KarenK

Gwen, so sorry to hear about all the medical stuff you are facing and now your dog. I watch a lot of "Pit Bulls and Parolees" and some of the dogs have trouble breathing due to heartworms, but there is medicine for it that kills the heartworms. Not saying that's what it is, but just made me think of it. This has been an expensive time for us with the dogs. Tatum's injury a few weeks ago cost $748 and have spent around $300 so far with Marley's Lupus and bladder infection and it's ongoing. She will be on some type of medicine for the rest of her life. She's had a few accidents in the house with the bladder thing. When I find them, she just looks up at me with sad eyes like she's apologizing. I know for sure she's not feeling well. I am really fortunate that my son is here to help. I am getting a new range tomorrow as parts for the old one are non existent so my son cleaned up the old range hood and unloaded and moved the kitchen island and mopped. These are things I could have done fine five years ago, but no more. I was used to doing everything around the house and the yard because Ron was too ill even before the cancer. Now I get out of breath running the vacuum. That is a gift from smoking and COPD which you may know.

Kay, I'm so sorry to hear all the terrible things that are going on with your sister. As well as her pain talking, it may be some medications causing the suicidal urge. Don't know if she is on antidepressants, but some of them cause that for sure. Plus, I know she's not happy being away from the comfort of her own home. It is a sweet thing your BIL said. Maybe you are one of the few who see his true self. Does she have any pets that can visit to maybe cheer her up? Just a thought....... A friend of Ron's and mine has a younger sister(early 50's) who has Alzheimer's. She started getting lost whenever she drove anywhere so her family finally confiscated her keys. Her husband has now quit his job to stay home with her. She can't be alone as she goes outside and gets lost in the neighborhood. It is a frightening thing and something I'm sure many of us fear as we get older. My poor Marley now has a bladder infection. She is on Prednisone for the Lupus for a few weeks which , of course kills the immune system. Can't exactly keep a dog away from bacteria when it has to go outside to do it's business. Thinking of all of you as we face another day of life's trials on our own.

Kay, I'm so sorry this has happened to your sister. I hope today's surgery is successful and her healing can begin. There seems to come an age in our lives where we become dispensable, less important. This is quite evident in the medical profession, possibly because we are worth less money to them now. I won't repeat all the medical errors made with Ron that delayed his cancer treatment, but suffice to say he might have lived longer and in much less pain, had they not been made. Would he have received more meticulous care, had he been 35 instead of 65? I don't know, but it sure seems that way. I'm sure there are so many complaints about this swept under the rug that no more will fit. Sending good vibes to you and your Peggy today.

Marg, don't think I'm true redneck, but I'm sure some of that West Virginia boy I lived with all those years rubbed off on me. I am probably just West Texas country. I still remember that letter I found in my mother's things. It was from her oldest brother to their father as he sent home his wages from overseas during WWI telling "Daddy" to use the money to buy chickens. I got a kick out of that. Today is the day, I lost my Kentucky cowgirl as the lightning flashed and the thunder roared and her hubby said "Honey, your ride is here" and she left in a storm of her own. That night is forever burned in my mind, but I will get through as I have many times before. Happy Birthday to your two girls. Love Ya

Katie, We stand beside you in your grief. I think even if we each had an answer to our "Why", it would still not be good enough. I am so very sorry for all the burdens you must carry. Peace to you, my friend.

I'm sure I've told this before, but my daughter loved horses. She fulfilled her dream of owning them when they got their farm. They had a Western wedding and rode into a rodeo arena to be married. Horses definitely have different temperaments. Her paint gelding, Johnnybegood was sneaky & standoffish and would bite you if he could. Her bay filly, 6 months old,she named Shania. That little mare followed her around like a giant puppy. When Debbie got cancer, she couldn't ride anymore, but the little mare was one of the things that kept her alive. An old cowboy in Wyoming(35 at the time, LOL) handed me the reins and threw me up on a horse when I was 11. No saddle, just hang on and go, so I did. I did a lot of bareback riding. On a saddle, never used the stirrups. Was only thrown once by a Welsh pony, of all things. Didn't like little horses. Rode a runaway through the trees without a bridle once. Didn't like that either. LOL Oh, the good ol' days. One thing to remember. Always make sure the horse knows YOU are in charge.

Oh Polly, How awful, just awful! I'm so glad she had an angel of sorts on her shoulder, although I'm sure she doesn't feel like it right now. Watching our children suffer is the worst. Sending good vibes that she will soon be healed and pain free.

