kayc Posted October 15, 2016 Report Share Posted October 15, 2016 Some people's lives are filled with drama, because that is who and how they are...your neighbors seem to fit that category. I'm so sorry. Is the property manager not going to do anything about this then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 No, the current plan is that he will move out and his wife and their child will stay. Apparently they were talking about separating and divorcing some time before all this went on. They rent from a rental agency, and they are the ones that would be taking action, with the approval of the owner. There is a limit to what Maureen the property manager can do other than nudge the rental agency. I have some concern that the guy will still be hanging around here after moving out, because they have been having couple-problems since they moved in 3-1/2 years ago. When I talked to Maureen about that, she said she was kind of hoping that would be the case because, "then we can get them all out" - since his being gone would be a condition of her staying there. Right now they are leaving me alone, which is good, so I can focus on my other problems. My dad's condo is headed for either a shortfall or foreclosure and there is still a lot of stuff in there, which I have no room for. Also I am unclear about my income after November and that is rather frightening. Also, I am still having headaches and the more I try to do, the more that becomes a problem. There is just a very definite limit to how much work I can do and on top of that how much stress I can take. It's hard to tell if it's more stressful that I can't work full time or that even part-time work is more than I can handle without getting worse headaches. Worrying about all of that is even more stressful and keeps me from sleeping which makes me more stressed and worried. Meanwhile the chiropractor and the massage therapist are pleased with my progress and both say I have really come around a corner. I, of course, am worried since I am not 100% better yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi Laura, What do the doctors say about your headaches? Please don't let them dismiss them! I can't believe that condos and homes in Sedona don't sale immediately. It is such an artsy place. I always thought everyone wanted to live there. If I needed a place to escape the summer heat in AZ I'd consider Sedona. I love it there. When will you know about work after November? I know how much you love the area you live in and you do not like the busyness of a city. You would find any work here in southwest AZ. Have you done anymore painting these past weeks? I really like your watercolors. Steve will visit soon and bring my art auction pieces soon. What a wonderful day that was and it was so good meeting you. Please do me and yourself a favor and accept where you are right now. It is okay to not be 100%. I know this might be hard for you. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Oh Laura, you have so much on your plate. Try not to worry about your dad's place, take one day at a time. You can only do what you can do. Can you get unemployment when your income ends or is that foregone because of contracts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2016 Thanks - I keep thinking that I don't really have all that much on my plate and am just not handling things very well. You know how it is when you've been on vacation and then it's hard to adjust to being back to work again because it was so great having less responsibility for awhile? I keep thinking that's what is going on with me and just like when you come back from vacation you have to give an extra push to get back in the groove. Except that's not exactly what my situation is and when I try harder I slide backwards. I am afraid that what I can do just isn't enough. No, there is no unemployment when you're self-employed. What I can do is to get back to working on my father's estate and property, which I've had to set aside for a few months. Unfortunately, half of that money (from the trust) is out of my own pocket - money that should stay where it is until I retire - and the other half is out of my sisters' pockets. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2016 On 10/17/2016 at 7:55 PM, enna said: ...Please do me and yourself a favor and accept where you are right now. It is okay to not be 100%. I know this might be hard for you. ... Thank you so much Anne - it is very kind of you to check on me. Yeah, it's impossible. I just can't seem to stop myself from worrying, which makes the headaches worse and makes it harder to sleep, which makes everything worse. I was talking to my good friend Susan who is a psychiatrist about this cycle. Susan recommended that I take "whatever it takes" to sleep. I have been taking Trazodone, by Susan's recommendation (but prescribed by my own Dr., of course). I have 50 mg pills, which makes me totally foggy and stupid the next day. I started with splitting them in half (net 25mg) and that worked in the beginning, but then not so much. I tried taking 3/4 of a pill and that still had an effect the next day, so I went back to a 1/2 pill, which isn't really enough. Susan told me that she had never heard of 25 mg working for anyone to sleep. I really have no idea how to accept where I am right now. I am so used to relentlessly pushing myself. I feel horribly guilty that I am not back at 100% and getting more and more worried about what I will do. I do still have headaches and fatigue, and it will be five months tomorrow since the accident. I have had two recent stretches of several days with no headaches, but other than that it has been daily for five months. Phoenix and Tucson both scare me - hard to tell if I am more afraid of the driving, the crime, or the pollution since each of these were severe stresses in the past and threatened my health, safety, and ability to sleep. I lived in Tucson for 15 years and somehow became a crime magnet - it was awful. I also had a severe exacerbation in my asthma and allergies, which abated enough that I got off the asthma meds (instead of being threatened with prednisone) and can even live with a cat! I am also not a city driver. I was becoming a little more confident about driving down to and in the valley and then I totaled a car in that tunnel near the airport. I really hope that I can find work in northern Arizona I have one more treatment option that I am going to try. I have a friend named Gretchen, who is a retired OT and a delightful person. She had an aneurism and is lucky to be alive. We have swapped notes and commiserated quite a bit since my accident. Although her assault to the brain was more severe than mine, she had much better support and is further out on the road to recovery. Anyway, Gretchen keeps telling me "I just wish you could see Diane", a neuro PT, whom Gretchen says was the most helpful of anyone in her treatment team. Diane is in Flagstaff - an hour away, and I was reluctant to go up there. Also, I kept hoping that I would get better and wouldn't need that. I am getting better, but I am still worried. So, I have an appointment to see Diane a week from today. Hope it helps! