kayc

Arlie ate ALL of his food yesterday and as far as I can tell, hasn't lost any more fur. Can you believe we're on day 12 so only three more weeks until I can take him in for his coagulation test!

Thank you, Mary, I don't know where you find everything!

Thank you all for sharing, beautiful song with special meaning. Pumkin, thinking of you...

My visit with my friend did not go as I'd anticipated. She looks very tired and weak and is having dizzy spells. They can do nothing for her heart other than increase her medicine, so I am very worried about her. I also got the news that another friend was diagnosed with bone cancer, we took a fruit salad over to his house as his family is all visiting, and I was shocked at how quickly he has deteriorated. It reminded me of the days of take care of mom (my MIL), brought back/stirred up a lot of feelings/memories. Went home feeling kind of melancholy and bless her heart, Anne called, very timely!

They are both at Delta Oaks in Eugene, about 60 miles from here, but once a week she comes to Oakridge and has a little clinic here for the locals, it's about 8 miles from here. He listened to his heart beat, asked questions, saw how he was feeling and acting, etc. plus looked at his stools, so I trust his assessment. If something changes in how he's feeling, I'll get him in again right away. I don't know when he lost his fur...I'd noticed a small patch on his tummy but just discovered the larger patch on his leg last night. I can only assume it's related as he's never lost a patch of fur before. Sometimes I wish they could talk!

I got an email from my brother yesterday morning, my mom was in the hospital to get the battery replaced on her pacemaker. I wanted to talk to her before she went into surgery, but she was back in her room before I even learned about it! I was surprised how worried I felt for her, as I know her future being what it is, she'd probably be better off going...but finding I don't quite want to let go of her yet...that surprised me. I never felt close to her, she's a pretty bizarre person, she always caused problems all around her, all her life, yet she can have her sweet moments...you just can't count on them. Anyway, I was able to get ahold of her after being transferred four times, and she asked if I knew who she was! I laughed inside at that...her typical dementia showing itself. Something about it made me smile, maybe because for a moment I forgot how she is now and it startled me back to reality. But she made it through, hell, I don't know why I worry, I'm sure she's going to outlive all of us just to be around to torment us! (I'm sorry if that offends anyone...my family has always coped with humor and I know it can be morbid sometimes).

rebbyreb99, I am counting on it too! Waiting to see my husband, dogs, cats, MIL, FIL, dad, niece, nephew, many friends, grandparents...

Shannon, thank you for sharing those pictures with us...and that's okay, I could use a bout standing on my head. I am so glad to hear Leo is settled just five min. from you and five min. from the hospital, that is fantastic! You can go visit him whenever you want! And he has emergency care close by should he need it. It's good that you feel relieved. You know, I didn't realize just how much stress I was under the year before my mom went into the Dementia Care Facility until we had her safely tucked in there. It relieved such a boatload off my mind and also my siblings' minds! Just to know they're safe and cared for, that's the thing.

Mary, saying up prayers for Kathy today, and you as you are there with her. I know how that stirs up the emotions when you've suffered loss as well, so I hope it goes okay for you. It is so hard to lose any of our pets. I know from my experience that each relationship we have with them is different and some are even harder to lose than others as we relate to them in different ways. My George cat was probably my hardest cat to lose, he was always there, always greeting us. It's amazing how tightly they worm their way into our hearts. You are a special friend to her! And now I must walk my Arlie and then get ready to go visit my friend who is home from the hospital now, and take her to lunch.

I often wonder how you find the time to find all of these appropriate quotes...I am thankful that you do. I understand her application of the word "weary" and it is significantly different than "tired". Yesterday I felt so tired, still recuperating from illness, having been through so much stress lately with Arlie and my job and my mom...my mom was in the hospital having her battery replaced in her pacemaker...at 91 years old, I was a little scared, but she came through okay. So yesterday I let myself rest all day and had a friend over for dinner. Today I'm tackling everything I should have done yesterday but taking a break to meet another friend for lunch...this one is very dear to me and she's been in the hospital all week with her heart...they can't do anything for her except increase her medicines and I'm very concerned, I don't want to lose her. You know, it kind of sucks being this age! Nothing prepares you for all of the losses and changes...

