Mom

[kayc]

6 hours ago, Tachi said:

i get my stubborn from Mom.

Sometimes digging in stubborn is good!  I think where your brother is concerned, it's essential!

I was going to suggest a lap table for your dad but then I see you've tried suggesting everything known to man and he turns thumbs down to it all.  Not much you can do with that.  Lord I hope I'm never that obstinate!  By the time you get to that age and throw in dementia, I think we're beyond changing.  My mom was habitual and efficient and having her ways and patterns enabled her to live alone as long as she did, she went into dementia care at 90, needed to be there a full year beforehand!  It takes that long to get the govt cooperation, she would NOT go to a doctor until we took her to court to have it ordered!  Meanwhile she was living alone and a danger to herself.  It was one of the most stressful times of my life, worrying about her.  Knowing I could not take her in because I still had to work and no relief during work/sleep, and knowing she could kill my dog or burn the house down.  For that reason my siblings also could not take her in.  That and it would have polished off their marriages/families.  She was a hard person to deal with.  I did travel to be with her on my days off and fill her pill boxes, check her food supply, help her, take her places.  My brother spent Sundays with her.  It wasn't enough, no matter what we did.

Christmas was okay, saw my kids briefly, my son lives in a very remote, difficult to find area, I had my daughter drive while I tried to see where we were, it helped to have a collective effort, GPS doesn't always give perfect directions.  Grandkids opened presents the entire time we were there when we weren't eating, and still had more so no interaction with them.  Mine never had that much!  Don't think it's good for them, but not my kids to raise.  It was the first day my daughter had off in MONTHS, and her boss tried to get her to work then too!  That's nuts.  She did her entire move without days off!  She hasn't unpacked most of her stuff yet, but it's in the new place.  Living area looks nice but she has boxes lining the stairwell and both sides of her bedroom!  I feel so sorry for her, I wish her life were better.  She deserves so much better than it's dished out to her.  My son has his shop ready for cement pouring, everything is stored elsewhere or up off the floor, he's on a waiting list.  I'll be glad when he can unpack his shop and get it set up, it was his stress reliever.  It's a beautiful home & setting but I really miss his old place, it felt like "home" and had the most beautiful views I've ever seen!  That's something I miss here, I don't see the sunrises & sunsets, too many trees.  I see why some people take them down.

We've only had smatterings of snow, that is great by me!  Hoping it holds off until II can get the year end done at the church.  Tried yesterday but soc sec wouldn't let me in.  Took everything home and tried here this morning, called when they opened at 4 am my time but still can't get in.  They told me to have the new person register and do it!  Still would have to do the OR iwire (W2s & W3) and see if there's any more forms we have to do, I think there's one more with the Feds reconciling 941s for the year.  Ugh, I hate it.  Got the rest done though.  Blood sugar up until this is over I think.

The cards are impressive!  I'm sorry he didn't give much response.  I think it's the dementia, they become incapable of understanding much of anything.  It's not him, it's the dementia.  You tried, and you're a great son.  I know, no accolades in this lifetime, but still, you can take satisfaction in knowing who you are as a person.  You give of yourself regardless.

 

 

 

[Tachi]

On 1/5/2021 at 9:10 AM, kayc said:

   I can understand elderly not wanting to give up control, its very scary. You justify and make excuses and think you'll be ok. She was blessed to have someone to do what was needed. Our Christmas was about same as any day, just a little celebrate. I do miss a good Christmas. Kids will be kids, always about fun. At least you got a bit of time with family. Next year if your bored i'll ask my brother if they'd like to eat dessert on skype with ya. Doesnt sound exciting to me either. 

   Not looking forward to skyping with him. He is a diehard rabid leftist. While I am a realist. I believe in giving credit where its due, good or bad, no matter the party. he will be going on and on and will drive me to go nuts and scream at him...I must be nice, I must. 

   There needs to be a spot with a clean view so you can see the sun and moon. Filtered light thru the forest is nice. Some days we get a short time where the sun filters through the window on the front door. As filtered light-rays go its beautiful. 

New houses/moving etc seems alot more work and time than we figure. Im sure they will be so relieved once its done. 

Seems as bad as govt was before, with Covid its ten times as bad. When we finally got dads taxes in there was no word for months. I asked his taxguy to call and seems they needed another form and didnt tell anyone. Got that in two months ago and still no word. Maybe im dumb but I dont see why its that much slower working from home. 

   We are now getting some nights to freezing and even had snow the other day. wasnt cold enough to stick here but east of Dallas some got up to 8 inches. 

   Thank you. I wear down some days and wonder why I try. I'm searching for a good Reuben sandwich for him. but nothing is ever good. This last one was really tasty. But not enough sauerkraut and onion and it didnt taste like corned beef. he cant admit he has lost his sense of taste. 