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 19, 2016 Report Share Posted October 19, 2016 Having talked with you for such a short time, dear Laura, I understand your concern with traffic in and around a city. I will not drive I 10 anymore because of the craziness of drivers. We have to be defensive drivers today. I am sorry that you are not sleeping well. With all the anxiety in our world today I think the only ones who are sleeping well are our babies. I am not personally aware of any sleep meds but I do know that they help some people. If we are not getting enough sleep our bodies react! You need to get your sleep to heal your body. You also need to get rid of that “guilt” you put on yourself. I have spoken. J I love the community I live in. The southwest of AZ has not really been recognized yet. One day it will be as populated as Scottsdale. I loved the big city when I was young but today I shy away from all of it. In and around my gated community I have everything I need. My doctors, shopping and other activities are all within my ability to drive. I can even drive up to Sedona. Other places up north I usually go with family or friends. How is fall where you live? That is one season I miss. Have you ever done a watercolor of a tree when the leaves have changed? I so hope you will be able to see the neuro PT soon. Something I have learned in my 73 years, Laura, is that we can allow all these aggravations to weigh us down or we can just say, “let it go.” I have learned to let go. I wish your headaches would go away. I wish you would have more job security. And most of all, I wish you would throw away the guilt you are carrying. Now go spend some time with your precious Lena and for just a little while, let that be enough. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Laura, I hope you can try meditation to help you...the Serenity Prayers has always been good for me to remember when I'm worrying and stressing about things, which I am really good at. , Years ago I heard about "The Sin Eater"...it was a different culture and they'd appoint someone to take on the sins of their village and he had to go off and live by himself. Well I could be a "Worry Eater", it comes to my nature! I could take on everyone else's worries. I know what it is to stress out! If only I could make a ;living at it. Anne, I love your coloring above. We have been having "coloring parties" in our church and I really enjoy them, it's so de-stressing and fun to get together with other ladies and color! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 1 hour ago, enna said: Something I have learned in my 73 years, Laura, is that we can allow all these aggravations to weigh us down or we can just say, “let it go.” I have learned to let go. I wish your headaches would go away. I wish you would have more job security. And most of all, I wish you would throw away the guilt you are carrying. Now go spend some time with your precious Lena and for just a little while, let that be enough. Thank you so much, Anne! I love the picture of Lena - all those flowers round my sweet pet! Fall isn't quite here yet. One of the amazing things about Arizona is that Fall goes on for two or three months. It starts up on the Peaks in early October and then gradually moves down through Flagstaff, down the canyon, through Sedona and there Verde Valley and then eventually to the valley sometime in December. I think right now it is partway down the canyon. I have never done any paintings of fall leaves. I used to do landscapes but found them overwhelming, and in my "flower portraits" I have had a rather bad attitude about the leaves as if they were a necessary evil that I must paint somehow. I have gotten better at the leaves in spite of myself. It really is reassuring to hear from people that no one actually expects me to be Hercules or risk my recovery by working like a maniac. And I keep reminding myself that overextending myself backfires so that I can do even less. Lena really helps me keep it together. She has two new little jobs - one through Paws To Read at an elementary school and the other at an Assisted Living place almost across the street. She'll go to each one once a week. At the school she has a little boy who is very anxious and has trouble reading - it will probably help him to read to Lena. Across the street is a cat loving lady who is not able to get much from the programs, like music therapy, that her fellow residents enjoy because she is deaf. Being out in the community volunteering will probably help me stay connected. Lena and I celebrated her new jobs by purchasing a pile of her favorite food so she could roll in it once she got home. It is so helpful to have her around - I really have no idea how I would have ever survived the last year without her! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 3 hours ago, kayc said: Laura, I hope you can try meditation to help you...the Serenity Prayers has always been good for me to remember when I'm worrying and stressing about things, which I am really good at. Thanks Kay! I am not so good at meditating, but I am trying to do more positive self-talk to remind myself that I need to take it easy, no one expects me to be Hercules, the chiropractor and massage therapist both think I am making good progress and feel that is likely to continue, that pushing myself too hard leads to a backslide because I become fatigued, etc. It also helps me to run things by someone else - I find people's reassurances to be very helpful. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 "Anne, I love your coloring above. We have been having "coloring parties" in our church and I really enjoy them, it's so de-stressing and fun to get together with other ladies and color!" from Kay Kay, I'm so glad that the coloring is taking off. It has been a comfort for me. Here are a few pictures that you might want to pass on to your church's coloring parties. I'll send you some others through email. