kayc

I'm sorry you lost your baby, if I lost my Arlie I don't know how I could bear it, I've already had so many losses in the last six years...a husband, a dog, and four cats, not to mention another marriage. The degree to which we loved is the degree to which we mourn, so it is perfectly normal to be feeling as you are when you had such a wonderful relationship with your Cocker Spaniel. They are, BTW, wonderful dogs.

If they consider you responsible for the bill, surely they'd consider you responsible to report to...IOW, they should tell you the results if you ask for them. Good luck in getting some answers...why is it taking so long for the death certificate? I had George's the same week he died.

Wow, Ron, that is a lot! I hope you're doing better now, Pneumonia can be brutal! (Apparently, so can sisters). I guess it just goes to show we don't get to pick our family. But you created the upper road by letting her vent and hoping it helps her. Good luck to you, maybe some good karma will come your way now!

Thanks, Marty, I just did!

I'll remember you in prayer, are you leaving Sat. morning?

Yes, you have every right to know. I would start by contacting the coroner that signed the death certificate. Ask questions of the hospital, demand answers...sometimes the medical field has a way of covering for each other and it takes a lot to get a straight answer. Good luck to you, you'll be in my prayers.

Tina, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this loss too. You have found a good place to come to, please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings here, it's a safe place with a good heap of understanding.

Sharon, It's funny you should mention that, I have been an avid reader all my life, reading myself to sleep, always loved to read, it was relaxing. Ever since George died, I can't read, can't focus, can't concentrate on anything in depth enough to get into a book. I can read newspaper articles but nothing more. I personally think grief is such a shock to the brain that it damages the brain, namely, our ability to focus, and our memory. My mind is not as keen as it was before.

Doing my best, It's good to hear back from you again. Maybe taking this break from your dad will help the hate and anger to subside as it won't be needed so much if you're not interacting with him. Who knows why he is the way he is. I am experiencing similar frustrations with my mom and have decided to give her a little distance. I've noticed the more contact with her I have, the more poisonous and controlling she exerts so I've pulled back...haven't called her for three weeks. Society sometimes subtly instills guilt on us if we aren't there for our elderly parents...but they are thinking of their own wonderful parents and all that they owe them...they aren't realizing there are other parents out there that are very toxic people that for our own well being, we have to cut off from. Sometimes we have to extricate ourselves from them to protect our children or marriage or just our own quality of life. Myself, I will probably continue to see or call her infrequently but find I need a little more distance. All of us kids have tried to be there for her but she's made it very difficult, often refusing our help, any advice, money, and being difficult to tolerate due to her craziness. Her problems don't just stem from ageing, she has always been this way, even as a child, but ageing and dementia have progressing paranoia have certainly exacerbated it. Good luck in moving on with your life. I know you've tried, there's not much else we can do sometimes except accept that we didn't get to choose our parents and they are what they are. The best we can do is learn from our experiences and let these sandpaper people in our lives shape and mould us into refined people with greater capacities for understanding.

Thank you for sharing this, Marty. One thing that wasn't mentioned in this article, that I have noticed can cause a problem, is when a widow dates someone who is divorced, there are further issues because of their different experience. Divorced people can carry a negative view of marriage and relationships whereas widowed people more often carry a positive view of the same. Divorcees often have difficulty with trust, commitment, fear of the relationship progressing too far. In addition, if they do enter a LTR with you, they may be lacking in major communication and coping skills, not having learned how to interact in a positive way in their previous relationship. All of this takes patience and time as you set positive example based on what you learned in your previous positive relationship and try to help them learn a more healthy way of interacting.

Deb could, however, copy and paste her post to start a new thread in "Loss of Spouse" section. There are so many more people that are on that forum that would respond to her and be of encouragement and help to her.

I want to add that I had Marty start this portion of the site when I was going through the loss of my last husband (to divorce). While some people may not recognize it as such, divorce is a loss too, esp. when you didn't want it or expect it. Please don't be so brusque as to infer someone doesn't belong here, their loss is every bit as real to them as yours is to you. There is a "loss of spouse" section for loss due to death and the loss of a love relationship can very well be used for divorce, changed minds, etc. My heart goes out to you, your loss is very real and I'm sorry you are going through this. If you want to message me, please feel free to.

