Articles Worth Reading

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

Thank you for that article. I somehow feel that getting back to the wheel is a way of expressing my love and gratitude for Doug. He was a marvelous artist. Some days, I feel I release great bursts of my love, longing, and loneliness for Doug through the clay.

I hope you are having a beautiful and wonderful day. I plan to do the same here.

namaste,

fae

[MartyT]

Who'll Stop the Rain?

Posted October 6, 2014 on The Grief Toolbox

by dream1dancer

A few years ago, before she passed, my mom talked about the little brother she lost when she was just a child. I had heard the story a few times over the years and thought I knew it well. It happened over 50 years ago and she still cried. It was not until Tim's passing that I realized I did not know her story at all. Yes, I listened to the words, I imagined it in my mind, but the true story was hidden until my feet were set on this path. The true story of how it rains in your heart even after a journey of a lifetime. She did not cry in profound grief, she cried in deep sorrow for the love lost, the memory of a little brother. Then, she smiled and the tears stopped. I know now that she still cried on the inside, the rain falling down. She did not talk of him often, only a handful of times over the years when something prompted her thoughts. It did not mean she did not hurt for him, it mean't that she went on living, found a path that helped her move with her loss.

That is one of the hardest things to do, living. Each breath you take is a reminder of the one who will never breath again. Everything you do is a reminder, whether you did it with them or not, a reminder that they will never do these things. We become trapped within the sorrow. As the days and weeks pass from that moment, the numbness and disbelief wear away enough that we become frantic. We sabotage ourselves with the silent words we scream constantly inside our minds. We tell ourselves that we can't do this, we can't live with this, we can't go on. We become stuck, frozen within a hell of fire and ice. Our sorrow burns out of control, our blood becomes ice. We start the search for others like us, feeling that no one could possibly be like us. We still look for them, hoping they have the magic formula that will cast us out of this horror. Someone who will stop the rain. Read more here >>>

[MartyT]

How Intense Grief Increases Your Cardiac Risk

by Carolyn Thomas

http://myheartsisters.org/

My Dad died young in 1983, at just 62 years of age. His was the first significantly meaningful death I’d ever been exposed to, and my personal introduction to the concept of grief and bereavement in our family. My father died of metastatic cancer, lying in a general med-surg hospital ward bed, misdiagnosed with pneumonia until five days before his death, cared for (and I use those two words charitably) by a physician who was so profoundly ignorant about end-of-life care that he actually said these words to my distraught mother, with a straight face:

“We are reluctant to give him opioids for pain because they are addictive.”

This pronouncement was made on the morning of the same day my father died. But hey! – at least Dad wasn’t an addict when he took his last breath nine hours later.

In fact, it was watching firsthand how death happened in an acute care medical facility that convinced me there just has to be a better way to shuffle off this mortal coil. This conviction later propelled me to accept a position at the famous Victoria Hospice Society, where they know a thing or two about death and dying.

And like most hospice and palliative care experts, my VHS colleagues also know about grief and bereavement, and have taught me so much over the years.

So it was not a leap to learn that grieving can actually have a devastating effect on one’s heart health. Read on here >>>

[mfh]

This is an article (on Grief affecting your heart) that should be taken seriously by all of us here. Many here know from experience the truth of this piece and I can not emphasize enough the need those in grief have to take care of themselves so their bodies can heal as they also grieve. Don't push yourself, eat well, get outside each day, take a walk if you can and add some meditation to your day (see the topic Meditation for a list of resources). After taking care of my husband for five years believe me I became quite aware of the toll that caregiving, loss, and grief takes on our bodies. Do take care of yourselves and read this piece posted by Marty.

[MartyT]

Another beautiful and thoughtful article by Alan Wolfelt:

The Capacity to Love ~ The Reason We Grieve ♥

[enna]

Thank you for this article, Marty. It really speaks to the difference between grieving and mourning. I like Wolfert’s idea of “love and grief being the two sides of the same precious coin.”

