Falling

[Clematis]

On 10/23/2016 at 9:09 PM, iPraiseHim said:

I know what you mean. I tripped and fell two years ago and missed the last four wooden stair steps.  I expected to be fully recovered in six months since there was no dislocation, ligament, cartilage, bone breakage, or separation. How after 2.5 years my left shoulder is still achy and sore all the time.Physical therapy, ice/heat packs, exercise, etc.. nothing seems to help.  I am so tired of the pain.  The grief of loss doesn't go away either.  I can always hope that someday it will get better!  I continue to keep you in my prayers. - Shalom

Thanks, George. That's terrible about your shoulder-two and a half years - that's awful! Do they think will continue to get better? 

[Clematis]

I am doing better, but I'm still partly not right, and I'm trying to catch up from what I've failed to do in the past because I was in even worse shape than I'm in now. I've been working for this new school district since early August. In the beginning I had no idea what I was doing - as far as the paperwork is concerned - so I got behind. As I figured out how they wanted me to do it, I got farther behind because I had such trouble focusing I would take two documents into the other room, get distracted, not remember what I was doing, go check, and not be able to find the documents ten feet away. Then I'd find them and not be able to remember what I was doing with them. And I am preparing reports and documents that are monitored by the government and that affect the lives of disabled children - documents that include hundreds of details that have to be correct. As I go over them I find & correct a multitude of mistakes, and sure hope I caught them all. Perhaps it's better to get behind than to rush and make mistakes. Anyway, I am starting to get caught up, but the whole thing is very worrisome.

[iPraiseHim]

I went to physical therapy for about a month and it was improving but then when Rose Anne died, health Insurance was messed up with Obamacare computer problems and I never returned to physical therapy.  I was too consumed with the shock and awe of her death that my shoulder was the least of my concerns.  I still do the physical therapy exercises but I see no improvement.  I have tried some other therapies, essential oils, massage, etc.  but it has not helped.  Hot baths in Epsom salt and bengay ointment seems to do the best for a short period of time. I miss my wife's healing prayer and touch.  It really helped before. Alas - Shalom  

[Clematis]

Sorry to hear that George. It's hard having lingering injuries that don't resolve. I am still in hopes that my car accident injuries will totally resolve, but you never know. Also, things can come back and bite a person later. I have been nursing an old ankle injury...I had an avulsion fracture on a solo hike down Havasu into a river trip in the Grand Canyon about 25 years ago and it is giving me a lot of problems-I think it's ankle arthritis. I am having some success with it, using a combination of ice, elevation, massage, glucosamine/chondroitin/msm, a gua sha massage tool, and Penetrex cream. I was becoming rather alarmed because it was starting to become so swollen it did not really look like an ankle, but something I did not quite recognize. I think the gua she tool is especially helpful, since it helps with the granulation in the fascia, which exacerbates the inflammation, and the swelling and  pain along with it. But one's ankle is easier to work on oneself than one's shoulder.

[kayc]

Laura, making mistakes was something I noticed following George's death...it was something new to me as I tend to be a perfectionist about my job.  I had to ask my boss to doublecheck me for a while, which was hard for me to do, but understandable given the grief situation.

George, Epsom salt is so healing, but so is the power of touch.  Have you considered getting massage?  You'd have to let the therapist know what is going on with your shoulder.

[Clematis]

I had three meetings in the last two days, and they were all really difficult in their own way. I am new to this district and they clearly expect me to do things just like Amy does - I have been covering for her while she is on maternity leave. Not only am I not Amy, I am an outsider - a contract person - and don't work for the district so I don't know most of the people who work there. I also don't know the kids or their parents, like the teachers who work with them do. So, when I am working on a new evaluation, I read the file and try to get an idea what has been going on with the student, but I show up at the meetings rather blind - and I am running the meeting. Since I've been doing this for eleven years, I am pretty good at hitting the ground running, collecting information, and getting the team to work together for the best interest of the child while keeping within the constraints of the related laws. Nevertheless, it can be rather frightening to walk into meetings like that. Monday the team sloughed off the introductions part so I spent part of the time trying to figure out who was who, and no one ever did tell me exactly who woman in the "female parent" role was. Not the mother (someone at some point mentioned that the mother had died)...step mother? father's girlfriend? I could hardly say, "Who are you?" When I asked who lived in the child's home she became rather defensive and said, "I've known him since he was 16 months old!" And the counselor, whom I need to do an interview with, more or less gave me permission to chase her when I tried to figure out how to get hold of her, refusing to give me her phone number or any possible times when I might find her. Nevertheless, I think the special ed teacher got the message because at the meetings yesterday she allowed the introductions to go smoothly, pointing out to the teams (one had 12 people there) that I didn't know who any of them were, except the special ed teacher and one other person. It saved me missing major portions of the meeting because I was trying to figure out who all of these people were, who obviously knew each other because they work together. As I write this, I guess it would be stressful for anyone.

