Relationship ended due to that she lost her father

[selena1988]

10 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

Am i wrong for having to be disappointed or have atleast a little bit of expectations? I've tried my best into minimizing expectations or have no expectations at all because she never wants expectations right now, it seems like a pressure to her. And when I expected that she wont take it for more than a week before talking to me ( but she actually did ) a part of me got disappointed. Did I self sabotage working out the relationship by expectating ( again ) ? 

I'm sorry if I come across a bit harsh, but kayc is absolutely right; right now your behaviour is not constructive. I acknowledge that this might not be what you want to hear, but you can't control external factors, the only thing you can control is your reaction to them.

We can keep on running in circles, however it doesn't change the fact that your ex remains your ex. Nothing that KayC or I say will change her behaviour. She is who she is, and she wants someone who wants to comfort her without providing anything in return -  those are the hard facts. 

I definitely feel that you should be able to have expectations in any functioning relationship, so no - it's not wrong to feel that way. What I feel is less constructive is to wish for your ex to be this and that. She has clearly shown and communicated her stance, now you need to act accordingly.

Moving on is hard. Moving on from your first love is even harder. We've all been there and I know that me saying "time heal all wounds" and "you'll end up stronger" might not help. 

The best thing you can do is to accept that you will hurt for some time. You will miss what was (and wasn't) meant to be. You'll want the happy ending that didn't happen. As you say, you may even want her to be a different version of herself. 

Unfortunately, she is who she is. Rather than killing yourself over what didn't happen, or what in your head could have happened, try to focus on the situation at hand. Focus on you and your healing process. After all, that's the only thing you can impact.

 

[selena1988]

14 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

Hi, I know it has only been 2 days but I'm really feeling sad right now. I can't stop thinking about Alek and the way I ignored her. The past few days I've been meditating a lot trying to get my focus and tell myself that what I did, by ignoring her, was the right thing to do. But somehow, I can't get her out of my head. I've been keeping myself occupied -- going to the gym, doing school works, practicing guitar, etc... but my thoughts keep coming back to her. I feel bad that I ignored her like that because I was kinda pissed ( which is true ) that she messaged me after 9 days and that didn't give me no other choice but to ignore her. I felt like I should have given her a heads up that I'm choosing to move forward with my life right now. Everyday that passes by I know my heart heals slowly but it gets harder by the fact that I'm realizing we're not talking anymore and that she's consistently on my head now. I guess this is the hardest part about withdrawals... 

I know I don't owe her anything but why do I feel somehow bad that despite all her personal problems right now, I chose to walk away when all she wants right now is someone who would listen to her; to rant her problems at.  I know that she's the only one who can save herself and I know that I chose to walk away for my own good, for my own healing and for my good benefit. But I felt like if she needed someone to cry a shoulder to, maybe I could be that someone and I threw it out when I decided to move on. There's a part of me wanting to message her, ask her how she has been doing, and there is another part of me, the majority part, telling me to just continue the no contact, let it go and move on.

I can't avoid thinking that she felt I'm still expecting something from her or from this working out the relationship that's why when she messaged me after 9 days, I didn't respond to her because I was disappointed or that she didn't meet my expectations... 

I feel like I'm repeating myself, please forgive me if I do, however I don't think that anything you said/did would change the outcome. She still wouldn't put in effort or communicate properly. Any healthy relationship need those qualities to progress. 

[CommanderCody]

4 hours ago, selena1988 said:

I feel like I'm repeating myself

I know, same goes for me too. I know what I've been asking myself, thinking about, has already been answered. It's just that there are so many what if's running through my mind and it continues from there. 