I think anyone who has loved deeply will also grieve deeply and by getting to that place where we can mourn our losses we prepare ourselves to love again ~ over and over again.

He provides much food for thought.

[MartyT]

♥

[mfh]

Should Others Be Sensitive to Your Feelings While Grieving? by Dora Carpenter

http://ezinearticles.com/?Should-Others-Be-Sensitive-to-Your-Feelings-While-Grieving?&id=8772068

It can sometimes feel as though others are not sensitive to your feelings, or have even forgotten about your loss. You are still stuck in the emotions of grief and everyone else has returned to their daily routine of busyness and happiness. What do you do when 'happy' is all around you and you are standing in quick sand?

While coaching a client this morning, she described her feelings of "being in the trenches all alone." That dark place where the sadness, pain, loneliness, and heartache reside. She felt as if every time she peeped outside the trench and into the light, everyone else was happy. She was uncomfortable venturing out into that place.

It is so true that when we experience the death of a loved one, the reality of death and the fragility of life are ever present; however, the many demands of our daily lives bring us back to the busyness that demands our attention, and the fragility of life fades to the background. These heightened emotions of life and death subside more quickly for those indirectly affected by the death.

To the bereaved person who has to return to an empty house, an empty chair at the table, or an empty bed, that busyness of daily life fades and the fragility of life takes priority. The emotions of loss are all-consuming and everything else, that used to be normal, fades to the background or simply disappears. Consequently, it is normal to think that everyone else is happy while one is sinking into the darkened quick sand.

The grief process, or grief work, is necessary to move beyond this state and begin to see the light. Staying stuck in that trench will delay the process and can lead to unhealthy habits. Here are a few tips to help you move forward:

• Acknowledge that your emotions of grief are natural and normal, so you don't have to suppress them. Don't deny yourself these feelings, and know that it is okay to even shed a tear in public.
• Accept that this is your personal journey that only you can walk, and there is no rulebook to follow.
• Surround yourself with others that might also be in seemingly quick sand, or have experienced this feeling of darkness and loneliness.
• Join a grief support group (in-person or online). Talk to an empathetic, non-judgmental friend, spiritual advisor, counselor, therapist, or grief coach.
• Know that this is a process and you must go through to get through.
• Begin with taking baby steps. As you embrace your new life going forward, you will find that place of happiness.

What are you grateful for today?

Download a FREE copy of Dora Carpenter's "Top Five Pitfalls of Grief" at http://www.pitfallsofgrief.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8772068

[mfh]

http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/dealing-with-the-anniversary-of-a-loved-ones-death/

Dealing with the Anniversary of a Loved One's Death. This article includes 30 ideas.

[Amy Wamy]

Maya Angelou's Gift of Gratitude

by Linda Hunt

http://pilgrimagethroughloss.com/

Instead of the comfort she expected, he handed her a legal-size, lined yellow pad and a pen. He said, “Write down your blessings!” Furious that he didn’t understand her condition, she shouted, “Don’t talk nonsense, I’m telling you I am going crazy!”

Ignoring her rant, he said, “Write down that you could hear me say ‘write down’ and think of the millions who cannot hear the cries of their babies, or the sweet words of their beloveds, or the alarm that could help them seek safety. Write down that you can see this yellow pad and think of the millions on this planet who cannot see the smiles of their growing children, or the delight in the faces of their beloveds, or the colors of the sunrise, and the softness of the twilight. Write down that you know how to write. Write down that you know how to read.”

Just stumbled upon this post of yours Marty. I think it just shows that we take a lot for granted. When we are sad or, god forbid, thinking of suicide, there are millions of people in the world that are much worse off than us, and they have found a way to just be.

We are "blessed" to be able to interact with all of these people in this forum, to see the sun rise and set, to hear the sounds of nature. It's almost unimaginable to think that millions of people can't do these things.

