KarenK

Good one, MItch! My dad called it "Wooster Sauce". Easier to pronounce, I guess. To me, Wooster was the old grizzled guy on Wagon Train. A bit before your time, I bet.

A crass remark for sure, Gin. Somehow I never equated our status as "the single life". A world of difference between being single by choice or by force. I would have been offended too.

Thanks, Marty. That is in fact, where I found the info. That poem just struck me as meaningful.

"Unable to perceive the shape of you, I find you all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with your love. It humbles my heart, for you are everywhere." Last night I watched the Academy Award winner, "The Shape of Water". It is pure fantasy, of course, but I enjoyed it very much. After much research by the Library of Congress, it has been determined that the above poem(used in the movie) is a translation of an Islamic poem which probably has religious connotations. I did not interpret in that manner, but perhaps in a manner that relates more to what so many of us feel each day. It is somewhat comforting, in a way. Perhaps we are not walking this road alone, after all.

They are up and running, my friends, and have very favorable reviews. My little family and I rarely eat out, so have not been to the restaurant yet.

Kevin, Even with all the flooding, I think I would trade this desert for the beautiful trees and mountains. Was watching a movie last night with beautiful scenery. It was filmed in BC as so many movies are. Canada looks like a spectacular country.

Gwen, My heart is with you. Grief accentuates the pain and pain accentuates the grief. It is a vicious cycle. I wish so that I lived near you just to lend a shoulder to lean on. PhD certainly does not indicate expertise in Peter's case. His expertise sounds like "Show me the money", then we'll talk. I have no great words of wisdom, just know that I'm here most nights until 4 AM if you need a caring ear.

Also wishing you peace and good health on your birthday and every day, MItch. Karen

Marg, this picture reminds me of the church and graveyard where my Debbie lies, Her church is smaller, but what a beautiful place to spend eternity. Another Mother's Day approaches in which neither of us will say "Happy Mother's Day" to each other. So sad..... I spent the first couple of years after Ron left stabbing myself in the heart each time I had to let go of one of his guns or collectibles. Actually, the guns were given to my son, but we sold what we had to to survive. I had to keep telling myself that they were just things, but inside, a piece of him went with each item. I have a chest of drawers filled with all the cards we gave each other throughout the many years we spent together and a few of his personal items. Most everything else has found a new home where it is being used by someone else who needed it. I think he would understand. Most of our pictures bring good memories tinged with sadness knowing I will never visit those places again. There are few pictures of him, as he was the one taking the pictures. I have a nice photo of him from the 70's by my computer. It does not bring sadness. The ones of him and of my Debbie as their illnesses progressed are in a less conspicuous place. Gin, I hear you loud and clear on the world having passed you by. I pedal backward while the rest of the world flies forward.

Thank you for caring, my friends and thank you Kay, for asking. As time passes, it becomes a little easier to tuck the bad things away in the back of my mind. They are always there, but do not surface as often. As we all know, it only takes one little thing to bring them barreling to the surface. I will face one more on July 27. It is harder because Debbie's death was so horrific, but I will get through it. Marg, I love my big Dodge truck. I somehow feel safer in it than a car, probably because it is high off the ground and I can see better, LOL I rented a car for a few weeks to drive Ron around as he fell twice trying to climb into the truck. He no longer had the strength to climb up. I was not comfortable driving a car close to the ground. I do understand about the backing up, though. I am VERY careful. Hopefully, I won't expire before that truck does. Sure can't afford another one. I am forever grateful that my son is here to help with any problems. I am not mechanically inclined at all.

Linda, My heart is with you. I thought of you yesterday as I faced the same "anniversary". Karen

Cinco De Mayo used to be a day of celebrating at a favorite Mexican restaurant with good food, music and Margaritas. Now it is simply the day my husband took his last breath and was carried through my kitchen door in a body bag, a sight I will never forget. He has been gone five years today, a lifetime for me, and yet somehow feels like yesterday. My life has changed in so many ways and continues to do so, but I continue to survive. I suppose that is a good thing. Sometimes I wonder.

