kayc

Mary, Your home sounds lovely, and the changes a reflection of what is going on inside of you. Maple floors, how beautiful that'd be!

I went through a "guided imagery" years ago and it made me uncomfortable. The guide told me I found it difficult to open up to people and I needed to work on that. I did open up, to George, and was greatly enriched by having experienced that relationship. But some of the other relationships...well, let's just say I'm much more cautious than I even was back then and with very good reason. I guess the feeling I experienced with the "guided imagery" was a "loss of control" and I doubt I'll ever feel very comfortable with that. Quite simply put, I like feeling in control. I guess maybe most of us do. It is, therefore, uncomfortable when things come our way that we have no control over but they affect us...like the medical things Anne is experiencing, or the things that are happening with my pets or my job. Ahh but life is about uncertainty and we do what we can and have to accept what we can't change...that's what the Serenity Prayer has taught us. I think I like the "mindfulness" meditation better because it doesn't involve another person so much. Maybe mine was just a bad experience but it left me feeling like I wanted to get away and never experience something like that again. Has anyone else gone through something like this?

I think I posted about Arlie last in the Positives section. Although it didn't sound/feel very positive last night. Waiting on pins and needles for the results of the tests...

Thank you, Anne, for sharing that article...I shared it with my FB friends. When, at 1:00 am I couldn't sleep, I wish I'd gotten up and come here, it seems some others of you were up too, I could have used that article then!

Mary, A beautifully written piece, I'm sure it was heavy on your heart as you begin the preparations for all of the changes. One thought came to my mind as I read it...I know there will be a day I will move to a smaller place as I age, and it won't have George's ashes for they're scattered here, and we won't have lived together there like we did here. This is the home he called "our home in the clouds" because it's on a mountain. This is the place we shared memories and life. But this is a structure, a piece of property. It can no more house the love we shared than it can dam it. The truth is, wherever I go, there will George be, for I am his home, not a building. It is I who inhabited him and our memories, so I can never lose him no matter how far I move. Still, visual structures and property symbolize all of the sharing we've done, so it's poignant to move and a hard adjustment for anyone transversing that change.

That was an amazing article, so simple and so right on! If someone said something like that to me, I'm afraid I'd have to say "This isn't about you." Honestly, people should think before they speak! I know George would be deeply pained by what I've gone through since he died. He would understand even my mistakes, and he would be proud of my strengths and the difficult decisions I've had to make. I think he would remind me that our time here is like a vapor...how quickly it goes, and he would tell me what is awaiting me, to give me hope. He would encourage me to hang in there.

Oh believe me, he lets you know! He's so funny to watch, it was the highlight of my day. He stands in front of it and sniffs excitedly and keeps coming back to it! I read up on Giardia last night and I'm very nervous awaiting the results. It can be very hard to get rid of in multiple-pet homes because they pass it back and forth. One of my cats has had problems this week so I'm worried they might have it and gave it to him. It's hard controlling cats, one of them insists on going outside and won't shut up until she gets her way but that increases exposures. Not much sleep last night, now I'm at work and so tired...

Marty has given some good suggestions. How is Mason doing? Have you considered another pet to keep him company? I didn't realize how much pets can be affected by grief until I lost my husband and my dog Lucky started acting out (normally she was perfectly behaved). They need special attention to help them through their grief as well. I do hope you'll consider getting some help for your own grief, perhaps a grief support group. Are you in a city where they'd have one?

I took him to the vet, another $140 to draw blood and look at his stools. She's testing him for Giardia even though I don't think he has it. I told her he hasn't had exposure, I walk him on a leash and am with throughout but she thought different. One thing that concerned me was after she drew his blood, he really bled...he's never been a bleeder, so that has me concerned since he's being checked for coagulation. I will be nervous to get the results back tomorrow! Arlie was pretty good (for him), I held his head, even though he had a muzzle on, and the receptionist his body while the vet drew bood from his front leg. He yelped a little but wasn't horribly wimpy. I could tell he was nervous about "what are they going to do to me now!" since you never know with vets. If they hadn't made him wait so long beforehand (they were short handed) he wouldn't have had so much time to build up his anxiety. Afterwards I gave him a special treat and took him to PetSmart to pick out something new. He spent 20 minutes making his selection before he decided upon a new Nylar Bone. Oh boy! He's out in his pen enjoying it now.

Jan, I understand, I find myself asking that more and more now...where is George? How can they just be gone, they were such vibrant souls! They have to be somewhere, but where?

I just had a dream that my house burned down, night before last, and I was trying to figure out what to do...Arlie cuts my choices down a lot. I didn't get back to sleep but managed to get through a hard day at work anyway. I don't dream about George often, or at least don't remember it, but I wish I could more, I feel like it'd be a connection to him.

fae, Sorry to hear of your neighborhood woes, alas, we've all been there, I'm sure. It's sad when a newcomer can destroy it for everyone. Mary, Geese, huh? I think that's 70s wallpaper then? At least that's when I had a goose cookie jar and napkin rings and curtains. I still have the curtains in my kitchen because they aren't obvious, white lace, not noticeable what the design is. So what are you replacing it with?

We feel this way, but do those who haven't been through it ever truly get it?

I think I'm dizzy just looking at it! I don't have any brains left after today, I feel pulverized. Trying to deal with LA DOR...awckk! Their forms aren't grammatically correct and leave you with more questions than answers and they don't answer their phone, they say they have too many calls, to call back another time. Help! I'm glad tomorrow is an Arlie day.

