loulou

My dad died of a heart-attack in Jan.I was very close to him.I talked to him everyday,numerous times.My mom and him divorced 20 years ago,and my mother couldnt stand him.The day before the funeral she told me he was in hell.She gets mad and rolls her eye's if I cry in front of her.She gets mad if I talk about him being still around.Tells me there is no life after death until christ comes back for the dead.I just don't think people should judge people that have lost someone close.They sometimes don't know what to think,and it's judgmental.People at work try not to look me in the eye,like they are scared to talk to me.It's very lonely in grief.I say, just talk to the person.Don't worry about bringing it up,and ruining their day.Their day is already ruined,and they already are thinking of their loved one.Talk to them...let them talk.I would like to say,if you work at a funeral home,try extra hard to be compassionate.It's work to you,but it's someones,dad,son,brother,etc.I know after my dad's funeral,safe around my fiance,brother,and some close friends,we told some silly stories of him,and we laughed.It felt so good to laugh.My dad was funny and always made me laugh,and to be able to laugh that night felt like a sweet moment,and tribute to the most special man.

Thank you for the links,Marty.I dont know why I'm so reluctant to see someone about this.I know I should have long ago,but when your a teen,you think you are so tough.Only when you get older,these problems change into other problems.I have a good Dr. that has been there since I was a teen.I need sleep medication,and I take anti-depressants.I have seen a therapist for a short time,and frankly,I went running for cover after the first session that the murder was discussed.I have a VERY hard time talking about it to strangers.My friend was so sweet young,and innocent.Maybe my fathers death is bringing it to surface...I dont know.Is it normal to start thinking your gonna die soon?I keep getting these panic attacks where my brain starts telling me that I'm about to die,and I freak out cause I start to believe it.Just wondering.And I will see someone if I ever find a babysitter,or he finally goes off to pre-school.I know I need to deal with my issue's.

I'm sorry about your loss.Like Niamh,I lost my father.Mine passed in jan.And I feel massive guilt for all the things I didn't do for him.His life was so tough the last year,and I could have done so much to help him...and I didn't.I had no idea he would go so soon.I talked to him constantly,3 times the day he died.He passed in the ambulance on the way to the hospital,I was the first to get to the hospital,and had to give a positive id.He had a heart attack,and was gone.I also have 2 little ones,and I know what you mean,they keep you occupied,but the 2 year old has really made it hard for me.I'm stressed with no help with them until their dad gets home after work.And I REALLY know what you mean about friends not being there.I have lost my 2 friends that I have been with forever,I felt like a freak after it happened because EVERYONE treated me l;ike I was,and they still do.At work,even family!I have come out of this with1 true friend that has also been there for me.Thankfully,never tiring of listening to me cry.I go to work and people act like they cant see me,or I cant stand them anymore.I feel like you do.Welcome to the site,it helps.If you ever need to vent...I'm here,and understand.

The moment I found out my dad died I felt that he was just gone.No where else,just gone.I always thought that spirits are here,around us...now I dont know.

I agree with Jodo,well said Frank,it is very sensitive matter.I was raised to be religious,but those beliefs have been shaken,and I'm in a confused tail-spin when it comes to religion.I have been looking into the agnostic-christianity,It seems it's the most honest and logical.Because after all how do we know?It's all about faith,and it is hard to have faith when your devastated with no one to blame but...god.(?)

I lost my father recently and people keep telling me to get "help",but I think what I'm real scared of is that I never delt with the murder of my best-friend when I was 17.I was a witness.I watched her get shot.I was maybe 3 feet away.I testified against the men who killed her.I am still dealing with PTS,and I never grieved for her.I was numb for the longest time,and when I feel it come up,it feels overwhelming.Do you think a therapist would make me address this?I dont want to.I dont know why.

