Wifflesnook

Dear QMary those are too many things to bear without a little complaint. I'm so sorry for all that is going on in your family. They are lucky to have you as it sounds as though despite (or because) of your loss of Mike you are a source of strength

Will you have help when you get home Fae? I know you have many friends, and I hope they will step up

Dear Kay, you are in my heart. I'm so sorry that this is all so complex. We know in the Uk that the medical know.exge on the US is superb but you have to have good insurance. Here we have the NHS so we never have to think about money. However the NHS is reLly stressed and I think people don't always get the best treatment. I suppose older people are getting more numerous (I don't mean you, as you are a spring chicken compared to me). And there is more and more demand for it. Please keep posting here. We will now know where to look.

No problem. The vet examined her ear very closely. My dear friend Sandra put the muzzle on her, lifted her onto the table, stroked and kissed her, and held her tight. Sandra is a wonder. The vet said he didn't think it was anything to worry about. I had been expecting a totally different judgement as I'm a pessimist. So great news for me today. Thanks for prayers and concern.

It's so hard to read this and yet it somehow validates all our different grieving for our beloved ones. Reading what you write, Harry, is like looking through a clear window into your heart. Jane was a very lucky woman. I guess we all think that our love was the greatest in the world, the universe even. I've learnt by being on this forum that this is not so. I've learnt to know, to really know, the grief of others. And by knowing that I don't feel more grief stricken even though it's taught me in a real way how much sadness there is. But sharing our feelings seems to validate our own grief. I'm not expressing this at all well. (Fae would do it far far better). I hope that you can feel us reaching out to you Harry.

"YOUR LIVING MADE IT EASIER TO LIVE, YOUR DYING MAKES IT EASIER TO DIE" Wow, Ailee, that quote is so powerful and so meaningful to me. I know we have to carry on, and I've been doing so for over two years since my beloved Pete died, but I live half in this world and half wherever he is. Don't get me wrong, if you saw me talking, laughing, playing with our grand daughters, walking the dog, you would think I was fine. But when we lose the person who made everything meaningful we cannot help but be changed utterly. Your love for Bob shines through. I'm so pleased you have found this place. It helps me so much. Your pain will be acknowledged. Jan

How truly wonderful Fae, that you felt Doug near you. When you are better tell us more about how you keep him close. I'm always trying to keep Pete close because ultimately it's all that matters to me. I know I have to stay in this world for a while (mostly for my family especially our little grands) but really I want to keep my Pete close. After three years I know that not much else matters to me. I a, so so happy that the operation was successful. Be well. Jan

Thanks. I have an appointment tomorrow. I think it won't be life threatening but very difficult for a sensitive and challenging dog and expensive for me if they need to investigate further.

Oh thanks Rita. Thanks

Yes Ailee. We are like you. My beloved Pete died after 50 years of happy marriage. I've found this site has helped me connect with people who understand a loss which can never be got over, but we have managed to somehow carry on with help. You are so raw and new in your grief now. Please tell us all about yourself and your husband. Jan

My dog Kelbi has a problem. She is a spaniel and I know they get ear problems. Anyway she was scratching her ear a lot so I took her to the vet who said she had a yeast infection but he also noticed a lump inside her ear. The drops seem to have helped the yeast infection but now I'm fretting a lot about the lump. I have to take her back for him to investigate. He may suggest all sorts of expensive treatment. Biopsies etc. I'm worried. Jan

Yes I second that Kay. But it applies to,you too.

