Lost! My World Is Gone!

[Joe D. Pierce]

My wife, 47 years old, died in a diving accident on May 8th. We were married for 6 years, and were together for 7. We did everything together, we both had hobbies, some we shared some were individual. But, we would always share, and go together to the different shows dealing with our hobbies. She loved quilting, spinning, weaving, whitewater, knitting, and diving. We always made things for each other, I am a woodworker, and no matter what I made, she always got the first one!! I can't even walk into my woodshop now, even though I have loved woodworking for thirty years. Just no one to make anyting for anymore. One minute she was on the boat saying I'll see you in a minute, the next minute she was gone. No rhyme no reason, just gone. I have been dealing with all the things everyone deals with in this situation, but it means nothing. I don't know why I bother, because without her I don't care!! Every day at noon I reach for my phone waiting for her call, which never comes, every evening I enter our home expecting her there and she isn't, and she never will be. How can you possibly survive this, and why would you want to!!

[nats]

Joe,

May God be with you during this rough time and provide you comfort....my heart feels your pain and loss as my wife joined the Lord on 2/14/10...first welcome to a place you will find some comfort in sharing and reading our stories, we all know how you feel in one way or another as we have all lost as well...we all have to deal and heal in our own ways but concerning the woodworking you have to ask yourself how would she feel about you giving it up, God gave you a talent, you can still make one for her and maybe donate others to charity, helping others during this grieving helps us heal as well...I planted all Ruths flower beds this year just as she were here...I know it's hard to see thru all the fog but it will clear slowly, take care of yourself now, eat and sleep as you can as you'll need energy to help comfort you...know I'll pray for some comfort for you and visit often as we all are taking this journey together, and can learn much from each other....

God Bless

NATS

[closs86]

Dear Joe,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife, she was so young, I also lost my husband on April 6, he was fine, then had a stomach ache, and within 3 weeks he was diagnosed and gone, so the shock is sometimes still with me. It is very hard to accept this tragedy, and I do understand and feel the same way about what is our purpose now, what is the difference, nothing matters anymore, I know what you mean. This is a wonderful place to come and talk to other people that really do understand what you are feeling, I will keep you in my prayers,

God Bless

Karen

[Korina]

Joe:

I am so sorry for your tragedy. All of us have felt your despair. I remember the moment when I really didn't care if I lived or died, and just wanted to be with my soulmate. I look back at the first weeks after Scott died, and though I had to continue on for our daughter (she is my shining light), it was like being in an unreality. It is going to take time, but eventually your days will become more bearable. Take care of yourself, try to eat, and keep coming back here - it really does help to know others are going through similar situations.

Korina

[Cheryl]

Dear Joe, My Mark also died suddenly. A motorcycle accident. We talked about a half hour before and I wanted to meet him for lunch. His phone rang and rang. Then the police showed up on my door step.I am so sorry for your loss and I know your pain. Try not to think of the future and just try to get through each day. Sometimes the pain will feel overwhelming, this is very normal.Reach out to anyone and everything that helps you get through those tough times. Many people will not be able to relate to your loss. Only those who have lost a loved one will get it. It has been 10 months for me. It is easier but still very hard.You will find people you can relate to on this site. Hang in there!

[kayc]

Joe,

I remember all too well how that felt...my George died unexpectedly five years ago. It can be very hard to find purpose when we lose them, mostly I try not to think about it too much now. I guess my purpose now is taking care of my dog, beyond that, I don't know. It's very hard to adjust to being alone when you did everything together. I just want to welcome you here and I'm glad you found this site, at least there's a lot of people who can relate here.

[Joe D. Pierce]

I went to my wifes work today. They were having a celebration of her life. They did a wonderful job. She was so much more to others than I realized!! She worked for the USDA, in apple bio tech. They planted a tree at the facility in her honor, and placed a plaque in front of it. I keep saying this is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it keeps getting harder. Her death may yet destroy us both. These people meant well, but I didn't need one more reminder of just how wonderful she was. I know, it's what's desroying me!! But, they needed to express these things, so I had to be there. They were her friends. She was my only family, all I had. We have no children, and I have no family left alive. So, no one to turn to. Of course there are friends, but, I feel guilty calling them to cry!! They all have their on lives and troubles, they don't need mine. I am slowly losing my mind!!

[Lainey]

Joe,

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this grief. But you are lucky that you found this site, the people on this site all know the pain you are in, and all are willing to help you through it.

I was with my husband for 43 years, we were not only husband and wife,but best friends. Like you and your wife, we had many things in common that we shared as well as our own hobbies.I know how your wife felt when you gave her the first one of everything you made. Lars did the same with his carvings and it made me feel wonderful that I got the first one.

Lars has been gone for almost seven months but there are times when I come home and see a message on the phone. The first thing I think is "Maybe it's Lars". Our minds love to play games.

Be strong, be good to yourself and even though you don't believe this.. it does get better. The pain lessens and you will survive. Just take one day at a time, if that's too hard..one hour at a time. Know that we are here for you.

Hugs,

Lainey

[Billw]

We feel your pain Joe. God bless you. You are not alone, stick close to people that offer comfort. I read and post on this forum when I can't find anybody to talk to in person. Sounds like a lot of other people knew how special your wife was, my wife's company made some really nice gestures the last couple of months also. She was very much respected and loved by all of those who knew her. You guys sound like very creative people with your hobbies and things you both enjoyed. I hope you find some relief Joe, the people on this site are the ones that truly know what you are going through. Some days my heart feels like it is coming out of my chest and my head feels like it will explode. There is hope, I feel like I am getting a small amount of relief a day at a time and I have recently been given the gift of feeling her with me in spirit. I know she wants me to keep moving although some days it's just not that easy. Hang in there, take care of yourself.

