kayc

My friend is 4 1/2 years out but even first year she was seeing people as "friends"...she still calls it that although it seems more like dating to me, some she has kissed, but the first and second year she didn't. Even the couple of "friends" I have seen, they try for more every now and then and it gets annoying and I have to put them in their place. I've been clear and up front about my boundaries but there's something about guys, they agree to it and then want to try for more. I don't think you're ready to have to deal with all the issues that brings up, it's not fun. ( I guess it's not a gender thing, some of the guys here have probably experienced it with women too.)

Jan, good for you! And it gets easier/more comfortable with practice. I agree, we shouldn't be trying to measure our progress, for one thing, sometimes it's so gradual it's hard for us to notice unless we compare back to a definite time (say, the week they died).

I think I only keep going because I have to, so it's probably good I'm forced to work. The day I give up is the day they can check me into a nut house. Sometimes I don't feel far from there. I think the best thing I could do for myself is get some zest back for life. I'm lacking it. George always had so much, that was one of the things I loved about him. Sometimes I have it for a short time, but a lot of time, I just don't have the inner drive any more. I do the things I need to do but I don't have the interest in my hobbies that I used to. Maybe I have low grade depression or something, I don't know, it's not severe enough to seek help, but I could definitely use a boost. I think most of you know what I'm talking about. There is just something missing since George died and being as it's been over 7 1/2 years, I doubt it's coming back.

I am so glad she was in tune enough to give him a most precious gift. I would not be comfortable hugging just anyone. If someone is a professional acquaintance, I certainly wouldn't be comfortable. People at our church hug, but some of them I'd be more comfortable with than others. I consider a brief one to be a hug, a longer duration one would be more "cuddling". It's hard to believe someone can go 30 years without a hug! You can tell he hasn't been to my church! I guess that's one thing I like about having pets, at least we get touch.

I know. Believe me, I know. We just go on because we have no choice. We live with the hole in our heart that is them. We learn to exist without them, missing them. It is different, life is never the same. But I do continually look forward to the day we'll be reunited.

I wish I could retire...the daily struggle of survival is so hard. But when I see people who are retired, it doesn't look so good either. I think a happy medium would be good...maybe part time with time for other pursuits. It has to be better than just filling time though...

I think I have too much quiet, too much aloneness.

Shannon, I hope you have a good day with your husband and his sister. I'm sure he's getting the best possible care, and I'm glad you have a room to stay in. Our prayers are with you!

Harry, it's more like you have changed jobs instead of retiring from teaching, you haven't slowed down in the least, in fact, quite the opposite! When you were teaching and you were Jane's husband, you knew who you are...now you are trying to figure out who you are apart from Jane and teaching. It takes time...

I'm sorry you lost not only your cat, but your grandma, I know that seems like too much at once. My heart goes out to you. I know the pain you're in, I've been there. I'm just so sorry.

I'm sorry you're taking another hit. I don't know why it seems to come in bunches sometimes, but I have a friend going through this too, lost three people dear to her within a month. It's just very hard, try to hang in there, it won't continue like this indefinitely but I'm sure it feels that way right now. (((hugs)))

It would be best for you if you would hide her on FB so you didn't see what she's doing, it only tortures you...I also know you probably won't do that even though it's in your best interest. She doesn't think you abandoned her, you didn't...it's her that is pushing you away. I honestly don't know what they think or why they respond like they do, trust me, I've analyzed this one to death and come up empty. It has never been explained fully to me either.

I only know you made the decision out of kindness to her and you have nothing to feel bad about...I also know that doesn't alleviate your feelings of guilt and this immense pain. I am so sorry you lost your baby, it's very hard. I hope you will go to the Rainbow Bridge and that it will bring you some comfort. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw&feature=player_embedded

Hey, we'll all fly in and stand next to Harry when he's elected President! And Anne, gosh if you win the Pulitzer we'll have to fly out for that too! I know, it's hard not being first to somebody, but I came home tonight and Arlie looked at me and gave me kisses right on the face! (I know that grosses some people out, but I'll take all the love I can get!) That was pretty special to me.

OMG, that is too cute! How funny! No wonder he makes you smile!