[iPraiseHim]

9 hours ago, kayc said:

   George, Epsom salt is so healing, but so is the power of touch.  Have you considered getting massage?  You'd have to let the therapist know what is going on with your shoulder.

I did go to the massage therapist this summer but I did not get any relief.  It was my first massage ever. I was uncomfortable stripping down to my underwear. It was hot in the room and I apparently don't breath well lying on my stomach.  Incense was bothering my breathing and the roof was being re shingled so there was a lot of noise. It seemed a bit new age for my tastes.

It would help if I could find someone who would just massage my shoulders and work on some strength, mobility, and agility.  

[kayc]

They should be able to just massage your shoulders at your request.  I'd tell them up front when making an appt. that you can't tolerate incense.  Sounds like you had an all around bad experience!  I've only had one massage from a massage therapist, my GF purchased a session for me.  I've had OMT (Osteopathic Manipulative Therapy) from a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy), and it was wonderful, I think you'd love it!

[Clematis]

I saw the Neuro PT today and she was really good. She told me that there is still a lot of swelling, particularly for how long it has been. She talked about it in terms of a chronic situation, which I found rather alarming. She said that when an injury has been in place for some time the body develops a new memory of how things are and it becomes hard to pull it out of the new status quo. That seems discouraging. But when I asked her if she thinks it can be resolved, she enthusiastically said, "Absolutely!" That's good. But I feel discouraged.

[kayc]

I think her enthusiastic "Absolutely!" says a lot!

[Clematis]

4 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

It would help if I could find someone who would just massage my shoulders and work on some strength, mobility, and agility.  

I have been getting "medical" massage as related to my car accident, and he focuses almost entirely on my back, neck, and upper back. It was prescribed by my regular Dr. and the massage therapist keeps S.O.A.P. notes for insurance purposes.

[Clematis]

3 minutes ago, kayc said:

I think her enthusiastic "Absolutely!" says a lot!

I hope so. I have a friend , Gretchen, who is a retired OT who had an aneurism on her bike and was lucky to have survived it. She is a lot further out on her head trauma, but it was a lot more severe. Nevertheless, she has been a great support and we have been comparing notes/tips and commiserating with each other. Gretchen has told me countless times, "I just wish you could see Diane" and has told me over and over how Diane helped her more than anyone. So I have faith in Diane the Neuro PT. I hope she can really help me. She was very concerned that I am still having all this pain. She did a very careful assessment and she said she has a lot of things she'd like to try with me. Gretchen said that Diane was continually assessing her, and that she was very empathic and highly skilled. She also said that Diane always gave her homework and could tell if Gretchen had done it or not; "Diane never missed anything!" I haven't done this before because I was afraid the insurance co would think I was milking it or grasping at straws or something. Also, she is in Flagstaff, which is an hour's drive from me. But Gretchen has a lot of faith in Diane and keeps telling me there is no one like her. I am still having problems, so I'm seeing Diane.

[Clematis]

So, after I saw the Neuro PT, I went by Sprouts to pick up a few things - it was the first time I had been there in a long time. I used to always make a quick dash through there on the way home from working on the reservation, have a pit stop on the long drive and pick up a few things for dinner before hurrying home to make dinner for my dad. I know when I was doing that, people thought I was a little nuts - getting up at 4:30, driving 2-1/2 hours each way to a full day at work, and then rushing home to spend time with my dad, rather than just going home and to bed. Actually, I'd always go by my house and pick up Lena so the three of us could have dinner together...

And now it's all gone. He's gone, his house will be gone soon, and my house is gone too in a way as well because it looks like a mirror image of his house - with a few changes. I have all this nice furniture and antiques and rugs and things that I have known for so long because they were in my family. But all the people are gone - it seems like everything is gone. Except Lena.

My dad was so much a part of the structure of my life. I lived in Flagstaff before and then Tucson, and I was on my own there, but my mother died the same summer I moved to Sedona, and very soon afterwards my dad and I started planning on his moving out here The whole 11 years I lived here I was either with him or planning on his coming here. It is just so bizarre to be here without him. And now I also don't have my job or any financial security or health and strength or anything else. I am just here by myself. With Lena, of course. I just wonder where my life went. Everything is just gone. I have a continual headache now as my constant companion. Nice, huh?