It's amazing that although Maya Angelou is no longer with us, all of her wisdom is still very much absorbed by millions of people. To end this little response, here is my favourite poem:

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may tread me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

[enna]

Thank you for sharing Still I Rise by Maya Angelou, Amy. I have liked her writing for many years.It is something so many of us do not do and that is to take the time to be thankful for all of our blessings. Reminders are good. I look on life much more different now ~ I don't know if it is because of the years I have already lived or the losses I have witnessed during my life. I find myself being very grateful for the simple things now. Since my husband, Jim's, death in 2012 I have made it part of my rising to reflect on the five senses we have been gifted with ~ seeing a beautiful sunrise, hearing the sounds of early morning, smelling my freshly made coffee, feeling the citrus fruit that will be ready to pick soon on my trees, and sometimes saying good morning when I'm out and about. It is a good day every time we rise.

This is a short story that I have shared here before but I never get tired of listening to it ~

[enna]

October 21, 2014

A Bridge to Acceptance

Dealing with Disappointment

by Madisyn Taylor

The gift of disappointment is to bring us into reality so we don't get stuck in the realm of how things might have been.

Whenever we do something in life with an expectation of how we'd like it to turn out, we risk experiencing disappointment. When things don't go the way we had envisioned, we may feel a range of emotions from slightly let down to depressed or even angry. We might direct our feelings inward toward ourselves, or outward toward other people or the universe in general. Whether we feel disappointed by ourselves, a friend, or life in general, disappointment is always a tough feeling to experience. Still, it is a natural part of life, and there are many ways of dealing with it when we find ourselves in its presence.

As with any feeling, disappointment has come to us for a reason, and we don't need to fear acknowledging it or feeling it. The more we are able to accept how we are feeling and process it, the sooner we will move into new emotional territory. As we sit down to allow ourselves to feel our disappointment, we might want to write about the experience of being disappointed,the situation that preceded it, what we were hoping would happen, and what did happen. The gift of disappointment is its ability to bring us into alignment with reality so that we don't get stuck for too long in the realm of how things might have been.

As we consider other disappointments in our life and how we have moved past them, we may even see that in some cases what happened was actually better in the long run than what we had wanted to happen. Disappointment often leaves us feeling deflated with its message that things don't always turn out the way we want. The beauty of disappointment, though, is that it provides us a bridge to its other side where the acceptance of reality, wisdom, and the energy to begin again can be found.

[mfh]

Grief Triggers and Positive Memory: A Continuum

http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/grief-triggers-positive-memories-continuum/

.....I couldn’t find an actual definition for ‘grief trigger’ so I’m going to go ahead and define it for you. A grief trigger is anything that brings up memories related to a loss. Triggers may be obvious and easy to anticipate – like a birthday or a holiday – or they may be surprising – like spotting someone who looks like your loved one in a crowd. A grief trigger might tie to an obvious memory or emotion or it may be something that flashes into consciousness and merely leaves you with a sense of sadness and yearning.

Grief triggers are troubling because they open the floodgate for involuntary autobiographical memories. These are the memories that pop into your head without any effort on your part to recall them. They might hit you out of nowhere as you’re driving down the street, sitting at your desk at work, or while you’re microwaving popcorn. Many of these memories are innocuous while others, especially those associated with deceased loved ones, can leave you with a veritable range of feelings.......

[MartyT]

MEANINGFUL SUFFERING

Written by Katherine Ingram and posted on Open to Hope on Tuesday, October 21, 2014

No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell. ~C.G. Jung

I don’t know if it’s the time of year, phase of life, or just my peculiar vantage point, but almost everyone I know is going through some serious suffering. I’m not talking about the suffering one feels when watching a Tom Cruise movie or hearing the phrase, “I know, right?” I’m talking about suffering chronic illness, staring mortality in the face, losing a loved one, being in dire financial straights: Hell.

