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Hi Everyone, My name is Jackie and I lost my husband to cancer on 3/21/2008 just over one month ago, I am just begining to feel the lost, I know I was just in a fog up until now, I just feel like I have a HUGE hole in my soul.

I thought I would clean my bedroom today however could not do that, haven't been doing to much daily, I do make sure I take a walk to just get out of the house. Since 07/04/2006 I have been home taking care of Lawrence not working, well this was my work. Now my whole world has changed and I just don't know what to do. I can not drink however I really want to, I want something to take away this pain. I was able to read alot of post today on this site before I was allowed to post myself now I can and I am happy to know that I am not alone and there are other people feeling alot of the same things I am.

Today was really difficult for me I miss my husband so much, I just feel like someone took the life out of me and I just don't know what or where to go next. I do know that God has me in the palm of his hands and I will get THROUGH this, however I don't want to feel this pain. If there is anyone who can give me some positive suggestions as to how to move on. Not sure if that is the correct choice of words, however I do know this is great pain I am in and I a not alone.

Thanks for being here

Jackie

Edited by jackietnd1
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Jackie,

I am so very sorry for your hurt and pain. My husband died 8 months ago from cancer. I took care of him by myself...he died at home...we were alone together late at night.

You will be in shock for awhile, but somehow our own spirit carries us through this awful pain. You will cry and cry and cry. You will be so lost for awhile.

But please hang on through each day, each hour, each minute. I thought I would never be able to continue on without my husband. People kept telling me it would get better. I didn't believe them.

Grief is a physical reaction as well as emotional. I too couldn't do much those first few months. So I would set a timer for 10 minutes and tell myself I'll work for ten minutes, then I would sit back down and rest, then try again for another ten minutes. Slowly, I started to get things done. But don't push yourself. Your body and mind need time to heal.

Now I am here to tell you that you will survive and you will be able to start to feel some light at the end of the tunnel. I miss my husband so much, but I am slowing creating a new life for myself. I even got a new puppy last week!

Just know that life does have a way of turning around. You'll have good days, and bad days, but things will get better. You will be o.k. I am here to help you, just as others here on this forum have helped me.

I send you my love and support.

Pat

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Hi Jackie,

I'm glad you're here with all of us who have been through or are going through all of this. You'll find that it does take some time to come to grips with all those feelings, emotions and everything that goes along with grief. It's such a complicated thing and until you've gone through it you just don't know all that's involved. For now, just try to go with what's happening with you. There's no way to say what your personal situation is going to require of you. Take care of yourself. Keep loving people around you. Things will change, good and maybe not to good, but you will get through it. I pray you will come out the other side knowing that the love you both have is still there and cherish all the times you had together. Come here always and let us know how you're doing.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Hi Jackie,

Welcome to this site. I am truly sorry for your loss and I also know the pain. I lost my wife in an auto accident almost 14 months ago. It has been the most difficult, painful and loneliest time of my life. Pattie is right on point about the physical as well as emotional aspect of grief. I wish I could tell you there was an easy way to get through it, but I think most if not all of us here would tell you that it is a slow and difficult road. I am doing better, at this point, but there are days that I still question whether I want to go on. I spend my darkest hours with my Bible and the wonderful friends I have met right here who also know the hurt and the tears first hand. I encourage you to stay with us and open up your heart to us. I think it helps me most to know that others are here who will help me carry the load when it is just too much to bear alone.

Art

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Jackie, So sorry you had to join us. So sorry anyone has to join us. I´m having a little trouble writing to you. I lost my wife fifteen months ago, her name was Jackie also.

In my case the shock did not wear off for several months. While I thought I was doing okay and making progress; working, keeping up with the house work (somewhat), etc.. Then the shock slowly wore off and I fell further and further apart. Gradually, the pieces were put back together again and I started up again. Then another group of common effects came on and back down I went. These phases last a month or more at a time and just when I think maybe it´s okay now, the next one starts. Grief is an animal with its own agenda, we are just along for the ride. The pain is always there, but sometimes it is bearable. I would advise you not to fight against the things you are experiencing, you can only delay the course of the process, not change it. And delaying it makes it worse.

I found this site while trying to find out why I did not seem to be getting any better after a year had passed. Wish I had checked in much sooner, there were so many sleepless nights that could have been spent educating myself that my journey was not atypical. We are always here for you. We can all relate to where you are right now. No one has ever or will ever know exactly what you are feeling; your grief, your journey will be as unique as you, your husband, your relationship and the specifics of your loss are. But we all know of a very similar place.

