Our Soulmates Cannot be Replaced

[Chocolate]

4 minutes ago, scba said:

Beautiful words. I wish I could communicate better. Or that he could communicate better when I see him in my dreams (average, once each 2 months). When I ask him a question (usually the same Qs) he doesn't reply and I wake up.

Have you thought of doing a journal?  Write down your thoughts addressed to him.  Then wait for what sounds like your thoughts and write those down.  Sometimes those thoughts are from your loved one.  As time goes on you can learn to discern which ones are from him.   My husband died in Jan 2022.  I now have a 185 pg journal.  I rarely dream about him.   I also have large pictures of him around the house so I can look into his loving eyes.  It's also helps. 

[scba]

53 minutes ago, Chocolate said:

Have you thought of doing a journal?  Write down your thoughts addressed to him.  Then wait for what sounds like your thoughts and write those down.  Sometimes those thoughts are from your loved one.  As time goes on you can learn to discern which ones are from him.   My husband died in Jan 2022.  I now have a 185 pg journal.  I rarely dream about him.   I also have large pictures of him around the house so I can look into his loving eyes.  It's also helps. 

When I wake up I go to my journal and write the dream so as not to forget later. I write my question/s. But never my thoughts on them.

Some dreams I know it is him visiting. Others are projections from his image. 

[scba]

59 minutes ago, Chocolate said:

Have you thought of doing a journal?  Write down your thoughts addressed to him.  Then wait for what sounds like your thoughts and write those down.  Sometimes those thoughts are from your loved one.  As time goes on you can learn to discern which ones are from him.   My husband died in Jan 2022.  I now have a 185 pg journal.  I rarely dream about him.   I also have large pictures of him around the house so I can look into his loving eyes.  It's also helps. 

What saddens me is that 8 years I cannot tell or discen which ones are from him. This is what "time" truly does. 

[Chocolate]

Okay, so you have a journal.  Good.  What I do when a thought comes regarding this stuff is to start with the date and time.  Then I type Me: and put my thoughts after that.  I wait a minute.  I become aware of a thought that is not mine, I type in his name and place a colon after it and type in the thoughts.  Once in a while it's from my dad.  It takes a little trust.  Sometimes I'm wrong, and I have to correct the name that goes with the thought.  I started doing this kind of thing under the guidance of a woman I was introduced to after my boyfriend died of cancer 33 years ago.  She could actually see the spirit people who showed up.  Another wise woman told me about recording my dreams.  It's a learning process. 

I really don't think we will have to be without them for much longer.  The environment is degrading very quickly, and life on the planet won't be sustainable much longer.  Where I live the severe droughts, in areas that used to have lots of rain, are causing everything to burn.  The sad thing is that we humans caused it.  I feel sorry for the animals.

[scba]

1 hour ago, Chocolate said:

Okay, so you have a journal.  Good.  What I do when a thought comes regarding this stuff is to start with the date and time.  Then I type Me: and put my thoughts after that.  I wait a minute.  I become aware of a thought that is not mine, I type in his name and place a colon after it and type in the thoughts.  Once in a while it's from my dad.  It takes a little trust.  Sometimes I'm wrong, and I have to correct the name that goes with the thought.  I started doing this kind of thing under the guidance of a woman I was introduced to after my boyfriend died of cancer 33 years ago.  She could actually see the spirit people who showed up.  Another wise woman told me about recording my dreams.  It's a learning process. 

I really don't think we will have to be without them for much longer.  The environment is degrading very quickly, and life on the planet won't be sustainable much longer.  Where I live the severe droughts, in areas that used to have lots of rain, are causing everything to burn.  The sad thing is that we humans caused it.  I feel sorry for the animals.

May I ask how do you do this kind of Journaling of addressing them and recognizing them? Your experience sounds very interesting. 

The environment is degrading very fast. Yes. Yet there are people who don't believe in climate change. I'm pessimistic. To tackle that for good would require a brutal change/slash of consumer patterns. It won't happen. 

 

[kayc]

18 hours ago, nashreed said:

In real life, I can't make friends

I understand what a struggle that is for Aspie's.  It's essential to get yourself out there if you want friends, can't make friends with people you never met.  It takes spending time with people.  Someone you see on a regular basis helps.  Me, I'm alone a LOT!  Way too much, and yet...I seem to feel more comfortable hibernating...at home it's safe and comfortable.  Besides, so much of my life is about survival.

17 hours ago, Chocolate said:

We've lived through/are living through a time when hate has been used to manipulate people.

Yes.  Not only politically but then having Covid isolation thrust on us...

17 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

I would dump those Facebook 'friends.'

I have found that FB is as unique as ones chosen "friends!"  I must have better caliber friends than the average Joe Blow because quite honestly, I don't find the drama in their posts, when I run across one who is always needy, I un-follow or unfriend.  I don't need to feed into their need for affirmation constantly!

 

[Chocolate]

14 hours ago, scba said:

May I ask how do you do this kind of Journaling of addressing them and recognizing them? Your experience sounds very interesting. 

The environment is degrading very fast. Yes. Yet there are people who don't believe in climate change. I'm pessimistic. To tackle that for good would require a brutal change/slash of consumer patterns. It won't happen. 