   But he got a catalog for Great Courses and wanted to buy the Tai Chi one. I reminded him he has all that on the channel on Prime. So I turned it on and left him to see what its all about. Checked on him an hour later and he was watching a western. I guess his heart is in the right place. he talked to his neurologist about his low energy levels. He is 94, doesnt drink enough water. hasnt had appreciable exercise in several years. Of course he doesnt have any energy. I told him lots of people even do Tai Chi sitting down. He just needs to move something. I dont think he is capable of making the connection.

   Wondering at this point if studying is worthwhile. If what has been talked about happens to the economy there wont be any jobs. My future is now extremely uncertain. But all I can do is wait and see. 

yea, get to talk to brother friday...and im sure he will be gleeful and just full of it.

Anyway, scratch Kodie on the ears for me. Take good care.

   

 

 

 

[kayc]

Your post is showing up as a quote from me, but isn't, that had me confused!

I can't Skype here.  May be limited with internet & cellphone service here but the trade offs are worth it to me, being in the country around nature/animals, and not only such beautiful surroundings but everything a wee bit more slowed down and caring neighbors.  More like things USED to be!

Yeah, I don't see any excuse why our government seems to have dropped the ball on working this last year.  Went through a nightmare trying to do the church' year end forms, soc. sec. would not let me on to file the W-2s/W-3!  Had to call them at 4 am, as they wouldn't answer the phone or return calls.  Got someone but she wouldn't help me.  They wanted to "mail me a pw in two weeks!"  Too late for filing deadlines.  I had my asst. register and we went through her.  Have to go back to the church with her Saturday and work some more as the sec. decided to cut her hours and not having a PR module, I have to change everything in about 100 places.  So will walk Kelley through the process, ugh.  Wondering if I'll ever be done with this!  Also have to clean out the files, which I usually do after the audit and they're behind a year so now two years' worth to do and keep separate.

13 hours ago, Tachi said:

Checked on him an hour later and he was watching a western.

  That's cute!

13 hours ago, Tachi said:

My future is now extremely uncertain.

Don't give up.  I think the hardest hit industries are restaurants and gyms.  People who are innovative and flexible with changes are making things work but a lot of people are working from home as much as possible.  My son works at Garmin, very technical, still working, I don't think he'll ever be out of work!

[Tachi]

Sorry it's taken this long. I lose track of days it seems. There's nothing to mark them. 

Hope you are well. Our weather is up and down, got some rain, but generally 50s by day. I'll take it. 

Dad has his good and bad days. Got him a new phone, an android. he had so much trouble opening his flip phone. I dont know if the android will be usable since he has to swipe. 

Food...we have tried 5 or 6 kinds of pancakes and buckwheat cakes and he doesnt like any of them. I told him his sense of taste was going. He just doesnt like anything, it can't live up to his memory. 

How is Kodie doing? Big as a horse yet? How is your hand? I was remembering the other day reading of an old Chinese remedy... dit da jow...kungfu uses it for their sore bodyparts where they strike objects, so hands and feet etc. 

Made a crockpot of roast carrots and potatoes, good stuff. next is cheesesteak and then some baking.

Trying to find a plan in studying. I have a basic list of things to know to get a job, the basics. Some of them there is no text or course per se. Charting my way in an open sea. 

Still no tax return for dad. I try the 'wheres my refund' tool and nothing. I need to call his taxman. I know theyre very behind but this is silly.

Read that IT field is still strong. And that the 3D field is really strong. Too bad I can't go there. 

The Church is blessed to have you. Hope that all gets done. 

Well, time to cook. Making dad some cheesesteak and me some leftover roast. 

Oh, day three of no coffee. had a carbonated beverage for some reason. And it tried to kill me that night. Ive learned my lesson. I had bad stomach etc from my divorce many years ago and generally eat safe. Time to pay more attention.

Take good care

[kayc]

I am finally done as Treasurer, turned in my keys, it's a relief.  I hope she does the work on time as she hasn't been there all week, payments need made within a week of presenting.  Not my problem anymore.

I took a bad fall on ice, hurt myself several places, but the worst is my big toe and wouldn't you know it, my hands.  Lucky to have not broken any bones.  Kodie was really good, didn't run off, was very attentive to me, very concerned.  The next day I cracked my head on the freezer, lucky to have not split it open!  I have two knots on top of it.  I was digging through the refrigerator and stood up, not realizing the freezer door had come open!

My friend said she's going to come bubblewrap me, ha!

I'm sorry about your stomach!  That can be maddening.  Lemon water is healing. 
17 Health Benefits of Lemon Water - Facty Health
Top Benefits of Drinking Lemon Water | Dr. Berg - YouTube

Maybe go easy on spices?

That's so sweet of you to get your dad a new phone, I hope he can operate it.  I'm cellphone illiterate any more since they don't work at my house and I no longer work away from home all day, I used to have an iPhone years ago and loved it, but never used aps and don't understand my google phone.  I liked my Droid but it got too old and would no longer function, a dinosaur.