BW

[Queeniemary]

Joe, I am so sorry for your loss of your wife at such a young age. My husband death was also sudden, a massive coronary, with no warning. He had not been ill, and I am told that it happened in an instant. He was home alone, I was in the hospital in another town, having had a total knee replacement only 2 days before. We all on this forum understand the grief and shock you are experiencing. I wish I could tell you it will all be better soon. Lainey is right, the pain will lessen over time, you will cope, and you will survive, but recovery is a long sad road, and one that I don't think ever totally ends, when you lose someone you love. At 5 1/2 month since my husband died, I am coping, but I still miss him so much, and there are days I think I cannot go on, but those days are not as often as they were at first. I am still working, and that does help me focus. This forum does help, it has helped me so much to be able to express my feelings, as everyone here has experienced this great loss also, and they understand.

Praying for us all in the club we did not want to join

Queeniemary

[Susie Q]

Dear Joe

This is probably the hardest road to travel because even when surrounded by caring people you feel so alone. It's hard to believe that it's been only 10 months since I lost my husband because every day and every night feels so long.

In the first few weeks, and then months, all I was able to do was the mimimum to function - but I knew he would want me to keep trying. I got up and did the necessary things to keep moving, I did not go back to work for 5 months but I tried to go out somewhere every day. I never slept much (and still can't) but I sat and stared at the walls when I needed to and I cried when I needed that. Your mind is struggling with the enormity of what has happened so your disorientation and despair are all part of that process of making some sense of what it means for you now.

I'm back at work and doing some of the things that filled our lives together. There's no joy in them and my life is a sad and hollow version of what it was before but I am a bit better. I cry just as much but can keep it inside until I'm alone - I miss him just as much as the day it happened without warbning but it's a part of me now - I guess I'm just not so much 'on show' as I was before.

I didn't think I could survive through all the emotional traumas that I was experiencing after such an incredible personal loss. I think what has changed for me is that I have redefined what 'survive' means and lessened my expectations. I don't look for that feeling of complete happiness that I always felt before - more I look for some small positives from my day and try to listen to what he would be telling me about getting through this.

I didn't see my life being like this - but it is. I guess it's up to me to somehow find a way to make it bearable. I'm still trying. Time doesn't heal, for me, it is just getting me to a more manageable place.

I wish you some comfort in these horrible early days and the long nights ahead....Susie Q

[closs86]

Hi Joe,

I wish that we all can find some peace, this is a terrible hand that we have been dealt, Some days like today, I can hardly stand it, I just want to be with him, and I think crazy thoughts to achieve that, then I think of my kids and what that would do to them, I just don't know Joe, but I do understand the feeling like you are losing your mind, but sometimes when you wake up the next morning you feel a drop better, it truly is a roller coaster ride, I was with my husband for 44 years, and we loved each other very much, I really don't know how or why we have to go through this, it is so unfair.

I miss him terribly today, plus it is my mom's birthday and she is with my husband, a terrible day for me.

I pray that you have a better day tomorrow, and find a little peace in your mind and heart, I pray that for all of us that are suffering here.

God Bless

Karen

[alone27]

Joe - isn't it amazing that absolute strangers, held together by the common bond of grief, can be so warm and comforting and caring? I can't get over how much their words have meant to me since my Joel died suddenly, without warning, in March. I thought then (and often do today) that life is no longer worth living - just surviving and existing. These friends of ours - who are at varying stages in this awful grief process - are so generous with their personal thoughts and feelings. I pray for you and for all of us. This feels like a cruel joke - I'm so angry I could scream....and I often do. Thank heaven we found this site and these people who really understand and want more than anything else to help..............

[Joe D. Pierce]

Today was a hard day, tomorrow will be harder! Corrine and I were supposed to go to Washington D.C. tomorrow to watch the fireworks, and check out the mall. We were going to take our bikes, and do a little riding to see everything. I sat home today doing nothing, probably the same tomorrow. I don't even care about the fireworks. Does the Hell ever end?

[LarrysGirl]

For me, its still very hard, even at 4 years into the grief. Larry's favorite holiday was July 4th. We would spend the day with his family, in the pool, cooking out and then return home and get ready to fireworks. Our neighbors would set up chairs in our yard and Larry would put on quite the firework show. Now, every holiday has changed for me, the joy wiped right out and I am relieved when the day is over. I haven't been able to make a new life yet, my heart is still missing. Deborah

[redwind30]

Joe, I lost my Prince 10 weeks ago today. I think it is getting worse instead of better. Some friends invited me to go to a baseball game and see firworks tomorrow. I agreed to go. I don't want to go, but then again I don't want to do ANYTHING. I feel like I have to force myself to go out. If I don't make myself go I would never leave home except to go to work. Don't have any idea if I am doing the right thing or not. I miss him when I am at home, I miss him when I am at work....I miss him all of the time. I feel like I have a huge hole and I know it will never be filled.

I hope tomorrow is not too painful for you

rewind

[closs86]

Hi Joe,

It is 3 months for me, and I am home myself also, didn't want to go or do anything today, I just don;t feel like celebrating, my heart hurts to much, so I stood home and watched videos of us and our kids, really depressing, but what can i say it is what it is. horrible, My heart aches so much tonight, I miss him so bad, I can't stand it.

Take care

Karen