kayc

Jan, what a great idea! I put peanut butter (just a tsp.) in Arlie's Kong and set it in his dog house so when I go to work it will distract him...he goes racing out to his pen and slams the door shut! I've taught him that so he gets his treat and he is so focused on that he doesn't try to escape. Any ideas I can glean from people to occupy his time is much appreciated!

When I first got Arlie, he was just under a year old...I wish I'd gotten him younger for training purposes. I don't know what he went through in his previous life, but I know he wasn't abused, because he shows none of the telltale signs of it that never disappear. He's very self-assured and happy. BUT he had a voracious appetite and heaven help anyone that would get in between him and his food! The other day I was looking through his vet. file, and I saw a picture of him I hadn't noticed before on his adoption papers. At "intake" he was 63 lbs., and the photo shows a starving dog, very very skinny. (He's since remedied that). At adoption he weighed 79 lbs, he gained 16 lbs. in just two weeks!!! He weighs in at 113 now and needs to lose about 10%. I think once a dog has known true hunger, they don't view food the same again, they eat like there's no tomorrow...he will never be self-regulating like my old Retriever was. If I feed him four cups or six cups, it's all the same to him...not enough! I'm trying to learn to reward him with petting, belly rubs, a walk, etc. instead of just treats. And baby carrots make wonderful treats! Arlie chewed my couch, the trim on the house, carpet, my favorite dress, countless shoes and slippers, an MP3 player, 100 hand made cards, my new book "Boundaries" which I hadn't gotten to read yet, a wall hanging, candles, unrecognizable items that I never did figure out what they'd been, my dining room chair, my rocking chair, my mattress, quilts, dog beds, harness, doghouse, bowl, water bucket, in addition to his many dog toys. The other day he added to the list, a toilet bowl brush holder. ??? And yes, he chewed a razor once, and toothbrushes. Most of his chewing was in the first two years, but he occasionally regresses. They say dogs aren't trying to be destructive, but are bored or upset by something. I think it helps him to have a routine so he knows what to expect, and to get occasional surprises (trips to the park, a ride, etc). I know he's not for most people; fortunately, I love him enough to value him way more than possessions. When I'm old (I could be considered that now but I don't think of myself that way yet), I won't be lamenting the house trim or the sofa, but I will always miss him when he goes. Anne, you are making great progress with Benji! I finally have Arlie to the point where he'll listen to me and if I make him wait before eating, he'll do it...but I by no means accomplished it in a short amount of time! How great that Benji has a dog in the family to play with! Arlie loves it when my granddoggy Mozzy comes, but we won't see them until at least Spring break now.

Nicole, Yes, it's normal. Two weeks after George passed, his closet rod broke...I took that as a sign I was supposed to do something with his clothes. I boxed them up and gave them to Sponsors, an organization that helps former inmates with their reentry into society. Many of these guys get out with only the clothes on their backs so they appreciate any help they can get. I knew that was where George would want his things put to use as he was always helping the down and outers. I kept his fishing vest and hat, and a few of the things that reminded me most of him. A few months later, my daughter was helping some of these men organize their new household (grocery lists, cleaning, etc.) and I dropped in on her...out came a young man wearing my George's bathrobe! I have to tell you it set me back for a minute, but I still knew it's what George would have wanted...it just caught me off guard. I can laugh about it now but at the time, it was tough.

Queeniemary, Your girls are darling! I haven't seen a Corgi light colored like that before. I wish I'd cut back on Arlie's food before he gained so much, I was going by the low end of the mfr's recommendation...but of course, they're in the business to sell food. While on the subject, I have to tell a story about my old Golden Retriever, Teddy. We were having my in-laws up for dinner and my husband had some steaks on the picnic table, waiting for the bar-b-que to get hot, when his folks arrived. Him and his dad went off to look at something and came back, rounding the corner just in time to see Teddy scarfing up one of the steaks. My husband was real stern and my MIL saw the look in his eye, and not wanting the dog to get beat, she quickly said, "Oh it's okay, that was Grandma's steak!" I shared mine with her, we had plenty, but I never forgot that. She felt about Teddy like I do my granddoggy, Skye. Us grandmas have to spoil our granddoggies!

Copy it (select it then hit Ctrl C) before you hit post, that way you won't lose it. I hate when that happens, esp. when it's something that took a lot of thinking to articulate!