Keep reading and posting, we will be for you.

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Guest moparlicious

Jackie,

I am so so sorry for your loss!!! Welcome aboard to this site, I am sorry under these circumstances, but trust me everyone on this site are such compassionate, wonderful, amazing people. My beloved Dan died 8 months ago of cancer, at the age of 41,we were together for 24 years and he gave me many gifts, but our children was the best gift of all. I know the pain you feel, the helplessness, the shock, the grief, the lonliness, the heart that breaks everyday!!! Please know we are all for you anytime!!!!!!!!! You can vent, share stories, cry, complain, whatever you like here and everyone here will be here for each other. I found as the months go on, friends seem to disappear, family can't bear your pain and no one really knows what we go through, so when I found this site, I found a new family and THEY ARE THE BEST!!!!! I love everyone on here,and I truly do not know how I weould of made it through some days without you guys. Take care of YOURSELF, and again I am so sorry for your loss. Love, kim :wub:

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Jackie,

Sorry for the loss of your husband. Welcome to this wonderful group I am so sorry you had to join us but just know you came to the right place for support. I lost my husband 5 months ago he was only 33 and at that moment my world was turned upside down and I never believed I would be able to get through one day without him let alone 5 months but I am here to tell you that every new day starts whether we like it or not and somehow we all survive it even when we feel no strength to go on and once the shock wears off , the grief becomes a rollercoaster ride on minute you will be okay and then the next minute the pain is so overwhelming but always remember you will get through it just allow yourself to go through the grieving it will make you a stronger person. You’re going to experience all kinds of different pain from denial to anger but it’s all normal every feeling you have is normal even when you think it’s not just come here and you will always find someone that knows exactly what you are feeling.

I too, wanted to turn to alcohol after my husband passed away though I was never a heavy drinker only a social drinker but after a couple of nights of drinking I realized it only made me worse off and I did not want my daughter to know me as the mom who always cried and was drunk besides that my husband hated it when I drank so I decided not to escape from my grief because it will always be there so I had to face it and got past the point of temptation to turn to alcohol. So please continue to fight your temptation for alcohol it will pass as well try to find something healthy to turn too.

Take care of yourself and don’t try to do more than your body allows you too its okay if things don’t get done today there will always be tomorrow and remember we are all here for you we all understand your pain and we will help you through it. This place and all the wonderful people here have been my lifesaver. In time you will notice we are all family here none of us our judged on our feelings we all just love each other and are here to help one another through this journey of our life so welcome to our family.

Love,

Marlene

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Jackie,

I am so sorry you lost your husband. It has been nearly three years for me and I can say that this site was a lifesaver for me. It won't always carry the same intensity that it does at this moment, but unfortunately, there's no way to circumvent the pain, we just have to go through it. As was mentioned earlier, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it may be a while before you see it. Hang in there, remember to take good care of yourself, eat and drink plenty of liquid and get sleep and exercise as your body will permit. Whatever feelings you go through, remember they are natural and normal and we've all been through it. We're here for you, just come on line here and let it out, whatever you're feeling, we'll be here to listen and care.

Your new friends

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Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all your comments, I do not feel alone, I know you all understand.

Today I am taking things a mintue at a time. I am missing Lawrence the shock is gone and its real, the bills are coming in and my thoughts are all over the place, today I am going to take a walk, pay a bill and relax the weather is very nice so me and Midnight my little dog will sit on the porch later today, I will be checking back in here to see how everyone else is doing and to just keep in touch, Thanks so much for all the support, as I do feel you all understand me.

Love Jackie

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Jackie, I'm glad you found this site. I think it will help you alot hearing how others are surviving. I too lost my love on Nov. 15th, 2007 to cancer. I can totally understand how you're feeling. I was my husbands caregiver for over a year and when he first passed away, I was relieved that he was not in anymore pain but at the same time, I felt so lost because I had no one to care for.

I do have an outside job and that helps me but when I come home, it's like what do I do? I found staying busy with what I enjoy really helps. I enjoy sports, so I joined a bowling league for Friday and joined a racket ball team for Thursday nights. I adore my grandkids so I pick one of them up on the weekends and we just do whatever they want. I depend a lot on the love from my family and friends.

You can get through this with all of us, we are here to listen and talk to you. We are all in this together.

Take care of yourself...

Love, Lynette

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