Grief and Health

[Froggie4635]

Does anyone notice that health issues are more prevalent further down the road in your grief journey?  I just passed 20 months, and I am having more issues.  I am having a harder time this year handling the excessive heat.  It is hot EVERY summer here in Houston, but this year just seems harder.  I thought I was doing good at taking care of myself, but perhaps it just seemed like I was because of the fog of grief.  It has been hard adjusting to it only being me in the house; cooking just doesn't interest me and shopping for groceries is a joke.  I never end up wanting the things I bought....always want something that I do not have.  I guess my question is am I just simply more aware of things now, further along, than that first year?

[MartyT]

6 minutes ago, Froggie4635 said:

I guess my question is am I just simply more aware of things now, further along, than that first year?

What you describe is not at all unusual, Maryann. You'll find a number of articles on this very topic here: Grief In The Second Year: Finding Your Way   ♥

[Froggie4635]

The first article that I opened (and printed out, of course) was by Pat Bertram.  The Five Major Challenges We Face During the Second Year of Grief.

There is a line that just struck with me, and inside I screamed loudly YES: "The first year of yearning was hard, but somehow many of us had the strange idea that this was some sort of test and that after we passed the test, he'd pop back into our lives and we'd go on as before.  Well, now we know this is no test. It's the real thing. And there is NOTHING protecting us from that great clawing yearning."

Thanks, Marty.

[Widowedbysuicide]

Words can not express what I am thinking and what I would like to say to you Maryann.

If I could draw or paint the image would be tears flowing freely from my eyes.  My heart would be a pale colour and the cracks would be very obvious.  My arms are outstretched, longing to comfort and hug you, tell you that some day you will feel less pain.

You are a very strong minded kind hearted person and I do believe that one day you will start to feel a little bit of joy.  If you can let that joy in the pain will lessen.  

[Gwenivere]

this 2nd year for me has been hell, too, Maryann.  It's really making me question my sanity or ability tonsurvive this being existence because at 22 months I've never felt worse.  It's disheartening.  I didn't expect I'd be dancing in the streets, but I never dreamed I could feel so isolated and impatient with everything including the weather.  It's almost like....you name it and I have a gripe.  I've never been like that!  Being in the house is terribly hard and I feel the same about cooking and shopping.  I don't know how to be single and damn, it's really depressing realizing how little I need being alone.  I was used to meals and shopping being outlets for creativity around here if not just for the purpose of experimenting.   There were also so many things I bought for Steve I never ate or drank, so the hunt for sales was a part of my routine.  Now I read the ads every week and are reminded of what he doesn't need.  It's gotten so bad I create things to do just to fill time.  Today is getting the car washed even tho is just dusty and possibly going to rain.  Seems all I get are robocalls, surveys or organizations he was involved with to tell he is gone.  I'm also way past that 'hey!  I got out of bed so I accomplished something today!'  Big deal.  I got up and now it's just empty.  Well, I do get to watch the world go on from the sidelines.  Yippee.

[iPraiseHim]

Gwenivere,

I am approaching eighteen months in a week and for me the reality of my wife's death keeps hitting me in all sorts of directions.  The extreme intense shock and pain has mostly subsided but I still get leveled by it on some days.  Today it has been a challenge because I try not to cry while at work.  The grief just bursts through.  It is not what I expected.  I felt so bad I wanted to quit but my clients depend on me to do quality work each day. 

I go back to my basics. H.A.L.T  Don't be too HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, or TIRED.  Then I check my gratitude list and remember what are the good things that I am grateful for. I can only focus on TODAY and NOW.  Any other thinking gets me in the weeds or ditch.

I have also discovered some things that I am interested in and how I can help someone else each day.  It helps me to get my mind off of myself.  Grief is not easy.  It is hard work but there is a reason and purpose and we need to find out what we are supposed to be learning and move forward.  It is not the life I had before.  I deeply miss that, but it is what it is now in this phase of my life.  Praying you can find your way through. - Shalom  

[scba]

I agree. I was working, typing a text and all of a sudden I started to think, and think more and more. Out of nowhere, no triggers.... And the tears were just there ready to burst. Luckily I was alone in the office so my rush to the bathroom went unnoticed. Nobody knows at work about my story. I gave no hint about my past. I have been fortunated that nobody asked If I am married or partnered. It surprised me but it is totally fine. I always wonder who should know. 

My shopping habits, to cite an example, have changed to the extremes, or I go for lot of unnecessary shopping, cause what is the purpose to save money? Or I shopping just the minimal essential, cause what should buy things for? 

George, I understand when you say that there is something to learn. But I have changed so much, my life changed and not for the better, on the contrary. I cannot grasp any lesson coming from my boyfriend's passing. I'm too rational, I know. I hope to find peace.

Peace for all of us tonight.....

[kayc]

Well we're learning a lot about coping and adjustment if nothing else.