 

After my husband died I was overrun with all kinds of emotions.  A short time later when I was saying to myself, I hate my life, I can't stand this and how much I needed to see and talk to him, etc, the words came to me, that I figured out were from him. He said to surround myself with pictures of him so I could better feel his presence.  I had a 16X20 print on canvas made from the picture I used for his obituary.  I enlarged a picture of him and me taken 12 years ago.  I made it as large as my printer could handle and put it in a frame on the wall beside my computer desk. That wasn't large enough to suit me.  So I found a place that printed it in a 16X20 and replaced the smaller one. I placed the smaller one on the wall next to my side of the bed.  I printed out the picture of him, that was from the one of him and me, only this time just of him.  That one is lay on the handwritten part of my journal.  I transfer what is on the handwritten one to a journal I keep in my word processing files.  I had painted a couple of pictures of him.  They are on the wall now too.  I went through old pictures and founds others of him taken before I knew him and after I did.  Some of those I still plan to put up.  But for now I have the pictures of him in several places around the house.  I take the one I placed with the handwritten journal with me when I go out of the house.  I keep it and the journal on the rider's seat where he sat when I drove us around.  Neither of of liked to drive so we switched off.

Throughout the day I look at his pictures.  In the large one I have on the wall next to my desk, I can see into his eyes.  The love, the beauty of who he is, shines through.  His eyes follow me.  I feel his presence through it. These pictures help a lot.

Throughout the day I think of him all the time.  It keeps the channel to him open.  We are connected.  Everything is.  We truly are all one.  There is no way it can be otherwise, but with a soulmate/twin flame the connection is stronger.  We just have to realize and accept it.  I've written a book about this, that I am currently trying to find an agent for.  I won't go into that here.

I will think a thought, like, I hate being separated from you, and I state his name sometimes.  What comes back to me in a quiet assured thought is, "We are not separated.  I am with you. Always."  These words come in various forms.  The thoughts that are mine are often jumbled and hurried.  The ones from him are calm, quieter, more mature seeming.

I also do what some would call protection prayers.  I don't consider them prayers, but I draw the protection of the universe, some would call that God, around me.  There are those which I also say to clear and protect me from negative energies and entities.  I learned some of this from a counselor/spiritual lady years back. 

I don't know how this would work for you.  We each have our own beliefs, and I don't want to push mine on anyone.  But it's helping me.

Last night I had a dream with him in it, where we both were away from home in a motel room that had a kitchen.  We were getting ready to leave and go home.  I was cleaning up the dirty dishes.  He was doing other things, but I'm not sure what they were.  I got to thinking, wait a minute, in a motel I don't have to clean things up...we can just go.  I woke up.

Do you need me to explain more?

[Roxi]

1 hour ago, Chocolate said:

Throughout the day I look at his pictures.  In the large one I have on the wall next to my desk, I can see into his eyes.  The love, the beauty of who he is, shines through.  His eyes follow me.  I feel his presence through it. These pictures help a lot.

Chocolate that's beautiful!

I hide every photo of him...'cos it's painful see him...! And know that is not here with me anymore...

I don't know if were you that mentioned the book "the year of magical.." joan didion said in it: i'm not ready for the photo on the table!...i'm not ready too, it's trying to  avoid to recognize his death

But you found an amazing way to look at his pictures...how can you avoid the pain ?

 

[Chocolate]

1 hour ago, Roxi said:

Chocolate that's beautiful!

I hide every photo of him...'cos it's painful see him...! And know that is not here with me anymore...

I don't know if were you that mentioned the book "the year of magical.." joan didion said in it: i'm not ready for the photo on the table!...i'm not ready too, it's trying to  avoid to recognize his death

But you found an amazing way to look at his pictures...how can you avoid the pain ?

 

Thank you.  I can't avoid the pain.  It is ever with me.  It's more painful to not see his beautiful loving eyes.  Your loved one is with you.  You just haven't learned to how to access that.  That's what I'm doing.

I don't know Joan Didon. She didn't know how to access it either. For me this is the best way I can cope.

[V. R.]

10 hours ago, Roxi said:

hide every photo of him...'cos it's painful see him..

I do that too, apart from a couple of photos l've placed in my bedroom and my childrens' rooms, I just don't understand why I can't look at them,. I just break down and start screaming. I often go through my photo gallery on my mobile, intending to stop at my husbands' ones and have a good look, but then I suddenly realise I cannot do it! ("è più forte di me" , as we say here, which translated means something like: "I can't help it", or "an uncontrollable reaction"? 

It's probably due to the simple fact that I won't accept that he's gone. 

[Chocolate]

10 hours ago, V. R. said:

I do that too, apart from a couple of photos l've placed in my bedroom and my childrens' rooms, I just don't understand why I can't look at them,. I just break down and start screaming. I often go through my photo gallery on my mobile, intending to stop at my husbands' ones and have a good look, but then I suddenly realise I cannot do it! ("è più forte di me" , as we say here, which translated means something like: "I can't help it", or "an uncontrollable reaction"? 

It's probably due to the simple fact that I won't accept that he's gone. 

Acceptance is a biggy.  Even though I was with him all night after he died, it's still hard to accept.   I've dedicated a couple of weeks at different times working on acceptance.  Sometime I still wake and say, "You're still dead," as I look over at the last place I saw him alive - in bed beside me.

You have to do it the way that is right for you.  Each of us does.  The nice thing about this forum is that there are people here who have different takes on things.  As we share them it can help us all.