We've had a lot of snow but the front yard has melted now, just have snow in the back.  Kodie LOVED it!  Had some play dates, he had a ball!  I took him to the vet for his immunizations, $360.00 later (he had an ear infection), I didn't expect it to be over $300!  I'd like to get a cat but not sure I can afford it right now!

 

[Tachi]

Ouch, hope you're ok. If you have it try soaking in warm or hot epsom salt bath. I was in a car wreck years back, that messed up my back, and epsom salt soaks really helped. be careful, like you need to hear that.

Hope your replacement is as attentive as you were. I think she will have a hard time living up to your standadrd but she will learn.

When Dad first got home from rehab hospital after his stroke I looked into devices that would make life easier. medicare didnt pay for alot so i would explain the item and ask if he wanted it. he always said yes but then didnt use most. he thought medicare was paying for all of it so he saw it as free money and sure lets spend it. Mom told him I was buying it. My idea was see what he could use then he could pay me  back. He didnt offer to reimburse me but Mom did. For the first year after mom passed if we fell short in food expenses I just covered it. Finally I realised I was nickel and diming myself and I quit. I also noticed he would really want something then find fault and never touchj it again. So I dont spend my money on anything for him. he buys it and if he doesnt want it I take it to UPS and return it to amazon. I cant tell you how many times now he describes a problem yet no solution is acceptable. Its funny that some he has refused later are wonderful. 

But he seems to be using this android ok. I got him a stylus and that seems to help with his tremors. Tbh, he hardly ever needs a phone. Only for calls. 

I developed a pre-ulcer going through my divorce. Its been mostly no issue for a long time. I drank carbonation and that is death to me, silly me. I think that the second lesser bout is from coffee creamer. twice ive been sick on a day i used it. the past two days were same powdered cappuccino with no creamer and im fine. Going to behave.

Funny you mention lemon as I got some the last food delivery.

dads friends talked him into an Iphone a few years ago. he just couldnt understand how to use it. One day i smelled something weird burning. Dad had opened his Iphone and tried prying the battery out with a metal screwdriver and set the battery on fire. Luckily it was by the back door. he threw it on the patio and burned a hole in the doormat. he could have burned the house down. In his elder years he has lost common sense. i found him one day with a screwdriver working on a lampsocket while it was plugged in. he told me I needed to rewire it...no. So he was rewiring it...I told him i'd throw it out if he did. Cant trust him.

I suppose if you dont need and cant use one then its all good. These folks with expensive Iphones probably dont need but a fraction of what they do.

Sounds like Kodie is wishing for more snow. It must be wondrous for pets to play for the first time in snow. Something from the deep past and ingrained maybe. 

Take good care of yourself. Enjoy your new bubblewrap clothes. Just dont wear em to sleep or you'll wake up every time you roll over.

Take good care.

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Tachi said:

Take good care of yourself. Enjoy your new bubblewrap clothes. Just dont wear em to sleep or you'll wake up every time you roll over.

For the last month+ I've had thrush, took me a while to figure it out, started with sore tongue/gums, then sores in throat, then white splotches on tongue, those were the give-away.  Made appointment for doctor, 55 miles away.  Got there, they looked gutshot and ordered me out to my car, made me feel like I had the plague!  Never did that before when I had thrush and this doesn't begin to resemble Covid, no symptoms whatsoever of that.  Doctor finally comes out and gives a cursory glance into my mouth (in the car, dark), and says I'm asymptomatic, I told her, "No I'm not, if you looked further you'd see it!"  I always press down on my tongue and use a flashlight to see it in the mirror.  I have a flashlight and could have pressed down on my tongue being as she didn't bring a tongue depressor, but wasn't given the chance to explain how long this has been going on and all of the symptoms...she just handed me four papers and told me to go to the hospital for Covid testing!  I asked WHY and she said I'm asymptomatic.  Does not make any sense to me and I haven't been anywhere for 1 1/2 weeks before and then only with N95 mask.  Took me a couple hours to get the test, then another hour to get the Rx I insisted on for Thrush.  Did a lot of reading on line, Dr. Google and Oz did me more good that this ridiculous trip to the doctor!  So 14 days I have to take lozenges five times day, not sure if it'll take care of it all or not.  Put a call in to my doctor's office yesterday saying everything I didn't get to Monday when I went.  Will see what she responds.  They didn't call me back with the Covid results so I had to call them, negative as I expected.  I'm pretty upset with how the doctor handled everything.

No sign of anyone doing my Church Treasury job, I'm still on the bank account, hope someone takes initiative soon, I'm out of it!!

Your dad sounds dangerous.  My sister scares me too, what's ahead for her (the one who recently lost her husband and has dementia diagnosis).  I try to help her as much as I can but am limited in being able to be there because of her chain smoking.  My other sister said she may consider quitting after 50 years of it, I have a hard time believing it unless I hear it from her as she's never ever considered it, she feels it's her "right."
You have been a great son to your dad, most of us can only hope someone will be there for us someday like you are for him!

