Transformations On This Path

[Wifflesnook]

Yes you are right. I found a home for all his precious Egyptology books some time ago, a gave away his beloved motor bike to a disabled bikers organisations, I've given our lively neighbour Sandra his tools for burning on wood. So these things seem to have their proper time, though I can't imagine finding the right home for his clothes. My new favourite saying is

IT IS HOW IT IS.

This helps me in a way.

[kayc]

George's closet rod broke a couple of weeks after he died and I took it as an omen that I should box up his clothes. I knew instantly what I should do with them, I donated them to Sponsors, an organization that helps transitional inmates readjust to life in society. They get out of prison with the shirt on their backs and nothing more. I knew it was what he would want done with them. Of course, I saved some of his special clothes to hang onto, and have them still.

It is important to wait until the right time, and we all know when that is...it doesn't hurt a thing to hang onto their things until then.

fae,

I'd ordered a christmas present for George that had been on back order until after he died. Grr! Also a birthday present I'd ordered him (it was five days before he passed) arrived afterwards. It is hard when they didn't even get to enjoy it. I, too, had special food I'd bought or made for him that he didn't get to have. I guess no matter when they go, it's like an interruption to their life in progress.

[KarenK]

Well, back from the doc & his vote is bronchitis. Also went for a chest x-ray & then picked up meds.

Sort of a double whammy day, I guess. Today it has been 6 months since I lost Ron. I finally broke down & asked the doc for an anti-depressant & sleep aid, neither of which I have ever taken in my 66 years, but I just can't do this anymore. It's just too much losing Ron, worrying about my daughter, so short of money & my uncertain future. I certainly never think of ending my life, but some days I feel like life is ending me. Makes me wonder what those pioneer women did for depression a century or so ago. You can bet they didn't take a pill to make it go away.

As you say, Jan, "it is how it is".

Karen

[feralfae]

Dear Karen,

Down in Wyoming, not too far from Buffalo or Gillette, is Crazy Woman Creek, named for the poor woman who lost her husband, and had nothing but a horse and a dry-land bit of grazing area, where she would sit and talk to the horse as she slowly lost all touch with reality. Pioneer women often became very depressed and some wrote about it as well. No, they did not have medications but they had elderberry wine, tobacco, hemp, and sometimes mushrooms for medications. And used them.

I am so sorry your diagnosis is bronchitis, but at least they should be able to give you some effective antibiotics that will knock it back soon None of the rest of the pain compares at all to this six-month anniversary of Ron leaving, though. Losing Ron, all alone, is enough to set anyone back for a while. I'm glad you are getting something to help you sleep better, and the anti-depresants will help you through the worst of this time. I am just so sorry you have had so much going on.

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing, and I am holding you in my heart and in my prayers. Now that we know more, I am going to double up on sending *<fairy dust>* and all good thoughts. I am just sorry you are having this very rough time, dear heart.

Please keep us posted as your bronchitis heals and the other medications begin to help your days and nights go better.

Namaste,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Dear Kay!!!

The cared are here! They are incredibly beautiful and I just wrote a note to Anne, and used on the the clear envelopes. What a clever idea, so everyone who handles the envelope will get to see the card as well. Talk about sharing beauty around! Your cards are lovely. There is not one in the pack you sent that I would not be happy to send to anyone. So beautiful and tasteful! Thank you so much! I like the hummingbird, but you know, I love the dragonflies.

I hope you can sell as many as you want to, and I hope you are making your prices proper for eBay and other internet places.

You have a great deal of talent, Kay. Thank you for sharing it with me.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

I am so glad that you went to the doctor, Karen. I know how hard it must be with Ron's sixth month anniversary of his departure and your daughter's illness. Give yourself gentle care and know that we are all here with you. You will know what you need to do to heal.

I really am behind in posting but I will be better tomorrow. I did get in to see my PC doctor and I will be starting PT for several weeks for my hips & knees. I'll post more about it later!

Peace, Anne

[KarenK]

PRAYERS NEEDED PLEASE!

Just got a call from my daughter & hubby. She was taken by ambulance to Louisville with uncontrollable rectal bleeding. She is in ER awaiting pain meds & tests. Still bleeding.

We are all very scared.

Karen

[enna]

I am so sorry, Karen. Everyone is in my prayers. Anne

[Wifflesnook]

Oh I am so sorry Karen. You are all in my thoughts. Jan

[kayc]

Karen,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter...positive thoughts and prayers going her way!

I hope you do not feel you "failed" by needing antidepressants and sleep aids. Sometimes life is just too much and we need help and are smart to recognize it and ask for it. I didn't get either when George died, but in looking back I think maybe I'd have been better off. It might have made me more clearheaded and able to make better decisions.

fae,

I'm so glad you like the cards. I was wishing I'd done a different border for the hummingbird, but alas, this is how I learn...it's not a black and white science like some things, you try some things and are pleased with the results and other times see ways to improve upon it. I know you love dragonflies, I do too! I'm always looking for another way to utilize them.

