loulou

Jodo...I just read on another site that you use that name because that's what your dad called you.I'm Lou Lou because that's my dads nickname for me.I dont think I ever heard him call me Lila,my real name.He was all about nicknames.It's kinda cool.Something to remind us.

Hello Sharla,Im very sorry for what your going through.I lost my dad on Newyears,suddenly.I cannot imagine the pain of watching you father die a slow death.I always feel so lucky that my dad went very fast.But Im gonna agree with jodo when we say,please tell your dad how Thankful you are that he became your father.How appriciated he is.Every single day of my life I just wish for 1 more minute with him so I could tell him I knew how much he did for me,and how grateful I was to have him.I know it's hard to say those things,because it makes it real to him and you,that time is running out.I have really been wondering lately...what are we living for?what is life about?It seems brutal,to live life,make connections,have love,and then someone dies,and they go somewhere else,or nowhere,and the people left behind cant live their lives without being destroyed.You dont have to apologize for anything you write,because everyone here has been through loss,and we are here to listen,and share our own stories,because writing your feelings to people who truely understand and reading others,so you know people understand helps so much that I cant even put it in to words.The minute I wrote my 1st post,maybe even when I read someone elses post,I felt myself start to heal a little.Stay strong,you sound so very strong.We are here to listen.Keep your head up.

Hey sweetie.finally your dad's story.I'm so sorry for you.You know how I feel.The same way.Although we did not have to make the decision to take him off support.How awful for you and your family.I had messages on my phone of my dad,and even though the phone company said the would save,they cancelled and I was devastated.I will never be the same either,and I dont think anyone understand.I got treated badly by the hospital,organ donation people,the funeral home,and more.I was his next of kin.Everyday is a struggle.Every moment,too.I wish I could move on a little but I'm stuck on my precious dad.I miss him.I want him back so bad my chest hurts.I'm thankful I have people here that actually care about our stories, and our pain.Goodluck honey.

Kavish,Your post helps.My dad was actually a very huge part of me because he has been my bestfriend my whole life.He wasnt the best Father Figure,but he was the one person that knew me through and through.He was the bestfriend I could have hoped for.He never judged,and was always there for ANYTHING.During high school,I lived with him [not my mom] and he was the coolest funnest person in the world.I grew up and our relationship changed again.We have children the same age,so we would spend hours on the phone everyday for the last 10 years chatting like old ninnies.The most people mis understand is that I lost my dad AND my bestfriend.I talked to him 3 times the day he died.I think I understand your loss of a bestfriend.Its unbelievable.I also loss a close friend to murder when I was a teen.I witnessed her murder and testified against her murders.Im very glad you responded.You made me remember how much he was my FRIEND and daddy.Missing him as him,not just my father is painful.I'm sorry for your loss.Im here if you ever need to vent.

My father died on New Years day this year.I'm having trouble with every occasion.Birthdays,and Easter so far are the ones I had to deal with,but I can tell EVERY holiday is gonna be tough.I'm having a hard time with everything in my life.All my relationships are suffering.I cant help how I feel,but I guess I should try to hide it better because no one understands.I lost my father suddenly too.I'm sure its very normal to feel the loss more on holidays.Holidays are for families,and we are both missing a huge part of that.I'm sorry you lost your dad.It hurts,I know.Good luck to you.I would like to know if it gets better too.By the way,I had a friend in high school named Rose.My dad nicknamed her rose-bud.Ironic.

Niamh,you are always there for me.You seem to know just how Im feeling.I even went to the bookstore today to find the book you recommended.I couldnt find it though.not yet anyway.It is hard every holiday without our daddies.I just couldnt face any family today who is all chipper and happy.Why dont people understand?I will never know.My brother did call to tell me he is feeling sad,and how much he misses dad,too.