[Tachi]

Hope youre feeling better. I have lost all respect for most doctors. I think they push them so hard to make covid calls that theyre seeing it in their dreams. they get money for the diagnosis and treatment as well. What was it they gave you for it? If its hydroxychloroquine and zinc thats good stuff. Of course since you dont have it anything would work. Crazy times. Seems to me you deserve a vacation with all thats been going on. Hope you get some rest.

i woke up today with vertigo. messed me up for half a day. first time and I dont want that ever again. Took a motion sickness pill and half a benadryl. Looked on webmd and found some physical things to do to try and dislodge the calcium crystals from my inner ear. I laid back fast and vertigo hit me hard. Definitely my left ear.

Yes ma'am, the Church job is no no longer yours. Someone there needs to get organized I think. 

Ive been looking at all this with dad. Its almost as if I deal with someone who is mildly insane, in that they are divorced from reality. At times he's almost normal, at times what he says makes no sense yet it makes perfect sense to him. Still other times I can tell by his face he is struggling. Thats the hardest part, seeing a problem but he wont admit it. he wont allow help. Hi memory is getting bad. Asking me about something I told him a few hours before.

There must be so many like my dad and your sister who need more. But theres no money in it so no one is interested. maybe thats one area govt can spend money on rather than sending it overseas. I seriously dread after he is gone and the end years for me. 

Its 25 degress and the high Monday will be 18. This is Winter alright.

guess I best get to sleep, hopefully no more vertigo. take good care of yourself and kodie. Hope and pray you get over all the illness and aches and pains.

[kayc]

They gave me clotrimazole lozenges to take 5 x day, spread out, so I do one every 5 hours plus one in the middle of the night.  I'm already on zinc as a supplement all the time.  I'm gargling with salt water, have silver infused water, have upped my yogurt consumption (I always have it daily anyway) and I always have apple cider vinegar.  It's all helping, just not getting over it very quickly and am afraid will not be over it before the Rx runs out Monday.  We're on a storm weather watch so not sure I could get back to the doctor (not wanting more of the same anyway) if need be, let alone drive out of town for more Rx even if I could get it.  I'm extremely disillusioned about my doctor by now, talked to my insurance about her yesterday.

Wow, it is cold where you are!  It was 25 here this week (they'd predicted 35), supposed to be heading into a cold spell.  

My sister and I were just talking about my mom's dementia yesterday and I was wondering about you and how you were doing with your dad.  I didn't realize you had vertigo, had a friend that goes through it continually, quite hard to live with.  

They added Kelley on as a signer to the church accounts but still have ME listed as an account owner, said I can't do anything about it, the church needs to, so another call to make another day, too much to deal with right now.  Don't know how they can have me listed as an "owner" when I never was, I just did business on their behalf.  Very strange.

I hope you get to feeling better!  I'm kind of agreeing with you about our medical system, doctors AND vets.  I know there's good ones, just where are they?

 

[Tachi]

How are you feeling hope alot better. Things have been crazy here. Winter storm of the century. lost power for the better part of a couple days and temp bottomed out at -2. Have power and water and gets over freezing tomorrow so looks like we survived. Tho many have been without power all week and some also no water. Stores are almost empty because no deliveries. Hope they get restocked fast. havent gotten anything done this week.

dad has good days and days he thinks his remote is a phone. His digestive is off again, he calls it daihrrea but who knows. he blames diet but then insists on eating things that he shouldnt. Tomorrow he starts a bland diet. His other big issue is he cant hear. I can hear tv plainly in my room. I have to go in and check the volume on his H aids and if they need cleaning or a battery. he wont do it, just sits there and cranks the TV volume.

Hows your weather, you folks cold and snowy?

My vertigo...have had a couple slight episodes but that was the first real one and it stinks. I dont know if doing the maneuver knocked em out or the benadryl did but lets hope that was all of that.

Hows Kodie doing? bet that puppy is huge. 

My first doctor did house calls. I remember he came one time and I hid under the bed, lol. Dr Gibson, very fine man. 

Take care of yourself and stay warm. I have to go in and fix the TV volume and Dad's hearing aids.

 

[kayc]

Kodie won't get real big, expect 20 lbs, he's 18 1/2 now.  Snow off/on here like usual but Salem through Portland was worse than usual, knocked out power.  Some places pipes burst, flooding home what a mess!  For people who aren't used to the cold there, you have to wrap pipes and keep the water dripping at least so it doesn't freeze (the movement helps).  I'm glad it wasn't worse for you, I hate being w/o power!  

Glad your vertigo responded to the Benedryl, I hope it doesn't continue, doesn't sound good.

Kodie has been getting play dates and loving it.

