Talking Heals

[kayc]

Mary, I hope you are okay! The weather here has been erratic...90 one day, then 50, all the ups and downs has us either hot or cold! Please stay away from the windows, and keep Bentley close by. I hope none of your trees suffers!

I got a call from the ins. adj. and they accepted responsibility for the damage, that was a relief, you never know if the other person will try to lie their way out, that happened to my DIL a year ago, but then the other person never got their car worked on so the ins. co. dropped it and she was off the hook. I take my car in Mon. to leave it off and get a rental...120 mile round trip on my first day of my so called vacation.

I got the office cleaned, garbage/recycling out, dishes done, bills all posted, reports done, about to leave for a week. Is it wrong for me to wish them struggle on their own so they might notice what I do for them?

[mfh]

Storm has passed..the windy part...more coming later. Thank you, Kay, for thinking of me when your plate is overflowing.

Will the ins company pay for the rental. They should. Mine was paid for when I got hit in 2010. Be sure to request that if they did not state it. It is THEIR responsibility.

I think they deserve to struggle on their own. THEY created this situation and maybe if they see what they are missing....Maybe another door will open...i.e. a good job elsewhere. It can happen but for now....relax a while.

Mary

[kayc]

I intend to do just that Mary, I need a break for a while, I've had stress upon stress for so long...

I'm glad your storm has passed!

[enna]

Take a moment ~ think ~ does this resonate with me?

Please, everyone, have a restful few days or at least tomorrow.

[Wifflesnook]

Kay I am so sorry for your recent problems. X

[Queeniemary]

"I got the office cleaned, garbage/recycling out, dishes done, bills all posted, reports done, about to leave for a week. Is it wrong for me to wish them struggle on their own so they might notice what I do for them?" Ya know Kay, I am such a mean old biddy, I might have just left the office a mess, dishes undone, no reports done, or bills posted....and let them handle it next week! I am not as nice as you!! Sounds to me as if you go way beyond what your job description could possibly be for your job. Glad the ins. co. is going to fix your car. Try to relax, and breathe deeply next week. Sleep late.

Play opens tonight, I am very excited. Dress rehearsal was almost too good....had a snafu with a line or two, thank heavens. A perfect dress rehearsal is the kiss of death to opening night!! Will report later. Got lots to do today.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

QMary, So glad someone messed up a line or two. No kiss of death. Reminds me of the Persian rugs where the maker deliberately puts in a "mistake" to show his/her humanity ie not perfect. And the word "sincere" which means without wax originated from the marble masters like Michelangelo who when they did not make a mistake sculpting in marble would call it a "sincere" piece of art i.e. without wax. Those were rare. End of my educational session for the day.

I just put in my LAST eye drop...after two months of doing that. Amen! I will continue to use the Thera Tears for the dry eyes but the one that is dryest is the second eye which has had so many meds this past month. The other is not nearly as bad giving me hope that both will be pretty good but if artificial tears is my biggest eye issue, I am in GREAT shape. If my pressures have crept up at the next appt she may put me on glaucoma drops. But the right eye was 15 last week having been off meds for a while. The cataracts are gone, she said, and the pressures drop. Waiting for a call that my glasses are in...she put a rush on which I could not read my credit card number over the phone (best vision right now is the computer distance). I am taking Bentley in shortly for teeth cleaning and may stop in as I pass it on the way to the groomer's. I postponed the teeth cleaning as I HATE putting him through the anesthetics but I also hate seeing his gums swollen so he goes in at 8am and pick up at 3pm today. Next Friday he gets groomed. I missed a grooming because of the eye stuff and he is one gigantic royal mess. His claws looks like those of a hawk...this is a first in his life...i.e. to be so "neglected".

Good luck tonight...will be thinking of you

Mary

Break a leg!! Have fun!! Enjoy!! Relax!!

Mary

[kayc]

It seems like I remember hearing somewhere that years ago in another culture when they did a work of art, furniture, etc. they would deliberately put a mark/flaw in it so they wouldn't appear more perfect than the gods and show them up...or something like that. Have fun with it tonight! I learned a long time ago when speaking publicly, that if I relax and enjoy myself with the audience, they will be more likely to too. I would think that'd be easier with a part to play than a speech to give, but I've never tried acting, so who knows!

QueenieMary, this is your night! Wishing you well...I always hated the saying "break a leg"...was always afraid I'd do just that, ha!

I could never use those kind of tears Mary, they burn my eyes, I like the Hypo Tears and Systane. So glad you've made it through all of the surgeries, drops, etc.!

Good luck to Bentley! Arlie broke a claw last week, I was worried about it, it turned sideways and bled, it's the first one that's up higher, but he chewed it down and straightened it back out, and is keeping it clean, I guess sometimes they know what to do to take care of themselves. If it was one of the front ones I would have had to take him in to the vet, as they walk on those ones and are harder to keep clean, also the pressure makes the healing harder. I remember from last time he had a "paw problem" that he wouldn't keep a boot on!

[enna]

Sometimes it is good just to step back and take a deep breath. For me, my 'art' therapy really works. I am working on creating my own mandala. The coloring takes me into a somewhat peaceful place. The photo below says it better than I can.