Cy, I wish I would have come on line after you posted instead of before...how did the service go yesterday? I remember George's like it was yesterday, it was very special to me. I think it's important that they would have like how it was done. I don't think you've said if you have children or not, if they're grown, etc., but I hope you have someone with you at least for a while. There's nearly always someone checking in here, so please feel free to come on line any time you need to talk to someone. The early days after everyone goes home...well I sure needed this place. I like the "see you later!" idea rather than goodbye, I don't think I ever said a final goodbye to George, nor shall I ever. Some grief books talk about it but I plan to see him again, so don't see the need. It is hard being without their physical presence, having them here to talk to us, but as Nat said, they are here with us, in our hearts souls, minds, and I DO talk to George and feel he is with me always. Still, there are times I cry out for him and miss his being here like he used to be. I know when I go for a job interview or have to do something around the place that's hard, or just in dealing with my mom (she's in a Dementia Care Facility and he was always so good at handling her), I sense George with me encouraging me and that helps me face whatever I must. In time, you too will learn to reach down inside of you for Carolyn as well. I imagine you have been very busy the last few days, but as it slows down, please come here...we're here to listen and respond. I tried to read your Eulogy but the link takes me someplace different. God be with you, Kay (PS my name is Carolyn too but I've always gone by my middle name, Kay, so I reversed them years ago)

You have received some good posts here, and I concur with what has already been said. You would think losing a person is the worst thing in the world, but I have found that our connection with our pets is unbelievably strong, oftentimes more so than with other humans...it is no wonder that we feel such deep pain when they pass. I believe we will be together again, and that keeps me together. Yesterday I was facing what I thought would be having to make a choice for my five year old dog...I live alone and my dog and I are best buds...I was given a reprieve, but just yesterday I was agonizing...unable to sleep or think or anything else. My heart goes out to you in your grief. Oftentimes our inclination is to skip past the pain, to try to avoid it, numb it, anything because we feel we can't deal with it. But I found when I lost my husband that you can't circumvent it, there is only one way and that is straight through the grief. I had to learn to accept the grief and pain and continue, that if I try to avoid it, it is still there waiting for me. As Annie said, it helps to express your grief, to write, talk, or do something to memorialize the one lost. A picture album, a framed photo, a special urn or something commemorating her. You have your wife to share in this grief, so you are fortunate not to have to face it alone. Your other dog will need special attention and understanding as they demonstrate sometimes different behavior when they're going through their grief. When my husband died, my dog Lucky, who was trained and very compliant, acted out in destructive behavior. My daughter pointed out that she was grieving too, and I think she was right. With time she was okay again, but it took her a while. During that time I was so absorbed in my own grief, I didn't see Lucky's...it took my daughter pointing it out to me. I embraced Lucky and tried to recognize her grief and give her special attention and that seemed to help her. I think it's natural to second guess ourselves afterwards, but the fact is, the decision you made was a selfless one, thinking of her comfort and what she would experience. Five years seems way too short, but the truth is, I don't think we're ever ready to let go of our dogs, whether five or ten. I wish you the best.

No I don't think it sounds sick at all. I totally understand. I wish I had something tangible...I had George cremated and scattered his ashes in our back yard. When the time comes to move, I have nothing to take with me. That's going to feel weird. There is something about residing in this very physical world...we want something to see, feel, touch. When they leave us, we don't have that, even though they still exist, and it bugs us, we need to latch onto something, be it a headstone, urn, lock of hair, something!

Oh Shannon, it's so good to hear you say all that! You are doing right, by taking it a day at a time, accepting help, and being realistic. I hope you finally got some sleep...I slept about 7 1/2 hours straight last night, it was wonderful! I was so exhausted from the past couple of weeks.

I'm afraid Arlie has blown the top out of his weight range. We'll have to work on that starting next month. One thing at a time. Yesterday we got a much better vet, one that seemed to have an understanding of animal behavior, and actually spent a couple minutes trying to befriend him and earn his trust before proceeding. He also let me do the touchy stuff, like lifting his eye lids back, showing his gums, etc. He fed him treats while he was examining him to keep him calm and cooperative. It really helped. Usually we get someone that is judgmental and snappy, and it doesn't go very well with him. I really think vets need to learn how to deal with animals, not just the medical side of things.

Yeah, now for some of you to get a break! And I will give him a big hug & kiss!

Thanks everyone, we just got back. Apparently now Arlie has a reputation that follows him, the ER sent their notes to his vet saying he was "combative". I told them he'd never bitten anyone but he's protective of himself when strangers try to do weird things to him. The vet checked him over real well and said he's going to make it and the reason he's not eating...he's just spoiled and holding out for table food (probably because he's been getting it to get his pills down with). So afterwards I took him over to PetSmart and let him pick out a new toy and then we came home. Oh and he weighed in at 117...needs to lose some weight, maybe after this month we can start working on it.

Thanks, Anne. I'm not feeling super hopeful right now, more like terrified. I'll let you be hopeful for me. Coveting prayers...