Can't say my mouth/throat/tongue are much better, still have the sores on them.  When the Rxs are gone I'll have to go back to the doctor but she'd better do a better job of it than last time or I'll have to switch doctors, I've had her over 11 years.  Covid is no excuse!

You can blow out the speakers on the t.v. by cranking it up too much too often, I did, years ago, so my son hooked up stereo speakers to my next one, that helps.

[Tachi]

hope your weather is better. We had strong rain last night and will again this weekend. 50s and 60. 

how ya feel? Hoping better, maybe it just take a bit. What happened with your carport and stuff? is the hand any better? Im just a load of questions today.

Dad had his 'colitis' a couple days so we changed him to soup and sandwich for brunch. Also cut out the Boost. He is and isnt lactose intolerant. He just believes whats in his mind at the time. he wont eat safe, was eating bacon and milk products. At one point didnt eat bread. Now its all fair game. Except i sneak out the bad stuff. he doesnt understand what foods are bad for his system. 

he keeps thinking his phone controls TV and the remote makes phone calls. He wanted to get rid of his new phone cause he couldnt change the channel. Then he wanted to switch back and forth between phones. There is little if any understanding. He complains of things that dont make sense. like when he went to bed last night his sheets were piled up on one side. I turned the corner down so he could get in. I dont know if he just complains as a narcissist or if he really doesnt understand. 

Sounds like kodie is almost grown. Does he play with toys or go claim his own? 

Im going to be good and watch some videos on Windows. Long series but got a great promo price on one of the training websites so taking advantage of it.

take good care.

[kayc]

Still not over this.  Am going to look into new doctor, new insurance, new pharmacy.  After what I've been through, I feel it's high time!  May not be able to switch insurance until next year, but put a call in to the local agent, waiting to hear back.  Called the local clinic and need to pick up a packet from them but right now it's snowing hard and very windy, so may wait until next week sometimes to go pick it up.  Once I get new insurance then I can switch pharmacies, can't come too soon for my liking!

My Arlie dog had Colitis, so did my granddoggy that lived with me for 3 1/2 years, so I'm well aware of it.  I cooked for Arlie, no grease, spice, he had vegetables but couldn't have a lot of broccoli, he had carrots, kale, spinach, peas, celery, pumpkin, zucchini, green beans, yams, sweet potatoes, along with brown rice, chicken or low fat meat like venison, elk,  or bear meat.  When he had an outbreak he could only have white rice, chicken, pumpkin.  People may differ but I'd think it'd be similar.  I didn't give him gluten.  Yeast can be hard so I'd avoid bread in an outbreak.  Yogurt is good, milk no.  I can't have dairy but can have yogurt and cream, they're different than the regular milk.  I can have eggs.  

It 's hard saying if the dementia is causing his reactions, I know it does wreak havoc with their minds.  My mom had severe paranoia also and that really factored into her odd responses.

It's good you're able to take advantage of the training videos!

Can your dad read still?  You might try labeling the phone and labeling the remote.  I have to hand it to you, I know this takes unending patience on your part!

Not doing anything with the carport during winter as they have to work from the inside and there's no place to put any of the stuff, plus I need help cleaning it out and don't have it right now.

Hands improved a bit but no, not a whole lot better.  I live with the pain there, my mouth/tongue/throat, and my knee!  (falls)

I tried a keto recipe for crispy chicken, it's really good and so easy. Boneless bake at 350 about 55 min (bone in 55 min.) Cayenne optional, your dad may not be able to tolerate it or the pepper.

 

[Tachi]

Hope you have better luck with a new set of health providers. Seems like some of them only know one trick. And if it doesnt work youre stuck. I would say I'd take some of that snow but I think i'm ready for Spring. Its been up and down 40s to 70 so cant complain.

Do you feel any better?

Dad seems to be having luck with a lunchmeat sandwich for brunch instead of pancakes. He had said before no gluten and no milk and now he claims he doesnt know how bad a problem he has with anything. But then he has his attacks. I think he has just forgotten whats he can and cant eat. 

he is on a kick of shopping. So far things he could use tho some he doesnt need. But he did get a natural light floorlamp and he can see print well again so he can read. He wants to get a backup generator for a freak winter storm next year. His thinking is just so odd. he doesnt want to heat by fireplace. But run the house heater, and well run everything. that kind of generator is very expensive. he got an electric blanket, tho he has sworn them off because he thinks they cost $100/month to run. I tell him the truth of things like that and he doesnt listen. Someone else can tell him and its a new revelation.

You are prophetic ma'am. I did label each handheld device and it has helped in that regard. His big nemesis is that he has to hold the remote with his thumb on the trigger and his tremors make him press buttons whe he doesnt want to. So he complains the program just jumped. Ive told him once he has his show to put the remote down. But he cant.