Anne,

My you've had your plate full this year, and now more PT! Will look for more info as you are ready to share about it.

I am thinking I have a hairline fracture in my leg. About five or six weeks ago I banged my shin really hard, hard enough to see stars. I didn't get a visible bruise, but it felt it'd bruised/smacked the bone deep inside, and there was some swelling. I iced it and waited for it to get well. and waited and waited... On the outside, it still hurts to touch it. On the inside I noticed a kind of burning and sharp pain, similar to what I felt when I broke my elbow but not as bothersome. I notice it mostly in certain postures/angles where I'm putting weight on it, like sitting on the toilet, of all things. I can walk, but after a few weeks I started paying attention to what set it off and what didn't and trying to alter my movements accordingly to give it some relief. I think I have it figured out and am babying it enough so it can heal. At least I can walk! And just this week I am seeing some signs of improvement, and even if slight, it means it's healing. Of course, it would happen the first week I was without insurance. That's my luck!

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry, Karen. Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you and your daughter ♥

[feralfae]

Dear Karen,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I am holding you in my heart today, and will be sending prayers and all good thoughts for you and your daughter and her family.

Blessings, dear on, you have so much going on. We are here for you when you want to share. I am hoping for the best for you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Thought of you, Fae, when I saw the dragonflies. And could be applied to all of us.

As the dragonfly scurries across the water it represents the act of going beyond what’s on the surface and looks deeper into life’s purpose.

A dragonfly can flap its wings and moves in many directions with ease like a ballet dancer moving across a stage.

How perfect that we are learning to live in the moment as a dragonfly does in its short life. We are all struggling to find out who we are now and what we will be doing – perfect for the 21 Days of Gratitude journey, I think.

Our self-discoveries can be compared to the dragonfly’s iridescence as it changes colors depending on the light. We are forever changing in our 'new' lives.

The most amazing thing about the dragonfly is in its eyesight. It is capable of seeing in all 360 degrees around it – we could be likened to a dragonfly since our minds are capable of unlimited imaginings. We are all connected.

I am coming to see the dragonfly in a different light. Anne

[kayc]

Oh Anne, those are beautiful! I love the first one, like a ballerina!

[MartyT]

I think I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm a collector of children's books, most especially those that explain death to children (see, for example, my blog post, Using Childrens' Books to Help with Grief). One of my favorites is a delightful little one by Doris Stickney entitled Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children.

As one Amazon reviewer writes,

This little tiny book is a wonderful tale for small children about the difficulty of knowing what lies beyond the grave. In the most delicate and gentle way, the authors use the metaphor of the dragonfly larva, who live below the surface of the water, and the adult dragonflies, to illustrate the notion of someone going beyond our sight, to a marvelous place. They can't return to tell us about it. We just have to wait our turn.

I think of this delightful little story every time I see a dragonfly. ♥

[feralfae]

One of my most favorite aspects of a dragonfly is its lives in different atmospheres.

And the speed with which it can change direction. I think the French Pressure Suit for jet pilots, test pilots, and astronauts is called "la libiellule" to invoke the remarkable high-pressure suit built into the anatomy of the dragonfly. High speed turns, ability to withstand instantaneous changes in pressure, able to leap tall cattails at a single bound, and, as a child, able to live underwater away from birds and other predators, although not escaping frogs some of the time.

So, my home is filled with dragons and dragonflies. Both represent to me the cycles of life, and our magic when we have the heart and Coeur-age to live it. It is my totem, so I have had it since I was a very little girl, and it is beaded on my medicine bag. My friends laugh at my careers, all of which have been pretty well done, and my interests, when I turn from clay to numbers. Lately though, a very large, old Raven has been coming to talk to me and stay around to talk for a while when I go outside to talk to him. We are working on language barriers. I donot know much about their calls yet. But we do a throaty warble to each other pretty well, and simple counting games of caws. The timing is key to the sequence, I am finding. It will be a good winter project, sweetened with suet. For the Raven; I get strawberries.

Sometimes, when I have been very broken since Doug's leaving and all that has gone on since, I would sit out in my Kiva to cry, and the ravens would come and fly low enough to brush my hair, and then, dragonflies would come and dance above the flowers, making me smile at their light-shifting beauty. My first hair comb was a blue dragonfly carved of (I think) sandalwood, with a nice smell.

Probably way more than you wanted to know about dragonflies or me.