Gwen, I hear you loud and clear. 99% of the commercials are so stupid, they actually deter my interest in the product. Mostly, I just ignore them. I watch a LOT of TV, the ID channel, HGTV, Nat Geo, and Animal Planet. Was never into soaps. I lived in one. Enjoy watching the new mini-series "Yellowstone". My man, Kevin Costner, plus filmed near Ennis, Mt., another place I'd love to live. If Ron were here, it would mainly be Westerns which I like, but not 24/7. Before the guys moved here, Stouffers and take out were my best friends. Now I fix real meals for all of us, but we never eat together. They get their food and head back to their part of the house. I eat in the family room with the dogs as companions, as they know I will always give them the last couple of bites. It is not the same kind of loneliness that you live, but a loneliness nonetheless. Kind of an "only have a conversation if it's absolutely necessary" loneliness. Does that make sense? I know they love me, but it seems we are on different planets. Oh, well........... My doctor wants me to come in for another appointment. I have COPD, low potassium, and blood in my urine, none of which is new. I don't want to see a urologist and I'm not sure I want to know if there is something seriously wrong. I've had my fill of suffering, hospitals, and death. Not ready to leave this earth, but not sure I'd be missed.

Kay, I have storage cabinets, shelves, lawnmower, and yard tools on my back porch. According to the city, you can't even have that visible in the back. You are supposed to have a 6 foot block wall or solid fence. Knock on wood, they don't seem concerned about back yards. I'm glad you got enough money to get your repairs done. I worry about you alone and struggling. Old age was supposed to be a time for relaxing and enjoyment. What happened to us? I read what you said about Medicare nosing into your medications. They called me every day last week. I didn't answer. Don't know why they would care about my medications because I use Walmart's Humana. Who Knows? I'm sure they would be happier if we old folks would just die off.

The yard is not huge, but big enough that it would cost around $2,000 to gravel landscape it. I would do it just to get the city off my back if I could. They are big on conserving water here, except when it is to their advantage by collecting more money on water bills. Yes, the fines and the city codes are ridiculous. That is why you can't fight them unless you have a ton of money. It's too bad I have the courage of my convictions, but nothing to back them up with. It is no wonder I am half crazy! Last night, Tatum goes outside to do her thing. Cat is in yard. Cat sees dog, streaks across yard just as Marley barrels out the front door. Cat streaks back across yard with Marley following. Cat is cornered, tries to jump fence, doesn't make it and lands on Marley biting a hole in her ear and biting or clawing her poor nose which is already raw from the lupus. Marley throws the cat off onto Tatum. Cat bites Tatum. Tatum has tough skin. She's okay. Marley comes in with blood running down her nose and ear. After a cleanup, she's okay too. Marley hates cats. Maybe she'll think twice before chasing another one. It felt like we were part of the Keystone Cops. Thought for a minute we were headed for another emergency vet call when I saw all the blood. Have to laugh to keep from crying. Sure would like a moment's peace. Last Sunday, my Debbie would have been 54. I wonder if anyone there remembered or put flowers on her grave. Surely her dad would or her kids. I guess I am an outsider to them now. Just lonely and rambling, I guess. Need to get a few hours sleep.

Marg, The things you write make perfect sense to me. This house has not felt like "home" to me since the night Ron died ten feet from where I now sit. Although I have lived here for fifty years and my "guys" are here with me, it is not the same. There is no joy, mostly sadness, worry, and strife. For sure, the anchor is gone as well as the captain. Makes for a very lost ship. This is stupid, but I will tell it anyway. In addition to my yearly warning from the city that my lawn needs to be kept "verdant and green"(What part of it's HOT, HOT, HOT here and grass dies in the summer, don't they understand), the new code inspector warned me that I can't store a couch on my porch unless it is patio furniture. I told him it was't being stored, that people SIT on it. Still can't have it. I covered it with a big maroon bedspread and told him it was staying. He said he would have to write me a ticket to appear before a judge. I asked when did we move to Russia, I thought this was America, the land of the free. My yard does not look like "Sanford & Son". I have the couch, three stacked lawn chairs and a rolled up garden hose. On the other hand, the alley that faces my house is full of palm fronds, trash, old mattresses and broken furniture. What's wrong with this picture? The sad thing is, in the end, the city will win. I don't have the energy or the money to fight the $2,500 A DAY penalty for not moving the couch. It is extremely heavy, but maybe I can drag it into the alley with my truck and leave it with the rest of the neighborhood decorations. THE END