Niamh and jodo,hi my friends.I'm sorry you both have been having a tough few days.I have to admit the same has been going on with me also.In fact I havnt been posting in the last few days because I have been feeling so awful.I dont know what to expect with my grief.I will seem like Im pulling it together then,I will totally go ballistic and cry and hurt so bad.I have been so overwhelmed with the confusion of my emotions,that I can barely put it into words.How do you get pass the pain?What is life about?Is there really a after-life?Are they happy?For me I wonder now if anyone else loved him as much as me,and does anyone love me as much as he did...I know the answer is no to both.It's heartbreaking,and so frustrating.I was angry with the world,just 1 week ago and now I feel so quite and disappointed inside.I dont even dream of him.Where is his spirit?Sorry,just some jumbled thoughts that dont make sense.Or do to the great people reading this.Thank you Niamh,for saying you missed us.It made me feel important.I miss you,too.Just so quiet inside.I think theres to many thoughts,they are clogged up.Does that make sense?xoxo take care and keep in touch

I'm sorry for your loss,also.Niamh and I(hi Niamh) know how you feel.We lost our fathers and we are both having a very hard time of it.My dad was my bestfriend,too.I dont know if I can ever be the same again.If you dont mind i would like to ask you a few questions,since you have been on this road a little longer...Have your friendships survived your grief?How is your relationships with remaining family members?I have been struggling with other people left and right.It's so hard to watch the world keep going when your life is in pieces.Do you ever feel your mom around?I want to feel my dad.Or see a sign,but non so far.My cousin lost her mom a few years ago,and she says that she cant cry or feel anything.She thinks she buried it so deep,that the pain wont come out now.At least you found this site.You will find it helps,hopefully.I know that it helps me just to know that people feel the same pain I do.It helps me feel not so alone.There is so many kind people here.In the real world no one wants to talk about it,and I feel very alone.Thanks for sharing your story.

My cousins wedding is in a month.My father was living with her and her fiance when he passed.My father was supposed to be in the wedding.My cousin was on the phone with him,on her way to get my dad during his last breaths and she found him.I'm excited for them,but I'm so scared I wont be able to make it through without having a melt-down and ruining the whole thing.I already get teared up at the thought of being with all the people who loved him,that were the closest to him,with-out him.I hope god gives me the strength I need to not ruin my cousins wedding.

Thank you Marty,again you are right.I think I will continue to "grin and bear it"with her,and already I have limited my time with her.I just know that if god forbid something happened to her I would be very sorry for such intolerance on my part.She is my only parent now after all.I do love her,even if I dont like her all that much right now.I have been so blinded by myself lately.Naimh told me that it sounded like she was in alot of her own pain,and I think she is right.My mother has never lost someone she loves.Not even her grandma!She has no idea how it feels,and I guess I need to remind myself of that every once in a while.Thanks again.

Marty,I thought I would ask my question here.I'm having a hard time with my mom.My family is super small,my mom and dad had been divorced 20 years and frankly my mom couldnt stand my dad,and said so often.She got a new boyfriend right as my dad died.She introduced me to her new bf while I was throwing up in her bathroom from the grief of my dad dying 2 days earlier.She told me the day before the funeral that my dad was in hell.She rolls her eyes if I cry in front of her.I tried to talk to her about how much I needed her and she said I was an adult with my own kids,and I dont need her.I told her an amazing story,that happened to me,it was that randomly at work (I waitress),I just so happened to wait on a nice lady and her husband.come to find out she was a morticion(?),i asked for what funeral home,(never saying a word about my dad just passing)and she names the funeral home my dad's funeral was just at.I told her so,and she asked his name.I told her and she cried,hugged me,and whispered in my ear that she "did" my father,and treated him with love and respect,like she would her own family,that he was in good hands...I cried,and it was very moving to me.I told my mom about it,and said maybe it was dad's way of telling me he was ok,and she said to me"he isnt doing anything for you,he is dead and gone forever...dead!"she was angrey and it hurt me.I'm really mad at her.I have never seen anyone act so selfish.she told my fiancee behind my back that my 2 year old is being bad because I'm so wrapped up in myself that Im not doing my job as a mom.But I have been home alone all day with a 2 year old since the day he died with no help.Please tell me how to deal with her.I want to love her,but I feel so disgusted with her,like she is toxic to me.There is so much more that she has done or said that hurt me.That's just a little.It's really bothering me.And I am looking into counseling,I know it will help me.I'm a talker!