Thinking of you, Shannon, saying prayers for you and Leo. Imagery of healing sent your way...

Mary, I can't wait to get home tonight and click on the link...am at work. And you're so right about faith. The thing to remember is, faith IS something we don't see and sometimes we don't feel it either. It's not an obvious thing. When we go through hardship, it's not uncommon to feel our faith has eluded us, but it's just out of view...it's still there. Later we discover it was still there, lurking in the background and coming to our aid when we need it. I don't think it's unusual at all to question our faith or feel it's taken a hit...but it's nice to know it's still there, after all.

Oh Jan, I'm so glad to hear your plant survived! I understand wanting to keep something so important going, the continuity of family that it represents. QueenieMary, I hope all goes well with your checkup. I'm glad you had a good time with your family, and nice weather to boot! Mary, me too...woke up to snow this morning. They'd predicted 6-12" so I brought my truck home and left my car in town. Woke up to just a skiff so I needn't have bothered, but better safe than sorry. Supposed to get more today and next weekend. I want Spring! Your plans for the house sound so great! Still haven't gotten paid yet and the wood that I waited all day Sat. for wasn't delivered, hopefully tomorrow. Can't wait for Arlie's prognosis!

fae, Thinking of you and hoping today is going well for you. I am so lucky because even though George's scent disappeared years ago, I remember it so well, and remember his voice and remember how I felt when he held me. I've heard some say they couldn't remember so I feel so fortunate that none of that has faded, all I need to do is close my eyes and remember and he is instantly back here with me. But still, it seems so long ago...TOO long ago.

He seems to feel better but that's because I had him fast for 24 hours so his system could rest. This morning his eyes were droopy and he wasn't smiling but tonight he's vocal and playful. I just fed him his first feeding on my concoction. The vet. appt. Tues will be timely.

It'll take Arlie a few days to let his system heal. At least by Tues. when he goes to the vet he'll be better or worse and I can solicit their help if needed. It's wise that you're going to let it sit a few days...that's what I usually do, it gives time for feelings to settle a bit and think more clearly, perhaps something will come to you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Perhaps the "love" you need to heal this with is "tough love". We can love people without loving their behavior, and just because we love them doesn't mean we don't need to call them on some things...we just need to remember to stick to the issue at hand (not the last 30 years) and be firm but loving.

No I don't use canned food. I didn't make gravy. I used a beef boullion cube to 3/4 c. water to mix with the ground pills (the vet said that was a great idea, then added a mixture of Ramen noodles, vegetables, and chicken breast...only gave him 1/4 c. per meal, just to get his pills down him, did this twice a day,then his reg. dog food. He's been eating on this for a month so I don't think it has anything to do with that. Possibly the cat food I suspect he got into (I know how much they eat and don't think they emptied their bowl w/o help). Normally that alone wouldn't set him off but who knows, he's so sensitive. Anyway, no more food for him for 24 hours to give his system a rest, then he'll start his special concoction I always make him when he's sick. Skye gets Colitis so I've made it for him many times, I guess Huskies are just prone to this. Arlie's system gets irritated and everything passes through too quickly, so he doesn't get the nutrition from it that he should. He's still drinking water and still playful. I don't think he's gotten anything else because he only goes outside on a leash, I've been with him since Thurs. night. He had one bout earlier this week, then a recurrence this morning, then tonight it was way worse. I have Morning Worship Team in the morning, will be gone 5 1/2 hours but he'll be in his pen. He must be upset, he chewed the corner off his dog bed, he's had it for four years so I was surprised.

I have seen "real men" cry, usually when something big happened...loss of a dog or divorce or something like that. I would think something was wrong if they WEREN'T affected.

I can't believe it, but Arlie is sick. My guess is it's his intestines again. What I don't know is "why". Usually it's when he's gotten a hold of something he shouldn't have but he hasn't gotten loose. The only thing he might have gotten into is some cat food, I keep it up on the dryer so he can't reach it but it's on a rug so my old cat can jump up there, hanging onto the rug to help her make it...sometimes he pulls the rug to him and the food with it, grrr! But he can't get more than their bowl full, I wouldn't think that'd make him sick. Anyway, I'm making rice, potatoes, chicken breast and yogurt for him to start on tomorrow night, he's going to have to go without food until then. I started him on his Probiotics. I'm planning on taking him to the vet Tues. anyway, so I may have to ask them about this as well. Some dogs are just high maintenance! Incidentally, today I was watching "My cat from hell" and decided to make a cat toy to entice my cats with. They weren't too interested but Arlie came running and batted it around! So cute. That's one reason I love him so much, always playful. I can hear him in the next room batting it around again.

Shannon, I know everything feels overwhelming and dark right now. Try your best to focus on the most pressing thing at the moment and let everything else go until that is no longer urgent...right now the most pressing thing is your health. If Leo was able I'm sure he'd talk with you by phone but right now he is fighting for his life and his mind isn't where it normally would be. My heart is there with you...keep sleeping, hold onto hope and breathe.

I brought her leggings for that purpose and she does layer tops/jackets. When I arrived she was in a nightgown, robe, and slippers. I've brought her tons of socks as well. Space heaters not allowed. Don't worry, Mary, taking time for ME, right now!