For example : 

When we had talked about working out the relationship last month, I asked her how can we start working out the relationship, and she replied : " Maybe we could start by taking things day by day? " ( this story is on page 3 )  which from my understanding she wants to take things slow. And when she reached out to me last Dec 10 asking " hey, how are you?" I just thought maybe that's her trying to work this relationship out. That's her trying to make an effort. Because the way that I knew her, if she would wanted to stop working things out between us, she would say so -- but she hadn't. She just didn't reach out for 9 days. So I'm thinking, what if she really does want to continue it but I'm the one this time that let go.

Anyway, this is merely a what if story. 

 

[CommanderCody]

I kept telling myself that It's not about me having expectations that led us to this point, it's about what I deserve. And I know I am right. Maybe the reason I'm acting like this at the moment is because that I'm unsure of what the future holds for the both of us and that scares me. Just like when we broke up, I tried my best to save the relationship because I was scared of losing her. I'll admit I'm not scared of losing her now as much as I was 3 months ago but I'm afraid if we'll ever keep in touch again. And yes, I know that I should focus on myself and think less if we'll be talking again. I've given my worries to the Lord's hands as he will be the one to set the course for the both of us -- but even though I've placed my worries into him, I still can't stop worrying inside my head. 

[kayc]

21 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

Am i wrong for having to be disappointed or have atleast a little bit of expectations?

Disappointment is a feeling, we can't help our feelings, they're natural.  We all have some degree of expectations, yours are minimal, no I don't see them as right/wrong, they're natural for the relationship.  Can she meet the bare minimum?  No.  The problem is not that she is grieving, it is that this is how she handles her grief!  The question is not whether any of us will grieve, it's when!  We all go through it at some point in our lives, some of us, much grief at different points.  It's a circumstance we can't predict or control.  Be glad you've found out BEFORE marrying!  You want to have someone to go through thick and thin together.  Think about it, you haven't met "your person" yet, think how great it'll be when you do!  

21 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

Did I self sabotage working out the relationship by expectating ( again ) ? 

No.  She cut YOU off!

 

[kayc]

11 hours ago, selena1988 said:

You will miss what was (and wasn't) meant to be.

This!

 

1 hour ago, CommanderCody said:

it's about what I deserve. And I know I am right.

Keep remembering this!  Try not to worry about the future, stay in today, it's enough to get through the day.  You are grieving her, what was and what wasn't, it will hurt for a time.  Eventually it will quit hurting and you'll see with more clarification, you'll realize so many things from this experience!  It was not a waste, therefore, it's part of your journey towards a fulfilling life!

[selena1988]

5 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

I kept telling myself that It's not about me having expectations that led us to this point, it's about what I deserve. And I know I am right. Maybe the reason I'm acting like this at the moment is because that I'm unsure of what the future holds for the both of us and that scares me. Just like when we broke up, I tried my best to save the relationship because I was scared of losing her. I'll admit I'm not scared of losing her now as much as I was 3 months ago but I'm afraid if we'll ever keep in touch again. And yes, I know that I should focus on myself and think less if we'll be talking again. I've given my worries to the Lord's hands as he will be the one to set the course for the both of us -- but even though I've placed my worries into him, I still can't stop worrying inside my head. 

Of course. Getting over someone is difficult and will take time. Most relationship experts recommend people that are dealing with a break up to go no contact and focus on themselves. Make sure you're the best version of yourself. 

If you were to divide your life into three categories; health, wealth and relationships, what needs work? 

Mental health/getting in shape? A promotion at work/put more effort into studies? Find a new hobby? Expand your friend's circle? 

By finding new goals your energy will automatically start to shift. 

[CommanderCody]

You are both right. I have realized that maybe the reason I'm having a hard time moving on is because even though I have experienced loving a girl before, nothing compared to the love that I have gave Alek. Everything that happened in our relationship was mostly the first time I have experienced it -- from being introduced to the family, having those sweet and memorable moments, taking the extra-extra mile, and the love that has been shared by one another. I've also realized that the dopamine level was so high on those moments that's why it withdraws me right now because she is not the one supplying the happiness that I need.