I think this photo is one from "Grief's Unspoken".

[mfh]

Oh, Anne, I do remember blanket forts. My sister and I shared a room with twin beds and we would put blankets between the beds (as our roof). I also remember going to the appliance stores and dragging home washer/dryer/refrigerator/stove boxes and making very long and elaborate houses in the yard...we drew curtains and shutters, cut windows and doors and hoped it did not rain. Funny, I do not see any of those in our village...ever. In fact, I do not see kids playing outside. This past weekend was homecoming...a HUGE thing here as so many who live here graduated years ago and come for it or return for it. The kids have permission to TP trees of those who give permission and have to go pick it up again (and they do or the tradition stops). It was so lovely to see so many out for the parade (I caught the end of it as I forgot about it not having kids in school---or well, anywhere). Afterwards the "old" graduates gather at a town bar (where else, in Wisconsin) and the overflow crowd is on the sidewalks outside this bar...all checking out each other and enjoying history. I do love living in a small village...

Now all that from your blanket graphic!! Thanks for the memories.

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

If you can find a spirograph, they are super for creating the underlying structure for your mandalas.

I want a blanket tent. When my daughters were small, we had one of the old Meyer (as in Oscar Meyer) mansions, and had a huge dining room, lots of chairs, and hardwood floors, which were kept waxed and shiny. We would gather the chairs and toss blankets and tablecloths over them, and make "forts" or "castles" and later, we would fold all the fabric, line up the chairs, make a "train" and shove it around the dining and living rooms on the waxed floors, making train noises.

I use my tent as my castle now, although today, it is raining and cold, so I am going to not spend a lot of time out of doors.

Mary, isn't it wonderful how these simple images can trigger such a wealth of wonderful memories?

Off to the day...

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Ah, QMary, HRHMary, Queenie Mary (I don't think you care, actually, do you?)

Anyway,

Congratulations on a wonderful performance. Great job! Bravo!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

My kids used to make egg carton forts inside the house on a rainy day. They and there friends would build it and bring a stuffed animal in with them.

[HAP]

Dear friends,

I keep talking about being a cancer magnet. I had hoped that was over. It isn't.

I got a note from an old friend today--we go back to junior high school. She was diagnosed about four years go with breast cancer but passed the three year cancer free mark last winter and seemed on the mend. In March, she had a hip replacement and one of the tests they did on the fluids from the hip came back wonky. More tests revealed her cancer had spread to her lung, her shoulder and her adrenal gland. She has been undergoing chemo and radiation both since April. The prognosis is not good.

She has a son who will graduate--Gods willing--with an engineering degree in May. She hopes she will live to see it. She's 61 and feels 200.

I'm sick of cancer. I am sick of death.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

I don't blame you Harry...I thought cancer was the worst...until I encountered Dementia...now I see they're both about the most horrific thing, each in their own way. I hope you get a break from bad news for a while...

[feralfae]

Dear Harry,

I am so sorry that cancer keeps cropping up in your life among people you know and care about, not just as a reason for your wonderful work.

I know it must be demoralizing to be putting so much of your energy into fighting and educating, and yet see people being stricken all around you. I imagine you feel boxed in by this disease.

I hope there is a respite soon for you, and that you can have a truly cancer-free time for yourself and your friends. I find that my initial reaction to people telling me they have cancer is that I want to run away and hide: it just feels as though it is till too much to face. You have a lot of courage to face it head-on and take up the battle.

Thank you, by the way, for introducing me to Spider Robinson's words and his marvelous literary style. I am thoroughly enjoying his works, and have recently ordered two more of his books. There was a woman at the retreat whose husband has "everything Robinson every wrote" and when I told her he was still writing, she said she was going to get and read any new books since her husband left in 2009. He had osteosarcoma.

Anyway, thank you very much for sharing this wonderful escape into another world and another mind.

Peace to you and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

First of all, I want to acknowledge those of you who are also working through issues with people you know. Dementia, cancer, bone degeneration, RA, or any other illness attacking our friends and family. My issue today is about how helpless I feel when someone I know needs help and I can't give it.

Well, this is about me. I suffered a little setback for a few days trying to be kind and help a friend out who was having another (the fifth) scraping of his esophagus due to esophageal cancer. Due to the anesthetic they are given he needed a ride to and from the hospital. It was my turn to drive. It takes about forty minutes each way so it is hard to drop off and come back home. His procedure, which takes about three or four hours total, did not go as expected so his surgeon kept him over night for observation which meant that I’d be making another trip back and forth to his hospital in a two day period. I have medicine that I have to take in the A.M. and when I can’t keep to a schedule I have consequences! Three of the medicines I take are for edema (fluid retention) and one does not wander very far from a bathroom once those pills are taken!! For those two days, I took my medicines way too late in the afternoon.

It really bothers me that I cannot be his driver anymore since I put my own health in jeopardy. I feel badly because he was so good to my Jim when he was alive. He has been a family friend for many decades. His family members live in other states.

It surprises me so that our grief journeys take so many different turns!

