I don't fit anywhere anymore

[Guest]

Oh so before Social Security and Medicare?  Socialist concepts. Oh yeah and public education.

[MartyT]

Gentle reminder: I know you two are kidding and that you mean well, but let's be careful not to bring politics into our forums. We get into enough trouble when religion is brought up 

[kayc]

Okay, sorry.  And I was joking.  And no offense to Ben Franklin, I actually admire him.  I have to, he's my G-G-G-G Uncle.

[Gwenivere]

5 hours ago, Brad said:

 I am still at the stage where I try to educate but I probably alienate.

I guess I had to wonder...can we really educate anyone who hasn't gone thru this?  It seems from what everyone posts we cannot.  The best we can do is tell them that platitudes are useless and simetimes hurtful because they are invalidating.  And that's the last thing we need right now.

[scba]

I prefer not to. After all I had no results rather than confusion and frustration. Platitudes are hard rocks and I am powerless. Many of them were taught to us at school and they are replicated. Most probably I repeated them too in the past. 

Stephen said that we have a wisdom. Nobody is willing to hear or to learn about THAT wisdom. Not at 36 at least. This is my personal scarlet letter.

 

[kayc]

Brad, I'm the same way.  There's a reason I don't have friends, I speak my mind and most people don't like it...but I just can't lie or be fake.

Gwen, the way you put that, I don't see how anyone can argue it...after all, no one wants to feel invalidating and most people who are doing it don't even realize it.

 

[Margm]

@Kay, I think I am a wuzz.  I really don't like confrontations, but somehow, I am getting mean.  Usually though, I will feel so bad.  I miss Billy, he was my backbone.  But I am left looking for a pair of family jewels.  I don't wear then very comfortably. 

[kayc]

Margaret, maybe you're not getting mean, you're finding your voice and standing up for yourself out of necessity.  I did that too when George died.

[MartyT]

Dear ones, our friend and colleague Peggy Haymes offered another of her wonderful one-hour free, live webinars earlier today, and now it's available as a recording. The topic is How to Deal With People Without Losing Yourself, and it deals with this very topic of "finding your voice and standing up for yourself." Peggy explains:

 When I started going to grief workshops they taught something called the triangle. I'd never seen it before but even with the very first teaching a lot of things in my life started making more sense.It helped me understand why and how some things happened, whether they were between me and another person or just within myself. Just as importantly, it showed me how to change.

Since that workshop I've probably heard or taught the triangle at least fifty times. And every time I get something new out of it.

Simply put, it's a kind of game that we play with each other as a way of avoiding our real feelings.

This Friday, I'm offering a free webinar on the Drama triangle (also known as the victim triangle or the Karpman triangle.) I know I'll get something new out of it from teaching. I think you'll get something helpful as well.

Here is a link to the replay: https://www.bigmarker.com/Peggy_Haymes/How-to-Deal-With-Other-People-Without-Losing-Yourself?bmid=5982e7751d95

[mittam99]

11 hours ago, Marg M said:

@Kay, I think I am a wuzz.  I really don't like confrontations, but somehow, I am getting mean.  Usually though, I will feel so bad.  I miss Billy, he was my backbone.  But I am left looking for a pair of family jewels.  I don't wear then very comfortably. 

Marg,

Kay is right when she talked about standing up for yourself and finding your voice. 

When our soul mate dies, I believe we incorporate some of our lost love's persona into our own. And that's a very good thing. That "meanness" you talk about is Billy's backbone inside of you!

He will always be a part of you.

[kayc]

When George was alive, HE stood up for me, and I for him, but when he died, I had to learn to find a voice for myself, more than I'd already had, and I developed some real moxie...and it was necessary to make it through this.  I think he'd be real proud of me.

[KATPILOT]

I think he is.

[MartyT]

So do I, Kay. So do I.

[WolfsKat]

On ‎4‎/‎2‎/‎2016 at 10:00 AM, kayc said:

When George was alive, HE stood up for me, and I for him, but when he died, I had to learn to find a voice for myself, more than I'd already had, and I developed some real moxie...and it was necessary to make it through this.  I think he'd be real proud of me.

Kay, I truly believe that George IS proud of you!  When I read what you wrote.......it was hearing a voice saying "Way to go, little one.....way to go!"

[kayc]

You guys know how to put a smile on my face!