It's not looking good. I didn't sleep last night. His tummy/back seems swollen. I am not going to work today, I'm going to find someone to see Arlie. What I fear is blood transfusions or putting him down, neither of which is a good option. I love this dog more than anything in the world but I work part time and don't have a lot of money laying around. I also hesitate to put him through hell just to lose him anyway. But one thing at a time, I can't decide anything until I talk to someone knowledgeable. I'm upset with the emergency care he got, they didn't give him charcoal, said he was too combative, well gosh, they could have let me try! They wouldn't let me back with him and had him back there for a long time, told me to leave and come back. By the time that much time passed it was too late, with the distance I drove to get there, we didn't have a lot of time to waste. We had two things in our favor, his size, and the age of the rat poison, and he didn't ingest but maybe 1/2 box tops. And they did get him to throw up, although they said it just looked like clear liquid. From what I've read, others whose dogs have swallowed this, had a bright green stool afterwards...he did not. Maybe I'm just overreacting, I'd love it if that were the case. I've never been so worried. Even when George died, I didn't have time to get this worked up, I don't think it'd sunk into me what they were saying until afterwards, I kind of went into shock. But this, I can't even describe it. I'm unbelievably close to this dog. I know most people can't understand that, but he is my best friend and companion. He has so many things about him that I love, the way he tucks his head into me when he wants to love on me. The beautiful smile he has, I love it when he's sitting with his eyes closed just smiling big, side profile, it's just the most beautiful sight in the world. I love his goofiness, his spunk and his spirit. The funny way he runs. His teasing. His loving. I've never met a dog like him...I've had dogs all my life but this one is my favorite...that says a lot because they were all special. I wish I hadn't had my hours cut or been out of work for a year so I wouldn't have depleted my savings. I wish...so much. Most of all, I just wish for more time with my Arlie. I feel like life has no meaning without him in it. I just can't handle this, why is everything/everyone good taken from me? I know, it does no good to ask why, still, in the throes of it...

fae, I came home and he hadn't eaten all day and refused to eat, even though I made gravy for his dog food. I gave him his walk and then a bit of people food. He just had some water. I am going to take him to the valley to have him looked at by a vet on Friday, I just want someone's opinion. I don't know if I'm the biggest worry wart or if I should be. I'm going crazy. He acts like he's fine, doesn't wince if I palpate his tummy. I can't tell if it's "distended" because it ALWAYS looks distended, he's overweight. I told him tonight is not the time to start a diet. I don't see signs of blood or bruising anywhere. His eyes and gums look good. His poop (forgive me) is darker than usual, but not exactly what I would call "black and tarry" either. It's times like this I wish I didn't live so far from everything...and wasn't so alone. Going to go sit with my baby on the couch...

Shannon, Thinking of you tonight. I know how hard it is not to have your husband present with you, oh believe me, I know. I am so sorry for all you are going through. Will the hospital be able to make arrangements for him getting switched to somewhere else when the time comes? I hope right now you are sleeping.

Keep going...maybe if you can catch them home. Do you suppose they are away for a few days?

It's a symptom following ingestion of rat poisoning so that gives me cause for concern. If he is bleeding internally, that necessitates blood transfusions. I am supposed to keep him from running and jumping. He seems to be feeling okay so far but that's not necessarily indicative of anything...by the time it shows up in how they feel, it's too late. Nope, noone to check on him for me. My neighbor who normally would check on him for me, went into the hospital this morning and my sister can't drive since she broke her arm. I took Arlie to the vet a week ago and they told me what to look for...they didn't mention his appetite, but I see it listed with the symptoms on line several places. Thank you both for your prayers...I'll let you know how it goes tonight!

I hope so much that they call you soon, but if they do not, keep trying to get a hold of them...they may not realize quite how important this rock is to you. I understand...my brother cleaned out my mom's place and I wasn't able to be there because the day he scheduled to do it I had too much snow to travel. As a result, I got nothing of my parents...the thought that a lot of it went to St. Vinnie's and us kids didn't get anything is a little hard to take. I try to tell myself it's "just things" but we both know it's more than that.

Fae, That is a relief to hear! I need prayers for my Arlie...he only ate about 1 1/2 c. dogfood yesterday (out of 4), that is unusual for him...it is not a good sign following rat poison ingestion. I'm praying he eats his food today. I don't know if he's holding out for treats (he spoils easily) since I'm getting his pills down him in a concoction he really likes, or if it's truly loss of appetite because of what's going on inside of him. I am hoping he's just spoiled! At any rate, I am very nervous...can't wait for today to be over so I can go home and see how he's doing.