To say that suffering is difficult and that no one wishes to experience it is to state the obvious. But, as the Buddha said, life is suffering. Suffering is unavoidable. It is also underrated.

Suffering is valuable—the right sort of suffering, that is. It’s very important to distinguish between legitimate pain and the suffering we create when we try to avoid pain. Such avoidance creates what is called neurotic suffering: the suffering caused when we resist what is.

Neurotic suffering creates anxiety and depression, the evil twins of psychological resistance. Anxiety is like a bird caught in a room, unable to find its way out, frantically flying into walls. Depression is the bird that has frozen, closed its eyes, and given up.

Unfortunately, both of these poor birds—symptoms of a soul in grief—are not often tended with any real compassion or understanding; instead they are Zanaxed or Paxiled into emotional oblivion. Sadly, medicating does not address the root of the problem. It does not free the bird to fly; it merely sticks the bird in a cage with some seeds and leaves the room.

The real suffering of life—the unavoidable agonies—are not problems to be solved but experiences to be faced and felt. This is what is meant by meaningful suffering. Being with what is, facing our vulnerabilities and fears, our conflicts and pain, is how we grow, how we become fully human. Allowing oneself to feel the pain of life’s slings and arrows without judgment or avoidance allows our suffering to complete its natural flow, its work, if you will, and that work is to create wiser, deeper, more compassionate human beings. Meaningful suffering connects us to our humanity, to our deeper selves and to one another. It is the growing pains of the soul.

Staying present, particularly in the midst of our pain, is one of the most difficult things there is. Not trying to evade it and not judging it are equally challenging. We are, by nature, pain-avoidant, judgy creatures. But the treasure such presence contains! The peace it brings, the compassion and wisdom and depth it creates, are priceless gifts, found only in the deep, dark places that touch into hell.

So if you find a poor bird, frightened and disoriented, perhaps even wounded in a dark corner of your house, have compassion. Stay with it. Speak gently. Move slowly. Let it rest and breathe. Open the doors and windows and it will find its way to a more expansive home.

About the Author: KATHERINE INGRAM, M.A., is a writer, therapist and soul coach. She received degrees from Northwestern University, the University of San Francisco, and did doctoral work in depth psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara. For almost two decades she has actively studied Jungian psychology, Taoism, metaphysics, and Native American spiritual traditions. She consults clients from all over the United States, writes a monthly newspaper column, “Soul Matters,” and is a contributing writer to a numerous on-line journals. Her first book, Washing the Bones: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Transformation, is now available on Amazon.com. More about her work and book can be seen on her website, www.katherineingram.com

[mfh]

What is Your Morning Routine When Mourning? http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Is-Your-Morning-Routine-When-Mourning?&id=8785829

This piece by Lou LaGrand (one of the pioneers in grief education) suggests some wise ways to start your day. Though we need to feel our pain and walk into it and deal with it, we also need to do some of what this author suggests.

About Lou La Grand with links to others of his writings.

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lou_LaGrand

[mfh]

http://us1.campaign-archive1.com/?u=eada83262c8b82a089d1facca&id=aa531a65c4&e=54e17d0f99

This piece Autumn: The Ideal Season for Reflection and Review is written with caregivers in mind but since each of us here is a caregiver to ourselves, I see great relevance in this piece.

[feralfae]

Mary, This month's Scientific American has an excellent article on how meditation improves our health.