It has been a long but very good office work day. We had some snow, but mostly sun and warming air. Tomorrow, I must work on some papers, then I am taking the afternoon off, maybe go have coffee or lunch with Jenny, and let myself celebrate with my joy and my grief for the presence of Doug in my life, although I wish it would have been a hundred more years. But, he reminds me, he is still here, and we do carry on.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[KarenK]

Just a small update. The bleeding has slowed, but cause remains unknown. Doc is treating for C-Diff, although in reading about it, I didn't find that it causes bleeding, but because she has no immune system, who knows. Blood work should be back tomorrow with a more definitive answer. For now, she is on antibiotic & pain is being controlled. Will update when I know more. Spoke with her briefly. She's so very tired of it all.

Karen

[Mary1063]

Karen,

Shannon had C-Diff several times. Twice while she was fighting her cancer battle. And she both times had bleeding. Dr had her on Flagyl and pushed fluids... And the C-Diff cleared up with the bleeding.

I pray your daughter's Dr has her on the right thing and it helps. It is treatable... But it's a nasty infection indeed. Sending many prayers. XO

[feralfae]

Oh, Karen, thank you for the update. I am holding you in my heart, dear one, through this time.

I am so glad to hear that the bleeding has slowed. When the immune system has been so terribly compromised, the doors are opened for almost anything, and it is difficult to live in a sterile bubble. I had the house sanitized every week, sometimes twice a week, when Doug was on chemo the second and third times.

Doug, too, became very tired of it all. I am so glad you got to talk with her today.

I am so glad the pain is under control. I will be watching for the update, and thank you for coming here to share with us.

I am holding you and your family in special prayer, and more about that over on transitions.

Blessings, Much Love, and

*<twinkles>*

fae.

[Mary1063]

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/c-difficile/DS00736/DSECTION=symptoms

There's so much info out there on C-Diff... But I read this.

And I witnessed it with Shannon...

Prayers.

[feralfae]

Wait, I am already here. I thought I was on another thread.

I just wanted to say that my peeping tom neighbors have left in their motor home for the winter. They park it here all summer, and at their other daughter's in the winter, where it will not freeze. It is quite spiffy with roll-out sections and all.

They are gone, and tonight, I went out and prayed in my Kiva for the first time in a while, since I caught the chap standing behind me up by our bench, on our land, watching me. He waved and grinned. Creepy. So, they are gone for the winter and I feel private in my kiva again.

I prayed for us all here, with one hand on an ancient mortar ground out from a sandstone capstone high above the Wind River, where one can sit and watch for moose, elk, deer, sheep, antelope, bear, lion up and down and across the entire canyon. There are a lot of mortars up there, and huge amounts of petroglyphs. We keep it private. I brought home this one capstone to be a stepping stone in the KIva garden, because it is to me a symbol of long vision. So it is on my east side as I pray. I hold my hand out to it. I don't know if you know much about mortars, and how they were used to grind pigments, seeds, nuts, edibles. We think that these are the lunch mortars, because the big ones are down by the river.

So, I got to pray in my own place today with out the hairs raising on my neck. It is going to be a good winter.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Oh, Dear Mary, thank you!

I am so glad to see you, and know even this conversation is bringing up more pain for you, dear heart.

{{{HUGS}}} to you dear Mary.

I hope the pain medication is working, that you are healing, and that everyone is taking wonderful good care of you. You come from such a loving family that I am sure you are surrounded and comforted by love from all directions. And I know Little Man is right there, keeping close watch on you.

I send Blessings, prayers, and Much Love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Mary1063]

Thank you Fae dear.

I'm hurting pretty badly in every sense but not much I can do but breathe in and out through the knee pain, through a horrible cold, and through this deep and dark heartache.

Sometimes... I guess a lot of times... That's all any of us can do is just breathe in and out one second at a time.

Hugs...

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

*<twinkles>*

fae

[KarenK]

I forgot to thank all of you for your prayers & good wishes. With all of us here & Debbie's friends & mine from Cancer Survivors Network, I'm sure it is helping.

Thank you for the special prayer in your Kiva, Fae. I am a bit familiar with Native American traditions, mostly related to Hopi, Navajo, & some Cherokee. Ron was my Cherokee-Irishman. I always joked with him about wanting to marry a cowboy, but ended up with one of the Indians.

Mary1063, thank you for the Mayo link. I'm so sorry that Shan had to deal with this along with the cancer. Cancer, the gift that just keeps on giving!!! Hope your knee surgery heals rapidly. Grieving is hard enough without being ill at the same time.

Because Debbie had her spleen removed, I think she is cautious of crowds. She lives out in the country & isn't around many people, but she is in the infusion center every other week. She's had this cough & chest pain for several weeks, so her new primary doc gave her 2 antibiotics as she didn't think it was related to her tumors, & her current chemo causes severe diarrhea already, so I think it was just too much. Should know tomorrow.

Karen