What Did They Teach Us?

[kath]

It can be really hard some days to read of the heartache each new person brings to this site. It can take me right back or I find myself praying that someone will reach out and wrap their arms around each one of you and hold on tight. I was thinking of my husband and realized I no longer see only the days of illness. And I don't often go through too many of the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's" anymore. So I wondered, what did Bob teach me? I hate to think any of our spouses lives were for nothing. They left, not only a legacy of love, but some really important messages to us as well.

Bob gave me the gift of unselfish labor. He worked so hard to take care of his family. He was a man of integrity and honor. Those are the things I try to teach my son. He gave me confidence and showed me I was loveable just the way I am. Those are the things I try to teach my daughter. He made me laugh, often. Those are the times I treasure most. He showed us what a real hero is during his illness. That is what I carry in my heart.

Your turn...Kath

[derby]

My husband taught me Faith, Love, Forgiveness, Courage, to name a few. He taught me how there can be dignity during the dying process. He taught me to be mindful of other's feelings as he lay in his bed at hospice. He was so afraid of leaving me and our son that we may miss him too much and that he would miss us too much. He taught me life is a gift. That God may have different plans for our lives than we do. So many things he taught me. Live simply, be grateful, allow myself gifts such as the sound of the rain falling on the roof. What a lovely idea for a post where we can try to recall the beautiful spirits of our loved one. Thank you. Blessings, Debbie

[LarrysGirl]

Larry gave me total acceptance, unconditional love and made me feel safe in this world for the first time in my entire life. I am grateful for the time I got to love him. Deborah

[kayc]

George taught me unconditional love. Everyone says only God can love unconditionally. Well there is one other that loved me that way, and that was George. He always had faith in me, believed the best, he taught me that there IS such a thing as a super wonderful relationship.

[Korina]

Scott made me a more caring person, to treat others the way I would want to be treated. He had a truly generous nature, and had such a way with humor (a bit of a strange sense of humor, where if he didn't have you cracking up at his jokes, you were cracking up just seeing him laugh at his own jokes). He could go up to a complete stranger and chat away as friends within 5 minutes. And he had a way of seeing through bs and calling a spade a spade. I have learned from him in all these qualities.

What I could never learn was his creativity - such a mind. I wish a person could learn creativity.... but I guess that was one thing that made him so special.

Korina

[LindaKoz]

Brian taught me how to love again. I learned that I could be loved for who I am without making any changes. He also taught me how to walk humbly, gently, and kindly with God and with our fellow humans. He was always able to have a conversation with anyone -- friends, waitresses, store clerks. By doing this, he learned about humanity.

He also taught me the need for humor and not to take everyting in life so seriously. We took time to have fun -- together, with our children and grandchildren, and with our friends. Now I understand that life is precious and it is indeed important to focus on what's truly important, relationships with our fellow humans.

While I continue to miss Brian with all of my soul, I am so very thankful that he was in my life even thought it was too short of a time.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[Kat2005]

My husband taught me to love unconditionally. He always told me not to take life to seriously. He always had a joke to tell and he brought joy to everyone he knew. He also said that there is good in every person and he would give anyone the shirt off his back. He was generally a good person with a heart of gold. I was so fortunate to have him in my life and I will miss him until we are together again.

KAT

[marsha]

My Joe gave of himself, to me, completely. And thereby taught me to do the same. Our marriage was one of growing together, as husband and wife, and as human beings. Now that he's gone, I see more and more what I learned - inner strength, to keep going. He worked hard, played hard (we could always be kids with each other), and died the same way he lived - not giving up. I love and miss him. Hugs, Marsha

[steely]

My husband taught me how to work with wood. We built so many things together, the deck, adirondack chairs, hope chests for the grandkids, storage shelves, we remodeled this house together. I'm so grateful for being able to work with him side by side. He taught me that love can change a man. He taught me that I could love. He taught me that I was worth love and being loved. I am so grateful that he was given to me, even though it wasn't nearly long enough.

[Fredzgirl]

Wow ... I am such a better person for having Fred in my life. He taught me so many things. He always made the bed and it felt so good to get into it at night. I've kept that up. He taught me to be more accepting and that sometimes "it is what it is" and that's it! I always had such a need to change and control. He taught me that we eat with our eyes and to always make the plate attractive and colorful. Hmm, maybe he was too good at that and that's why I'm struggling to lose this weight! He taught me that being in love doesn't have to mean losing yourself in the relationship. Many people have told me that it will be hard for me to have another relationship after having Fred ... they are right.

[Boo Mayhew]

Cliff taught me never to give up and he taught me a lot about people. He taught me about myself too.

He taught a lot of other people how to do stuff like roofing, building etc.

God I miss him

[valley]

Dear Kath,

I love to reflect on this topic. I suppose what I felt most deeply was Tom's unconditional love for me. It is a wonderful gift. He was not a judgemental person and believed in live and let live. At the same time he fought for what he believed in and was a hard worker. He loved nature and to be in the wild. He loved animals and could communicate with them. He lost himself in his art and always encouraged creativity in our home. He believed in living simply and not doing harm to the earth. He loved to laugh and all his friends counted on him for that.....relax, laugh, talk about the world with him. He was a devoted father and would do anything for his kids. But he also expected them to be honest, loving people and to "have the work ethic".

These qualities I learned to admire and embrace. I was crying once at a friends house, so distraught and fearful while Tom was sick and she told me, "your children are learning from you and Tom how to face death, how to face loss". I suppose that sounds obvious, but at the moment it really shook me inside. Yes, my adult children who love both their dad and I, are watching us, seeing how we face cancer and deal with it and all the people along our path.

When I think of Tom, I think of a very loving, kind, intense, intelligent, artistic, man; a person who told you that he loved you. He called me his partner and I was. He taught me how to be happy in this world and less afraid. Now I work to really embrace that feeling alone.

Love to you all,

Valley

[Rochel]

My Bob taught me to be cautious at all times...he did not trust most people and therefore we did not get taken like others....He was the best at listening to others..a wonderful sense of humor and very intelligent...He loved animals especially our Cocker Spaniel and now I have to quit because I'm getting one of the punches in the stomach..."hit to the gut"...so awful...Rochel