kayc

peaceneeded64, Was the business in both of your names? Can you change it to you as the registered agent in your state? Did he have a will outlining provisions for the business so it could go on? That would complicate things, I don't envy you on that! Do you have the password to his FB page so you could disable it? Or does he have a family member than can provide a copy of his death certificate? I found one of the hardest things to do after my husband passed was to get groceries...we always did that together and he loved it! For a while my daughter did the shopping until I finally forced myself to amid tears.

George was better able to handle her than anyone else, his compassion was amazing, I truly miss him!

I'm glad, Shannon! I hope you get better soon and your husband and you can enjoy each other's company once again, it's hard being ill so long!

I was hoping you'd see that correlation because when you wrote about her, it reminded me of me and my daughter...and I would never want my daughter to hurt or cry, let alone over me. Consider yourself "mother hugged".

I guess I do love her, I just wish she could have been more normal. And if she knew the reality she'd wish it too, but she's so far in denial she'll never see her way out. Still, there's hope for her in the next life, maybe then I can have the mom I wanted here.

annie2132013, Keep coming here as long as you need...I know all too well how hard it is when our beloved pets die. It will take lots of time to heal, meanwhile, I just hope you can remember good times with her and smile through the tears, knowing she is in a good place and waiting for you. I hope you will visit The Rainbow Bridge (doesn't always embed, might need to click on YouTube to view it). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw&feature=player_embedded

Cricket, I am sorry you lost your mom and all of the pain you are going through. I am 60 and I have a 30 year old daughter. I tried to be the best mom I could, and she's acknowledged that, but she hasn't had much to do with the family since she was 18 and of course it hurts and I miss her and wish she wanted me in her life more. We don't argue, it's just I don't seem to be important to her. I want you to know that there is no rift that a mother can't love beyond. I love my daughter more than anything and am so proud of the woman she has become. She is beautiful, delightful and has the best personality of anyone I've ever met! She's compassionate and sweet and funny. She's a devoted wife and would make a wonderful mother someday, as she's very gifted with children. She marches to the beat of her own drum. In the past I have seen her potential and wanted so much for her...but now I see her choices are her own and I am proud of the ones she's made. Your mother loves you like that, I'm sure. Although she can't physically be here to hold you or can't audibly tell you what she wants...it's still there. I hope you know that you carry her with you always. She's made an indelible stamp on you and you make her smile, just as my daughter does me. It is okay to share your grief with your dad and brother...who knows but perhaps it helps them to be more comfortable with their own feelings and know they aren't alone in them.

I lost three before having my two, but my heart has never forgotten what it's like to go through infertility or to lose a baby, it's tough. Peace to you with your life and your loss.

This weekend it's her 91st birthday...I am sending a card and letting two of my sisters take her to see our other sister (she's quadriplegic), who hasn't seen my mom for over 20 years, and decided not to feel obligated to go myself (she doesn't do well with too many people at once anyway). I bought her the breath mints she wants, to take in next time I see her. We can't get her gifts, we've all tried and she sends us out with them, she is very nasty about presents. I know, it doesn't make sense, but nothing about her does. The one gift I can give her that she does want is my attention, but I have to dole that out so it doesn't do me in. Yes, waterfalls...

Shannon, I know this is a very trying time...just remember, when everything is beyond your control, let go of it and let God and His angels take care of you and your Leo. I'm glad you're home now and hope you can rest.

Jan, I'm glad you will have visitors...try not to worry about crying in front of them, they're family, they should understand. When are they coming? Pumkin, I'm sorry your daughter didn't get back to you. My daughter never answers the phone to me and doesn't have voicemail and doesn't call me back, even though she can see I've tried her. I've had to let go of that as I can't change it. She always says she's just been busy, but I don't see how she can be too busy for her mom. Anyway, I know it hurts, and I just want to say that she probably doesn't have a clue how it feels, until you go through it yourself, there's no way you can begin to understand. Just know that we are all here together and will be here for you and usually someone is on line since we're spread throughout the world...if not, they will soon be. (((hugs))) Six months is one of the more difficult periods as reality sets in and shock wears off and everyone's gone back to their lives and left you with the bits and pieces of yours. Hang in there, it will get better, it won't stay exactly as it is now, we do eventually adjust and get more adept and coping with the changes our loss has brought.

I'm sorry, it's real hard when you make overtures and they're rebuffed, and often we don't even know why. All you can do is respect their wishes and maybe someday it will change, one never knows.

Thanks, Marty. I have supplied my kids with my pw file and they have a list of all sites I've joined, plus email accounts; if they want to close my FB or memorialize it or leave it be, that will be up to them to decide. I don't have a preference, whatever is easiest on them. As of now my daughter has never joined FB so I reckon it'd be up to my son.