Right now, what I've been doing to divert my thoughts whenever my mind is reminiscing on the past, I will take down 3 things that's in front of me and I will say it -- just to get my focus back on the present. It has worked so far to keep me focused on the now instead of the future or the past.

18 hours ago, selena1988 said:

If you were to divide your life into three categories; health, wealth and relationships, what needs work?

I would say wealth and relationships. I haven't achieved my financial goals yet as that I am still studying but I'm going to get there. My relationships with my family, close friends are good. I catch up with them from time to time. For romantic relationships, I know the mistakes I've done and the areas I need to improve on for my next relationship. It's funny, I was watching Spiderman 3 earlier and there was this scene where MJ and Peter are dining in a fancy restaurant. MJ has something to say about what she feels but instead Peter cut her off and tried to show sympathy by making it all about him and obviously MJ was pissed off and walked out. And there I thought " Man if you would have just listened to MJ she wouldn't have walked out like that 😂 " and that is one of the biggest lesson I learned from Alek ( how to actively listen ) and I am thankful for that.

 

18 hours ago, selena1988 said:

By finding new goals your energy will automatically start to shift.

And that is what I'm currently doing. When we took space from Oct to Nov, I tried to find my purpose and I think I have found it. I'm going to volunteer for Red Cross. Since I'm a fitness enthusiast and I want to advocate the importance of health, I'm going to start by giving service to my fellowmen. 

 

Thank you so much for continuing listening to my questions and problems, @kayc and @selena1988. I hope you don't get tired for listening to my problems as sometimes I might feel down about myself and rant my thoughts here.

[CommanderCody]

I just want to get this off my chest, since I've stopped viewing her instagram stories, she had noticed it that I'm not checking her stories anymore because she had viewed my last 2 stories last sunday but I didn't view her stories on that same day and for the following days when she was posting. I feel like she already felt what I was doing ( that I'm moving on ) and now she's doing the same thing -- she's not viewing my stories as of the moment but her relatives still does.  

[kayc]

Stop checking on her.  It's self sabotaging.  Block her from every avenue.  You will heal faster.  

You have self evaluated and have some insight, now it's time to keep your goals before you.  As you expand your horizons and explore other ventures/people, you won't feel the void so much.  Remember the highs of most relationships can wax and wane given the course of a lifetime.  Times people need space, times they need each other, it's ALL part of it, not just the highs.  We all remember puppy love and how wonderful it feels, but it's even more wonderful as the relationship matures and progresses.  It's good having that one you can count on, through thick and thin.  

Good luck to you!

[CommanderCody]

Hi, I just want to release the feelings that I'm feeling on my chest right now.

I've been trying my best the last couple of days to focus on myself and I've been spending a lot of time with my family. After 14 days, I have messaged Alek and I've greeted her on the 24th at 3 pm saying " Hey, I hope you're doing well. I just want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas! " and she replied back  9 hrs later with a " Merry Christmas to you and your family too! " I know that with that kind of statement, it's probably over between us.  I greeted her just to let her know that I'm still good with keeping a friendship with her and that there's no beef between us ( after I have ignored her last dec 10 ) I'm trying my best to let go of the hope that she'll be reaching out anytime soon. 

Right now, I'm feeling a little sad because I woke up earlier and I have dreamt of Alek. I dreamt that we were in the back of my car and that we're going on a trip with my friends. While on the way to our trip, Alek and I are extremely close with each other physically ( just like how we used to be ) and when I woke up I spontaneously got sad from that. 

Just like what @selena1988 had said about I will miss what was ( and wasn't ), I think I'm understanding that now. I had a realization where in her family, 2 of her 5 half siblings has a long term relationship with only one person. And these half siblings of hers, one of them is the most she's closest to and the other one is where I can see a similarity in their attitude. I know Alek knows the importance of having a partner for long term, having a partner who has good values, a family man, and respectful. She told me that before that's one of the characteristics she liked about me. My point is, Alek and I could have been wonderful in the long term but why can't I slightly accept that we had went down this way. Her two half-siblings, although they are married and one of them has a family, but there relationship with their husbands didn't fell off. Yeah, every people handles grief differently and I can understand that. Is it because Alek is the youngest in the siblings that's why she was impacted the most? My aunt told me that she's not yet mature when it comes into a relationship but I disagree with her. 

