How come family doesn't make me feel better

[rdownes]

I am sitting here today and it is kind of a remember dad day we have all been outside almost all day listening to his music all his songs tell a story of what he was going through and feeling, I know everyone grieves differently and is trying to heal but I want no part of smiles my life feels over I have no reason to be happy and no one sees or understands I am broken an always will be.

[mittam99]

2 hours ago, rdownes said:

... no one sees or understands I am broken an always will be.

I've learned that unless you've lost a soul mate yourself, you simply can't fathom the depth of the loss. Family and friends do care, they just don't really understand. It's that simple. Not that my saying that will make you feel better, it's simply the truth. At the beginning of my grief journey, I was shocked and frustrated that people didn't understand the depth of my pain. After a while I learned to take it in stride a bit better. This is a very personal journey and it can feel very lonely at times.

Even though you do feel broken now and life feels meaningless and you don't see any hope for the future, it does get "better". Better being a relative term. It's a hard journey and it will take time and a lot of work. You can do this. As I've said before, posting here will help. I know you're against counseling but if nothing improves with time, please consider at least giving it a chance. Do you have any local grief groups of widows/widowers that meet?

I wish I could ease your suffering with a wave of a magic wand, but I can't. Grief is anything but simple or easy. For now try to savor those less painful moments you have and ride those intense waves of grief the best you can. And as always, try to take care of yourself physically, as well.

[KATPILOT]

rdownes I'm sorry for how this weekend is making you feel. It's hard to feel better just because you have family around but perhaps it would be worse without them. I do know that your grief is but your own and no one else can sooth it. This Fathers Day will be my fifth without my dad and it is softer now than when new.  You will always be effected by this loss but you will not always be broken. Joe Biden who himself had many losses, said last year that there will come a time when their memory will bring a smile to your lips before a tear to your eye. I believe he is right.

[kayc]

11 years tomorrow for me.  I felt like you when it happened, I didn't see how I could live through it, or what I could ever smile about.  Today my granddaughter makes me smile.  I'm glad I hung in there if only for her.  

Mitch, your post was well put, you hve a way of expressing what the rest of us want to.

[Gin]

Kay,

wishing you some kind of peace tomorrow.  This stuff is so very hard.

Gin

[Widowedbysuicide]

Thinking of you and wishing life was kinder.

[Dew's Girl]

My family is always trying to "fix" it for me or make it better.  

I just stopped talking to them about it.  It makes them sad that I'm not ok and makes me frustrated that they don't understand.

I love them and it's better to just ignore the elephant and pretend it's all fine.

[Margm]

My daughter just told me this morning that she went to the yard sale of a woman who is moving to  her daughter's house in Oklahoma and she was so happy, not depressed like I am all the time.(The woman's husband had just died after 56 years of marriage).  My daughter wanted me to live with her.  She fixed up the front room with a new bed and all the comforts I could want.  I hurt her feelings because I am not wanting to do what my mother has done and make a slave out of my sister.  There is also a small verse at the end of this perfect poem (and you can help us too, financially).  I know my daughter and she unselfishly would take care of me the rest of my days.  I also remember my mom (who shares the same personality disorder) wanting me to work 60-70 miles from home and come home each night and pay her rent.  The fact that I would share rent with my best friend was frowned upon, she needed me at home.  The recruiters came out from the different services I wanted to join and Daddy would not sign for me.  I was a prisoner of my own upbringing, did not know how to break away, so I got married.  I went from one prison to another.  But, we worked on it, we made mistakes, we really worked on our family and marriage and there were lots of times I knew he loved me, but I also knew he did not like me.  There were times I felt the same.  Still we worked.  In the end it was beautiful.  A long marriage and the last 30 years of it was heaven on earth.  

No, our family do not understand the depth of our sorrow.  Oh, I think Butch understands his dad and can help him better than anyone.  But we all know, our help has to come from within and we have to wait for it.  Might never happen, but we have to wait.  I would not mind going though the worse parts of our marriage again and again and again.  

[KATPILOT]

That's very interesting Marge.  Is that like a bad day fishing is better than a good day working?  I think I would opt for the bad days too if it was only possible and my only choice.

[Margm]

Exactly Steve.  You "hit the nail on the head."