I never thought of myself as a sickly person. It is hard to accept that we have limitations. Just when I think that I might have a clue to what I might want to do with the rest of my life I have to face the reality that what I want to do may not be in my plans. This is very difficult for me to accept. I am trying not to complain. I’m just talking out loud and trying to come to grips with who I am now. I do not want to be without my Jim. He was so easy to talk things over with and now all I have is my Benji who is a great listener but not much of a talker! He is like a flea attached to me – I move and he moves or his eyes follow me all the time. He is my bodyguard (although I don’t think he’d be a good one because when he barks his tail is wagging) and he is a true cuddler.

[mfh]

Harry, I am so sorry about your friend AND that cancer keeps invading your being and life. It is treacherous. I also agree with you, Kay, dementia in any of its forms and cancer are both treacherous...typically they drag on for the patient as well as those that patient loves and the deterioration is awful. I lost my two closest girl friends to cancer (1989 and 2003) and it is likely my brother will die of it as he is on meds that keep him alive for who knows how long. He has fought (accepted) cancer since age 28 and he is now 76. Then the dementia which was the root of Bill's slow death...none of is is fair...whatever fair means.

Anne, as relieved as I am to have you stop taking care of Otto (and I understand your desire and need to do so) I am glad you have seen that you need to take care of you. Getting off your med schedule is not good for you as you learned. I understand the need to talk to Jim...believe me, I get that as do we all want to talk to our beloveds. And Bentley, like Benji listens well but well...his responses are nonverbal....leaning, cuddling, following, staring...running to me if he hears me crying. I guess all of those are things we all do for each other. Anyway, I am glad you are into self care.

[KarenK]

Anne,

I think one of the hardest things to accept as we get older is that we no longer seem to be in control of any given situation. I feel a big disappointment in myself, even if others may not be disappointed in me. I'm sure your friend understands your situation as he faces his own loss of control.

Also, having recently been exposed to one's mortality, whether we are afraid to die or not possibly makes us a little more cautious. There are physical jobs I wouldn't have thought twice about attempting a year ago, but today I second guess. It makes me feel like a weakling and I'm not even in bad health. I'm sure my current state of mind has a lot to do with it also.

Please be gentle with yourself. Your illness is beyond your control.

I understand about your little "flea". I had a black lab named Mickey who was my big "flea". I wasn't even allowed to go to the bathroom alone. I hope you enjoy your swim.

Karen

[MartyT]

Dear ones, I know I've said it many times before, but perhaps it bears repeating: When you no longer have a spouse or a partner who takes care of you, the only person left to take good care of you is YOU. So the first person whose needs you must notice and respect and attend to, and the person for whom you are most responsible, is YOU. If you aren't there to take good care of you, who will be? Please, please remember to put your own health needs first, and let go of any guilt thereunto appertaining! (End of lecture )

[lilacsandladybugs]

That is so true Marty!

First fly the airplane, then take care of the passengers.

Harry, I so relate to what you said. I hate cancer too. It has been the worst enemy of the people we love.

I am so sorry you have to have that again in your life.

[Queeniemary]

Just when you think it is safe to go into the water....((Jaws). Harry, it does seem sometimes that horrid things like cancer follow people around. My Mom, Dad, ex-husband, and my oldest sister, all cancer. I did not lose my Mike to cancer, but I hate cancer so very much. My youngest son's father in law is in the process of dying, each day they expect to be his last, he was diagnosed in June with cancer. I am so sorry for further sadness and frustration for you. Anne, it is so hard to give in to the notion that we just cannot do some of the things we really want to do. In your case, I know you feel that you should be able to put yourself out there and help your friend, but you will be no use to anyone if doing this makes affects your health. Be kind to your self, and be in tune with what is necessary for your own well being.

Kay, my sister deals with dementia, in a former husband, she is the only one left to care for him. He is in a very good facility, but she is his champion, making sure he is well taken care of. You said the thing about "break a leg", at the end of this is the origin of the phrase. I only found this out recently, I found it interesting.

and Fae, I love all the names, Queenie, Queen Mary HRH, etc.....you all make me feel special!

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

That is interesting, QueenieMary!

Harry, I'm sorry you keep encountering this, I'm sure it stirs up old feelings, it's just really hard.

[feralfae]

HRH Mary,

That is such a neat thing to know! And makes sense, too.

People hoping to be able to appear on stage, and get paid, waiting for their "big break."

Neat.

Thank you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[HAP]

Dear friends,

I got another email from someone else last night I met through my NET cancer work. She is in Nashville undergoing treatment and analysis--though she actually lives in New Bedford. Her NET cancer has spread and she is now taking more of the drug we use to alleviate the symptoms than Jane was before she went into the hospital. The prognosis is not good but she is positive and upbeat--very much the way Jane was.

My friend arrived yesterday and promptly got sick--likely something she picked up from her son's youngest this weekend. She's trying to sleep and shake the thing off.

But the universe continues to spin, regardless. I am going to go write something about NET cancer and the progress we are making, then spend some time in a deep meditation. Life needs to be about more than the spaces between illnesses--about more than waiting for death. There is work to be done.

Peace,

Harry