Kay, Not sure if it exists anymore, but I am grandfathered on a Sears Master Protection agreement. It does cost me $850 a year, but it covers all major appliances, water heater, televisions, furnace, & AC system, most of them being replaced several times over the past several years. Some years it pays for itself, others not, but I think it averages out. For sure, appliances are not made like they used to be. My dryer is 48 years old and "knock on wood" still working okay. The main reason I keep the agreement is for the AC system. It is 32 years old and around $5,000 to replace which I definitely couldn't handle. Tatum is doing a bit better today, moving slow, but getting around. I can equate with that.

Thanks, guys. She is up and moving, albeit slowly and she lays down very carefully. It must be like when a human throws their back out. You barely want to move. She sure had us worried, remembering "Brownie" who fell backward and busted her spleen trying to jump into the jeep. Despite emergency surgery, she died. Watching our animals grow old, be injured, or get sick is heart wrenching as they can't tell you what's wrong, but they definitely appreciate you being there. Poor Tatum wanted one of us by her side all night long. Marg, it was a noble thing that Billy did, allowing that big dog the freedom to be himself. Some people see pets only as possessions, some of us see them as family members and friends. Sure don't like the carelessness or forgetfulness. Another gift of growing old. It was kind of ironic to forget my purse. When we had rushed to the vet, Robert mentioned grabbing his cigarettes and wallet as priorities. I mentioned putting on my bra, LOL, and grabbing my purse and cigarettes. For the store trip, I grabbed the grocery list and cigarettes. Guess money became unimportant. On another front, waiting for Sears to authorize replacement of my range. Heck, the current one only lasted 32 years and some parts have finally bit the dust. Will be nice to get a new one, but a hassle. Will have to unload the kitchen island and move it to put the range in. Can you imagine the dirt, grease, and grime that's behind that old range? YUK Will shut my mouth for now.

Well, 2 AM here and it's a good thing I don't sleep much as I'm keeping an eye on the big dog, Tatum. Yesterday morning, she jumped to catch a ball and twisted midair. When she landed, her back legs no longer worked. She couldn't walk or stand. We thought she had broken her back. Robert & David put her gently in the truck and we headed to the vet. After very expensive x-rays, blood work, tests, & a cold laser treatment, the vet is still a bit stymied. Although the x-rays looked okay, she does have some arthritis and may have broken off some calcium when she twisted. Or she may have some fancy named condition that has to do with embolism of the discs and instantly paralyzes the animal. In which case the paralysis may be temporary or permanent. After the sedation wore off, she has stood and taken a few tentative steps, but sits and lays down quickly. The vet said her back end would be very weak for a while, so I'm hoping in time she will be better. She has anti-inflammatory & pain meds & I got her to eat & drink a bit earlier. She is definitely one hurt doggie right now. Think I should have purchased stock in this vet clinic. Will probably be taking both dogs in next week for a (free) recheck. Had just enough time to make a quick run to Walmart before picking up dog from vet. Drove all the way there and discovered I had left my purse on the kitchen table. First time in my life, I think I have EVER left my purse behind. Oh well, no stress here. Life goes on.

Cookie, I'm so very sorry. I know how awful this is for you. So many terrible losses that we cannot control.

If the price of gas doesn't stop rising, I may have to hitchhike to the mountains. LOL It doesn't make me sad to look through the 50 odd years of albums that we accumulated. My memory is not what it used to be, so sometimes it helps. The one thing I can't look at is the CD that Debbie's brother-in-law(stepsister's husband) made for her memorial service. It is a collage of photos from her life, set to music. Many of them were new to me as she moved from here at age 15 to live with her dad in Kentucky. She was "in love", didn't work out, but she stayed because she liked Kentucky better. So many years I missed being with her. I watched the CD one time and it broke my heart.

Great pictures, Marg. Billy as handsome as ever. Where did all the years go and how did we miss our kids getting older? Debbie would be 54 this year and Robert will be 40. He was definitely my surprise baby.

