Wifflesnook

Jason I am so so sad for you and I hope you can get some help even though I know that nothing will really help with the devastatimg grief you must be feeling. But as Marty says you need practical as well as emotional help and I do hope you are getting it. Please come here to share feelings. Everyone will listen with empathy.

This evening I did a meditation on grief by Belleruth Naparstek. I know that Fae rates her highly. This is beautiful. I'd listened a while ago but had forgotten it. I recommend it to everyone. It brought me to tears but that was a good out come

Thanks to everyone. I'm not worrying too much now

Pete and I found a cottage in 2001, bought it and lived in it in bliss for over ten years. I'm still living here, alone, but not alone. He is still with me. That poem meant a lot to us when we first read it. On Valentine's Day, when we are all missing our beloved ones, it seems a good one to post here.

Here it is. by William Henry Davies Come, let us find a cottage, love, That's green for half a mile around; To laugh at every grumbling bee, Whose sweetest blossom's not yet found. Where many a bird shall sing for you, And in your garden build its nest: They'll sing for you as though their eggs Were lying in your breast, My love-- Were lying warm in your soft breast. 'Tis strange how men find time to hate, When life is all too short for love; But we, away from our own kind, A different life can live and prove. And early on a summer's morn, As I go walking out with you, We'll help the sun with our warm breath To clear away the dew, My love, To clear away the morning dew.

Pete and I loved W H Davies. There is another poem, about a cottage, which truly resonated with us. I will try to find it.

Just an update on Kelbi. I haven't been to the vet yet because my lovely friend Sandra hasn't been available. Kelbi isn't a bit bothered by the lump and now it's half term so our daughter and her two littlies are coming to stay. So it won't be until,the following week that I take her to the vet and I think he/she will take a sample and I'm hoping it will just be a lipoma. It's big but no bigger I think. I will let you know and thanks so much for concern.

Yes, Anne. It is. That void in our lives can never be filled but we march on. And in some way they are with us. I have to beleive that.

Anne, I only just read that poem. Oh it's beautiful. I'm going to copy it into my special book tonight if I can see through the tears I know it will bring into my eyes. Thank you

Dear Anne Valentine Day was special for us too. Pete often made a Valentine card for me and I have of course kept them all. I shall put one on the mantelpiece I think. Though as its half term and our daughter and the girls are vsiitng I shan't be alone. Last year they made me one, which was so thoughtful. All that love from our husbands and back is still in our hearts. Until we die it will be there. I too have done a bit of decluttering. One thing related to cooking I know I should do and that is empty all Pete's spice jars and wash them and give them away. Three years is too long for spices to remain any good even if I wanted to use them. Pete was a good keen cook and has become very good at Indian curries so he had lots of spices all ready. I'm not sure if I can touch them. These things cause so much extra pain don't they? I'm working on our web site which hasn't been touched since early 2011. I've had to change the home page to acknowledge Pete has died. I have also to change other pages and then do an upload. It's got lots about the history of our area and I think it's worth keeping it going so I am determined to do it. These are all small steps. For tnose who are earlier than we two in loss my message is that we do what we can when we can. I do push myself a bit, but I treat myself with tenderness, just as Pete would. On Valentine's Day I shall think of all of us who have lost best loved spouses. Jan

Fae it's morning here and the day of your Doug's transformation to another place. I hope you can feel him close. Love from England

Dear Fae I'm waiting until next week before taking Kelbi to the vet to look at her lump. I pushed it about a bit and it seems to move which suggests it may be a lipoma but I think they will want to do a biopsy and I'm worried of course. But hoping. This is my poem. It was written last year to remember what Pete and I did every full moon. We would go into our garden, look east over the sea for the full moon (and it always amazed us how often the clouds parted for us to see it) and kiss. Pete was six feet tall and I am not much more that five feet so I stretched up and he leaned down. Now I try to go out, look up to my right, shut my eyes and kiss my hand and pretend it's my Pete. Each full moon kiss That we two shared Was time stacked up and Love for me Alone to find As in a bank Of love From you My darling Pete

Dear Anne, that is good news. How much time does your therapy take? And what do you have to do? I'm so very very glad that you are seek g results. X

Harry, you are one of the most inspiring people I have ever 'met' and after all this time on the forum I feel I know you. You give so much of your inner being to your NET campaign but I can only imagine what it means to have to revisit constantly the loss of Jane, and the illness too, when you have to see it happening to others. Much of my life seems to be spent in trying to distract myself from the empty hole at the centre of my life. You can't avoid it because of the way you spend much of your time. I'm sure you know that the path you have taken is the right one, that you are making Jane's death help others, even if it's a hard cost for you. I'm sure she is proud of you wherever she is. I think like mine your 'faith' isnt a. conventional one, but I'm sure as I can be that our beloved ones walk along side us somehow (despite my rational nature I persevere in that). But you don't need us to tell you that you need to attend to your own needs too. What would Jane say?

