melina Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 I haven't cancelled my husband's Facebook page. One person remarked that it was "sick" to continue it, but I've posted an address where people can contribute to a humantiarian organization that he believed in, in his name. We've collected a fair amount of money for a hospital in a war-torn area. Also once in a while I'll post "We miss you" or "I love you" or something like that. My sons don't want me to shut it down either. In a way, this Facebook page is something that pays tribute to his memory. His profile photo shows him happy on a friend's sailboat. We all like to remember him that way, instead of pale and gasping for breath on his death bed. How can it be sick to have a website like that? I'm thinking of using Facebook to display some photos of my husband. I still haven't been able to browse through photo albums, and it's been four months. But maybe by choosing certain photos for his Facebook page, I can gradually approach those albums. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 I haven't shut down my husband's facebook page either. It is what he was doing when the massive coronary hit him, sitting at the table, on facebook, playing farmville. His last post was at 12:47 am. We think he died right after that. His friends and co-workers still write on his wall, telling him he is missed, and telling him they are thinking of him. At this point I have no plans to shut it down. Maybe that is morbid, but I don't think so, I get a good feeling when I see his friends posting to him, it tells me he is not forgotten. I don't think it is "sick", I think it is just another way to remember and honor him. On his birthday, he got lots of posts remembering him on his birthday, and telling him how much he was missed. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 "Sick" to continue your Facebook page?? I don't think so!! Another remark we can add to our list of Words to Avoid When Comforting the Bereaved! If it's "sick," Melina, you and Mary have lots of company. See, for example, Social Media and Grief Grieving Online: Can Sites Like Facebook Help Heal? A Facebook Lesson for Churches Facebook.com Creates Form to Standardize Profiles of the Deceased Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace10 Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Not "sick" at all. Honoring my mother online has been so valuable to me and others. Of course, at 96, she was not on Facebook, but she has a site on legacy.com where there are pictures posted, and people have written comments in the guestbook. Same idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 I too still have my husbands facebook page activated.....we post things on special occasions, and he's had a lot of friends do the same. On MY facebook page I toyed with the idea of changing my relationship status to "widowed" - figuring that like when you post that you're married, it gives you the option of posting who you were married to. I thought it would list me as the "widow of" and Jeff's name would still be there. Well, I was wrong - when I chose widowed and hit enter it came up with a box that stated "click OK to cancel this relationship". Cancel a relationship with one quick click of a button?? I don't think so, that will never happen. So....I'm still listed as married to Jeffrey Perry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I did chose the widow option on Facebook, and have at times have wished that I had not. However, I think they did not even used to have a widow option. That may be somewhat recent,not sure. So many places you have to sign or click say either single or married....widow is not the same as single in my book! Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 I am not on facebook but I just want to say that I do not think it sick at all!!! Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissie Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Melina, I still have Tim's facebook page open and have no intentions of closing it in the near future. Friends and family still post messages to him and so do I. No way is it "sick". In fact, when I had Tims phone turned off the young lady that helped me, asked if I would like his voice messeage recording sent to my email, I did, and I still listen to it. I think whatever helps us through this journey is up to us, not someone that has no idea what we are going through. I am so thankful for this site and all of you!! Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Sick? That person obviously hasn't been there. Ignore them. George didn't have a FB page or MS page, they weren't the thing back then. But it was hard to cancel his other accounts. It was very hard when I gave up our shared email account. Something people need to realize is that every thing we do feels like it takes us a step further away from them, further away from their life. Some people leave FB accounts open for people to post their feelings to the deceased. Kind of a memorial... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shady Wilbury Posted December 6, 2010 Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 Something people need to realize is that every thing we do feels like it takes us a step further away from them, further away from their life. Amen. It's been three and a half years since I lost my friend Chris, and I still remember the anguish of deleting her email from my contacts- that was after all, apart from instant messaging, the main way we stayed in contact. I still have all of the emails she sent me, but am not sure how long for, as I've read something about Hotmail deleting mail received from inactive email accounts. *shiver* I agree with the OP's decision to leave her husband's Facebook page as it is. It is good, in my view, to have as much as possible, as much as you're comfortable with, to remind you of the person you lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyB Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 I didn't cancel my husbands account but I did have it memorialized (I think its spelled right). I can still post on it and all that and I do when ever I need to. I personally don't care what other people think anymore. You got to do whats best for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hello123 Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Just to let you guys know theres a website called www.gonetoosoon.org and its like a facebook for people who have died, its pretty nice you can open an account (online memorial) and write on their "wall" and light virtual candles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 Sorry, Melina - my computer belched. Sick? I don't think so. I got on FB after Joe died, so he didn't have a page. But yeah, his voice is still on my home phone, and my cell phone. I've gotten one comment that I should change it, but many more saying - it's good to hear Joe's voice. I don't care. I like it. Screw them. Hugs, Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abergsma Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 It definitely is not SICK.. I did take my husband off and I had several people upset, so I reopened it. It seems to be very comforting to not only me but his close family and friends. Allana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 Do whatever works for you! Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ipswitch Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 I did have Jeff's facebook page memorialized, so his friends and family wouldn't continue to get suggestions to "reconnect With Jeff!" But I left the page up. Unfortunately, I didn't have any of Jeff's password, so I can't modify it, change the picture, or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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