shell

Karen, You are so wonderful. I wish I had been there with you helping too. It brought a lump to my throat just reading about it! Helping others really does help get you out of yourself and your own problems. You are definitely the winner of the Sweetest of the year award! We all love you so much. Big, big hugs, Shell

Haley and Rosanne, I know that losing our mothers is so incredibly painful. I feel like I don't have an anchor anymore. I miss her so much. But I also am drawing on every ounce of strength I have to get through it because my mom would want me to be ok. We just have to remember that and "honor" them by being strong and living life. I think of all of you so often. We'll make it. Yeah, Rosanne! I'm putting up my little tree later today. I'm going to have Christmas spirit if it kills me, darn it!!!!! Hugs, hugs, hugs, Shell

Teresa, Thank you for sharing that. It's very comforting, isn't it? Hugs, Shell

Debbie, My mom was the same way. She had arthritis and couldn't do as much and always worried that I had to do too much. I told her the same thing, that I was happt to take care of her like she did me all my life, but she would still worry. Just being a mom! Good for you to take that attitude. Sometimes we just have to make up our mind that we are going to be as happy as we can, instead of sad. It takes work, but it can be done. I cry alone too, I think a lot of us do. But that's good. Wrap your presents and think about your family and the good things we still have left. Hugs, Shell

Karen, I'm so sorry you are having a hard time this Christmas. I've been in a surprising depression too, but DoubleJo pulled me out of it! I think the key may be what you said, that you've been being so strong for so long. Eventually you sometimes just wear out and feel like you can't "be strong" another minute! During those times, just try to cry if you want, pamper yourself, do something that makes you feel good, just surrender. Rest and have faith that it will pass. Give yourself permission to not be strong. Will be thinking of you. Big hugs, Shell

Teresa, The fact that you could giggle, knowing what your father would be thinking, is a sign that you are going to be fine someday. I do the same thing all the time...I'll do something and say "I know Mom, I should have done it the other way!" or whatever. And it always brings a smile to my face. Keeping a sense of humor during the grief process is crucial, and you have one, so just know that you will make it through this. Hugs, Shell

Teresa, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. My dad also died of lung cancer and it was very quick too, so I know what you went through. It is a hard time right now for you, but eventually you will learn to start healing and things will get better. Welcome to the board and I hope you come back to talk. It really helps to connect with others who understand your pain. Hang in there. Hugs to you, Shell

Debbie, Thanks for sharing so much about your father with us. What a wonderful man. I know what a hard time this is for you, but I also think being your fathers daughter will help you through it, as I'm sure you have his strength in you too. You sound like you are very much like him. Yes, we are in a club we'd rather not be in, but one that really helps us get through the rough times, so please write again. Hugs, Shell

Terry, Someone saying something that hurtful can definitely throw you backwards, and I'm so sorry you heard it. I'm also so sorry about the loss of your grandmother, but as Lori said, she is a part of you, and from what I'm reading it would seem that you are very much like her. Kind and sweet. Some people get angry with everyone when someone dies, or they hurt and want others to hurt too....all sorts of confusing emotions! Maybe that's the case with your mom, but as hard as it is, try to ignore what she said and go on from there. You will bounce back again, honestly. It is a rollercoaster ride, but you will go "up" again. A big hug, Shell

Amanda, I am so glad your tip turned out to be ok and very proud of you for doing it. Sometimes facing the painful things head on can be hard, but ultimately healing. Good for you, girl! Hugs, Shell

Hi Annie, Sorry for your rough day. Hope today is better and tomorrow even better than that. I'm so glad you have a good daughter. I wouldn't want to watch the show either. And it's one of those things that's almost impossible to even think about. Big hugs, Shell

Allalone, I'm sorry your sick and hope you get better soon. You are so right about mothers and children. There is such a close bond there. I also have dreamed of my mom only twice so far and in both dreams she was sick. It made me so sad. I think I'm actually blocking remembering my dreams now so I hope I'm not missing something pleasant, but I hate to remember them, as almost all my dreams are either sad, scary or just weird and confusing. So when I wake up and start to recall details, I just shut off my mind and get busy with something else so I won't remember the dream. Anyway, I hope to have a good dream about my mom sometime and hope you do too. Hugs, Shell

Linda, I'm so glad you found this site. It has been a lifesaver for many of us! I'm so sorry about losing your mom (I lost mine this past June). I also "re-grieved" for many of my other losses. It just brings it all up again, doesn't it? Hang in there. Hugs, Shell

William, Oh, I couldn't stand to see your fish hurt either! I love ALL animals, just happen to have so many cats, it kind of leaves no room for other types of babies. Yes, I am keeping all of them. Unfortunately, with ten inside, the others will have to be outside cats (which I really hate!) since I really can't fit anymore in the house! But I'm sure down the road they will end up inside eventually. I envy you having your fishies...they are so calming to watch! Hugs, Shell