I can't help but think that I know Alek the best but then I listened to the advices that I've received and this is what we are now. I know ranting my thoughts here won't bring her back but how I wish that I could have handled things differently with her.  I don't even know if she wanted to break things off between us when we decided to work out the relationship for the 2nd time, but I was the one that let go. 

[MartyT]

 

2 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

I don't even know if she wanted to break things off between us when we decided to work out the relationship for the 2nd time, but I was the one that let go. 

If Alek didn't want to break things off between you, if she really didn't want to lose you, and if she really wanted to be with you, wouldn't she be fighting harder now to hold onto you? 

[CommanderCody]

23 minutes ago, MartyT said:

wouldn't she be fighting harder now to hold onto you? 

But she doesn't have it in her... I can't and shouldn't expect anything from her especially that having a relationship isn't her priority right now and that she'll try to make the relationship work again... Not like when we broke up last September, she did try her best to make us work but not this time... Maybe when we had space for a month we got used to the feeling that we're not communicating daily and that we both realized sooner or later we won't be talking at all... atleast that's what I feel of. I guess the reason I'm still having a hard time moving on is because of the memories that was left of us. No matter how many months have passed, every detail is still fresh in my mind and heart that's why it hurts a little.

[kayc]

12 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

why can't I slightly accept that we had went down this way.

Because you don't want to let go.  But she has already done so.  It's time to accept it.  The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be on the path to healing.

The pivotal point for me was when, AFTER we resumed contact, after his mom died, I''d sent a handmade sympathy card to him and he'd talked to me for 3 1/2 hours, as if catching me up...then he would call every day or not for two weeks, he was giving me mixed messages, and it was yanking me around emotionally.  I remember crying on the way home from work (a 50 mile drive).  I remember resolving NEVER to allow myself to go there again (with him), to NOT allow him that control, to resolve not to cry over him again!!!  And I haven't.  Except when he was dying in the hospital, twice.  But that was different, it was tears for a friend, not a fiance.  That resolve was the pivotal point for me and aided me greatly.  I learned not to hang on every word he spoke to me with hope...but to let it all go in one ear and out the other without landing on me.  Not that I didn't care about him, I did and still do, I reckon I always will, but now I understand so much better who he is, his limitations, and that we will never be an item, and I'm totally cool with that!

[kayc]

Jim broke up with me 8/10/10...here's an excerpt from my thread (Here I Go Again) 

Quote

Oct. 29 same year:
Three days ago, Jim called me back on his neighbor's phone, told me the best way to reach him is by email (i.e. don't call him again). He chatted briefly, how hard he's been working, etc. I asked him if he'd like to come get away from it all for a while. He curtly answered immediately in a resounding NO he DOESN'T want to. Duly chided. He said he'd "been uncertain" (about us?) and probably wouldn't ever talk to me about it. I got the impression it's not so much about me as it's about him. (He either doesn't want in a relationship?) At any rate, it hit me hard. I feel like crying but I have to hold it together. I never should have talked to him again. I should have let him go completely and not even tried. What made me think we could be friends, even after all I thought we'd meant to each other? This just hurts me unbearably. The man lied to me. He led me on and lied to me. He told me just two weeks before breaking up with me that he saw us spending our future together. He told me every day he loved me, even after he called after a two month's absence, although that could have been habit. People should be more careful what they tell each other. They should be more careful about the promises they make, the commitments they enter into. He's the one that wanted to see me exclusively, he's the one who said he'd never hurt me, he's the one who asked me to marry him. I'm just the one left with a broken heart. I'm letting go of him completely, if he ever wants my friendship, he knows where I am and he'll have to expend the effort to contact me. You know, I wouldn't have invited him if I'd thought he'd react so volatile, but three weeks ago he said he'd probably come up sometime, I had no idea he'd change again. I guess he just has issues, which I don't really need, all of his changeability just continues to hurt me, moving on...way too confusing!