Tbh I could get drawn in and spend all my time chasing his crazy stuff, he has started wanted to go shopping. maybe fine if he knew where to go and he would get something. he has terrible trouble making decisions. his version of shopping is to go multiple places and compare and talk to salespeople, then maybe buy something. I really dont care to waste my time like that. Thats why we have amazon.com . I am very selfish of my time. because no one else will care about what im doing and what I need to get done. I know he doesnt. 

hang in there on the hand and the pain. Im sorry to hear its still goinbg. Hope and pray it fades away soon. Thanks for the recipe, will try next time I have chicken defrosted. I discovered something good. Apple Butter Chicken. had a new idea and tried it and turned out well. Cut up some chicken breasts, smother in apple butter and then roll in flour. brown in olive oil, drain any excess oil and add chicken broth. Dust with beercan chicken spice or whatever you like to use. Simmer in broth, I did 2 and a half hours and I shred it halfway thru. Came out super tender, great flavor and very tender. Definitely adding that to my recipe box. i dont know how that jibes with how you eat tho.

Going back to the books. take good care of yourself and stay warm.

[kayc]

I can't have apple butter, never heard of beercan chicken spice!  It sounds yummy though.  

Kodie is really sick, Jazzy's mom gave him a rawhide chew, he's been messed up since, that was Wed.  Middle of the night he had to go out and vomit and diarrhea, I couldn't get back to sleep worrying about him.  I think I'll have to pass on going to my grandson's bdy tomorrow, Kodie is too sick and it's snowing, supposed to all week.

Maybe set a time once a week you can take your dad shopping, for a set number of hours, I know it's hard to get him to adhere to anything, but remind him that's the agreed upon time!  He'll argue but what can he do!

I'm thinking my sister Peggy does have dementia after all, she says weird things, doesn't understand things, but sometimes she's clear, sometimes she's way out there.  Not as far along as your dad yet.

[Tachi]

Dad seems to be worse. he told me tonight the lightswitch in his room was in the off position earlier and yet the light was on and the switch loose. Nothing wrong with it. I hope he isnt going to start calling his handyman for false things. they are very expensive.

Then he asks if his ear doc doesnt anything else. Come to find out his left hearing aid isnt working too well but he doesnt want to get a new one. I explained they said to change the battery, clean it and use the remote to adjust the volume, if that doesnt work we take it in. Not sure he can still change the battery but he cant do anything else. 

With his doctors and such he ends up going out at least once a week. last week was the eyedoctor and tomorrow will be his new glasses, then next week adjusting his new glasses, same script as the ones he got last year. They wont work and we will get them adjusted many times. he will say in the office they work but then he will complain and we go back. 

He ordered some new slippers, a size too small. I told him he just needed a size up and he argued. i ordered them anyway and he likes me for now. But whats great now wont work next week. I'm the one who gets to run down to ups to return them. 

It just goes on and on. 

We did however get a light with a sunbulb for him to read by, he told me that was a great help. then told his optician he still cant read w/out new glasses. he tells everyone a different story.

I cant get mad at him for it all, he cant help it. And my brother thinks dad is normal for 94. I should be able to tell him how Dad is but he doesnt want to know. If it comes t the point dad needs more care than I can provide I dont know what will happen. I know I will be out of luck because I am no where near ready for an IT job. 

Anyway, 

sorry kodie is sick, hope he's feeling better. We used to hear about rawhide chews and breath fresheners for dogs when I worked at walgreens. I dont trust em. Hopefully was just a lil bacteria and he gets back to normal. I wonder if they can have pepto or anything? ive never heard. I know they can have some human otc just much smaller dosage.

https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/health/is-pepto-bismol-safe-for-dogs/#:~:text=Pepto-Bismol Dosage For Dogs,medication and call your veterinarian. wow interesting

For once I dont want your snow. We have a nice two week run of 60s and 70s and this is my favorite. the air has a finer quality, a different smell and feel. just stay warm and fix some hot cocoa. 

Sorry to hear about Peggy. Sounds like it. Hopefully it regresses very slowly. Ive read that the speed and degree varies. It is odd to me that none of Dad's doctors has ever asked me how he is or asked about signs of dementia or mental issues. Back again to thinking our health care, esp for seniors is pretty deficient. Seems more maintenance than problem solving and preventative.

Does Peggy seem to have a few hours later in the day when she's worse? ive read that many get that time. 

Going to make some tea and try and learn Photoshop. 'Try'...such a big program. 

Take good care of yourself, stay warm, and hoping Kodie gets back to normal, 

Take care

[kayc]

Yes they can have Pepto Bismo but I do NOT want to stop him up, I want to CLEAR his digestive system!  I know he didn't have full blockage or he couldn't have diarrhea but he could have partial blockage, so have done everything I know from my experience with Colitis to heal his digestive tract and give time a chance to clear it naturally.  It seemed to work as his stools look almost totally normal now and he's back on his usual chow now, I had to ease him back into it.  NO MORE RAWHIDE EVER!  I told my neighbor Jazzy can't have them out in the yard or we won't be able to bring him over, it could be deathly to him, he's so little!  Arlie was over seven times his size!  