Well,It's Easter Sunday.I have just been left behind by my fiancee and son.I'm sitting here alone and after 3 long months I cant seem to get my life back to normal.My fiancee just asked me how long Im gonna use the excuse of being sad about my dad.I'm so hurt by those words.I know everyone in my life is sick of me,but I honestly dont talk about it constently,I'm just very very sad.I miss my dad so much that every occasion that comes up I cant stop thinking of him.My realtionship with my fiancee is crumbling,the one with my mom is crumbling,my friends also.I feel that it is my fault,but how can it be my fault when I didnt cause this?Why cant people give me more slack?No one loved him like I did,but cant they at least let me have my grief?I need some honesty about this,so please let me know,am I causing this?Is it unhealthy for me to still be devestated by this?How should I handle all of my relationships?they are falling apart with the rest of me.I'm sitting here crying my eye's out,on Easter.I used to spend every Easter with my dad and grandpa and grandma.They are all dead now,and I have never felt more vunerable or alone.I need something,but he is gone.

Honey,I seen this a day or so ago and I waited for someone to reply to you.If you look under I think the loss of spouse forum there is someone...IMBLESSED..I think,anyway,she lost her husband and the same thing happened to her.Of course you could be in shock.I dont know.But there are other people that have experienced this same thing.You are not alone.It happens.And you should feel lucky although I'm sure your feelings may feel like a rollercoaster sometimes too.I'm sorry for your loss.I lost my closest parent 3 months ago.It is a rollercoaster,but I hope you continue to feel some kinda peace.good luck dear,and keep me posted on how you are feeling, ok?

I have not lost my husband.I lost my dad recently.I have to say I reached a place where I am thinking outside my own pain.I have been crying about my dad's wife and her loss lately.I cant imagine how hard it would be to lose your partner and soul mate.Im so very sorry.I have no answers for you.I keep thinking of a song I know that brings me to tears when I hear it,and for some reason You are making me think of it.Its James Blunt-goodbye lover.Be prepared to cry your eyes out,but its beautiful.It show cases a super close love and connection that was lost.I will be thinking of you.good luck honey.

Im so humbled right now.I just came to this forum.I just lost my father,so I always read those post.I am a mother of 2 boys and my heart is bleeding for you right now.Your story is heart-breaking.You are so strong.Thank you for making me realize that although I lost my dad,I should open my eyes and pay attention to my blessings.How dare I feel sorry for myself.I will try to be stronger,and I will be thinking of you and Kingston.

I also am going in and out of numbness.Yes,judo,I do watch all those ghost hunting shows.I love them.And I'm going to see a famous medium this summer,which I cant wait for.I want to believe in the afterlife AND god,but thats against my moms beliefs.[not mine]It seems like you ,Niamh and I are kinda like 3 lost little girls who found each other.I'm glad you found us.We are here for each other when the world dosnt seem to understand.I just keep thinking that Im weird for crying everyday still.Thank goodness for this site.Niamh and I love to say our daddies are up there talking to each other,guiding us towards each other.Let's say they have your dad shooting the breeze now too,guiding you to us so we can all be there for each other.xo

I had my b-day 3 weeks after my sweet father passed.It was sad and seems to make you feel like a precious part of yourself is gone.[i guess it is gone].It all hurts.His b-day was a week after mine.He would have been 50,and he was kinda looking forward to it.Then,super bowl sunday,That's dad's thing of course.On and On it goes.Will we ever be ok?I know the answer is yes,but I think b-days will always be sad.Our parents made us,and with out them there to see us turn another year,whats the point?

Jodo,I know you are having trouble posting so I wanted to say hi to you.My father died on Jan.1st,suddenly of a heart-attack[maybe],so we are on the same time table.Im relieved that you and Niamh are at the same place emotionally.I feel very alone in my grief.Also,my mom has a strong christian faith,but my dad didn't.This is causing me to question all the things I so easily excepted before.I cant believe in the closed minded beliefs anymore.My mom told me 3 days after my dad died that he was in hell.I'm not gonna belive anything that dosnt feel right to me.I dont know what to think.I dont think you are negative at all.I appriciate it actually.I have been so angry and touchy.I think everyone is getting sick of my sadness.My boyfriend told me yesterday that I was doing this to myself!Like I try.No one understands.Except for all the good people here.xo

