Birthday Without My Husband

[PattyAnn]

Today is my birthday. My husband passed away Aug. 27 of this year of cancer. I took care of him by myself for eight months. He died in our home...in my arms (tears).

It's so hard today without him. I know if he were still alive he would bring me roses and a beautiful card and gift and we would enjoy the day together. We would probably dance to some music (he was a romantic).

I miss him so much I feel like I could burst. I know I'm blessed to have had him in my life. We were married for 17-1/2 years, but had know each for many years prior to our marriage.

The few friends I have gave me a b'day luncheon last Saturday because they are all leaving for out of town Christmas, so today I am alone and the weather is so bad that I don't want to be out driving.

I couldn't even get dressed until this afternoon. Finally, after a dear friend called me, I was able to get dressed and get busy with chores, but it's so lonely without him. Last year at this time I could have never imagined I would be without him on this birthday.

I know tomorrow I will be better...but today I feel so sad...all I can do is cry and cry and cry.

Thanks for listening...I will be o.k.

[kayc]

Patty Ann,

I am so sorry you are without your husband, but I want to wish you (happier) birthday wishes. My first birthday without my husband no one remembered or called, I cried myself to sleep. He always made a big deal of things like that so it was really hard. Yes we were lucky to have had them, but our pain is all the more acutely felt for the contrast.

Please come to this site any time, you will be welcomed and cared about here.

KayC

[suzanne]

Patty Ann

Happy birthday my friend. I know hard it is for you and I wish I could ease your pain. Know that you are not alone, you have us and your dear husband is watching as well and sending you his love.

Suzanne

[PattyAnn]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It's been a bumpy ride today, but it's almost over. I've cried so much today, but feeling somewhat better. I could do without presents, flowers, etc., but oh how I miss his gentle hugs and kisses.

I'm lucky to have had such a special relationship, but now the emptiness is more than I could have every imagined. It seems like with my husband I was living life in technicolor and now it's just a faded black and white movie.

My husband gave my life meaning and magic. Now I'm on my own with all this loneliness. Such a contrast from before to the here and now. I miss the sound of his footsteps coming up the stairs. I miss his laugh. I miss his dry sense of humor. I miss his long arms wrapped around me. Oh, so many things I miss. How do you get used to doing without those things?

Forgive my dark mood...as I said, I will be better tomorrow.

Thanks again for responding. I appreciate it so much!

[Lynette]

Happy Birthday Patty Ann. I know how you are feeling. I lost my husband on November 15th, 2007, he too had cancer and I basically was his nurse/wife for almost a year. I really don't know what to say to make you feel better except keep posting on this website. The people here have all suffered from loosing a loved one. It helps me reading how others cope with their loss. Right now I just take baby steps and only think about getting through one day at a time. Again, I wish you a very Happy Birthday!

Take care,

Lynn

[karenb]

Hi Patty Ann,

Maybe next year will be a better year for you...as you know it does take some time. My husband was a romantic, also, and I really miss that. He's been gone over two years now, and I still miss him very much. It's very hard to go through this but we just have to hang on. I hope you know that he's with you and still loves you....we need to know that. Take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing. Happy Birthday, and next year's birthday will be better.

Your friend, Karen

[LarrysGirl]

Patty Ann, I know this birthday is so sad for you. All the memories we all shared with our husbands, it is really heartbreaking to have a birthday come without them. I'm glad you have your happy memories of your life with him. This will help you thru, even though I know you miss him so much. I wish for your peace and some comfort for the upcoming holiday. Deborah

[PattyAnn]

I have lost other family members through the years, but losing my husband has really brought me to my knees. It's so mind boggling to have your beloved husband with you one minute and gone the next.

I still have that electric shock run through me every time I realize that he is gone. Intellectually I know time will help, but now the pain is still so intense. The holidays, weather, loneliness makes it worse.

I'll endure, just like the rest of you. I hope I can help someone else as my pain starts to lift. Knowing that you also are in grief and have reached out to console touches me deeply.

Good Night and Thank you.

[karenb]

Patty Ann...try and have a peaceful night and get some good rest, I'm sure you need it. Take some comfort in knowing you have others who know and care for what you're going through. I know God blesses you.