I don't know if Peggy's dementia is time sensitive or not, I don't disturb her in the morning as she has a hard time sleeping and sometimes finally falls asleep at 3-5 am.  I don't want to wake her up.  And I go to sleep early, anywhere from 7:30 to 9 pm. as I wake up 3-6 am.  So we usually talk or see each other in the afternoon or early evening.

I used to do Photoshop a million moons ago, now it is so vast and complicated and I wouldn't know where to start!

I would talk to your dad's doctor about the dementia, perhaps they can assess his condition.  Took us a year to take my mom to court to have them ORDER a medical evaluation as she started avoiding doctors like the plague!  She lived alone and we knew she shouldn't be but were afraid to take her in because we were afraid of her burning our home down or killing our dog (she put her dog down telling me it was cancer but told my sister she thought the Lord would come and no one would be there to take care of him).  Now there are laws against putting down a healthy animal but in those days, not so sure, it's a state law.  I hope to God the vet re-homed him, he was a sweet dog.  We could not trust her in her mental state, let alone dementia.  My mom stopped her Rxs and doctors because she was afraid of them finding out her true mental state, she knew something was wrong but didn't want anyone to find out as she was afraid of losing control over her life.  Once she got real far gone she took things more as they came and amazingly accepted being in dementia care as just part of life.  She''d lived in the same home for 59 years, widowed for 32!  My dad built the home with her help.

9 hours ago, Tachi said:

Back again to thinking our health care, esp for seniors is pretty deficient. Seems more maintenance than problem solving and preventative.

This is true for our health care, it's very backwards!  I just spent two full weeks filling out paperwork and online forms and appts. and phone calls to switch medical insurance, doctors, pharmacies, auto & truck insurance and will appoint my  new agent for homeowners when due too.  It was a full time job for TWO weeks!  I have never seen more work/hassle than switching to this new doctor but now it's done and I have everything LOCAL for the first time in years!  Only have to do trips to the valley (50-65 miles away from here) for specialty doctors, eye exams, groceries.  My new insurance doesn't pay as well on things so it will cost me more, but I will have access to PeaceHealth again which is most of Lane County's doctors!  I couldn't believe Healthnet did away with it!  I went to United Healthcare (AARP).  It's nice to have an agent as I was on my own before.  Healthnet grew too big too quickly, didn't train their employees adequately or sufficiently enough, you could call ten times and get ten different answers!  AND I couldn't access my portal the last 1 1/4 years, yet they'd never put a tech on to help me!  I had to problem the first 2 1/2 years.  I still need to sign up for the mail order pharmacy but can't do so until April 1st as that's when it's effective.  My Rxs will cost a lot more. 

I figure you must have the patience of Job or be close to a breakdown, one or the other!  

 

[Tachi]

ahhhh, so it blocks him up, gotcha. Youre a good Mom. Like people it does take times to heal like that. 

I feel like if I always let my Dad do his crazy ideas he will go broke pretty fast. his judgment is shot. he just got new glasses again, same as last years. First he says trouble reading then no the glasses wont help.

now he wants a new mattress.

just now he wants the entire lawn resodded. There are some patches but he doesnt need to be having someone tear out healthy grass. Seed is much cheaper and works well. The lawn is too early to tell whats good or bad. he just has the feeling that its been bad for several year so it needs to be redone, thinking 2-4k$. he has it but it will take a deep cut in his finances. i try and be practical. Wait for the grass to start greening up and see where you have dirt and get it patched. he and I are not going to get along anymore. he is not basing decisions on fact or evidence. 

Sleep seems so important for the elder age yet so hard to get. I try and leave my dad alone to sleep and hes usually up by ten. 

I spend alot of time doing things for him and I feel im wasting my time. He doesnt understand that he cannot replenish his money once its gone. he had alot of misc expenses and he spends his income every month now. When its all gone and he needs something important like medical hes going to be in a bad spot. I think sadly when he passes the estate sale will be immediately and the house will be sold as soon after that as is possible. Which means cheaply.

I was using a very old PS and this new one does cool things but you have to go thru the steps exactly right or it wont work. Some tutorials i think i've done it exactly right and it still messes up. I'm thinking that's where the artistic part comes in. 

My dad is so used to being 'god' with his narcissism he refuses to listen to anyone but himself. It hurts him, so far in small ways. I think now he wants to feel like he isnt powerless. he comes in and announces he has made a decision, like a king making a proclamation. It always includes spending money. i was actually going to see how the grass came in this year and use some patch seed. I think that is appropriate and I asked him about doing that this past Fall. but he made fun of me and told me it was fine, it did that every year. now hes 180 on steroids. 