I am extremely careful with Arlie. That's one reason I can't just get any person to dog sit for me. Our local kennels went out of business so it ties me down pretty much. He's taken down people stronger than me, but that's because they're relying solely on their strength and you have to use your brains too. If we can't outwit them, we're in trouble! I tackled Arlie when he got loose in June 2011, that's when he bucked me and I landed teeth & nose first on a huge stone...the stone won. I broke my front tooth off, costing me $3,000 for a bridge, and I broke my nose plus many scrapes/bruises. I learned never to do that again! You made the right choice letting go, that's what I'd do now, for sure!

Thinking of you today...I know it will be an emotional day. I hope you and your wife can be a real support to each other and your remaining dogs bring comfort to you.

I can imagine how happily you are listening to the sound of his breathing, how glad I am for you that he's home! I hope you can sleep and rest well, you will need it. I hope today is relaxing for both of you before the rehab starts...

Nicole, I remember those early days so well, you are right, sleep is hard, esp. at first. It will get better. I thanked God for my job when I lost George, they were all so wonderful and it occupied my time...they closed a few months later and my new job would not be as supportive, they're young and just wouldn't understand. It helps to schedule something on the weekends, it was always when I was alone and it was quiet that I had the hardest time. And of course, there's always this place!

Arlie's 43 lbs heavier than he was in the food dish picture. Most of the time Arlie is good on his walks, but if someone comes along with a dog or horse or something, he gets weirded out. He gets over stimulated really easy! When he's like that, he doesn't hear me. I keep my eyes peeled for potential problems and have had to wrap his leash around a fence post for leverage until the problem passes. I do not like people approaching, esp. with dogs, when I'm walking him because he's so strong and hard to handle. I have been known to warn people away. Not that he'd hurt them, but that it's hard for me to control him...he's stronger, and like I say, when he loses his brains, it's tough. I walked him one handed when I broke my arm and he was good...I think he senses when I really need him to be extra good, like when it's icy out. His smile is what hooked me! Mary, I worry about things like that too, I don't want him getting any bones. He got one at my sister's one time, and I was freaked out for a week afterwards, esp. since he got sick afterwards, I was worried about an obstruction. I had a dog that choked to death after getting into the garbage once, I hadn't been aware that he'd gotten a bone until it was too late. Dogs are like healing balm to the soul! I don't know what I'd do without my Arlie. I think I've found some fellow dog lovers here, you all seem as "gone" as I am!

There is nothing jaded or trite about your post. It is heartwrenching and I understand your feelings...I had a dog that came to a tragic end, an accident, it could have been avoided but I had no idea it would happen...there are some posts in this section on guilt that might be helpful for you to read. It would be good to read the other threads in this section too, just to know, you certainly aren't alone in your feelings. Losing a pet is to lose a member of your family, not unlike a child. We have very close relationships with our dogs, and it's very hard when we have to say goodbye. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow as you say your final goodbyes to Dolce. He is an adorable dog. I know you feel guilty...I want to tell you that you shouldn't, if you could have foreseen this you would have prevented it somehow, but we don't always have that foresight...but I know your feelings are yours and we can't talk you out of them, only help you deal with them. You and your wife are in my prayers.

Hope whispers, I can't imagine getting over losing your son...it was hard enough losing my husband unexpectedly. I hope you have family and friends in your life surrounding you and bolstering you. I understand how the driver not being held accountable for such tragic actions further compounds your grief. I hope you are able to work with a good therapist to help you through this.

His eyes look like he has eye liner on. I am not a very good photographer, or I'd have more recent ones...he's hard to photograph though because he's usually in motion. He weighs 113 lbs at the last vet visit. I'm trying to keep him from gaining any more, he shouldn't be over 100. He has the retriever body/fur, the Husky face/tail/ears. They call this mixed breed Goberian, but the way it displays is different from dog to dog, it's hard to find one that looks like him, although I found a picture of a puppy that he could have looked like when he was little. I wish I could have gotten him when he was younger!

Nicole, I am so sorry you lost your husband too. My husband died of a heart attack right after his 51st birthday...we hadn't been aware he had heart trouble. It must have been tremendously hard for you to go through with it all happening so fast and right before Christmas. You can come here any time and talk to us about your feelings, we've all been there. It is hard for friends to understand when they haven't been through it, it doesn't mean they don't care, but sometimes they don't know how to respond. No matter how long we have together, it's never enough. You are right, you will be with him again, and it probably won't seem soon enough. It took me a while but I finally learned I could reach inside of me for George and draw from his encouragement and love and strength. I know he's rooting for me even though I can't see him. Blessings and peace to you, Kay

Okay, this is him but not at his largest...the second one was the one that stole my heart in the newspaper four years ago. Further to the right is right after I adopted him.

I love this thread! I have to wonder though, what does it say about me to own my moose?! (My veterinarian calls Arlie a moose because he's so big). I am still smiling about Marty, but I well understand her!