[kayc]

Laura,

You must be feeling an all time low with so much to deal with at once.  It will get better, tell yourself that, believe in it and work towards it.  

Who cares what the insurance thinks, they're in it for themselves, you are your own biggest advocate.  Go for what you need and fight like hell to get it.  I'm sorry you have to do that at a time you probably feel there's no fight left in you, but you have to do this.  I'm glad you'll be seeing Diane and can't wait to see the progress she helps you make.  (((hugs)))

[Clematis]

Thanks! The insurance companies only matter because it's car-accident related and they will be paying for it. I have been attentive since the beginning to providing good documentation and connecting the dots so that they don't find a loophole or way to wriggle out of paying. This was not my fault and I shouldn't have to pay. The woman who tried to pass me on the inside of a right hand turn, saw me and accelerated into my car from the shoulder is clearly at fault and she/her insurance company is on the hook for compensation. However, the longer the treatment goes on, the more money is involved. I am concerned that they may try harder to get out of it. My attorney tells me over and over that he is not worried. I am trying to not worry but to provide him with anything that will help him, and ultimately myself. Growing up as a lawyer's daughter and working all those years myself in a legal field should not be for naught here is how I see it...

[enna]

I thought you could see something that would put a smile on your face, Laura. Look what I found. . .

 

 

[Clematis]

Ooo...some bright pink clematis! Thank you Anne - I love them!

[Clematis]

15 hours ago, kayc said:

Laura,

You must be feeling an all time low with so much to deal with at once.  It will get better, tell yourself that, believe in it and work towards it.  

Who cares what the insurance thinks, they're in it for themselves, you are your own biggest advocate.  Go for what you need and fight like hell to get it.  I'm sorry you have to do that at a time you probably feel there's no fight left in you, but you have to do this.  I'm glad you'll be seeing Diane and can't wait to see the progress she helps you make.  (((hugs)))

Thanks, Kay. I keep reading what you wrote and I just don't know how I feel. Lost and Alone, like my user name when I started. I don't feel devastated in the same way I did, but I feel more confused and frightened. I keep thinking I should be doing better than I am at handling things. But maybe that's not realistic. When I saw Diane yesterday I gave her a brief run-down and she said, "Wow-you really have a lot on your plate!" I said, "I guess". I am frightened of the future financially and my ability to continue professional work. Everyone who has worked with me tells me there is no reason to believe anything else than that I will continue to improve until I am restored to where I was, but it has been so long. It's very discouraging.

But then again I have some direct evidence that injuries a lot older than that can heal. I have an old ankle injury that has come back to haunt me, from an avulsion fracture 25 years ago. It began to hurt and then became more and more swollen. I barely recognized it because it was so disfigured - it really didn't look like part of my body, and was a really hard mass of something around the outside of the joint, getting worse over several years. I was afraid to even think about it, but asked the chiropractor if that was some bizarre bone growth. He said no, it was just swelling. Than was encouraging. Then the massage therapist told me about how granulation in the fascia caused a very painful swelling and he was using a jade gua sha tool. He was talking about my neck and I was intrigued with the gua sha because it looked like a great ceramics tool. He gave me one, but it never made it to the ceramics studio. One day I put all that together and started using the tool on my ankle, elevating it, icing it, and applying Penetrex several times a day, as well as using a brace to keep the swelling down when I stand for long periods. After about three weeks of this, my ankle is so dramatically improved it is hard to believe!

So I suppose that if a really old injury like that can improve, the swelling in my neck that is causing me all the pain may heal as well. I guess one of the things that is really hard is that I am having periods where I have several days of no pain and it is remarkable how different I feel. I can focus on my work, I have a lot more stamina, I feel more optimistic, and I just feel more like myself. Then the headache returns and I am back to feeling scattered and exhausted. It makes it really hard to remember that I was ever strong and competent.

Diane seems to have a number of techniques and treatment strategies that are very different than anything else that has been done, and I remain confident and hopeful due to the trust and enthusiasm that my friend Gretchen has for Diane.

[Clematis]

I feel like I lost three dads, the dad was so much fun when I was little and he did all the cool stuff, the dad who was not so cool with teenagers and young adults (impatient with a quick temper) but he was my hero and role model as I struggled with establishing my career, and the dad who moved out west to be my companion and best friend during his last ten years. Hard to believe all that's over, it's just hard to take in, even still.

[kayc]

I see purpose in your having gone through the ankle injury in that now it is encouraging to you to see this old injury heal.  It shows that new techniques can do what we can't even begin to imagine!

Your dad was many roles in your life, you are grieving all of them.

[Clematis]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

Your dad was many roles in your life, you are grieving all of them.