Dec. 2 same year:

Quote

 

Jim called me a dozen times yesterday morning, I was getting ready for work (walking the dog, putting cedar in the dogpen, making my lunch, showering, etc.) so didn't have time to answer, and he tried me on my way to work when I was on the phone with AT&T (I didn't want to lose my spot after voicemail, holding, etc.), so I called him back when done...he said he'd been crying, feeling nostalgic, he was listening to old songs, etc. ??? I told him to quit it! I said I'd turned my emotions off...asked him if it had anything to do with his mom's death and he said no. I don't know what he was trying to say or what it meant but I know I can't let him yank me around emotionally. I was real proud of myself, I gave him some sound advice on handling one's emotions through the holidays and then listened and chatted with him as a friend. Today he called at 5:30 am and I put him on speaker phone while I got ready for work. Guess he helped his ex-wife celebrate her birthday last night. That didn't evoke any feelings inside of me except to make me relieved he's no longer my problem! He may be a nice person, but man he seems messed up!

Other than continuing to struggle with the snow/vehicles, I'm doing okay. I'm very proud of myself for not letting emotions get the best of me. I know I'm not through the hurdle yet...Christmas season will be tough, all the memories. A couple of days ago on the radio they were talking about the Festival of Lights (which Jim and I went to together last year, one of his traditions) and I simply changed the channel. I have more to do than sit around and cry over someone who wronged me!

 

 

[BaxterBurg]

8 hours ago, kayc said:

Because you don't want to let go.  But she has already done so.  It's time to accept it.  The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be on the path to healing.

 I agree. its hard man, but try to think of a future without her as much as you can. I get what youre going through right now--today it just hit me how much i miss her. time apart is making me realize that i didnt just miss the feelings of the relationship, but just her being there. I miss her voice so much. i miss our talks, and our cuddleing, and i feel like i would do anything just to experience those right now. But its out of my hands, and there's no point trying to change things that are out of our control. Time goes on. You can be happy without her. Try not to think of the memories, it will only hurt you; those moments are out of our grasp, and they arnt coming back. I'm sorry. Even if there was hope in the future, theres no use in torturing yourself now. I won't lie, I typed this with tears in my eyes, but we'll get through it.

try blocking her on instagram, or whatever social media you use. i find that everytime i see her face it just sets me back and feels like a punch in the gut. like we talked about, it makes us question why she does things. My ex posted another story on snapchat--3 in the past 2 weeks. She posted 0 in our relationship, and she only went on there for me. It can drive you crazy; best to just cut everything if you can, or use the mute function.

Even right now, i know theres probably a message waiting or me on whatsapp from her, but I cant bring myself to checking. I just know that im going to feel terrible afterward. She already hasnt responded for like 12 hrs the last time i checked. Its for the best you get social media out if you feelready to do so. You could evne just let her know befrehand so you dont feel bad about doing it.

[CommanderCody]

10 hours ago, kayc said:

Jim broke up with me 8/10/10...here's an excerpt from my thread (Here I Go Again) 

Dec. 2 same year:

 

Damn, I can clearly see now your point. I do really hope that I could get the strength you had when he was trying to pull you off emotionally but you resisted. That you know it would only step you back and hurt you even more. I hope I could get that courage to say no to the person who wronged you even if you loved them. I left you a personal message Kay C I want to ask you something.

[CommanderCody]

2 hours ago, BaxterBurg said:

best to just cut everything if you can, or use the mute function.