You certainly have your plate full right now, but you will figure out what is the best thing for you and all will work out for you. I agree, your priority right now has to be healing and building yourself. I know what you say is true, that others are hit with their own mortality and sometimes withdraw as we serve as a visible reminder of what they could face. I admire you for your positive spirit and determination! I also live in the country and heat my house with wood heat. It does present a lot of work but there's also something satisfying about it too. It makes for a long commute as there are no local jobs, and the city folk don't understand why I don't just uproot and move to the city...I was raised there...no thank you! I am a country girl and love nature. In the city I wouldn't see my beloved elk and deer, coyotes, foxes, owls, Tanningers, bears, and even the dreaded cougars! George and I both loved where we lived and his ashes are scattered here...it's where I want mine scattered someday. Besides, where in the city can you see the stars so brightly? The city lights make it more difficult, and I love the beauty of this place. My son has always been drawn to Montana, wouldn't mind living there one day...we are in the mountains of Oregon.

Deb, I am sorry you are feeling the pain of missing your mom. Even years later, after we've lost someone close to us, it can continue to be difficult as that hole is still there in our heart and no one but them can fill it. My thoughts are with you today.

LindaKate, It took me a while, but I learned to draw from my husband, deep inside of me, that I carry him with me, not only in memories, but in my heart. When I need comfort or encouragement or strength, I reach down inside and receive it from him, as he was always my biggest supporter and fan. I don't feel he has ceased to exist, but rather changed form. Oh that we could cross that abyss that separates the present form from what is to come! As we wait for that day, it helps to try to find something good about today. In the beginning it is hard to do so, a stretch on some days, but it helps to keep our eyes open for it anyway. I remember those early days...I remember feeling frantic and not wanting to live. I was in shock, and it took time to process the horror of the sudden onslaught of life changes that had become my new existence. I had to waft through the pain and hurt and anger and confusion. Time, which I once thought my enemy, became my best friend because it was time that granted me acceptance and the coping abilities that I needed. Each person's grief journey is unique and so will our ways of dealing with it. Don't let anyone lay on you what you should or should not be feeling, most who try to do so have not been there and don't know what they're talking about. All of the feelings we have are normal and to be expected...the key is not what we feel, but what we do with it. Good luck on your journey, we will be here to travel it with you, and you will make it through this.

feralfae, Thank you so much for sharing your story, and your life with Doug. It sounds as though it was a wonderful filled life and it's understandable that you would miss him so much. I love your positive attitude, one that was undoubtedly formed over such a rich and fulfilling life! As you look forward and anticipate a future with happiness yet ahead in it, I am sure it will happen for you. I, too, believe that this journey is transforming us. Most of us have our ups and downs but try not to let the downs defeat us, and try to focus on the positive side. Still, there are times you'll hear wailing in here and that's to be expected. I am curious why you were moving to Alaska and then decided to move back to Montana? I don't mean to pry, if you don't care to answer, just ignore my question. I'm sorry Doug's family hasn't been all you would wish for...families can be like that sometimes. I haven't heard from George's family after his initial death and their wanting something, as if I had anything. I am fortunate to have my own family! I am glad you have a lot of friends, and if, after a year, they are still around, they are likely to stay. Many of us lost our friends when we lost our spouse, another common casualty of death. Good luck on your (physical) recovery! It sounds like it was a good thing you'd been in good physical shape, that often aids greatly in the recovery prognosis. What we set our minds to, we often reach!

I'm probably the only one in the world that thinks so, but I love the smell of my dog! Marty, that's funny! Anne, I am so glad you found Benji, he's a perfect match for you! You sound so happy to have him! He is very adorable and it has to be great fun to have him around. I know what my Arlie has meant to me, he has brought so much pleasure to my life. This morning I told him I wouldn't take a Gazillion dollars for him...and I realized I honestly mean that. He is priceless to me! Keep enjoying your Benji, I think it's great that he likes to snuggle up with you, I love that!

Harry, I am sorry for your loss, and sorry for the world's loss, because it sounds like she was off and rolling to a wonderful start...what a shame that such a wonderful life had to be cut short, shy of her fulfilling her dreams.

I hope you're enjoying painting, Mary! It's always nice tohave peace and quiet back.

Beecha, I'm so sorry you lost your dad so soon, and esp. since you didn't get the time you felt should be allotted to you. Please be easy on yourself, if the experts don't know, how can you be expected to? Medicine is a science with a lot of guess work. We're here to listen whenever you want to talk.

Yes, tea, music, snuggling under covers, all for you! I hope you sleep well!