You already know what I think!Amazing.That is beautiful,Niamh...Thank you dear,I needed to hear that today...daddys girl forever..xo

I in some ways feel like I lost my big brother.My dad died two and a half months ago.He was very young at heart.He was my bestfriend my whole life.He was daddy when I was small,and when I was a teenager,going to high school,I lived with him and his girlfriend,who was only in her early twenties.Needless to say,my dad was the coolest thing to walk the streets in my small town.I had the house everyone wanted to be at.i'm not jokeing when I say,everyone wanted to be friends with my dad.Now as an adult,my dad was simply my best driend.We talked daily.We even have children the same age.He would call and ask for my advice on parenting.He died so fast that I didnt have time to except it.All I know is how lonely I feel,how much I miss him.But it is FOR SURE all the little things that bring me to my knees.Songs,movies,everyday jokes or sayings,and ecspecially nicknames.My furnace broke a few days ago,first thing I would have done,call my dad.My mom and I had a fight yesterday...I wanted to call my dad.My little brother got into trouble at a bar...I miss my dad,and my rock.Good luck to you honey,all we can do is hold on with all our might.

Im so glad you posted this...now I dont have to ask.I hope its normal,but I have been extremely angry and irritable.I really want to cut people out so fast.I think it's because we have so much negativity around us that anymore is to much emotionaly.I keep saying that Im gonna fake it till I make it,meaning I have been acting like I deserve an oscar.I really cant stand anyone right now,except one friend that I think is the only normal person left in my life.I cant even be around my own mom,old bestfriends,co-workers I haVE ALWAYS GOT ALONG WITH.Im not sure why this is but I really feel like its everyone else.People dont know how to act with dignity and compassion.Either Im crazy or the rest of the world is...I still cant figure it out....

I love when you you say our fathers might be up there together.I get this picture in my head of them.My dad would be cracking jokes and having a ball.I love to think of them like that.I think about you daily too hun.I think we understand each other,and right now that means so much to me.I feel like I cant speak my mind or act like myself to anyone else,or anywhere else.Our souls live on right?Am I crazy for thinking that?I dont know what to think.We should try to smile.I think about my little sister,who lost our dad at 8 years old.They were close,and I feel lucky to have had him in my life that long.Try to have a good day sweetie xoxoxo

I have just passed my 2and1/2 month mark from my dad passing away.My father was my BESTFRIEND,cheerleader,protector,anything I needed.I feel lost and lonely too.Im not close to anyone that is mourning for him.It's just me.I cant tell if Im taking a long time to recover or not.I have no one to tell me whats o.k.He was so amazing,Its hard for me to see no one mourning.I was just speaking to my mom on the phone,and I said something along the lines,"oh,maybe that was a sign from dad," she said..."he isnt doing anything,he is dead and gone.dead and gone!I know you dont believe it but it's true."I dont know where that came from but it hurt my feelings,and Iv been crying all day.She had been divorced from him for 20 years,and had a strong dislike for him.But I was always daddys girl.I lived with him when they got divorced.I cant face it he is gone.We would chat for hours a day on the phone.I miss him soooo much.I wish I could have told him how much I love him,how much I appriciated all he did for me.At least I have this site,it helps not feel so alone.

Daughter...I feel like that.I just want my daddy.I have never felt so child-like.Yet here I am a 30 yr old.I want my dad back so much.

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom.I'm sure it hurts very much to see your dad with another women.My dad died 2 months ago and his younger girlfriend of 12 years,with who my dad has 2 very young children with,is already going out to the bars,ignoring my phone calls and spending alone time[whatever that means]with my dads bestfriend.The situation is a bit diffrent,but I kinda understand what your feeling.My dad's girlfriend dosn't love me,never did.She is only 5-10 years older then me.She dosnt owe me a thing,yet I wanted something from her....compassion,sympathy,a person to grieve with.My dad loved her alot,and was super good to her.He had a heart condition and she refused to work.He died of a heart attack working over time.I cant get over the anger and betrayal,but I dont like love my dad's girlfriend,and it has only been two months.I know you love your dad,and want him to be happy.If he is ready,then I guess he can choose that.I'm sorry I don't have advice,but I can imagine how frustrated and confused you are...keep us updated.Take care sweetie.