Hi everyone, Sorry I missed all the fun yesterday, but it sure gave me a good laugh now! I think we can all survive as long as we keep our sense of humor! I truly love all you guys so much. William, Yes, the book made me really believe that there is life after death. And there is another book I read called Final Gifts that is amazing. It is written by Hospice nurses and will make you feel much more peaceful about death. And they both provide you with "signs" that you may have missed or be missing now. I think both books would be very healing for you. I noticed several of you are in Arizona. Maybe there is a way you guys could get together. I wish we all could.....maybe someday we'll figure a way! Love and hugs to you, Shell

CFH, I'm sorry no one answered you sooner. I assume by now you have already made the trip. I'm also terrified of flying (wasn't when I was younger and flew then, but am now) so all I can say is that I really admire your courage in facing it head on. I think losing someone makes everyone face their own mortality, it's very normal to feel this. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I hope the trip went ok, let us know! Hugs, Shell

I wanted to add that AnnC recommended a book called Hello From Heaven that I am reading now. It is about after death communications and is fascinating. But the main thing that jumps out at me is that in all the communications the person who passed does not want the person still living to be sad or unhappy. It's a great book that makes you feel peaceful, well worth reading.

Lori, I'm so thrilled it went well for you! Thanks for sharing your experience. Hugs, Shell

Lori, Happy Birthday to your mom! I know that's a rough day. And as Marty said, you have always been there for us too, so thank you. A big hug, Shell

William, Yes, they would definitely form a plan and get your fish! Yes, the car engine thing worries me to death, but luckily it doesn't get very cold here...I live in Alabama. But I always thump on the hood of the car anyway and look under it before I drive off. It's hard to tell if they are totally feral or had a home for a brief time, but it took me awhile to get them to let me touch them. I have almost all of them fixed now and their shots, etc. so it's coming along! Hugs, Shell

Hi everyone, I'm glad that the subject of guilt came up, because I think we all feel it one way or another. By the time my mom died I was physically and mentally exhausted and it was almost a sense of relief that I could "relax". Of course, I felt terribly guilty about even feeling this and continued to run myself ragged for a couple of months afterwards, just working, working, working on anything to be busy. If I was talking to my brother in the kitchen, I would get up every few minutes and start pacing around until my brother said, "Shell, you have to relax. Sit down and start taking it slower". I realized he was right and started trying to slow myself down. I also remembered how badly my mom felt that I had so much to do taking care of her. I always assured her I didn't mind and it was ok, but she was worried about me. My point is, my mom would want me to relax now. And I think all of our loved ones would not want us to feel any guilt over anything! It's the old thing, but they truly would want us to be happy. We just have to somehow find a way to let ourselves let go of these feelings. Hugs, Shell

William, A few extra pounds is not going to take away from a great face! We certainly could never get our pets together!!!! I have ten cats inside and the other 17 are my strays that I am getting fixed and taking care of. I hate that they are outside, but I cannot fit anymore in the house, that's for sure! Hugs, Shell

Tootie, Thank you so much. It is a wonderful gift you have sent us and I send it right back to you. You brought up an important point, that it is the season "for giving" and that's what we should all do. When I get "scroogy" and want to hide under the bed, I think of something I can do for someone and plan it and I feel better. My mom was always thinking about and helping others, and I am trying to do the same. It's amazing how thinking of someone else can help us get over ourselves and out of our own grief. Have a good holiday season. A huge hug to you, Shell

Karen, Your house sound like heaven! Can I come live with you? hahahaha. Do you think Sadie would get along with 27 cats? Hugs, Shell William, What a great picture! Karen is right, you will eventually, when the time is right, find someone you can love again. And there is nothing to feel guilty about, there are so many levels of love that the next time will be different, and will not take anything away from your love of Myrna. Keep working on things and take care of yourself. Hugs, Shell

Christian, I am so glad you posted. I think a lot of us have been worrying about you! I take Lexapro, but was also put on Clonazepam at the same time and luckily, for me, it worked right away. But I think the Clonazepam (an anti-anxiety drug) helped a lot. I now only take 1mg of it at night before bed and it helps me sleep. I take 10mg of the Lexapro once a day. I got started on these for anxiety attacks more than depression, so it's hard for me to judge the depression part. I still get depressed, but I do believe not nearly as harshly as if I wasn't taking them. But everybody reacts differently to drugs, so you may need a different kind. Please follow up with your doctor on this. Eventually he/she should be able to get it right, so to speak! If not, get another doctor. Bob did make some great points and especially about getting stuck and needing help to get unstuck. So talking to someone in addition to your meds might help a great deal. Take care and keep us posted. Big hug, Shell