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Happy Belated birthday Pattyann, I hope this finds you well, we care for you, take one day at a time

[PattyAnn]

Thank you all for your kind wishes. I'm glad the birthday is over, and now struggling, as you all are, to get through Christmas.

The few friends I have are all headed out of town. Never thought I would end up this way. Life was so good and then it was changed forever.

I know I'll get through this but I had no idea how hard it would be for those of us in grief over losing our beloved husband or wife.

I'm learning from you all. Thank you so much! I wish you the best.

[LarrysGirl]

Patty Ann, glad you made it thru the birthday, now just hang in there and you'll get thru the holiday also. Its not easy, nothing about grieving is. I wish you some peace and comfort. Deborah

[Stallyn]

Patty Ann,

I'll have you in my thoughts, its not a choice for us to be where we are but somehow, we manage a way to ride though this, I don't know if you are alone on the holidays or not, I personally am staying home, since everyone I know is doing something else. Soon it will be over

[Guest moparlicious]

PattyAnn,

My heart truly goes out to you!!! I was with my beloved Dan when he took his last breathe also!! He died 7 days before your loved one.I am sorry for your loss and a Happy Belated Birthday to you. We were married for 20 years and he was only 41 years old. Reading all your posts and to know so many people are here for us is such a blessing!!!!! I have lots of tears and making it through the holidays has been so so hard, but we can only go on.I try fighting it and just want to stay in bed,some days,but have to go to work. I am sure your husband was with you on your birthday, for no one can ever take our soulmate from our hearts.With love and concern, Kim

[PattyAnn]

Kim,

Thanks for your nice message. I am so sorry for the lose of your Dan. It's been four months and it's still a shock isn't it? My head tells me my husband is no longer here, but my heart still can't accept it!

Yes, the holidays have been like climbing a slippery slope. One minutes I think I can handle it, the next minute I can't. Like everyone keeps saying, time will heal us, but in the mean time it sure hurts clear to my soul.

Please know that I care about your pain and I am with you in spirit!

Love,

Patty Ann

[Gail_R]

Patty Ann and Kim..I'm so sorry that you have lost your beloved husbands I too have lost my beloved husband and it will be one year on Jan20th. His death was very sudden one minute he was talking and laughing and the next he was gone. We were married 30 years married when we were 18 and 23 years old. He was only man that I ever dated. This life that I am now living is not one that I thought that I would at the age that I am...thought like all of you that we would live a long a happy life together but I guess that there were other plans for us. Just know that it is a long journy that we are on and we can do this with the help of each and everyone of this site. Gail

[WendyJ]

Patty Ann I am so sorry I missed your Birthday, I was not here much just before and during Christmas. I lost my dear sweet husband of 34 years this past March and then in April had our Anniversary without him and then my Birthday in May. My friend I know exactly what you are going thru and like Gail my husband was here one minute and laughing and then gone the next. I am 49 now and was 15 when we started seeing eachother and actually I have been telling all you guys I was 16 but now I remember it was 15, talk about being a child ! Anyhow I hope you got thru your Birthday okay and the Holidays and we are all here with you hurting too so you are never alone.

Love,

Wendy

[Art]

Hi PattyAnn,

I think you said it so well I have to thank you for it. It is for me, such a struggle between my heart denying what my mind tells it that it must accept that my world is falling apart before my eyes. My heart is broken in so many places I suppose what is left of my mind will eventually win out. I don't know how much of my mind will survive the battle though. Thank you and all for being here. It is sometimes the only comfort I can find.

[karenb]

Hi Guys,

I may not post here quite so much lately but I read all these feelings amd care about you all. It's been 2 years and 5 months since Jack died and those that know me also know that I still have hard times with his passing and the lonely feelings I have. I am older and have lived a life where I've learned a lot from it, so now I more understand why Jack isn't here with me any more....he's needed elsewhere and doing things I won't understand until I get there. I do have somewhat of a peaceful time of it and have learned many things along this way of how to deal with his passing. He was the most wonderful person in my life and I will always love him until I meet him again. I pray for all of you that you may come to this feeling, enjoy your good times with families and friends, enjoy yourselves as you're able to at the times when you need to and can watch your health and learn to love life, even at the bittersweet times. I'm always your friend.