QMary, I am so very sorry about your sister's set back. Jan

You are in my thoughts today dearest Fae. Jan

I saw that wonderful piece on your Facebook earlier and can relate to everything in it. I think our hearts are much closer to the surface now aren't they? Our preoccupations are different. We see everything through the prism of our loss. I'm with you in spirit Fae as you go through the surgery and Kay and Anne, be well. It's morning here, a rather dull day. Yesterday I was going through some of Pete's photos and labelling and dating some of the ones he didn't. And I thought "who will want to look through so many?". In the old days we had to make do with a roll of 24 or 36. Once we all went digital it was shot after shot after shot. But every photo was a moment in time. One in which Pete and I were happy. So each one has value to me and that is all that matters. And I count myself deeply blessed to have so many. Pete didn't beleive in thinking too much about the past. He believed in living in the moment. But he would forgive me for dwelling there. And I still walked Kelbi, listened to Bach, gardened, finished a novel and read part of a book on consciousness. I have a problem of needing to achieve something every day. Pete used to say it was the Protestant work ethic which he thought too strong in me. I still suffer from it. I need to just 'be' sometimes.

Anne you and I were writing simultaneously x

Fae your determination to carry on makes me feel humble. Even in your situation you are thinking how to support others. And I know how genuine that is. I wish we could all be closer, go along for hospital appointments, visit each other when needed., but just think if this were even 2000 rather than 2014 we wouldn't even be in touch like this. I feel so close to you all even though thousands of miles separates us. Keep writing. Today I spent some time going through my beloved Pete's photos from 2004/6. Sometimes I thought, why keep these photos of flowers, scenes, etc. (obviously I keep the ones of people). But then I thought (and of course I thought it was put into my head by Pete), 'Either nothing matters or everything matters'. This is either very profound or totally meaningless! Possibly both at once! So I kept them, even though I have to admit that no one else may ever want them. But Pete took the photos. To me they are precious. So. I shall write this in my journal today. Either nothing matter or everything matters. If I'm to carry on I have to beleive that everything matters.

Our loved ones would (are) be so please we have found blessed people we can share our deepest feelings with. There is no one near me physically that I can do that with. Our daughter is too busy and anyway I don't wish to distress her. My best friend and neighbour has medical issues which make me reluctant to trouble her. But I know I can talk to people here. I'm sure I'm like many of you and still hold back often from sharing deep sadness in the hope that it will be a passing thing. My grief, always present, ebbs and flows. We are all ultimately alone inside our heads but if we can share a little I'm sure it helps.

We don't have Thanksgiving in the UK of course but I'm sending greetings and thanks to all my friends on the forum. Jan

Great news Fae. Be blessed. Jan

Anne how I wish I could have been with you as you went through this. It would have been no compensation for Jim but better than nothing. I dread going through any medical procedures without Pete alongside. I've had a pain in my head lately. It comes and goes and of course I think brain tumour even though it's unlikely. But the thought of having any tests etc and having to travel many miles to a hospital alone terrifies me. I'd have been frightened even if Pete were there but the thought of doing it alone is too much. However I say that and know that we just have to do these things. And I've had recurrences of this pain from time to time and it's just gone away again. You brave brave soul. And Fae, and Kay, and Mary's SIL. Oh how I feel for everyone. I know that after a devastating loss we tend to be more likely to be ill ourselves. I'm with you in spirit. Jan

This is such a hard topic. Whatever the circumstances of our loved ones last days (and I wasn't with Pete but was with our daughter giving birth) we will for ever beat ourselves up about it. We have to forgive ourselves. It's so clear that we all loved our beloved ones more than our own lives. And they too reciprocated. I'm glad I'm the one bearing the burden. I'm glad my Pete didn't have to live without me. I Know that his death in whatever circumstances would be unbearable for me. I hope he knows that I did everything I could in the circumstances, given that we don't have hindsight.

What a small world we live in when we are all together feeling each other's problems and difficulties. Be well,soon Fae. Love Jan (and I don't throw my love all over the place)

Fae I am so grateful to have you back, catastrophes and all. I am flabbergasted (do you have that word in the States) that so-called professional help should be so useless. But you need good support right now. Are you getting it? Please keep writing to us. We need you more than I can say.

Oh Fae. We missed you so much and had no idea what was going on with you. Be well. Jan