It's true - I am. The PT wants to use a technique called Dry Needling PT that stimulates and oxygenates problem areas that have developed an "-osis", unlike an "-itis" (inflammation) situation. The dry needling targets the tight points within muscular tissue that produce and refer pain. It's meant to work together with other strategies like the therapeutic massage I am already getting. Here is an article about it. Diane told me a little about it, but we didn't have a lot of time left after my talking to her about what had happened and her doing a thorough initial assessment. I found an article online that made a lot of sense and filled in some missing pieces. I can see why Gretchen is so enthusiastic about Diane, telling me that she is totally different than the other PT's and OT's where she works. Just for starters, the others tend to put you on a machine "to warm up" and then have you work with an intern, and the certified professional who is billing for the session sees you only minimally. Diane spends the entire session working with you and is constantly assessing your condition and progress. Here is the article in case you're interested. http://www.apta.org/PTinMotion/2015/5/DryNeedling/

[Clematis]

I feel frightened about the future due to my uncertain employment - as well as the fact that I am still partially disabled. I always had such stamina and as much energy as a group of people. And where is it now? What will become of me?

I was sitting here going through my orchestra music, adding some bowings and arranging it to tape together so the page turns come out right when we play. I was feeling rather bad about this because I have hardly been able to prepare for this. I will have to play quietly and air-bow some of it. It's tempting to not go at all, but I know it is upsetting to the group when people come to rehearsals and don't show up at the concert. Also, I did the art on the program cover...I have to go. I feel badly about not being better prepared, but I would feel worse if I didn't go. 

Then I was sitting on the Persian rug that my grandmother, then my parents, and then I loved and decorated around - taping my music together on the nifty table my dad bought for my mother and then we enjoyed in his AZ condo. The Bose radio my dad gave me two years ago was playing some divine violin and piano concerto, Lena was wandering around above me on the sofa, and I suddenly wondered what exactly was the emergency. I may have to live on part of the money I had hoped to hang onto for my retirement, but probably not more than part of a year. I have a lovely condo with beautiful art and furnishings that have been in my family for generations. I am hardly hanging by a thread - I just don't know the future. Nevertheless, I can feel my father's love and confidence that I will find my way through this and continue to provide for myself and Lena. She is lying here with me, curled up and listening to Gregorian chant. It is really an honor to have the total trust of a small furry one...

[kayc]

I know what it is to have an uncertain future...it seems that IS my future.  We worry most about things that never come to pass or things we cannot control.  I wish I could reach the point where I'm like Arlie or Kitty and just take everything in stride, trusting all will go well for me this day and not worrying about tomorrow.

[MartyT]

No one knows the future, dear Laura ~ but we do know our past, which does help us have confidence that we will find a way to manage whatever may come next ~ especially when we can remind ourselves of the skills, talents, education, training and experience that have taken us this far. You have all of this and more ~ and you have your darling Lena. Let your father's love and confidence lift you up, and have faith that you will make it. In the meantime, just keep taking good care of you and Lena   ♥

(And Kay, I agree with you. About 90% of the stuff I worry about never comes to pass ~ and I need to remind myself that whatever I'm worried about is usually something I cannot control.)

[Clematis]

1 hour ago, MartyT said:

(And Kay, I agree with you. About 90% of the stuff I worry about never comes to pass ~ and I need to remind myself that whatever I'm worried about is usually something I cannot control.)

I have found that as well - almost everything I really worry about never happens. I think that's because if you are really concerned about it, you take steps to keep it from happening or at least mitigate the damages if it does. It's stuff you never thought of that blindsides you. I tell myself that when I get overwrought about something. Also, I think about when I lost my job in 2009 and the economy was trashed and there was no work anywhere. I was positive I was going to end up living under a bridge with my canoe over me as shelter and trying to prevent my guitar from being stolen as I slept. My dad kept telling me he wasn't going to let that happen, but I wasn't sure I could trust him. Nevertheless, he carried me financially through it all. I made what I could by playing gigs and a little social work but it wasn't much. After it was over and I had a much better working situation than before and looking back I couldn't even remember why or how I was in such a panic.

Looking back, I have had at least four times in my life when I struggled desperately to hold onto some untenable work situation that anyone else would have walked - or run - away from. Each time, after it fell apart, a period followed it in which I had no or little money but got through it somehow while I licked my wounds and regrouped. After each of these I ended up with a much better work situation and a better income than before. I keep telling myself that, but I fear that as I get older I may be less employable.That may not be true - I look younger than I am and have a stellar resume that no one has when they are young.

Thank you, Kay and Marty - I really appreciate your helpful and supportive comments.