Pat R Posted April 6, 2021 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 I just saw a couple of pictures of my Rhonda that were sent to me for approval for the funeral... I just lost it and cant settle down. My God it hurts worse than it ever has. I just don't know what to do. It is just so hard. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 1 hour ago, Pat R said: I just don't know what to do. It is just so hard. Yes, Pat it is so hard. We here understand how hard it is. Right after my husband passed I attended a weekly Grief Support Group for about three months. Of course, this was before Covid. The Group was a religious based support group and even though I wasn't a very religious person I found great comfort being in the group of others that had lost someone they loved. One of the statements I remember so clearly shared by the group leader was; when there are times when you don't know what to do, just get through the next minute, then the next hour, and finally the next day. It seems simplified but some days it is not so simple. Dee 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 2 hours ago, Pat R said: I just don't know what to do. It is just so hard. Pat, I only now can see Billy's pictures, and yes I do cry. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 Pat, you are in the deepest throes of grief, still at the shock period, really. I can think of no worse pain. There is no getting over it, only learning to adjust and that takes much time to process. We want to go be with them to escape this pain that overwhelms us, it's important to give ourselves time to adjust and see if there can't be any good in life, right now it doesn't feel that way. I have learned to try not to compare as that is a huge joy-killer! The realization of how different life would be if they were here hits us anyway. We all know what we're missing. It helps me to get out in nature and walk. We all know the feelings you mention, we know them all too well. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 On 4/3/2021 at 11:52 AM, MartyT said: In Grief: When Faith and God Don't Make Sense Marty, I am making it my priority to go back and read these. Talking to the pastors did not help. Perhaps I should not mention all this, and I won't on Pat's page. But I will go back through to the one "If your going through hell" and will mention it. Thank you for these three topics. I needed them bad, or is it proper to say "badly?" Perchance it to say, this ole southern gal needed them very much. I will tell why. Pat, I wish I could say God has guided me through. I will tell you he has given me this time to try to straighten myself out with religion. I'd hate to leave this ole world and I don't think we are supposed to be angry in Heaven. I say this all "tongue in cheek" and I hope that is not an old southern sway of words. I do that often. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 17 hours ago, Pat R said: I just don't know what to do. It is just so hard. I’m so sorry you are in such pain, butt I understand it. I had no formal ceremony for Steve. Didn’t have to deal with this so I don’t know how that feels. All he wanted was for his buddies to drink, eat and play music for his memory. I bought the pizza and beer and they jammed. I do know I went blind to seeing him in the pictures around the house for a very long time. I could look straight at them and feel nothing. My mind was protecting my heart as I wasn’t ready for a long time. Months down the road. It may have been over a year. I still don’t deliberately seek them out as I see him in my head all the time. Still can’t listen to his voice. I wish there was some way you could avoid this pain til you feel ready to face it as far as planned triggers. That’s another horrid side effect of this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat R Posted April 7, 2021 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Again, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read, respond and pass on your words of wisdom. If there is one thing that I have learned in my 64 years, it is to listen to others who have been down the road I am traveling. The words you give to me sting and they hurt, but I know they are coming to me with love. So... thank you all so much. Pat 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 17 hours ago, Pat R said: I just don't know what to do. It is just so hard. I’m so sorry you are in such pain, butt I understand it. I had no formal ceremony for Steve. Didn’t have to deal with this so I don’t know how that feels. All he wanted was for his buddies to drink, eat and play music for his memory. I bought the goods and they partied. I do know I went blind to seeing him in the pictures around the house for a very long time. I could look straight at them and feel nothing. My mind was protecting my heart as I wasn’t ready for a long time. Months down the road. It may have been over a year. I wish I knew some magic words or ways to make this easier. 💔 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Yes, we are here with you, I wish we could tell you more than the cold hard truth to bring comfort but I assure you it does get more manageable...unless the old age stuff kicks in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeP Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Hii. I just lost my bf unexpectedly and this pain is unlike any other. It’s been so hard. I’m young. I’m 28. He was 29. We spoke all morning then two hours later he’s just gone. And my whole world also turned upside down and I just don’t know what to do. My future is a giant question mark. What I thought was my future is just gone and now I’m forced to adjust to a new way of life I don’t even want. 💔 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 24, 2021 Report Share Posted April 24, 2021 20 hours ago, DeeP said: Hii. I just lost my bf unexpectedly and this pain is unlike any other. It’s been so hard. I’m young. I’m 28. He was 29. We spoke all morning then two hours later he’s just gone. And my whole world also turned upside down and I just don’t know what to do. My future is a giant question mark. What I thought was my future is just gone and now I’m forced to adjust to a new way of life I don’t even want. 💔 I am so sorry for your loss, but glad you found this site, it saved me when I lost my husband suddenly/unexpectedly nearly 16 years ago. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through, we didn't meet until my mid-40s and he was barely 51, we wanted to grow old together! It hits us on every level, loss of dreams, everything, I miss him each and every day. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted April 24, 2021 Report Share Posted April 24, 2021 Time become so blurred and not the gauge all in all. Having passed what would have been our 38th anniversary, there are more memories, but that love is so deep it would have felt that way in our late 20's too. I wish I knew some hopeful words for you, DeeP. It’s the terrible price death bills us, and as you said, not something we asked for. I’m sorry it struck you so young. 💔 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieron Posted April 25, 2021 Report Share Posted April 25, 2021 On 4/23/2021 at 1:47 PM, DeeP said: I just don’t know what to do. It's okay to not know. This loss and the ensuing life change you describe are a lot like sitting, stunned, in the silence that falls in the wake of a natural disaster. And I'm sorry, too, because that kind of loss so swiftly and for someone as young as he was, those are the losses that make no sense on any level. 🙁 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlvinC Posted July 15, 2021 Report Share Posted July 15, 2021 On 4/6/2021 at 7:57 PM, Gwenivere said: I wish I knew some magic words or ways to make this easier. My best friend from high school (I graduated 51 years ago) sent me a sympathy card that said, "No one has the perfect words to make your sadness go away, but may you find comfort in knowing how many people wish they did." I have spent far too many days being knocked around by a sea of pain and confusion, trying to make sense of it all, and words unfortunately can't change that. After 6.5 weeks of this insanity I am somehow still alive. I have my two sons and five grandchildren to thank for that, because I knew for me to check out and follow my wife, as I so desperately wanted to do, it would cause irreparable harm for these loved ones. And so I am still here, trying to find a path I can walk to get back to sanity somehow. I can honestly say that one thing that this experience had given me is a complete loss of fear about any terminal illness; bring it on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 15, 2021 Report Share Posted July 15, 2021 That is a beautiful quote, thank you for sharing it. I'd have to say that I feel the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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