Both of our dogs came from Humane Societies. We have always had big dogs. I tried walking a small dog, but it just didn't feel right. For sure, it's easier to take a small dog places though. I've only taken Marley to Petsmart and Tractor Supply, although there are dog friendly restaurants. My truck is upholstered in dog hair. LOL

Kay, We were 25 when we married. I was lost and he was hungry. He saved me from myself and I saved him from starvation. We didn't know each other well and yet stayed together for a lot of tough years. I lived in the shadow of his ex-wife's shortcomings and infidelities, something I would wish on no one, I believe in his heart he was a good man. Tatum is the "stick dog". She literally rips the branches off trees. I have half of a fig tree now. She is energetic and rambunctious and weighs 120 . She rags poor, calm Marley to death wanting to play. Debbie was my beautiful little cowgirl. I try to only remember her that way before cancer ravaged her body and soul. Robert is my very intelligent long haired hippie. Alike in so many ways, but completely different.

Marg, you look so very young and not very happy to be holding those fish. LOL Your humble beginnings are a bit like ours. Ron was working two jobs to pay for his ex wife's spending. She had taken everything but his clothes and car. Shortly after we met, his mobile home was repossessed while he was working. We had to track it down to get the clothes. He moved in with me and we were married soon after as he did not feel comfortable living with me unmarried with my child in the home. He collected $150 from friends that owed him money and we bought my wedding rings, which I still wear today. He bought me a more expensive set many years later, but these are the meaningful ones. We were married by a JP in a friend's home. We lived on "a wing and a prayer" for many years, but those were the happiest. You are on my heart, Marg. If only we could turn back the clock. I am not very good at this picture stuff. Pictures are old, but this is my family: Our wedding day in 1972About 1982 in resort hotelRobert at about 4 & Debbie at about 20Robert at 29(He will turn 40 this year. Can't imagine!)Robert's son David at 11 with Brownie(lost in 2013) He's 23 now. .My Debbie with her kids, Paul & MIchelle, husband Ranzy & son-in-law Harvey on Michelle's wedding day in 2012.TatumMarley

Just got back from the vet with my 85 lb. baby, Marley dog. It appears that she has Lupus. Not life threatening, but uncomfortable as her nose got very dry and crusty. We have been using Neosporin which is good, but vet gave us an ointment containing a steroid which is better. There is no cause or cure for Canine Lupus and she will be on ointments and possibly oral meds for the rest of her life. She has been my constant, lifesaving companion since I lost Ron and Debbie. It is nice to have someone who loves you and depends on you, even though our conversations are a bit one sided. This month marks year 4 that my Debbie has been gone. I have somehow resigned myself to the idea that this is the way things are. No amount of wishing or dreaming will bring my family back. The chances of my little family and I moving to the mountains are slimmer each day. I really have zero to look forward to, but I will follow Darrel's lead and "put one foot in front of the other" until I can no more.

Kevin, Glad you have made it home safely. Your visit looks like a wonderful adventure. Meaningless trivia here: My second cousin is the original Gerber baby, Ann Turner Cook. Have never met in person, only conversed with her and her sisters by email. She is much older and much wealthier than I am. LOL Fingers crossed for a quick sale of the house.

For years, I monitored every medication Ron was given and questioned every medical procedure that was scheduled or performed. There was the doctor who couldn't remember why he had sent Ron to the hospital for a heart procedure at 6 AM(walked right out of that one and got a new doctor), the nurse who decided on her own to put a bag of potassium(enough to stop his heart) in his IV(stopped her before it was too late), the torture as a nurse tried repeatedly to inset an IV(asked nicely and then had to scream loudly in the hallway for a PICC nurse), the non-essential catherization that shut off his bladder opening, the contrast dye during the CT that shut down his kidneys. So many medical errors that were made, I can't remember them all. In the end, they finally managed to kill him despite everything I tried to do, better yet they had me kill him by turning off the life support. As a final act, I took his unused medications to the hospital and told them to destroy them as they had finally managed to kill him. I could do no more. Needless to say, I have very little faith in or use for the medical profession.

I'll bet when we were a lot younger, we used to wonder why "older" people related the same stories over and over. We'd just listen politely and then chalk it up to senility. I think I understand now. Some of us just have no new stories or experiences to relate. We are "stuck" in those old memories with nowhere else to go. I applaud those like Brad who are able to reach for new horizons. Pretty much set in my ways too, Darrell. Not sure another person could put up with me. LOL

Gwen, This may be totally off base, but I was thinking of you and wondered if acupuncture might be a thing to try for your back. I have no experience with it at all, but have read that it is successful for some. I truly feel bad for you that you are in so much pain. If you could just get some relief, it would make it a bit easier, I know. I understand the loneliness all too well. The dogs are the only ones who pay much attention to me around here.