You sound like you have more than your hands full with your schedule! You could decline and tell them you don't have the time and aren't ready, of if you think any of them might make a good friend, then tell them you aren't interested/ready for dating, but you sure would enjoy a friend and see if they're still interested. A friend of mine does this and it works well for her, she has a very active social life only she chooses to call it friendship instead of dating and it wards off unwanted advances. It also complicates things for her sometimes as some of the men, in spite of her being candid and up front with them, still hope for more and occasionally try. If it continues, she has to cut them off.

Yes, Mary, I hear you. It's hard going through life alone and knowing there is no one that cares in the way our spouses did. No one that leaves the garage light on.

All is well...I had posted about it on FB and a neighbor contacted me and told me the crazy Russian lady that lives down the street often takes in other people's dogs into her house...and doesn't contact the owners. Turns out she not only did that, but even took down the flyer I'd put up! We went over there and got her back. Poor Miss Piggy, she was so glad to be home! And guess what, her owner showed up with a harness and leash in hand, looked like they'd never been used (and our town doesn't sell anything like that so he had to have had it already). He did say he'd have to shut his gate the next time he lets them out, although he hadn't done that earlier in the day when his puppy was out, so I hope he does so they don't get run over or something else happens. Pet ownership is about so much more than providing food and water!

Jan, Do you feel guilty if you enjoy something, as if it takes you away from Pete, or means you didn't care as much about him? Not saying you do, just wondering if that's a reason you feel yourself batting it down to extinction when you do start to feel enjoyment. If so, that's a common grief response and with time one can learn it's okay to enjoy life and it doesn't mean you're not grieving and you can completely miss them and love them and still feel enjoyment of other things simultaneously. Maybe not so much in the beginning, but with time. Try to give yourself permission to enjoy something and see if that helps...yes, that is what Pete would want for you, as much as he cared about you. Mary, I know it's hard to go to weddings...I had mixed feelings at my son's wedding, I was very happy for them, but it accentuated my own situation and I couldn't help feeling my life is over as theirs is beginning. It'd be good if you could take Cathy with you so you won't have to be alone through it.

I just feel if I could visit her it could make a difference to her because we really connected. I hate winters because I miss her and it's so hard for them. They have food and shelter but no one to comb them and stroke them and talk to them.

Shannon, There are times when things are beyond our control and we feel helpless...it is then that we can pray. Perhaps God lets things get that way sometimes so we will reach out to Him...when everything is going great, we tend to forget. Prayer is anything but helplessness though, it is the most mindful and strongest thing we can do. It is not relying on ourselves, but rather on Him that is most able and trusting Him to do what is best. Sometimes that "best" doesn't seem "best" to us at all...sometimes we balk at it and don't like it, and that's okay too because some things are beyond our comprehension. It is okay to ask for healing, that is what I am asking for now for your husband. That God would restore both of you.

Jan, Yes, do try it. I only know that I lived for that time of day and it was very restorative. I'm not able to do that now with Arlie as he is very distracting and requires all of my attention, just to rein him in, he's a handful. But I need to devote some time to meditation and prayer, which I also used to do on my walks. Right now, I'm afraid I can't focus on anything but my neighbor's lost dog, Miss Piggy. He did not have tags on her, he said her neck is too thick for a collar and a harness bothered her, so now she is out in the cold, no food or water, she's old and it's hard for her to walk (arthritis). If she doesn't make it back this morning I will put out flyers. I don't think she can live long in the elements. Arlie could survive with his thick coat and he'd find water, but Piggy... Arlie and I walked up and down the street calling and listening last night, usually she woofs when we go by, but last night, nothing.

This is something I know I need to do more of. You all are inspiring!

Oh, I love that, it even has a horse! I am in withdrawal from "my horse"...there is someone who boards three horses up here and they don't pay any attention to them, so Arlie and I visit them on our walks. They (horse & Arlie) have even kissed each other a couple of times! I fell in love with one horse in particular, the owner hasn't named her so II call her Ashley. Well every winter the owners move them back behind a barn on a property where I can't visit them. I trespassed a couple of times to bring them apples, but now all of the snow slid off the roof, blocking the path to the fence so I can't reach them, and I can see two of the horses in the distance, but not Ashley. I worry about her, she was faring poorly before winter, and now...I don't know. I have to wait for Spring before I can see if she made it through or not. I hope she's still there, hanging on for Spring.