Anyone else having trouble?

[Gin]

I have not seen any posts since yesterday morning.

[KarenK]

No trouble that I am aware of, Gin. Just thought that maybe there was a lull in the conversation. I'm just trying to stay afloat like so many of us here.

Luv Ya,

Karen

[Margm]

Gin, it is the same old, same old here.  Groceries.  Meant to go washing clothes, didn't.  Ordered my sister a flip phone so I can keep up with her.  She has been having dizzy spells.  She has had phones before but never would learn how to use them.  I will put her contacts in and give it to her.  She cannot get service good out in the country where she lives but if she sits in the big brown chair, sometimes she can get it.  I live in a ground apartment and the apartment upstairs makes it where I can get spotty service in different locations, like the commode, and I don't have that one figured out yet.  We are just plodding on.  Fighting senility, knees, hips, but so far okay.  How about you, anything new happened?  I see Karen has answered, we will check on her.

 

[Gin]

I guess it is just a quiet time.  Thanks Karen and Marg for responding.  I am waiting for up to a foot of snow coming

[KarenK]

Never any snow here, for sure. Has been in the 80's all week. Unseasonably warm, but I'll be darned if I will turn on the air in February. Marg, same problem at my daughter's rural Kentucky home. Could only get service in one corner of upstairs bedroom or on the porch. Of course, I only had a cheap trac phone at the time. Don't even have a cell phone anymore. Don't go anywhere that I would need one. Still searching for a place in the mountains, but slim pickins' in our price range. Want to stay in the west. Maine is beautiful in summer, but can't see myself in ALL that snow in winter. Will probably end up stuck in Az until I die. Thinking maybe some of the sadness will stay behind if I move. Most wishes don't come true as we all know.

[TomPB]

My new life of OK periods interrupted by grief attacks continues, been thinking I have nothing new to say. Put the Christmas decorations away, next up is first Valentine's day without Susan, and thinking of the heart she knitted for me last year. We always went to the Caribbean in Mar and missing that will hurt. I've scheduled a solo trip to San Juan so I can get a little sun in a place we never visited. Don't think I could go to the Virgin I by myself. We had our honeymoon on St John, many saling charters out of Tortola, and last vacation together on Water Island last Mar, with no idea that Susan had a month to live.  

Our clothes washer had a problem - needs repair - when I went to run it last night and I found it extra upsetting because Susan liked it so much.

Former associate is visiting and she said very nice things and held my hand as I talked about Susan.

I've started planning a 1 yr memorial get-together. Sometimes I think since I lost Susan nothing else can hurt me, other times I feel like I can't face one more thing. Best to all, Tom🐼

[iPraiseHim]

TomPB,

I understand.  I proposed to my wife on Valentines Day. I never liked Valentine's Day before we met because I never had a valentine. I"m a romantic and loved the celebration of our love.  This is the third year without my Valentine.  We had a great Valentine's weekend full of laughter, remembering our lives and love.  Two days later, I came home and found her dead. I really dislike all the commercials again reminding me of what I have lost.  However, I have gradually come to accept life as it is now. Different.  Widower.

My BIL asked me last night if I am ready to start dating again?  He has asked that question several times?  At 62, I am just coming to terms and acceptance of my wife's demise.  ... I don't' know how that supposed to happen! I take each day as it comes... " One step in front of the other" - Shalom

[scba]

Tom, I loved St John. What a beautiful place, beautiful sea. 

[Margm]

Where is our "one foot in front of the other" gentleman?  We never really made big celebrations and as we got older, we really didn't.  Cards always (except my forgetting our 50th), I try to do everything different from what we would have done together.  Have to go back to AR soon, hate to do that so much, but it is necessary and my daughter and son live up there.  My son loves his apartment and is going to work security in the night a few days a month.  His girlfriend is up there and after 10-11 years, guess they are family.  Funny, neither can live with the other or stay for long periods together, but love each other.  I think one or the other gets on the others nerves and home she goes.  Daughter is searching, not hard, but needs companionship very much.  Hope she can hold her temper.  

Karen, I loved it over close to the New Mexico border, Alpine, but most are tourist towns.  I don't know about those mining towns.  Funny, I can remember it so well.  Billy wanted to go fishing on the Black or Blue River.  I felt Escudilla Mountain was haunted and would not stay around it.  The White Mountains are pretty.  I hope you find a nice place.  We stayed in Benson.  Good memories.  

[Gwenivere]

Guess it was just one of those days no one ha$ anything to say.  I was surprised too at no new posts.  Then I thought hey!  Maybe we all go5 thru a night without a major crisis and that was good.  As I read these postings I see the pain is still there.  Maybe I’m getting used to my witching hour which always hits after dinner til bed.  It’s a daily thing so I don’t bother saying anything now, just get thru it.  

