Health problems without our loved ones to help

[kevin]

[Gin]

Kevin, you are right!

[Margm]

Of course this is  true.  Damn, I wish I did not have feet of clay and a wax brain.  I think bitterness should be one of the stages of grief.  Maybe it is.  No matter what stage you are in at any given time when you think about it rationally, there is nothing we can do but just trod on.  I walk to the mailbox about a half mile towards and back and I say "walk, breathe, live" and that is my cadence for each foot in front of the other.  Thinking rationally.  Never have been in that country.   

[Gwenivere]

4 hours ago, Marg M said:

 I think bitterness should be one of the stages of grief.  Maybe it is.  No matter what stage you are in at any given time when you think about it rationally, there is nothing we can do but just trod on. 

I think whatever we feel at any given time thru this is a stage of grief.  I've felt bitter at times.  I've felt so many things that confuse me as to why for a split second and then I go....whoa!  My partner is dead, I am alone now.  Sometimes I think we want so desperately to feel normal that we try and sideline or downplay the reality which is ludicrous.  Can't be done.  The very few times I have felt 'competent' or whatever the word is and suddenly fall into an emotional pit my mind tries to find ANY other reason but the truth because it just can't handle the magnitude of it.  

Kevin,  I am one of those that sees sayings like you posted above as 'rah rah' platitudes that look like posters that should be hung in some kind of motivational museum.  I get the sentiment, but they usually make me feel like I am somehow failing in some way because they are too simple.  I'd love to believe it or feel it, but can't.

[kayc]

I don't see it as a mere platitude because I've learned the truth of the message, so it means more to me...it's been my life's experience.

[Gwenivere]

Different phases, different time lines, different personalities.  All adds to the melting pot of this place.  

[kayc]

Gwen, I have been through so many hard places in my life, not just George's death, but really, it'd make a miniseries.  That's why I say it's been my life's experience.  I have learned it does boil down to choice of what to do with it.  It's no platitude, it's hard earned, hard learned.

[Margm]

I just heard on TV a woman sat on a couch so long that she had to have skin grafts to her bottom half from sitting so long.  How about that?  Surely she got up to go to the bathroom.  When I was pregnant (first time) I was so big I lay flat of my back on the floor, no AC, on a mattress.  I think I gained 50+ pounds.  Then someone told me about this woman who lay on her back so much the placenta grew to her backbone.  I got up and ate another watermelon or two, but did not stay laying down for long.  I just wonder about the woman that sat on the couch so long she got decubitus ulcers from sitting.  Life is sad and funny.  Like I said, Florence Nightingale felt she was not needed anymore so she went to bed to die.  She did when she was 90.  So I guess you do whatever you feel you have to do.  Personally, I don't want them to graft skin to my butt.  My legs hurt a lot, but the skin on my butt is safe.  My knees might not be from carrying around that butt though.  Anyhow, if I go to bed, I will just think.  I am a dangerous person when I think.  So it is best I keep moving.  Billy's gone.  He is not coming  back.  I am a little miffed at him today, even though it was not his fault.  I just cleaned out the linen closet.  That was fun.  I saw stuff I have not seen in years.  Lots of stuff for Kelli's yard sale.  I don't think God is gonna let me have time to be bitter.  So, I keep saying, "breathe, walk, live."  I do not say "be happy" but I do say "live."  I'm sorry, but I do think there really was a "Saint Margaret" and I am sure she was a relative.  

[kayc]

I gained over 50 lbs with my son but it all came off without dieting within the first year, it was mostly water because I had Toxemia.  I got around okay, although they ordered me to bed rest...THAT was boring!

I think it's common to feel miffed at them for leaving us even though it wasn't their fault.  Our feelings are just what they are and they don't have to make sense!  All part of the grief speaking.

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

Gwen, I have been through so many hard places in my life, not just George's death, but really, it'd make a miniseries.  That's why I say it's been my life's experience.  I have learned it does boil down to choice of what to do with it.  It's no platitude, it's hard earned, hard learned.

The point I was trying to make is bitterness is also a normal response to grief.  We all have choice, but it also encompasses each of our experiences.  Even if one lives in bitterness or some other emotion, hopefully it is not forever.  I always have to remind myself that the 'stages' penned by Kubler Ross were for the dying, not those left behind.  

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat.  My furry kids are the only things that are a stable force in my life now.  

[kevin]

Gwen, there may be another aspect you could view things.......Life will go on ,so the Present is where our Energies should be focused......don't take tomorrow for granted.....and the healthy body,healthy mind...always attempt to better mind and body. And I am a Cup Half Full person now, no Pity Parties anymore....have a good day 

[Cookie]

On May 29, 2016 at 5:11 PM, Gwenivere said:

I think whatever we feel at any given time thru this is a stage of grief.  I've felt bitter at times.  I've felt so many things that confuse me as to why for a split second and then I go....whoa!  My partner is dead, I am alone now.  Sometimes I think we want so desperately to feel normal that we try and sideline or downplay the reality which is ludicrous.  Can't be done.  The very few times I have felt 'competent' or whatever the word is and suddenly fall into an emotional pit my mind tries to find ANY other reason but the truth because it just can't handle the magnitude of it.  