Karen

Edited December 30, 2007 by karenb

[WendyJ]

As I sat here tonight and glanced at my Christmas tree which I quickly put up three days before Christmas, such a feeling of sadness came over me. Up till this year I always loved Christmas, the beautiful decorations, getting together with family etc. I looked at my tree and realized for the first time in 49 years that tree meant nothing to me. I used to look at our tree and see such beauty and loved sitting there in the dark just staring at it knowing that it was something my family and I created together. This year all it meant was something I threw together last minute because the family was coming. I see all the new decorations that Steve and I picked out last year together so carefully and he was no longer here to tell me how beautiful our tree looked. I feel so sad tonight, so lonely so empty. I knew once I slowed down from the Holidays this would happen, my life is so empty now. How do you continue to live with half a heart ? All of a sudden tonight I feel like I just went back to the beginning again. Why can't God realize he made a mistake and give him back to me, doesn't he see how much I am hurting? Doesn't he see me cry so hard that my eyes are all puffy and swollen? SOrry guys I am just having a pity party I guess tonight, I just can't stop hurting and crying.

Love,

Wendy

[karenb]

Wendy...

My aunt, who was killed at 88 by a drunk driver, alway called me what I'm calling you...."Dear Heart" and that's what you are. Those feelings are mine, as well. It's been a very difficult time for me...many things going on that I won't elaborate on, but just know that I, too. feel like you do. Wherever we are in this thing, it's just the same for all of us. That helps some, I know. I'm so tired right now I can't talk too much more than to say that, Wendy, you are a special person and I would love it if you would just realize that and know that it will be better. Have a peaceful evening, my very good friend.

Karen

[WendyJ]

Karen you are such a good friend, I knew it was too good to be true that I was so much stronger than I thought during Christmas but I guess I was just so busy and knew I had to entertain that I just got thru it. Now I feel like my world is crashing down around me. This pain is unbearable, I just miss him so much ! Yes it is of comfort to know that I am not alone in my feelings and my pain but I just want my life back again ! I am sorry my friend you are having a rough time right now too can we ever be happy again? Can I ever be satisfied going on with someone who has been my whole world since I was a teenager? Will I ever stop crying so much?

Love,

Wendy

[karenb]

Wendy, your heart is healing every day. My problem lately is getting the food to my son in Bellingham due to the weather. I try to get up there once a month to fill his cupboards and freezer with food I've made and a Costco run. This weather isn't helping and us mothers worry about our children, even though they're grown. I'm better about my Jack because I just know he's still with me, I just can't see him. I thank God I knew and loved a wonderful man. It's been 2 years and 5 months now, so I am healing every day. Well, I'm going to get ready to go to church so I'm going to run now, but you try hard to find some peace today. Take care, my friend.

Karen

[suzanne]

Wendy

You echo my sentiments as well. It is as though after Christmas something inside of me just snapped and took me back to the beginning. Lately it seems like I am reliving those last moments he was alive with such intensity. Wishing I could of done something, anything. But we all know, we couldn't have changed it. I think a lot of mine is the New Year approaching. A year without my beloved Will. But I guess this too shall pass. It is just so painful. I am trying to look at it as someone here said, it's only a date on the calendar.

Karen

So sorry you are having such a hard time now. You are such a wonderful mother. Your son is so fortunate to have you to care for him. Maybe after we start the new year, things will improve for each of us. I hope so.

Suzanne

[Teri]

Patty Ann,

My Michael passed away 8 months ago. I never dreamed I would be a widow at 45.

I still have many days that I would much rather stay in bed. Both Michael's and my birthdays were in Oct. It was quite a struggle. Looking back, I'm not even sure how I got thru it.

I can understand what you mean about everything being in black and white now. It seems like there is no happiness, no sunshine. The days do get easier, or more tolerable.(if thats even a word).

Just take it one day at a time. or one hour or minute at a time.

Please know that I will keep you in my prayers.

Teri