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Any chance you could send me some, Anne? Cats and/or flowers? It might be good for me. I'll put my email in a pm... =^. .^= 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 I'll send them in email, Laura. I think you will like it. It is relaxing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Thank you, Anne! I've saved them to print out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 I keep thinking there is going to some a day when I will no longer be impaired by the car-accident related head injury and won't feel like the bottom dropped out from under my world from grief. But I keep waking up the same... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 On 10/23/2016 at 10:41 PM, Clematis said: I keep thinking there is going to some a day when I will no longer be impaired by the car-accident related head injury and won't feel like the bottom dropped out from under my world from grief. But I keep waking up the same... I know what you mean. I tripped and fell two years ago and missed the last four wooden stair steps. I expected to be fully recovered in six months since there was no dislocation, ligament, cartilage, bone breakage, or separation. However, after 2.5 years my left shoulder is still achy and sore all the time. Physical therapy, ice/heat packs, exercise, etc.. nothing seems to help. I am so tired of the pain. The grief of loss doesn't go away either. I can always hope that someday it will get better! I continue to keep you in my prayers. - Shalom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Maybe pain takes your mind off the grief for a while? Laura, I've missed seeing you here lately, you okay? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 I'm okay - but there it nothing new. It's just day after day of the same overwhelming struggles. Still have daily headaches and financial worries, and the world seems hollow and meaningless. My house is a mess and there is still a lot of junk at my dad's house I don't know what to do about. I am behind on my paperwork at work and feel that I am not handling my own and my dad's affairs very well. Neighbors are still there, but the man is gone and so it's quieter-she is not as bad as he. Everything seems overwhelming and I'm not sure why I can't get out from underneath it. I think the accident and injuries complicate grief. Sometimes I am distracted but come back to it more overwhelmed than before. One of my biggest problems right now from the head injury is with focus, which makes it hard for me to get my reports done, and worrying about that makes everything worse. I feel very much afraid and inadequate to face my life and future. But Lena is great and has been extra attentive and lovey. She spends more time with me, and when I call her she comes running. We went to a Halloween event yesterday where she was given a tiny pocket with treats & a little flashing light, and had her picture taken. She is a really sweet cat. I tried to post her picture because it's so cute, the the upload keeps failing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hi Laura, Did you try moving the picture of Lena to your desktop and adding the photo from there? I have found that one of the most difficult things we have to deal with when we are in grief is the focus. It takes time and it really does help to talk about it with a good grief counselor. I remain concerned that you are still experiencing those headaches. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Thanks, Anne. I moved the picture to my desktop and also decreased the size significantly, in case that was a problem, but I keep getting an error message, saying there was a "problem processing the uploaded file" and the number 200. Then an empty box shows up below saying, "Upload Failed". I'm not sure what else I can do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 25, 2016 Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 If you wish Laura, send it to me and I'll see if I can upload it for you. I hope you are taking care of those headaches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 Thanks, Anne! Good luck - I hope you can get it posted. It is very cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 25, 2016 Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 Here goes. I transferred it to my Pinterest Board and it worked! Lena is very cute, Laura. Love her hat. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted October 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 Thanks Anne! I love this picture. Lena is an amazing cat, but will not wear a hat longer than any cat - about two seconds - or the time needed to shake it off. To get this picture I had to put the hat on her head and get my hand out of the way while the photographer said the word "chicken" so that Lena would look at her and she could snap the picture before shaking the hat off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2016 Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 23 hours ago, Clematis said: I'm okay - but there it nothing new. It's just day after day of the same overwhelming struggles. Still have daily headaches and financial worries, and the world seems hollow and meaningless. My house is a mess and there is still a lot of junk at my dad's house I don't know what to do about. I am behind on my paperwork at work and feel that I am not handling my own and my dad's affairs very well. Neighbors are still there, but the man is gone and so it's quieter-she is not as bad as he. Everything seems overwhelming and I'm not sure why I can't get out from underneath it. I think the accident and injuries complicate grief. Sometimes I am distracted but come back to it more overwhelmed than before. One of my biggest problems right now from the head injury is with focus, which makes it hard for me to get my reports done, and worrying about that makes everything worse. I feel very much afraid and inadequate to face my life and future. Everything you describe could be attributed to grief...so when you add a head injury to the mix, it's double whammy! Try to plug away, cross something off your list every week, you'll crawl out from under this. It's hard to see when you're in it. I LOVE the picture of Lena! She sure is photogenic! Thanks for showing us, Anne, so we could see it here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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