Meditation

[kayc]

I like that quote.

[Cakes01]

I will I plan to start Thursday when i don't have anywhere to go and i'll be alone. Also i was thinking afterwards would be a good time to try something i heard about online.

Find a peaceful place and write a letter to your loved one. Put it in a drawer and two weeks later sit and write a letter of response from your loved one. Just write. Let it flow.

I'll give anything a shot at this point.

[mfh]

That is a great idea. I have done that and I am sure others have also. You are sticking with it and going through tough days but you are doing it.

Mary

[Cakes01]

I feel like i have no other choice, but thank you for the encouragement.

Did it work for you? The letter writting?

[mfh]

I do not know what 'work' means. It felt good to write. It helps one to get clear about feelings and thoughts. Go for it.

Mary

[Cakes01]

Oh sorry i meant did you feel you could write Bill's resonce.

[mfh]

I am sorry, what is resonce?

[Cakes01]

Sorry-responce. I was told that after 2 weeks you sit and write what their responce to your letter to them was or-them coming threw in spirit.

[mfh]

OK, I did not know that theory. I feel Bill's presence but I do not experience his responses nor do I experience him coming through. I feel Bill and I are still together but have no words to describe that. I would suggest you write the letter and see what you get out of it. Our journeys are all unique to each of us. Just listen to your heart and follow it, Kristen.

Peace

Mary

[Cakes01]

It's on my short to do list. Thanks Mary

[MartyT]

Posted by Eleanor on May 8, 2013 on the blog, What's Your Grief? ~

I have been learning a cognitive skill that I want to share with you all today that has been tremendously helpful for me in becoming more truthful with my feelings and has helped me to move forward and grow by not trying to get rid of, hide or change what I am thinking and feeling but instead to notice, accept and then express my feelings honestly.

It goes like this:

Be present. Open up. Do what matters. Read more here: The Facade of “I’m Fine” and What to Do About It

[kayc]

Thank you, Marty. Many of us have faced that...wondering what to answer when someone asks how we are. We are conditioned, in our society, to say, "Fine". In fact, most people don't want to know, even though they just posed the question. You can usually tell if someone sincerely is asking...if it's a close friend and you're alone and not under time pressure, you might be able to open up and honestly answer, knowing that person will listen, care, and maybe even offer a helpful word or two. But if it's in passing and you know they aren't expecting more than a quick, "fine", that's usually what we give them. An alternative that is just as quick but perhaps more honest and thought provoking, might be, "learning" or "adjusting". You can both go on your way but you might feel a little better knowing you didn't say "fine" when you don't FEEL "fine"! You answered honestly and didn't take up their time. Most of us know who we can go into more detail with, who sincerely wants to know...and for whom it was just a pleasantry.

[enna]

Thank you for the post above, Marty. I so agree with Kay that it seems that we just know if someone really wants to know how we are or if they are just mouthing a quick 'How are you?' I like the word 'adjusting' that Kay mentioned. That is what we are doing. We are adjusting to a new life without the one we lost. I always well up with tears whenever someone really wants to know how I am. I suppose that is something we will do from now on. It doesn't take much for our 'sensitive' button to activate.

[Cakes01]

Wow i just dealt with this all day today. How are you? Um....getting by, trying, still here....

I to like what Kay said - adjusting and like Anne i feel the tears start when i can tell the person whose asking really wants to know.

[enna]

A good article on mindfulness.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-harth-phd-lmhc/mindfulness-music_b_3223705.html?ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

[kayc]

That article says to live as if everything were new...that is part of what George did for me...he experienced life as if all of it were new, every moment, every day. I have never seen anyone who appreciated the moment, every bit of it, quite like he did...it reminded me of when my children were two and everything was wonder and magic! How contagious that zeal and zest for life is! I wish I were more like him...instead I find my days fighting with insurance adjusters, standing up for myself to them, my boss, to car rentals, to any number of people. Dealing with drivers that drive like maniacs and cut in line at the gas station when you've been patiently waiting for 20 minutes. I feel like it's making me grouchy and people must perceive me as difficult because of the seeming continual challenges. Maybe I need a vacation. Somewhere where there are no people, no problems, no bills. Maybe an ocean breeze and Arlie...and Anne's chocolate. A glass of white wine. I guess that's what meditation is all about...letting go of all of the "stuff"...it's like a release and a filling all at once.

[mfh]

Kay, I would think with all you have been through, that a vacation is clearly in order. Can you get away somewhere? Anywhere to ou tear balance some of what you have been through? I would be more than grouchy by this time.

Mary

[kayc]

I'm thinking about it...there's a pet friendly hotel at the coast I keep seeing advertised, maybe after I get my car back and get paid.

[Cakes01]

I hope you are able to go on vacation. Definately well deserved!

[mfh]

That getaway gets my vote!

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Thank you for recommending the Velveteen Rabbit, which arrived and was read today during lunch break.

What a beautiful story! I will read it again tonight.

Thank you.

fae

[mfh]

Anne, neat piece on music and meditation. Thank you.

fae, glad you like the Velveteen Rabbit. It is a classic and there is a movie of it I think...animated.

I can't recall if I gave you the title Hope for the Flowers...about two caterpillars (Stripe and Yellow) and becoming. You will like it.

Very tired tonight. Trying to grab hold of me and have meditated quite a bit, thought a lot about Brene Brown's book that I listened to going and coming, and just got quiet and will stay quiet except for a trip to the farmers market in the morning...first of the season and sort of a community gathering. There is one little gal there about 5 years old who grooms the visiting dogs for $1. She brushes Bentley's back about 5 times That's it. Fun to see folks and get some goat cheese maybe or bread. No veggies yet, of course, since the snow just melted

[kayc]

Mary,

Glad you're having a good day, staying quiet. Farmer's market sounds great, wish we had something like that here, but it's too far away.

[feralfae]

Kay,

How is Kitty? How are you?

fae

[mfh]

Sylvia Boorstein, therapist, Buddhist teacher, awesome person and more being interviewed on On Being by Krista Tippet (one of my favorite programs). Excellent interview and on the same page she leads us through a metta (lovingkindness) meditation. This is a great example of this kind of meditation which I do daily. In this one she asks us after blessing ourselves (always first in metta meditation) to picture the person we love enormously. I picture Bill. At the end she asks the audience to bless those around them so I pictured all of you as I did this part. Those who are new to meditation...this could be used daily by playing this video.

http://www.onbeing.org/program/what-we-nurture/feature/lovingkindness-metta-meditation/337