Ron...First off i wanna say,that you have a beautiful way of helping others.To your post,I have also been putting things off,and feeling so unmotivated.I just really don't care about anything right now.I have been really short tempered to everyone.I'm annoyed by my family and friends.Pushing people away and building walls around myself.I dont know why...I have not been doing paperwork,keeping up on my kids homework,cleaning.You name it,I have been putting it off.But I dont care:

Daughter,I'm glad you are able to start seeing things clearly.My dear Dad died on New years,night.I was so destroyed for the first month and a half.I thought I was going crazy.I'm a little diffrent then most,I guess,because I would look at his picture for hours crying and crying.I would listen to my messages he left me on my phone[3 from the day he died]and long for him like a child.I make endless cds of all his favorite songs and listen and remember.Last week,I stopped crying in the car EVERYWHERE I went.I still break down,but it is not as often.I can smile when a pinkfloyd or ledzepplin song comes on.[quickly,before the tears start].I wish I could see some signs that were certain,but it all seems like wishful thinking.I went to my dad's house last night to get some of my things and in the bag was my dad's photo album of my baby pictures was in it.I had never even seen those pictures before.It hurt.It felt like someone handing me my childhood back.No one cares about that album anymore.It's just a bunch of phases,isn't it?This process of mourning seems like one challange after the next.Good luck to you. From one daughter to another.

Annette..You are so right.I think the thing that is bugging me is that I'm not getting support or time with them.I have started hearing more and more that this seems to happen alot,I just had no idea.I guess it isnt even my business[something my wise old little brother said].I want to be mad,I feel my dad would be destroyed,but they say when you die you dont hold on to negative feelings.Even so it's a hard pill to swallow.I have to go there today to get my stuff from her,[pictures from the funeral and my dad's ashes],I dont know what to say or how to act.I have to admit, I'm nervous and would like to ignore this.Thank you for your calming way of seeing things.I will take a deep breath,and relax.

I too,have so much guilt.All the things I didn't say.All the things I didn't do to make his life any easier.I lived 5 min. from my dad and didnt even spend christmas,or thanksgiving with him this year.I didnt know he would be gone on new years.I talked to him everyday,but failed at telling him how much he ment to me.I know how your feeling.If only we paid a little more attention.I also know this is the stages of grief,but I feel so bad.The what ifs are always playing in my head.I just want him back for 5 min.Do you think they can hear us now?I hope so.It's the only thing that makes me feel better.Good luck to you,and myself,to make it through this phase.

Hi sweetie,Im so amazed by our similar feelings.I was unable to read for the first 2 weeks,that's a testament to how truly undone I was,because I read alot.Anyway,after 2 weeks I picked up a book I already had,but boy,did it have a new meaning.It was Allison DuBois's book,don't kiss them goodbye.It gave me a little comfort.That is who I'm going to see...but not till august!I can't wait,but Im more scared that he wont come through.I don't know what I would think.I'm already trying to tell myself he wont,so I'm not disappointed.It seems to all come together.My fiance bought me and my friends to her tour.VIP tickets,so we get to meet and talk to her.After he bought the tickets,I researched her tour,I had no idea,but she is calling it "the family connections tour"and its for anyone who has lost a family member and is having a hard time..Hello...she said she is gonna read or bring through more people then ever.This all happened within the first 2 weeks my dad died.The fact I read her book,then found out I could go see her,not to mention,she lives in arizona,where I lived with my dad when I was little,and her b-day is on mine.I don't know...we will see.I'll let you know.My mother is religious and is angrey with me for even dabbling in this"evil stuff".I feel bad for making her mad,but Im 30 and want to find my own truth.She didnt even like him for the last 20 years,and I think she is a little jealous of how much I miss him.I have a small family too.My little brother and I are the only ones left on that side.And my dads girlfriend of 12 years is now getting cozy with my dad's bestfriend.I dont know what to do.Besides refraining from hunting her down like a rat.:huh:just kidding[kinda]