, another lost in the move.  Walmart has my "trekking" sticks for $18 for two, which I have lost my other two.  I use two also.

Gin again.....Billy had herniated disks in his back and rode a Schwinn Airdyne exercise bike for many years.  The Williams (have to Google that) back exercises help also.  I tried them again recently and have a hard time getting my rear end off the floor.  They help though.

Kevin, I love horseshoes, congratulations.  Daddy used to have a game where a hole (two) were dug so many  feet apart and big "washers" about the size of a silver dollar were used to throw in the holes.  I loved it.  The tremor I have now would make my aim terrible.

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Marge,. I go to the health club 4-5 times a week.  Exercise at least an hour.   Guess I need to do different machines.  Maybe I would be worse off if I did not go.  I need to do specific things for sciatica.  Project for today.

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Gin, so sorry you are having so much pain.  I get it now often and its hard to deal with physical pain when we are struggling as it is.  They say keep moving, but hard to when it's like torture.  I'm in the ironic position that the only time I don't feel pain is sitting.  I've tried a cane but both my hips and legs hurt so it doesn't help.  I shuffle along as people older than me pass me.  What annoys me is the pain caused the more sedentary lifestyle rather than me just being lazy.  Hope you get back to the health club soon.  Sure miss the days I could work out or walk mybdogs at the off leash parks.

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On 10/6/2017 at 5:55 PM, mbbh said:

I know grief causes all kinds of pain: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical. Since last November 22nd, the day half of my heart was ripped from my body, I have had aches and pains like never before. I have been to the doctor and chest pain even landed me in the hospital overnight last spring. 

Here's the thing. My body aches ALL THE TIME. The heaviness in my chest is overwhelming and it even hurts to breathe deeply. As November 22nd approaches, it is getting worse. I exercise and eat well most of the time. My doctor says it seems all grief-related. 

I want my life back. I want my husband back. I want my spirit to settle back in my body and give me the vessel that carries me around back.

I am weary, you guys, so very weary. I am tired of being strong. I thought I had redefined that for myself, but I am simply tired.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/physical-reactions-to-loss.html

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