Gwen, do not feel like a loner. I stopped making progress a long time ago. I am simply resigned to the fact that this is probably what my life will be until the end. I suppose my only goal remains moving out of this area to the mountains someday which will be sad , in a way, because Ron loved the mountains. I guess that it is good to have a goal of some kind, but it doesn't help the loneliness or emptiness.

Had a semi exciting afternoon on the way to the doctor for new scripts. A huge cargo van pulled out from a side street and sideswiped us. My son swerved to avoid the collision and we almost made it, but the van just kept coming across three lanes and caught the right rear quarter panel of the truck. The young man was very apologetic and said he just didn't see us. Robert took pictures and insurance info and we got a $2,000 estimate from the body shop. Called our insurance and the man's insurance and are awaiting a call from his adjuster. Nobody hurt at all, but it was a bit hairy seeing that big van coming at my door. LOL I do live a dreary life, but that isn't how I want to liven it up.

Gwen, at a quarter a burden, I think we would need a bigger coin box.

Marie, that is one of the hardest things to overcome. The "not having anyone to care as much". Although my son, grandson & I can recall & express our memories of my Ron, there is no one for me to recall my daughter with. My son was a baby when she left home & although he loved her because she was his sister, he barely knew her as she lived so far from us. Every time I see the cute little frilly girl clothes in a store, it reminds me of her, even though she would be 54 this year. I think she will always be my happy 3 yo in my heart.

I am flipped upside down. I forget the things I need to remember and remember the things I want to forget.

I watched "Justice League" last week. Loved it! I think we are reverting back to our childhoods. Maybe not a bad thing. Way less complicated.

Marg, I wanted to watch this movie and also "Grace and Frankie", but discovered they are only on Netflix which is another expense I can't afford right now. Oh, well. I lean toward the older actors when I select a movie. Some of the new ones couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. Of course, there is Channing Tatum(now there's a hunk). Ditto for Woody Allen. Not my cup of tea. Politics aside, Redford & Fonda are excellent actors, IMHO. I love documentaries also. We are never too old to learn new things. Watched one at 4 AM about a couple who raised a polar bear from infancy. First one ever. Very interesting and entertaining. Sure beats staring at the ceiling reliving bad memories.

Kay, I am so very sorry. Thinking of you. Karen

Fae, It is so nice to hear from you. I think of you often always with a positive note in your voice facing whatever life has burdened you with. You are a true inspiration. I hope you are well. I am still wandering in my own darkness, but a bit of sunlight comes through now and then. Peace to you, my friend. Karen

Linda, What a handsome couple you are, and your little dog is precious! I am so glad she is there for you. I also adopted a Shepherd-Lab-Husky after my Ron left. She is mostly glued to my side. I lost Ron on 5-6-2013 and my daughter Debbie a year later, both to cancer. I still wander aimlessly through each day and night with a small hope that the sun will shine once again. Many people seem to work their way through this grief maze and resume life. Some of us have just been so blindsided that our pace is much slower. Some of us adapt less easily to this new, empty way of life. We are not yet able to "hitch up our britches" and get on with it. My hope is that some day we will be. Welcome to our group. We understand and we care.

Gwen, it has taken me a very long time to not constantly relive Ron's death and worse yet, Debbie's. It is always worse at night, of course when all is relatively quiet. I cannot shut my brain off without medication, which bothers me to no end, but I cannot survive without sleep either. I spend all day every day in the family room where he died, but his spirit is no longer there. I have come to terms with the horrid fact of removing his life support, but there will always be those niggling doubts as to whether that would have been his choice. I know in my heart it was the only choice. It is more difficult to rid myself of the horrible visions of my daughter's death because she suffered so. I can never forget those words she said to me a couple of days before she left, "I just love life." That a higher power that she loved could hear those words and then reply with "Gotcha" is inconceivable and cruel to me, but that's another bag of worms I won't open........... I hope in time that you are able to find a small measure of peace that will grow. It is all that some of us have to look forward to. Love, Karen

Fries would be good too! You don't realize how much you miss meat until you can't chew it. lol

Son made it to the dentist and got antibiotics prescribed. A gum infection, all right. Will get cavity fixed next week. Grandson doesn't drive. We have no close friends or neighbors, just the two of us for driving. He is tough like his old man though and does what he has to. Have graduated to oatmeal. Would love a cheeseburger. lol