Honestly I don't think I can block her from any of my social media accounts even her family. As much as I want to, there's really no bad feud between us that will make me do that. She did unfollow her ex on her social media accounts before though because that relationship of theirs was toxic and abusive. I don't want to let her misinterpret the reason I unfollowed or block her is because I have a beef with her, no. I did use the mute function on her and her families stories.

2 hours ago, BaxterBurg said:

I typed this with tears in my eyes, but we'll get through it.

This is sad. I can't even remember how many times I've vented here while tears are running down my face. Hang tight. 

 

2 hours ago, BaxterBurg said:

You could evne just let her know befrehand so you dont feel bad about doing it

I don't think letting her know anything what I'm going to do at this point will make any difference. If I would have let her know on Dec 10 that I have decided to move on despite us agreed to working it out, maybe that would make a difference -- but no, I ignored her. That's the only thing on my conscious right now. How I have wished I have told her instead of ignoring her. That's why I kept thinking if I didn't do that, what would our situation be now. The only thing that keeps me and my thoughts sane is thinking that nothing is a mistake -- that everything is right where they're supposed to be. 

[BaxterBurg]

51 minutes ago, CommanderCody said:

I did use the mute function on her and her families stories.

ah okay thats good, no need to block then. And that makes sense, she might take it wrong. But if it saves you, then it might be worth it.

And I don't think you made a mistake Cody. Just from reading you stuff, I don't think the relationship was going to work, regardless of how you acted. Don't be hard on yourself, and yes, keep that mindset. I told me ex that Im going to do my best to move on until the day we decide to discuss the relationship. I'm not sure if this will change anything, I rly doubt it will. And just for your own health its probably the best option. I'm more likely prolonging my pain by keeping these things open; one frined told me from the day she broke it off that I should just block her on everything and cut contact completelty. My whole plan is to cut contact from new years, keep posting on my blog, and wait for the day, whenever that may be. For all I know, that day may never even come; all depends on her greiving process and feelings.

In short, don't beat yourself up. I don't think anything would have changed.

[CommanderCody]

3 hours ago, BaxterBurg said:

I don't think the relationship was going to work, regardless of how you acted

You think so? Even though if I approached her first between Dec 1 - Dec 10 that still wouldn't make any difference? Because I let her the one set the pace and when she took 9 days before reaching out to me, I was kinda pissed that it took a week before we got to talk again but in fact we had decided to work out the relationship again. I was thinking last week that what if she's just the one waiting for me to hit her up but I didn't because I'm still respecting her wishes on her space. 

[selena1988]

On 12/28/2020 at 6:15 AM, CommanderCody said:

But she doesn't have it in her... I can't and shouldn't expect anything from her especially that having a relationship isn't her priority right now and that she'll try to make the relationship work again... Not like when we broke up last September, she did try her best to make us work but not this time... Maybe when we had space for a month we got used to the feeling that we're not communicating daily and that we both realized sooner or later we won't be talking at all... atleast that's what I feel of. I guess the reason I'm still having a hard time moving on is because of the memories that was left of us. No matter how many months have passed, every detail is still fresh in my mind and heart that's why it hurts a little.

I kindly disagree with you there. If someone is in a relationship, they can't just leave things hanging the way Alek did.

Look, the reason why I've been offline for a couple of weeks is because my boyfriend and I hit a rough patch in our relationship. 

First he told me that he needed some time to progress our relationship the way we wanted - which is fair. He's not himself fully right now, and although there were a few minor details I wished he approached differently, I'd still say he's doing a damn good job.

1) He wanted to discuss options with me, even when I wanted to call things off in the heat of the moment. 

2) He listened to my input and my needs, and he said something super important: "You need to be happy too. You can't sacrifice your own happiness for me." Now, we both have some space to focus on getting back on track the next months and we both support each other fully. 

3) He always said "I need to get back to a new normal, and I want you to be a part of the new normal. 