Truly, I do not know what I would do without meditation to help me stay grounded and centered. Thank you, Marty and Mary, for the wisdom and caring you share with us here.

namaste,

fae

[mfh]

Thank you, fae. When I went to look for it, I search SA site for meditation and this is the list that came up. It is a gold mine and eventually I will read the ones I choose. Thanks for this tip. Meditation, if nothing else, allows us to stop doing and just be each day. Hopefully people will learn about it and see its value in times of grief. Some of these articles might be helpful. Thank you, Mary

http://www.scientificamerican.com/search/?q=meditation&x=0&y=0&display=search

[enna]

Recognize Grief Is Universal

October 30, 2014

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Duane_Marchant

"In this sad world of ours sorrow comes to all and it often comes with bitter agony. Perfect relief is not possible except with time. You cannot now believe that you will ever feel better, but this is not true. You are sure to be happy again. Knowing this, truly believing it will make you less miserable now. I have had enough experience to make this statement."
~Abraham Lincoln

One of the hardest realities you face in life is that grieving is likely to be a part of your human experience, at one time or another. While grief appears in an almost endless variety of circumstances, few of us, if any, are able to escape its reach. Some people have lives filled with grief; sorrow and suffering, while others seem to have lives of relative ease. However, many sorrows are hidden from the view of others and are suffered in silence. Therefore, while it may seem that some escape the far-reaching effects of grief there are many heartaches and sorrows which go unseen.

"Now is the winter of our discontent."

This famous Shakespearian quote is an apt description of the raft of problems plaguing those who struggle with grief. If you are going through a time of grief in your life recognize you are not alone on this journey. While each journey of grief is unique, take comfort in the hope and wisdom from those who have walked the path of grief before you. As difficult as it can be for you to believe at this moment, there can be hope, joy, and peace in your life beyond the sorrow.

"We all have a choice. We can choose to think thoughts of negativity, lack, and rejection. Or, we can choose to focus on thoughts of love, peace, prosperity, and happiness."
~Richard Levy

Many Have Worked Through Their grief

You can take great comfort from recognizing you are not alone in your sorrow. Knowing that through the world many others have suffered through deep and troubling misery they have gained hope. This awareness has empowered them. They have walked the grief path and made lemonade from their sour lemons. They have accepted their situation, even though life is not always fair. Although your grief is unique and personal you can take strength from literally thousands who have moved through their grief. They have moved to a better place in their life as they have reconciled their great sorrow. You can too. You can move through your grief and gain a more happy, more full life and make the best of your circumstance. Take hope as your partner.

Grief Relief Action Steps

One of the most powerful ways of healing from grief is to bring your feelings, emotions and thoughts to the surface. It is strongly recommended you begin a Grief Relief Journal. This is to be for your own use so you can write your thoughts and feelings down with no need to filter or edit what is going on inside your mind or heart.

Write down your thoughts about what you know and understand about grief in general and about your own grief specifically. Write down the questions you wish you knew the answers to in relationship to your own grief.

[enna]

I thought this was a good article from WYG (What's Your Grief) ~ founder Litsa Williams

Nostalgia and Yearning in Grief

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Yearning is a concept that’s hard to pin down. At its core yearning is a deep longing, a strong desire, a tenderness or sadness; but I’m not sure whether I consider it an emotion, an action, or a thing.

I asked Google because Google knows everything and it told me ‘yearning’ can be a noun –I have a yearning for home; an adjective – I have a yearning sadness; and a verb – I yearn for your embrace. I don’t know though, I think this definition seems incomplete.

You see I’ve been through grief and grief takes yearning to the next level. For those who’ve experienced loss, yearning becomes something that can’t be characterized as a noun or a verb. It becomes a state of being.

In fact, in 2007 grief researchers Paul K. Maciejewski and Holly Prigerson placed yearning front and center citing findings that it’s actually a more dominant characteristic after a death than those emotions we most typically associate with grief like anger and sadness.

Priegerson has explained their findings related to yearning in grief stating, “Grief is really about yearning and not sadness. That sense of heartache. It’s been called pangs of grief.”

After a death there is often a strong desire to have the deceased loved one back. It takes time to integrate and accept the reality they’re gone and we continue to look for them in the places where they once belonged. We roll over and expect them to be next to us in bed or we pick up the phone to call them after a bad day. Then as our brain begins to catch up with reality and we start to acknowledge they’re gone, we struggle to hold on to, remember and recreate the things that were them like their voice or the comforting feel of their embrace.

