shell

I think it was defintitely a "message" from your grandfather. Or perhaps a premonition you had that showed up in that form. Hugs, Shell

DoubleJo, That's a wonderful way to look at it. I love the way you put it! Hugs, Shell

laurensftb, I'm so sorry for all your losses...your dad, your relationship with your mom, your grandfathers illness. It must be very hard on you, especially the situation with your mom. Are you close at all with your grandmother? I hope she has helped to fill the void for you. Someday, your mom may be alone and come back to you, so hang in there. You just never know how life is going to go, and it eventually works out. A big hug to you, Shell

DoubleJo, I'll say it again...I so wish we all lived in the same place! I know what you mean about having to be "stoic" for my friends. They ask how I am, but I know they are relieved when I say "I'm fine". And most of my friends have so many of their own problems, that's all they want to talk about! It is only here that I can vent. The weather does make it harder. I love winter, but hate that it gets dark so early. And dusk is the hardest for me, that in between time...it's sort of creepy to me. Like Bob, I turn on a lot of lights way before it gets dark. I just had a weird thought, that maybe we all fight these feelings too hard. When we feel like giving up, maybe we should just go lay down and drift...maybe we'd find out that we won't be sucked into any kind of vacuum. Like facing our demons and finding them to be not as scary as we thought. What do you think? I'm not really worried about getting old (I'm 54...well, not worried most of the time anyway) but I did something recently that was silly as he*l, but made me feel good. I was in a Dollar Store and saw these temporary tatoos. I have always said I would NEVER have a tatoo, so why this appealed to me I have no idea! Anyway, I bought some and would put one on where no one could see it. It made me feel "younger" and free...brought back my somewhat rebelious, naughty attitude I always had and seemed to have lost. It's silly, but maybe you should try something...anything that would give you a lift. Just let loose and do something "young". As "simple" as this sounds in a very serious situation, sometimes just being silly can help. A huge hug to you, Shell

William, I'm not sure there are any "sane" people left period! I have no desire to date because I don't have the time, energy or patience, plus it's downright scary out there nowadays! Like you, I think companionship or friendship is what I would be most interested in at this point. But it's hard to find that. Unfortunately, I've gotten to the point where I trust very few people anymore and just don't want to make any new friends that I feel will probably just hurt me down the road. Does anyone else feel this way? Hugs, Shell

lyn, That is amazing and such a wonderful revelation! I have figured out a lot of things about myself too. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes something this dreadful and painful to make us grow, I guess. I keep thinking about something I read (I can't even remember where I read it), but it said "Your power is your own". I feel maybe that's the key, for all of us to find our own power and remember to always keep it with us, if that makes any sense! Anyway, I'm so happy for you that you have figured out so much, you are doing a lot of healing. Hugs, Shell

Your wife is giving you wonderful support and you are very lucky for that, as I'm sure you know. I also sort of have a time that I cry. Certain things will trigger it when I'm not "ready", but I generally cry at certain times of the day and night, by myself. And I do think it helps to have a "schedule" of sorts. I have developed this outer shell (no pun intended, haha) when I have to go about my everyday life, and have learned to "shut off" my brain from certain thoughts. Don't know how I do it and am not even sure it's a good thing, but it does get me through some rough times, until I can be alone and cry. What can we all say? Grief is just an incredibly horrible, unpredictable journey and we have to just learn ways to cope with it. Helping each other on this site is wonderful, it's helped me a lot! Learning from each other is great. Hugs, Shell

Bob and William, You are definitely targets for some "well-meaning" married women wanting to fix you up with their friends. I'm surprised you haven't run into that. You probably will down the road! Single life does create some awkward moments, doesn't it? Bob, as usual you always bring a smile to my face! You have a great sense of humor and that will take you far. I had a gay friend years ago that I would go to functions with because he felt that he had to have someone with him, and he didn't want a particular group to know he was gay. It's too bad there aren't more "legitimate" dating services for just such occassions as you're encountering. Heck, for women too! There are times we aren't attached when we could use an escort too! William, society does place some weird stigmas on being single sometimes! I always thought that men had it easier than women in this respect, but you have made me realize how tough it can be on you guys too. Hugs to you both, Shell

Wendy, I am not as concerned about things like I used to be. I keep the house clean, do the laundry, blah, blah, blah...but I'm not as "fussy" about it as I used to be. Losing people you love somehow makes other things seem irrelevant. So what you are experiencing is so normal. Eventually I'm sure something will come along that makes us care more, ya know? I'm so glad you have your babies. I have a lot of cats and they keep me going. They truly are my life. Hope you have a better day today. Hugs, Shell

Lyn, You brought up an interesting point, that you are enjoying your own company and learning new things about yourself. I feel that I have truly grown to know myself more since losing my dad and then my mom. In some ways I'm grateful and in other ways it makes me sad, because of the reason. But I have done so much soul searching and having to really face all my emotions, that I know who I am much more than before. It's a tough road, but maybe one of the most important ones we'll ever travel. Hugs, Shell