Ugh, Valentine’s Day.  All the stuff in the stores and commercials on TV.  So hard to reminded there are happy, in love people that celebrate it....with good reason.  We’ve lost ours so it’s blinders time for me even tho we didn’t really do anything.  Used to think it was sweet watching the young lovers out there.  My best to them as they have what we lost.  I miss just knowing I had someone I loved who was here.  

[kayc]

13 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

My BIL asked me last night if I am ready to start dating again?  He has asked that question several times? 

Tell him if you decide, he'll be the second one to know and smile at him...dismissively.  End of discussion.  

It's really hard when others interject stuff like this because it feels like pressure even if not intended that way.  Or like you're doing something wrong.  If you decide to date, I'm sure you can figure it out without help from anyone.  You're over 18.  You were married so obviously you dated at one time.

But you may never feel like it.  Many of us don't.  I'd rather go to the dentist! (except for the bill)

I'm sorry you're getting hit with reminders again this time of year.  Maybe skip t.v.?  I don't watch commercials, I record everything I'm interested in and then I can fast forward past them.  And I don't shop.  I buy what I need on line, of course I get groceries every two weeks but I know the aisle to avoid. 

[Margm]

On 2/8/2018 at 9:52 PM, Gwenivere said:

 So hard to reminded there are happy, in love people that celebrate it

I have said before, the high school assembly with Mary Collier singing the song from "The King and I" has haunted me now for 60 years.  I have a hard time remembering things, but this memory is 60 years old.  The singer is still alive and is elderly now, like me.  But, I can remember crying throughout the song, staged with two "young lovers" and Mary in her old slouch hat singing these words to them.  I cried at 15, and it haunts me for sure now.

Hello young lovers, wherever you are
I hope your troubles are few
All my good wishes go with you tonight
I've been in love like you

Be brave, young lovers and follow your star
Be brave and faithful and true
Cling very close to each other tonight
I've been in love like you

 

[TomPB]

On 2/8/2018 at 9:21 PM, scba said:

Tom, I loved St John. What a beautiful place, beautiful sea. 

Me too. Major hurricane damage, also to nearby Tortola. Next week I'm going to San Juan for 3 days to get some sun in a place without memories. Still dealing with not having Susan to watch my things when I go swimming. Got a waterproof pouch.

[TomPB]

On 2/8/2018 at 8:54 PM, iPraiseHim said:

TomPB,

I understand.  I proposed to my wife on Valentines Day. I never liked Valentine's Day before we met because I never had a valentine. I"m a romantic and loved the celebration of our love.  This is the third year without my Valentine.  We had a great Valentine's weekend full of laughter, remembering our lives and love.  Two days later, I came home and found her dead. I really dislike all the commercials again reminding me of what I have lost.  However, I have gradually come to accept life as it is now. Different.  Widower.

My BIL asked me last night if I am ready to start dating again?  He has asked that question several times?  At 62, I am just coming to terms and acceptance of my wife's demise.  ... I don't' know how that supposed to happen! I take each day as it comes... " One step in front of the other" - Shalom

The knitted heart is going to make this one of the tough ones. 

My grief counselor thinks I will find another partner at some point, tho not now. I don't know either...

I have been  spending a lot of time with a woman in a non-romantic relationship. This is a first for me and somewhat confusing. I've been asking if I should give her a Valentine. Current consensus is it could send the wrong message.

[Margm]

There are so many benefits/maybe not benefits to being older.  No one expects me to find someone else, although three of my friends did.  Actually four.  I am not lonely.  I would hate to be with someone for companionship comparing them in my head to Billy.  And, no one expects me to, that is the best part.  I don't know what Billy would have done.  I know my dad would have found someone else.  Mama kind of despised men, and that kinda worried me.  We knew she was not glued too tight anyhow, but she outwardly showed men her hatred and she didn't even know them.  Poor Daddy.  Poor Mama.  I'm just happy my marriage was hard at first, confusing at second, and home run from third.  

[kayc]

15 hours ago, TomPB said:

I have been  spending a lot of time with a woman in a non-romantic relationship. This is a first for me and somewhat confusing. I've been asking if I should give her a Valentine. Current consensus is it could send the wrong message.

An act of kindness is never wrong so instead of a Valentine, think of something else totally unromantic, something nice you could do for or with her.  A friend of mine and I go out to eat and play Yahtzee...maybe not exciting to most of you but it means a lot to us because we spend so much time alone it's just nice to spend time with someone else.