The research indicates that yearning peaks at around 4 months and if someone continues to experience a strong sense of yearning (along with other grief symptoms) after 6 months they “might benefit from further evaluation”.

This is where I start to get hung up because 8 years after my mother’s death I still have moments when I want to see her so badly it takes my breath away. But would I still classify this as grief yearning? It’s been 8 years, the landscape has totally changed, and I fully understand she is gone.

But if it’s not yearning then what is it? Well, one thing I’ve noticed about these moments of intense longing are that they often occur when I’m feeling low, confused, or lost and they tend to intertwine with pining for easier times – a little like nostalgia.

A year prior to Maciejewski and Prigerson’s research a totally unrelated study took place looking at nostalgia in Southampton, England. The findings of this study, although not directly related to anything in the death, dying and bereavement realm, may prove enlightening for grievers who often find themselves dreaming of times when their loved one was still alive.

The team at Southampton found that nostalgia was a very common experience with 80% of their 172 participants stating they experience nostalgia at least once a week and 42% indicating they experience it at least three or four times a week. Most interesting to us though is the finding that one of the most common triggers of nostalgia is negative affect. Which suggests that we are apt to access memories of a happier times in an attempt to counteract negative feelings like fear and anxiety in the present.

Also, their findings support the idea that nostalgia has the capacity to generate positive affect, bolster social bonds, and increase positive self-regard. So, when a social situation is one that is apt to trigger anxiety or fear, nostalgia about relationships from the past can help boost confidence in ones ability to interact, open up, and bond with others.

This may explain the link between loneliness and nostalgia because when we feel lonely or lost due to life events and transition, nostalgia helps us feel more connected. One can counteract feelings of isolation by remembering important relationships from the past and bringing them into the present. So, in the absence of nurturing, comforting, or balancing relationships, one supplements with memories of such relationships from the past. Reminding one that they are capable of loving and being loved and that such relationships might be found again.

This information has pretty interesting implications for grievers who are apt to find themselves in all the above-mentioned scenarios – experiencing negative mood, life transition, and potential isolation. Provided that the griever had a good relationship with their deceased loved one, it seems logical that these are the memories they are most likely to long for in times of despair.

So, here I am scratching my head wondering why I still need my mother after all this time, when in actuality time might be irrelevant. Theoretically, I’m primed to rely on memories involving her now as much as I will be 5 years from now. Now of course I remember my mother during happy times as well, but I am far more likely to call on memories of her during times of stress. This tendency has only pushed me further towards believing I need her and I can only heal a sad time with her happy memory so many times before the correlation is solidified that “if only she were here, I would be okay”.

I guess above all else this affirms the idea that it’s not abnormal to rely on loved ones even years after their death. Doing so doesn’t mean you are stuck or aren’t coping, quite the opposite because memories of them have in effect become a mechanism for coping. One could conceptualize this as yet another way we ‘Continue Bonds’ with our loved ones, by using memories of them to help us deal with real needs in the present.

[kayc]

I love Marty's post on suffering. It's so important to glean all that we can from our suffering, make it count for something, it is rich!

[enna]

I agree with you, Kay, about "suffering." No one escapes it!

This article by Duane Marchant, who writes for Ezine Articles, appeared on Nov. 7, 2014

(see the link at the bottom of this Ezine article)

"Grief Pain Avoidance Rivers - Your Sorrow is Like a River

If you desire to move through your grief and find joy - if you are wanting to understand and heal your grief - if you want to find new purpose and happiness in your life - it is important for you to consider essential grief pain avoidance rivers. You may learn they cannot be avoided.

Life Is Like A River

Life is like a river; time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Your personal grief and sorrow are like a river. As much as you wish, it is not possible to have your old life back. Your old life has flowed down stream and of necessity it is vital that you deal with the new you. Enjoying every moment of one's life is a challenge. Some of life experiences are unwanted, often unexpected.

