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Is There Something Wrong With Me ?


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I lost my Fiancee 6 weeks ago, we had him cremated. A couple of weeks after he passed I began to bring his urn to bed with me. He sleeps with our lil makeshift family of stuffed animals on his side of the bed. Sometimes Ill put my arm around his urn and feel very peacefull and relaxed. I just cant help but wonder if this is a sign of some sick and twisted problem with me? He was sick when I met him and I knew I wouldnt get much time with him, but we conected so deeply that I had to be with him. I met him online shooting pool in a game. I moved from Nevada to North Carolina and I was blessed with three years and three months of pure bliss with the love of my life. He brought our lil family of stuffed animals to life for me and told me of ther antics every day, they too have been a great comfort. I miss him deeply! The pain I feel now was worth the short time I had with him.

Rachel

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The pain of losing a loved one is on every page of this site. I am so sorry you you lost someone you loved so much. We all grieve in different ways. Who cares if you sleep with the urn. It is your way of feeling close to the person you lost. I only hope that you can find comfort. Welcome to this site.

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Rachel,

I also hug, touch, and kiss Ruth's Urn daily, weeks after she left I took her Urn everywhere with me now I have a special shrine set up for her in the living room, and a small pocket Urn I carry with me, whatever we have to do for comfort we must not fearing what others think, I feel your sorrow and heartache and pray you find some comfort, this is a tough journey we are on but stay positive and just take one day at a time, it will get better I promise you...

NATS

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My wife worked out of the house, her office was in one of the front bedrooms. After she passed I redecorated that room and put a lot of her favorite things in there along with some great family pictures and some comfortable chairs. Her urn is in there and it is a very peaceful place where I sit and meditate in the mornings before I leave for work. I have filled that room with things that we both loved.I rub the top of her urn when I walk by it and tell her again that I love her and thank her for being here for me all those years. I have a pocket urn that I take with me when I mountain bike or just when I feel like having her closer to me. I slept with her robe on the bed beside me for months, her pillow is still tucked next to me every night. I talk to her out loud all the time. I reach over and pat her side of the bed and tell her I love her every night before I go to sleep. If there is something wrong with you then I have the same thing wrong with me. We all miss our loved ones dearly and it brings me comfort to do some things that others might think strange, but I am learning to put what others think aside and do what makes me feel ok for today. Take care of yourself and God bless you........BW

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Thank You BW ! My heart goes out to all !!!

This is a thought I had of how my Honey "Buck" would want me to feel, in the form of a conversation between the two of us. It starts with me and I titled it

"Whisper"

Whisper in my ear, whisper something clear.

Whisper in my ear, whisper something you hold dear.

If I whisper in your ear of something I hold dear.

Will you hold it dear to you as I have held it dear to me?

I shall hold it dear to me as I do everything you’ve given me.

All that you hold dear truly means the world to me.

Then I shall whisper in your ear, Ill whisper something very clear.

Ill whisper in your ear of the one thing I hold most dear.

Whisper in my ear, whisper something clear.

Whisper in my ear, whisper something you hold dear.

…..Rachel……

By Rachel Brown

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Rachel,

I am so sorry for your loss. Welcome to this site. I encourage you to not worry about what you need to do to help bring comfort and ease the pain. I don't think you are sick. I think you are so normal. Thank you for sharing the lovely poem. I too have a little family of stuffed animals that my wife and I made into a makeshift family and I also touch, hug, and kiss my wife's urn daily. This is a very tough journey and I am sorry that you are on it.

Welcome and courage to you, Carol Ann

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Guest popengena

Thank You both for your replies,they have helped me. My prayers are with you and all who have lost a loved one!!

I dont think there is anything wrong with that at all.....Joe wants his ashes to be spread at a special spot off the NJ shore, so I had them put some into a little heart shaped urn for me to keep and I plan to honor his wishes on the anniversary of his death. I just dont want to do it yet.....For his "party" he wanted that..no sadness allowed...we had a million pictures of him fishing, with family, freinds etc..always laughing always the center of attention....:).....I cut out lots of pictures of fish/fishing..etc and covered the box the rest of his remains are in.....I KNOW he loves it. I too slept with the heart urn in my bed for weeks, but it didnt bring me comfort, it just made me long for him...so, I put it on my dresser so I can see it if I want to. I am learning there is no right or wrong way to grieve....thanks to counseling and this website and one friend who is also a widow..she lost her husband in her late 30's..shes been a source of comfort, because she validates some of the things I think are insane, she says she did/felt the same way...and it gets better........I've seen everyone say it so now I have to beleive it, it takes time....We just have to live thru this part. The one thing that brings me comfort is, I wouldn't be this sad if he wasn't worth grieving...He is so worth all the grief I feel now.

x

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Rachel,

Welcome to this site, I hope you find immense comfort and encouragement here as I have over the years.

However you choose to grieve is totally up to you, if you want to sleep with the urn, who is there to object to it? You are trying to be as close as you can to him, and if that helps, that's all that matters.

It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship and I'm glad you got those last few years together. George and I only knew each other 6 1/2 years and were married for 3 years 8 months to the day. It's not about quantity, it's about quality...and the more quality the relationship, the more we miss them. (((hugs)))

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You are so normal I think after losing a loved one. I sleep with a hugh puppy and a giant troll smoking a cigar every thing. Those were given to Ray and were his not mine so they are on his side of the bed. When it's cool I cover up with his Vikings blanket. Whatever was his is a comfort to me. I taought the cat to sleep on a little afghan on the foot of the bed. He was never allowed on the bed, but somehow it's now a comfort having him there and he stays where I told him too each night. I think whatever makes us feel better at this horrid time in our lives go and do it....

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Rachael, I am so sorry for your loss. Whatever it takes for us to get through the grief and shock, is normal. There is nothing sick about wanting to be close to the remains of your loved one. My husbands ashes are in a Arizona Red Rock urn, which he would love, because he loved traveling in Arizona. I have put it under a painting an artist friend painted of Michael after he died, and presented to me. I talk to him lots. His favorite hat is hanging on a corner of the painting. I guess it is sort of a shrine to him, but in a casual way. Loved your poem, very lovely. Praying for you and all of us in this club we did not ask to join.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkanas

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I think we all are suffering and what ever we can do to find the least bit of comfort or relief is what we do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Those who have been through the grief understand the pain and emptiness. Do whatever makes you feel better.

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There is nothing wrong with that at all! When Charlie died ( may 6 2010) I slept with his tie, the funeral director took it off of him after the service an gave it to me, I still carry it around with me. I now sleep with a stuffed animal he gave me. Sometimes I sleep at my moms house and I have to bring it with me, or else I can't sleep. We also had charlie cremated, The children and I had some of his ashes put into necklaces, I wear it everyday and never take it off. We all mourn in our own ways, and if someone doesnt think its appropriate or its strange what we do then screw them, because until they have been where we are they have no right to judge! I am sorry to say welcome to this site, but hope it helps u.

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Thank You All so much for welcoming and input! Being here has helped.

and if someone doesnt think its appropriate or its strange what we do then screw them,

Thank you nirac this coment gave me a lil chuckle, my Honey's sister was the one who made me feel unsure of myself. I really do appreciate the support from all who have posted, thanks again !

Rachel

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