Wendy, I find that I get very depressed and weepy at certain times of the day, mostly at night about 11 p.m. It happens just about every night and I'm not sure why, but eventually it passes, mostly because I get busy with other things! And weekends are definitely harder, I think. I know the same feeling of wondering where my life is going, what now? Then I remind myself to just take one day at a time and don't look forward too much. It works most of the time. I'm also sending you a huge hug....hang in there. Hugs, hugs, hugs, Shell

Lori, how exciting! I can't wait to hear what happens! Hugs, Shell

ousontmesamis, I agree, they do seem a bit scripted. Some of them seem very "talented" and others seem like cons to me, but it's an intersting show. I also believe people are psychic, as my mom was somewhat. I, too, have had some "experiences" and as you said, the more trauma I go through, the stronger it seems to be. Anyway, it will be interesting to see who wins! The woman you're talking about kind of creeps me out, but she's definitely interesting! Hugs, Shell

Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry for your loss, and especially that you had years of seperation and then finally mended your relationship. That must make it harder in some ways. Please visit often and share your feelings. Your idea of the quiet place and listening to your breathing is wonderful. I'm going to try it. Hugs to you, Shell

Christian, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! A very big hug, Shell

William, As a longtime "survivor" of anxiety attacks, I can tell you that you need to get some medication. It will help you enormously. I suffered on and off for years until I finally went on meds for it. It has saved my life. You really need to have a long talk with your doctor and let him/her know everything you're feeling. There is help and there is no shame in getting it. Like everyone else, I care about you and don't want you to suffer. Keep us updated. A big hug, Shell

Chuckles, I always say that they (our parents) are still here because we are made up from them. They are still here in us. I, too, am so much like my mom, so I feel like I'm continuing on for her or something, but it's not much comfort. Hugs, Shell

Rosanne, That song makes me cry too! My mom was somewhat psychic and would tell me when she knew something was going to be ok, and she was always right. She would just feel the outcome very strongly and know it to be true. It was so comforting to me to be able to hear her say, "it's going to be alright, I feel it", and now I don't have that. I just miss so many, many things about her. Lea, I, too, had a long, long-time friend that just ignored me after my dad died. Two and a half years later she called to say she was going to be in town (she lives in California). She asked how I was and I told her, "Well, not too good. My mom just passed away". She said she was sorrry and then moved onto if I felt up to seeing her when she came to town! I told her that I hadn't heard from her in two and a half years and so, no, I didn't want to see her. That I didn't feel like she was my friend. She actually got indignant, like she couldn't possibly understand why I was mad. So, don't feel alone. I think most of us have been through this, and the way I figure it is that I wasted my time on these people. Good to finally find out, but it still hurts, I know. Hang in there! Hugs to both of you, Shell

Shubom, While this isn't a "counseling dating service" I've often thought that they should have a dating site for people who are grieving. Maybe somebody does! Anyway, it would certainly be easier to go on a date with someone who understood completely the whole grief thing, huh? As Chuckles so wisely sai, you will always have choices and options, when the time is right. In the meantime, we will help each other through these terrible times. Hugs, Shell

Wow, you could be talking about me! I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Even though I'm 54 and have been married and divorced twice and experienced a lot of things, I was always a "child". I, too, was independent because I had my "mommy". I did everything for my mom too, it was her approval and pride that made me happy. I thought I was grown up until my mom was gone and I realized that I REALLY had to grow up now. This is so weird that we are both feeling exactly the same thing! It truly is a weird feeling to have to "fuel yourself", as you so aptly put it. I can remember my mom would say (after both her parents had passed) that she was no longer anyones baby. It would make me so sad and I would tell her she could be my baby, which was silly, but she'd smile and say ok. Now I know just what she meant. Hugs, Shell

Shelley, YEAH!!!!!!!! Glad you got to keep it! Hugs, Shell

ousontmesamis, Hi! Good to see you posting again. I'm going to check out Lisa Williams site. I was just watching her earlier and she amazes me. I'd love to have a reading by her, because for me that would either prove or disprove her talents. I think that's the only way anyone would know for sure how real these people are. I do believe in all of this, but not sure about some of these people on TV, ya know? By the way, has you seen the "Psychic Challenge" show? If so, what do you think? Hugs, Shell

Good for you, Shelley! Hugs, Shell

Shelley, That's great! I think you'll be sad, but have a great time too! Hugs, Shell

Chuckles, It seems that most of us have been right where you are. The depression, irritation, anger, bitterness, you name it...comes after the shock has worn off and as you said, after all the "work" is done. It's totally normal. And grief comes with a number of physical effects too. I don't think any of it ever ends, unfortunately, but yea, you learn how to deal with it as time goes by. It brought tears to my eyes when you said, "She'd have all the answers". I will never trust anyone as much as I did my mom. I always knew she was on my side and "had all the answers". I miss that so much. Hugs, Shell