How To Avoid Pain Of Heart, Mind And Body

Honestly to avoid pain of the heart, mind or physical pain is impossible. Pain avoidance although pursued may be elusive. Happiness and peace may dwindle when certain circumstances come into your life. As tragedy and heartbreak come into your life the HOW and WHAT questions can become exaggerated. You ask: How can I best deal with my sorrow? What shall I do now? In reality you are asking yourself for solutions to overcome your pain.

Beneficial Grief Pain Avoidance Rivers

Grief pain results from a multiplicity of sources. Sorrow comes from an assortment of complicated happenings. To say the least - they are often complicated - causing you to feel torn apart and helpless. There are healing rivers available essential for you to travel. They can be dreaded "Pain Avoidance Rivers". They help your personal healing journey. These rivers can act as reconciling solutions to the grief you feel. These rivers can help you better understand your grief.

Dread River

Saying no to fear, anxiety and dread is timely as you are reminded how fragile life is. Each of us must ride this river at some time in our life. Some ride this river daily spending every moment of their lives trying to eke out a meager living or to find enough food to get through the day. Many are denied freedom; others struggle with chronic disease, pain, addiction, abuse or neglect. It saddens me to think of the many, throughout our world, who struggle with deep depression. Many people are lonely; some are literally all alone in the world. There is also much grief experienced, after divorces, accidents, or following serious medical diagnoses. Many have lived through the ravages of war and other unspeakable atrocities. We must not forget the military personnel - the wounded warriors - and those who experience post-traumatic stress disorder. The thought of saying no to fear can help you step through your fears - now - to be who you were born to be. To take a forward step into the dark path you cannot see takes courage.

Bereavement River

There is much grief experienced, after the loss of a loved one. You (and everyone who loved him/her) feel the loss of his/her presence here on planet Earth. Without the person you love causes great sorrow. The bereavement river has taken someone precious away. How to build a new life requires time.

Lonesome River

There are times when loneliness enters your life. But to be all alone is indeed a sorrowful tragedy. There are steps you can take to overcome being literally alone. It takes courage. Some must examine why their romance and companionship efforts have failed. New strategies may be the solution.

Amputation River

The loss of a limb is a horrific experience. It is permanent. Amputation is life changing. How life changing is dependent on the severity and your attitude. We never cease to be amazed at the resilience of the human soul. So much of happiness in life depends on you.

Tragedy River

One never knows when tragedy may strike. Tragedy for one is not for another. Often happenings in life are measured by your individual ability to cope. Nevertheless, heartache and serious issues do raise an ugly intolerable head. This river like all rivers ebbs and flows. How you travel it is up to you.
So, today's article on "Grief Pain Avoidance Rivers" is a declaration - a reminder - of how important it is to move forward despite any fear you may have without fear of traveling the rivers of grief and pain of the heart, mind and body. You are stronger than you think. Seek the companionship of others who will travel your rivers with you. Don't be alone. It is very important, in fact, essential you be honest with yourself about what caused and what your grief is. As hard as it may appear you must not only face your grief but you must journey on your grief river. You can.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8800025

[enna]

On Restoring the Body ~ Bessel van der Kolk

http://www.onbeing.org/program/restoring-the-body-bessel-van-der-kolk-on-yoga-emdr-and-treating-trauma/5801/audio?embed=1

[enna]

Awake ~ found on my FB page when I turned the computer on as I do when I awake from sleep too early.

"Fabulous article! I loved this part the most: "In many Muslim cultures, when you want to ask them how they’re doing, you ask: in Arabic, 'Kayf haal-ik?' or, in Persian, 'Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is your haal?' "

What is this haal that you inquire about? It is the transient state of one’s heart. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know.

I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyous, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart, explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul."

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/the-disease-of-being-busy/7023

[kayc]

Beautiful.