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Six Years Ago Today


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Hi Deb,

I completely understand even though it was only four years for me on the 8th of this month. It's still a day at a time but I've learned that it's good that way. We can't go back and we don't even know if we'll have tomorrow. I've come to believe that everything that happens is meant to be, the good and the bad, and that everything is a lesson or a test and it's been helping me. It's definitely not the same, but we are doing it, like it or not. I think Larry and Dennis would really be very proud of us.

Love, Gail

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Deborah, I thought of you often today and said a prayer that somehow you get thru the day! Neither of us will ever be the same with out our Larrys!! We were lucky to be loved so much. But it doesnt take away the pain we feel. 4 and half years fro me and I still cry almost everyday. Not as bad as it use to be so I quess in some crazy way thats a start. Keep in touch! Hugs Cris

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As I approach the 19th month since Bill died, I look ahead and KNOW that when it is 4 years or 6 years or 20 years (if I live to 91) I will miss him and grieve his loss then and forever. My heart goes out to you as you have walked this path of pain and loss for these years. It does change us and our lives forever...I am not who I was the day Bill died or the day we started his long trek towards his death with Alzheimer's disease. I KNOW death is part of life and it happens every minute of every day on this planet...but that does not mean it is a joyous part of life...just the opposite. As I sit here today looking back and forward....I am grateful for this wonderful man in my life, the unconditional love he gave me and taught me...and I want it all back...NOW! But, it is not mine to have until he and I meet again...however that is...I know it will be pure joy and light.

Peace to us all as we walk this path,

Mary mfh

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hellow my far away friend .I do understand the way you feel 6 years was for me last week.the economical situation in greece is adding to my many emotional broblems.I do wonder how all of you that started together this journey are doing.hugs from far away Teny

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Hey, Melina,

Just checking in. Great to see you on line. I hear you.....we will always hurt...always.

Peace, friend

Mary

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Again, you guys are so wonderful, you responses to Deborah and to all of us here, it's what keeps us going.

Deborah, I feel a closeness with you, I understand how you're feeling and totally agree. Me, I tried to rebuild my life, it didn't work, and I am still where I was. I don't know what to do except I've accepted that things have changed and this is what I have now..."acceptance" does not equate with "like" or "agree with". My life will never be like it was, I know that. If I get grandchildren and get to retire someday, maybe that is something to look forward to but I don't know "retire to what" because I won't have any money and I'll still be alone, but at least I won't have to set my alarm and continue this wretched ratrace. I will be missing my home that George and I loved together because I won't be able to afford it.

Lucky are the ones that get to live into their 80s and 90s together! But the loss for them has to be tremendous, so I guess there's just no getting around it.

Today I'm having lunch with a friend and trying to clean house and get wood in before I go because it's supposed to snow tonight. I plan my days no more than a week or so at a time and just try to keep going.

Call any time, my friend, I'm home most days except Sunday at church and Monday at my job.

Kay

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It has been 2yrs 9months and 18 days for me and I don't cry as much as I used to but I still cry at least once a day..I miss my Ben our life together and your right our lifes will never be the same.. there is a hole in my heart that no one can heal..I wish he was still here just like everyone else here wishes but there is nothing we can do but go on till we meet again one day..Mon. Nov 14th would have been our 36th annivarsay so i know how you feel..May God Bless you and guide everyone here on this journey this journey that we did not ask nor want to be on...Lucia

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Dear Deborha,

My loss hasn't even been 1 year yet, let alone six. I too miss Pauline more than ever. But if it meant more years of her suffering so much, as she had done, the last 2 years of her life, no. She passed with such Grace, knowing the end was drawing closer day by day.

In my Hospice Grief group meeting this week, we talked about all the emotions, and feeling we went through, or are going through now. One emotion, that all the others have, and some still have is great anger. I have never felt anger, towards the disease, MS, God, or the fact that Pauline passed long before her time. We knew in the mid 90's what her final out come would be. We accepted it, and lived life to the fullest every day. No regrets, no what ifs. For me if I expressed anger towards the disease it would mean, I would have to be angry with Pauline. That is one place I will never go. I could never be angry at her. She had, nothing to do with getting the disease, it just happened. I told them as far as being angry with God, NO, after all he brought us together. Pauline being from Massachusetts, and me from the mountains of Colorado, and we met in a small town in Kansas. He brought us together, because, He knew she would need the best care taker possible, and out of all the people He could have brought into her life, He chose me. I was the very best care taker for her. She was always first on my list. Never second. If I had to leave work, because she needed me, I would and without regrets. She made me promise her I would move on in my life, but never forgetting what we shared together. TRUE LOVE. So I have found my peace, in her best friend, Donna, for around 30 years and her husband Greg. Going back to our church, where we started going to over 16 years ago. Joining the church choir, helping others in their grief, starting to go to nursing school at age 57, where I will be able to help others in need. This is how I honor Pauline, by doing what she wanted me to do. A lot of people cannot understand, my progress. Do I still cry, do those big waves of grief still wash over me? Yes they do, and I still cry for her, but yet everyday I move forward into my new life. I have learned to laugh again, and that was the best moment, after she passed. It took months to do, but I have found laughter again, and that helps me heal from the inside out. I hope that one day you can find the great peace in life that I have found. Her passing was nothing that either of us had control over. I think a lot of people who grieve such great loss of their true love, feels like they could have controlled things different, when we can't. Because the out come is always the same. We have lost them and are alone, but it doesn't mean we have to stop living our own life, that was given to us, long before we met our soul mate, best friend, lover, wife or husband. We can only live in today, because tomorrow never comes, and yesterday, we never go back to. Live for today, and today alone.

God Bless

Dwayne

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