Boy can I relate! This morning I woke up to NO WATER! Since I'm on a well that can be a problem...it means either I figure out the problem, or call a plumber who might charge me $200 to not do anything and tell me to call the well person, who will probably charge me anywhere up to $2,000 or I might need an electrician and it could be even worse! (Been there done that) Turns out my toilet flapper stuck and the PumpTec tripped, shutting the water off, but when I reset it, it tripped again, then the water came back but the light was off...still have to come home from work tonight and investigate it further. Went on line to find out info on PumpTecs since they didn't give us a manual 8 1/2 years ago when they installed it. Ahh it's fun, isn't it? The answer is we just do our best and try to make the best decisions we can. Asking around for who a good person to go to is a good idea since friends/neighbors may have used/liked someone.

I don't know, I'm at five years and I still hate sleeping alone in the bed so I'm still on the recliner. Sometimes I snuggle with my dog on the bed but he only lays there a few minutes so I prefer the recliner. I've tried keeping busy to get tired, falling asleep watching tv, you name it, wish I knew the answer.

Deb, First let me extend my heartfelt sympathy at your sorrow. You are not alone. It is not uncommon for spouse/partner's families to disappear on us after the death, if not worse...my husband's family did so as well. You might want to have the moderator move this post to "Loss of Spouse" section...just because you didn't make it to June 7 doesn't make what you had any less significant, in your hearts and souls you were soulmates just as me and my George were. I just think you'd get more coverage in that section. You have found a very caring site with a lot of people going through the same thing. I want you to know that you will make it through this...it may not be easy and certainly not desirable, but somehow we do learn to survive it, whether we want to or not. And you won't have to do it alone, there are good people here to relate to you, understand, care, listen, encourage and sometimes even share something helpful. This place has been a lifesaver to me. (((hugs))) Kay

Suzanne, I am very fortunate in that my sisters and kids don't try to downplay my feelings, but you're right, we do try not to say something very often because why make others down? But this is the perfect place to come and share our feelings where we won't have people trying to talk us out of our feelings, but who understand so completely. I too am grateful for this place.

No matter what happens in life, George is my soulmate. He wasn't just someone I was married to, we clicked from the very beginning, we could relate and always had faith in each other. He was the breath in the wind, the sun in the Spring, and there's no way I could get through his birthday or death day or our anniversary without thinking of him and missing him. It's coming up five years this month since he died and the 14th is his birthday, the 19th his death day. Since he died on Father's Day, I have that as a remembrance as well, and unfortunately, I always seem to spend it alone because my kids spend it with their dad, understandably. Don't be hard on yourself for having a hard time on those days...just accept that it's hard and do whatever you can to make it better for yourself, just like you did, releasing balloons, spending time with a friend. Know there are those here who understand.

You can add me to the list of those who will pray.

I will always miss George...the difference between now and five years ago is I've learned to hold it at bay, keep myself from going there fully, or I'd be a basket case all the time! (((hugs!)))

Lucia, Congratulations! That is wonderful news! My son was accepted in Honors College too, he's gotten straight A's since he's been in college! Kay

Chrissie, Good for you! How long have you been at it, or did you just start? Don't send your lost pounds my way!

Becky, Wow, no wonder you are feeling like you are, that is a lot to process! I'm glad you got to have your ex husband back though, even if only for a while. It's hard to understand why we don't get longer when we're so happy, I know I felt that way with my George. I have no advice, only hugs, and hopes that something good comes your way soon. Love, kay

Wow, well I hope it's him having a sense of humor, cuz that would probably freak me out! Dreams can sure be strange, how they intertwine all of the bits and pieces, our fears, hopes, subconscious, memories, daily events, you name it.

Suzanne, I'm glad your doctor was compassionate with you and I hope your treatment works well.

There has to be some kind of celebration in heaven for those who are there are so special! I hope your day went well and I appreciated your sharing the poem with us. Kay