This will be a really useful thread Anne. Thank you.

I was patting my Kelbi's chest and found a large lump. She is eight and a cocker spaniel. I know they are prone to lipomas and I so hope that is what it is. She has had little lumps but this is big. I can't think how I missed it. Oh I do hope it won't be cancer. I am making an appointment for next week as then my dear friend Sandra can come too as she is wonderful with Kelbi who has a vet phobia and has to wear a muzzle.

Yes thank you. I just read it and posted a poem.

My dear Fae I'm back home after almost a week with my little grand daughters and daughter, and catching up with the forum. I will light a candle for you and your beloved Doug. I just bought a lovely scented candle yesterday and all day I kept thinking it was a special day, 2nd February. And only now when it has turnes into the 3rd has it dawned upon me that it was Imbolc or Candlemas which Pete and I celebrated with a house full of candles. I did light one last night and tonight it's full moon and I shall light it. I do so know how you feel about the uncertainty of life after losing our beloved partners. I too felt protected when Pete was alive. And now I've lost that feeling and am aware of how fragile everything is. We have to live with this and it's hard. I'm holding hands with you, especially as you approach your three years without your best beloved. Jan

Thanks Fae, I did have a rest but because of the weather I had to fetch them back early. Their mother has now arrived safely back from London (I always worry about her) and the four year old is now asleep and I am aboit to have a well earned głass of wine. Yes,I'm do have a daughter who is very appreciative, which is nice. But at 73 I have to confess to finding it tougher looking after little ones than I did when bringing up my children when I was quite a young mother. I admire my daughter tremendously as she is a single mother and in her forties.

Just delivered two little ones to nursery and school. It meant a five am wake up as my daughter had to catch a bus at six to catch a train at seven to get to London. Phew. I won't say it was easy, especially as we had a snow fall overnight and I didn't dare risk taking the car out. So we had to walk to the bus stop, just miss a bus, wait 13 minutes, then deliver Rosie-Mae to nursery, walk E to school getting lost on the way because I'm not familiar with doing it from that direction, and 15 minutes walk back once she was safely at school. I am now drinking coffee in daughter's bed before tackling house work. Well done Jan I am saying. I always find being here without Pete very painful. It's ok when I'm surrounded by littlies but on my own I get very sad. But I will make myself useful once I have rested. I love reading about what you have been doing everybody. I feel we know each other. With that in one here is a photo with my two littlies for you.

We have snow in Leeds (yorkshire) and I shall have to take the little ones to school and nursery on the bus as getting the car out in a city in snow isn't something I feel confident about. Our daughter lives in the suburbs and if we get two inche's we all go mental! With excitement. The girls will be so happy when they see the snow. You folks in the States would be so amused at how English people react to snow,

Anne, my dear dear friend, I'm humbled by you. I think you and I are about the same age (73 give or take?) and we have both lost the loves of our lives. And we both looked after them, though you longer than I. And since your beloved Jim's death you have had many extra burdens to bear. And your attitude truly humbles me. As Marty says you can still manage some humour in the hardest times. Your family and friends are so lucky to have you in their lives and we, in the virtual world are also lucky. My thoughts are with you. I wish I could just hug you. Jan

Lovely. Thank you Anne

Yes, Fae its tomorrow I go to visit my littlies. I've just ordered a set of card games to play with them. Tonight I've got a meeting of my local history group. It means returning to an empty house ( well not quite empty as my lovely cocker spaniel is here) but usually my lovely friend Sandra comes over so I don't have that sadness. But she can't tonight as her grandsons are staying with her. I should be strong enough for this now but I still need props and tonight I haven't got her. Oh well I've done this before. We all know that aloneness we have to deal with and if course I will cope. I'm sending warm vibes to you all.

Yes me too. I will live with my grief for Pete until I die. I suppose Ive reached a kind of plateau, though sometimes I slip off it into a pit. I miss him more than I can ever articulate. It's like a physical pain sometimes. But I bear it. There isn't an alternative. And I find talking here to people who share my feelings is helpful.