That's a very good article, Marty. I must add that we have the capacity to love many, in different ways, for who they are. Each of my animals has had a place in my heart for who they were. One may not cancel out the hole in the heart another left, but will create their own special place within you.

I am sorry for your losses. I too have lost many dogs and cats and know the deep pain...but I just can't imagine life w/o them. It is a personal decision, some opt to adopt another, some say "that's enough", only you can decide what is right for you. I just pray for some peace to your heart.

Did your brother and sister cut you off at the time of the loss? It could be them grieving in their own way. Perhaps you could reach out to them another way, a card or something just stating simply how much you love them and miss them. I'd keep it simple, make it more of a way of reaching out to them. I'm sorry, it's hard to feel alone with your grief.

Hugs to you both. I saw someone that looked like my husband from behind one day, that was hard.

Mary, I'm sorry about your loss as well...I lost my husband June 19, 2005...I've also lost a lot of others, and it seems when you are grieving, the losses pile up and trigger one another so instead of just grieving the current one, you are being assailed with the cumulative loss. You have found a good place to come to, we are all journeying together and helping each other along the way. I hope you continue to come here, it's a safe place where you won't be judged but will be allowed to grieve at your own pace and in your own way.

Every time I have seen my mom this month, it has been very negative. I've decided to cut back for my own peace of mind...I will call her more, mail her hand made cards, but visit less often...she doesn't remember anyway and has no sense of time, but it is just so hard hearing her toxic waste. A friend of mine gave me some advice that may help me with her...he said to visualize a waterfall...while her words are coming out, let them spew out, down the waterfall, let them flow out to the ocean (or sewer), let them go, keep picturing the waterfall, words flowing down and away. I will practice this next time.

I like the article on hope... esp to remember "the feelings of negativity will pass." I have often used the perspective of "I got through (blank) and I will get through this too." Yes, sometimes the barometer is reset (such as when George died) but it is important to hold out some kind of hope, even if it is the unknown possibilities of the future...the not knowing what but knowing something good CAN happen. I don't think I've ever struggled as much as I have lately with it. Knowing the condition of our country, our world, the bleakness of the way things are transpiring doesn't hold a lot of hope for America. To face that at the same time as I am entering "senior" status...to read if my job is cut, no one wants Baby boomers, to know that half of all office jobs are gone, to know employers want the young with the college degrees and they pay them less too...doesn't give a very bright future of survival. To see my home aging...it surely feels in the same status as I do! It is when I am feeling this way that I look at my dog...and even though I know our days are numbered, I force myself into the "now" and ENJOY what I have with him today! I know when his time comes to go, I will have to find yet something else to connect to and live for. All that would be a lot of pressure on a human, but a dog doesn't worry about it, they always stay in the now, which is why they're so good for us!

Yes, a lot of people thing the bereaved are doing better than they are because the pink paint masks it. Remember there was someone on here that lost his GF and it was YEARS later before he fully grieved? The grief work is always ready and waiting when at last we tackle it, it doesn't magically disappear just because time passes.

Why delete it...a lot of people keep the email and Facebook accounts of their beloved, just another connection...

The last time George tried he couldn't, he thought it was the Diabetes, but no it was five blocked arteries...it's amazing he made it to his physically taxing job every day! But I will never forget us lying in bed and he said "Cuddling is good too" and I responded, "Yes, cuddling is good too, George." It seemed even more special because he "got it" that we could have intimacy w/o the sex...our connection far surpassed that. It is one of my most special memories...previously he just would have felt frustrated, or "less than a man" or like he let me down...I was glad he accepted what was instead of what wasn't.

My son wrote back and said my daughter's car had a little vacuum leak, so yes he replaced a hose, I knew it was something cheap and easy for all the problems it had caused her! It has to be hard to not be able to reach him by phone when you're an hour away and still sick yourself. At least you know he's getting good care and thank God it isn't all on you right now with all he has going on with his body. Keep trying to rest...

Deborah, I know Marty posted some links about guilt on the pet section, but I am at a loss to help you, I wish I could. I don't feel guilt over George's being dead...I didn't cause it, all I ever did was love him and show him I did. I KNOW he would want me to be happy...however, achieving that proves to be way more of a challenge than one can imagine, esp. with all of the things that have taken place since he died. Just SURVIVING is a challenge! I will always miss him and nothing will be even remotely the same without him. I can't wait to be with him again and I fear the "in between" time I have to do. But I try, I keep trying, I don't know what else to do.