I will be thinking of you and your daddy tomorrow.It was hard for my dad's b -day.My brother and I got together,but it was sad.I know what the numbness is like.How it goes back and forth.Sometimes numbness is worse because like you said,sometimes its better to feel.I hope its not too sad.And I hope your cold goes away,too.take care sweetie.

Marty,Im sorry that I was touchy.I dont know why I would have got defensive.You are right about other people,I dont have the energy to CONFRONT them,or even put much thought behind why they arnt there for me now.The truth is this was going on before he died.Now I'm just hurt that they seem to avoid me.I guess I just feel lonely.It's no excuse for me to be snappy at anyone on this site.Most important,you have been there to listen to me and givin me some great advice.I must admit that I have acted the same way to people before this happened to me.I didn't realize the severe pain that grief inflicts.I really should look harder at myself and stop thinking that the world revolves around me and my pain.When you say we have to learn to cope with our isolation it makes so much sense.As for saying what I need,I just wanted these 2 friends to just call once.Just to say hi.It's been two months,and I'm waiting it out,cause I dont want to bug them if they dont want to talk to me.IDK.Marty my huge problem right now is with my mom.I have something else I want your advice on,but I will post else where.I'm sorry again,I'm a nice person,and I know you didnt deserve my dramatics.

jmb,thanks for your reply.I have been having a hard time with others,and feeling frustrated.My family is small,and they are not helping at all.I'm just at a loss when it comes to friends and family.I just need to work on myself,I guess.I cant believe your sisters family acted like that.Actually,I can believe it.I'm sorry,you didnt deserve that.I have people in my life that put alot of attention on academics and material things,and honestly,they seem like the most un-happy people.I kinda got offended yesterday with someone on this site,I feel kinda bad about it,but it was about my old friends.They seem to have forgot all about me,which is not ok in my book.This person said that you have to put in energy to a friendship if you want it returned.She said since I'm grieving I dont have the energy,and friends arnt supposed to be our counselors.I honestly dont put any pressure on my friends to be like a counselors.I try to not talk about it,and frankly,they dont call or pick up when I call them.I'm sorry,but friends should be there for you,in my book anyway,and I KNOW I'm there anytime they have needed me.I since have been trying to change my life and who I consider friends.Sorry,I'm rambling,Thanks for listening.tata for now friend,try to smile

I understand what you are saying,but I put way more energy into my friends then they do me.I'm always there when they need to talk.Like I said,they havnt even called in 2 months!I dont vent to my friends.Just one,and she is family of sorts.I feel the same,it should be a two way street.But as far as friends go,I would like to feel like my friends would be there,no matter what.As for therapy,that's their job.so of course they would be there for you.and yes I did read all the post.Thanks for your help.

my dad died 3 months ago..I know it dosnt sound right,but I'm sure glad to hear someone else is in so much pain still.My chest still hurts,it freaks me out cause dad died of a heart attack at 49.At first I thought I was having heart pains,which I guess I kinda am,but it's my heart breaking.I cry every single day.People are starting to think I'm nuts,I can tell.Now people say,you should see a therapist.I sometimes think they are right,but I also take offense.It's almost like saying,your grief is not normal,you need help.IDK,Im just lost.I wake up thinking"I have to call dad" It honestly takes a few min. for my head to catch up with reality.

Sheiss,thank you so very much.I'm so sorry about your dad.It was a blessing that my dad went fast.I wish I had some warning,for my own selfish reasons.But at least there was no suffering.He went from feeling great to gone in 10 minutes.My husband has tried very hard,but he dosnt relate.I have a pink floyd phrase in my head alot"all in all your just another brick in the wall"..lol..I dont know if it makes sense to anyone but me,but I have a feeling you know what I mean.I'm having the most trouble with my mom right now.(she hated my father)and she has a narrow mind when it comes to death...I had to id my dad's body,and lately that memory has been replaying in my mind.I want to remember him well,and happy,but that is not what plays in my mind.I worry I'm going nuts.I'm here for you to vent or talk to.Thank you,and good luck honey,hang in there.