4) He realized that I also needed some perspective and together we drew a time line for engagement and so on that we both feel comfortable with. 

5) He still wants to progress bits and pieces of our relationship meanwhile, such as introduction to each others parents etc.

 

As you probably can imagine this is very private and I only share this with you to show you the difference. My boyfriend was heartbroken and totally lost a few weeks ago, and truth be told, he's still not doing very well. Regardless, he keeps me and my happiness a priority too. He's also open and honest because he wants us to work in the long run. 

If they want you around, they won't let you go. If something affects the relationship, they'll do their best to soften the blow. 

[kayc]

14 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

I don't think letting her know anything what I'm going to do at this point will make any difference. If I would have let her know on Dec 10 that I have decided to move on despite us agreed to working it out, maybe that would make a difference -- but no, I ignored her.

I agree with the first sentence, not the last part.  THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!  This is not something you caused or you can fix!  It's not even personal!  It's her grief and it's her way of dealing with it!  That has nothing to do with you or your actions, what you've done or haven't done!  THIS IS HOW SHE IS!  It FEELS personal, damned personal!  But it's not.  Stop beating yourself up.  Thank God you're finding out these things NOW instead of married with kids.  You need a partner, not someone who ghosts you when the tough things come along.  Guaranteed, tough times come to us all!

[kayc]

14 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

I don't want to let her misinterpret the reason I unfollowed or block her is because I have a beef with her

Again, I disagree.  She has moved on, you need to protect yourself.  Your choice but not necessarily the wisest for YOURSELF.  You're making it harder on yourself to get over her.  You don't WANT to get over her!  Sorry, II know that's blunt, but I'll always be honest as I see it.

36 minutes ago, selena1988 said:

If they want you around, they won't let you go.

13 hours ago, BaxterBurg said:

But if it saves you, then it might be worth it.

[BaxterBurg]

1 hour ago, selena1988 said:

If they want you around, they won't let you go. If something affects the relationship, they'll do their best to soften the blow. 

Hi Salena, you both seem to be handeling it well, or at least a lot better tha many on this forum. Ive been thinking about your situation and your words here for some time, and its made me think. Do you think this wouldbe the case in my situation too? We're both young and she never lost anyone before on top of lots of other stress (its bad). She said she lost feelings for me after her family member declined in health, and broke things off affter weeks of coldnes towards me. She said she felt very conflicted about the deicsion but didnt feel right about stringing me along. Do you think if she really loved me she would have tried to hold onto me through this, no matter what? Or did she do everything right?

[selena1988]

45 minutes ago, BaxterBurg said:

Hi Salena, you both seem to be handeling it well, or at least a lot better tha many on this forum. Ive been thinking about your situation and your words here for some time, and its made me think. Do you think this wouldbe the case in my situation too? We're both young and she never lost anyone before on top of lots of other stress (its bad). She said she lost feelings for me after her family member declined in health, and broke things off affter weeks of coldnes towards me. She said she felt very conflicted about the deicsion but didnt feel right about stringing me along. Do you think if she really loved me she would have tried to hold onto me through this, no matter what? Or did she do everything right?

Hi Baxter,

Thank you so much for your kind words. No people or relationships are similar, so it's difficult to predict whether we're doing better- that said I'm proud of myself and him both for maintaining an open and clear line of communication.

Good to hear from you. I've been reading your posts here, and in your own thread. Just wanted to make sure I'm up to speed on the latest development, but thought I'd respond to you in that topic. A lot of details to skim through.

Just an idea that hit me, if you and/or @CommanderCodyfeels it would help, I'd love to ask my boyfriend to provide some input for you. I have a feeling that he might find these threads a bit long, however, if anyone of you want the input from someone who's mourning a loss, feel free to DM me with a summary of the situation and/or any questions. 

I can't promise that he'll respond or respond right away, but I'll ask for input. So again, if a male/mourning perspective may help, feel free to DM me.