Kevin,  I am one of those that sees sayings like you posted above as 'rah rah' platitudes that look like posters that should be hung in some kind of motivational museum.  I get the sentiment, but they usually make me feel like I am somehow failing in some way because they are too simple.  I'd love to believe it or feel it, but can't.

I agree with the platitudes thing.  Although they could be viewed as uplifting, they fall short because this is definitely not black and white in essence.  Feelings are all over the place from moment to moment.  I fall into the "emotional pit" quite often, even though I do so many things to feel better and "get on with it."  I even obsessively chanted positive affirmations on a daily basis like it was job until I got exhausted with it and realized it wasn't helping.  I think we all do get on with it, it's just that this particular thing called grief doesn't respond like anything else.  I will keep on going, but trying to come to terms with those "emotional pits" that keep happening and are difficult to endure.  I think the concept is fine and I'm not really knocking it, but I also think the danger in it is that it can let you down if you try to embrace it too strongly and in grief you are already so down.  From my personal perspective, just simple loving, consistent support no matter how I'm feeling has touched me the most.  Of course, whatever works for someone is a good thing for them...hugs to everyone, Cookie

[Cookie]

One of the problems with grief is that you are trying so hard to focus on the present, but being human and in grief, the pain you feel interferes with that focus.  Someone made mention of pity parties....ouch!  I would not characterize struggling with the pain of grief as a pity party, but maybe I misinterpreted that.  But, I realize I cannot judge for someone else.  If someone feels like they are having a pity party, then that is their experience.  I had read that it takes a long time of moving between the pain of the loss and focusing on moving forward to completely heal.  I wish us all peace and grace in this process however we see it....warmly Cookie

[mittam99]

Cookie, I don't think Kevin used the phrase "pity party" to characterize anyone else's handling of their personal grief journey. I think he was just saying that, in his journey, he's at a place where he looks for the positives.

We are all super sensitive right now and written words are often interpreted differently than intended.

[kayc]

16 hours ago, Cookie said:

it's just that this particular thing called grief doesn't respond like anything else.

So true! 

16 hours ago, mittam99 said:

We are all super sensitive right now and written words are often interpreted differently than intended.

That's for sure!  And what one person finds as their life experience, another sums up as a platitude.  Sometimes we just are not going to agree.

[Cookie]

21 hours ago, mittam99 said:

Cookie, I don't think Kevin used the phrase "pity party" to characterize anyone else's handling of their personal grief journey. I think he was just saying that, in his journey, he's at a place where he looks for the positives.

We are all super sensitive right now and written words are often interpreted differently than intended.

I actually didn't think he meant it for everyone; but I'm sorry that he feels that way about himself;  hurting like this is so hard and I feel for him.....would give him a hug if I could.

[MartyT]

I think it's time for a group hug! 

[Gwenivere]

On 5/30/2016 at 8:29 AM, kevin said:

Gwen, there may be another aspect you could view things.......Life will go on ,so the Present is where our Energies should be focused......don't take tomorrow for granted.....and the healthy body,healthy mind...always attempt to better mind and body. And I am a Cup Half Full person now, no Pity Parties anymore....have a good day 

Thanks for the reminder, Kevin.  All we truly have is the present and hopes for tomorrow.  I'm happy for you that you are a glass half full person.  Used to have one of those, but mind developed a leak for now.   

[Gin]

Gwen, if yours is leaking, mine is gushing!

Gin

[Patty65]

And mine is like a pressure cooker, about to explode

[Margm]

Well, I never could drink.  I know morally I should not drink.  But physically, I wish I could.  I would just plain get pie eyed drunk.  I cannot hold my liquor.  Am I that weak, well hell yes I am.  Am I smart enough to not want to throw up, well I am that smart.  Not intelligent, just know what it would do to me.  Drugs would just bother my colon, so I will just breathe, walk, and live.  I don't suffer quietly. 

[Margm]

Getting ready for bed last night I fell backwards, tripping over my purse on the floor.  I quickly had three people and two dogs beside me.  My daughter is getting ready for a yard sale and there were boxes everywhere.  Really, there is not far to fall when you are 5" tall and your behind is even closer to the floor.  But nothing makes you feel old like that much attention to a little fall.  I guess I am going to have to get one of those "life alert" necklaces.  Damn I feel old.

[kayc]

Ahh, Marg, at least you had your family there.  If I fell they probably wouldn't notice for days, but I have faith I'd crawl or something to a phone.  Not ready for a life alert yet!  Getting old is the pits...but the converse option is worse.

[mittam99]

Marg, sorry to hear about the fall. That could have been bad. You doing ok?

Ladies, here's an important public service safety reminder:

"Put purses on dresser, not floor".

[Margm]

Oh Mitch, I got a kick out of that.  This goes along with faulty memory.  Keys in left pocket, phone in right pocket, glasses hanging off top of purse (tremendous purse), Nexium in purse, Xanax in zipped pocket of purse.  If any of those are out of place, I am totally lost.  Yes, I will cry if they are not in those places cause, I WILL NOT remember what I did with them.  No idea, purely hysterical.

As an addendum, no harm was done even with what I fell on.  A good thing about soft hips (big.)