Marty,thank you for the link.The article was spot on.I kinda wanted to post it on our board at work,but everyone would know who it came from.lol.

Niamh,Iknow I just blabbed to you on our message board,but Im gonna say yes,I feel the same.About all of it.Except the person who is the meanest and most thoughtless is my mom.My friends started to avoid me after his funeral,and have since stopped talking to me all together.It's great to feel like you have done something wrong,when someone you loved with all your heart has been ripped away from you.<_<I dont much have energy to be hurt by all this,but I know deep down,this is changing me.xo

I'm just so glad that I came here today and seen 2 others posting the same exact way I'm feeling.I have been the EXACT same.I worry it's me,but I cant help it.Also I find everyone selfish and rude.I feel so hateful inside.I feel like I should be over it.But I'm far from over it.It's not fair to expect us to be over it,right?

I had that happen to me.My dad left 3 voice messages on my phone the day he died.I called the phone company and told them I HAD to keep these messages.Some dumb*ss told me they would stay if I kept saving them every once and a while.One day amonth later,I went to listen to my sweet dad's voice,and bam.They were gone.It broke my heart.still does.And also I have been having the hardest time with my family and kids.I feel like no one cares or understands.And no one helps with my 2 little ones.It's very hard on me.I'm so very lonely and so very sad(and furious).

That is awful for you!Im so very sorry for you.Of course you would have p.t.s.I dont see how anyone could get over that.I'm sure you never will.I have no advice.I only wanted to say that I'm so sorry,and if you ever need to vent or talk about what happened,I'm always up for listening.Stay strong honey.

I'm so sorry for your loss.How awful for you and your whole family.My father died suddenly in jan.He was 49 and my very bestfriend.More like a big brother.I have also been having trouble with my children,boyfriend,mother(she hated my dad and always said so.she even told me he was in hell 2 days after he died).I think of councling too,but I dont want to.I think I have a problem,but then again,how are we supposed to feel?My boyfriend was great for the first two weeks,now it's like everyone has moved on without me.I'm very lonely,confused on how to feel.I even cant stand anyone who I used to think was a friend.People are really clueless and selfish.I just had to share with you our similar feelings.Maybe because we are at the same stage?Our losses were close together,so maybe it's normal.(ha ha,I dont know normal anymore).take care honey.

Hi jmb.Im sorryfor the loss of your sister,and parents.My father passed in jan.I have been having the hardest time with my other relationships.My fiancee and I go back and forth.My 2 small kids drive me nuts.I cant stand any of the people I was friends with.I cant stand going to work.The list goes on and on.If I had the energy I would be worried.I have had lots of deaths in my pass,but the loss of my dad so suddenly has consumed me.He was 49,and I was very close to him.I'm angry that people dont understand my grief,and now that it's been 3 months,everyone else is over it.I feel alone.Family is so difficult,isnt it?I really wanna seperate myself from my other family.Is it wrong to stop your relationships that are not healthy for you,even if that's your family?Thats what I wonder.I cant imagine what it would be like to bury a sister.That has got to be so hard.I want to take the lesson from my dad's death,to live your life to the fullest and be loving and kinder,but like you,I struggle with basic things and have no energy or urge to do those things.I hope I get better soon.To me it makes sense that you would grieve all your losses.And I hope we are both in a normal spot for grief.It was only Jan. for both of us.That isnt really long at all.If you dont mind,I wonder what you think about my family problems(and friend problems)?Take care of yourself,you are not alone.

Sharla,it sounds to me like you are doing everything in your power to make him happy and feel loved.I think he is very lucky to have you as a daughter,you sound like his angel.I think a note would be the perfect way to say all you feel.