Dad has the United aarp ins. From what I understand his old employer combined his secondary United with his Medicare and they added a little extra coverage. Ive spent alot of time for him on the phone with all his insurances. united was very nice but all of them are confusing.

Tbh I feel I have to look out for him. I feel responsible for him. he kept telling me im not. he cant accept that he has issues that affect his thinking and judgment. I think he was so scarred by being poor growing up that he feels he has to be the big spender. Is afraid and shamed if he thinks people will see him as cheap. "I can afford it'. There is nothing wrong with being appropriate financially. It's just stupid and wasteful to opt for the expensive option when you dont need to. I know when he's making a bad decision when he cant support it. When he just says the yard has looked bad for several years instead of telling me where and why it looks bad and why it needs to be ripped out entirely, even the good grass. Why he doesnt want to wait until it grows out and see exactly what he needs. I think he cant reason like that so he just says do it all. I dont know why he suddenly thought of the yard when he never goes outside. And I dont know why he suddenly now thinks it needs help when last fall he didnt. Now why he thinks it has to all be redone. he keeps thinking he needs to do things to fix the house and property. To add value. But what he forgets is he doesnt have alot of money. he could do many things to start taking it back to new condition. But it isnt necassary and he needs to be saving his money. 

I have very little patience im afraid. his insanity frustrates me, mostly because he is a narcissistic fool too the end and it will ruin him. It will not ruin me. It may sound cold but I wont spend a penny to bail him out. My brother can do that. I have tried to let my bro understand how dad is, partly so if the time comes to do something legally with dad he will understand. but he doesnt want to know, and frankly I dont think he cares. So I would be fighting my dad, who thinks he is always right and is normal plus my brother. I also dont have money for courts and lawyers. I also wonder if part of this junk is just narc dad trying to be in charge and lord it over me doing things I dont approve of. So be it, I hate that he can still pull my strings. That he will ruin himself and my chances of handling his estate. 

I get very tired of there being something every day or two. Its like he works hard to find something weird and dumb that makes no sense. It makes it extremely hard to ever relax or study. I kid about having my stroke and passing, tbh the only thing I fear is being effected and not passing. If I go I wont miss much seeing as the rest of my life will be a bad time. I just dont want to have a stroke and have to be in a home. Sounds weird I know. but just nothing to look forward to. Tired of the frustration of looking out for someone who never listens. Why do I even bother. I wish i could make my heart into stone and just not care.

k, sorry im ranting, bad bad day i guess. Glad Kodie is better, you are a good Mom. Ya'all take good care.

 

 

[kayc]

It's honestly a true miracle Kodie came out like he did, if you'd have seen what happened, been there, it was horrific.  A friend ordered Halt spray on Amazon for me, will be here by Saturday.  Yesterday I carried a big stick when we walked.  I'm kicking myself for not being able to protect him, it was lightening speed, no time to register, I can't describe it.

Your dad is indeed in a power struggle.  I'd ignore him.  Keep him from the phone if you can so he can't order things..  Just because he declares something doesn't mean you need to hop to to make it happen!  I hope you have power of attorney?  My brother did with my mom.  The bank called me one time and said my mom declared elder abuse on my brother and I set them straight right off!  Let them know about her dementia and mental issues and praised my brother as a doting saint.  What if I hadn't gone to his defense?  What if he had a sister who was out to make trouble for him?  These things are real and scary.

Your brother just adds to it, contributing nothing but his own narcissism.  I am sorry for your sake.  It's up to you to draw strong boundaries and adhere to them.  Your dad is nuts, the same as my mom was.  Sorry, that's how I see it.  There is no rationale in their world.  No reasoning works with them.  I know, I've tried, my sisters have tried, my brother has tried.  I love her but she was nuts.  I miss her at times but I know if she could be here it'd be the same old inappropriateness and disappointment.  

Sending you hugs.  Keep doing your print shop and activities you like.  It'll keep you sane.  We need some balance.

[Tachi]

Glad kodie is ok. Goes to show you never know whats coming in Life. How is your hand and all the aches and pains? You folks still getting cold weather and snow?

We are in Spring with 70-80 alot of days. had hard rain a couple nights ago. Curious to see if the grass grows. dad hadnt dont anything for a couple years and finally last summer i started cleaning up the yard but the grass was browning out. last week dad wanted to have the whole thing re-sodded, I suggested he wait and see how the grass comes back. It doesnt look good though. He bought a new bed mattress. Hopefully we avoid new grass. I can resod small areas but cant do an entire lawn. 

yes I have both powers of atty. The doc signed his DNR but he doesnt have an ID to get a notary to do it. We tried with two bank notaries and both declined because they didnt understand the forms. I emailed the Tx health dept and they affirmed I was correct and they needed to sign the forms but they didnt care. Alternative is to get two witnesses...neighbors to sign, we shall see. then need to draw up a Trust, which an atty may need to do. So trying to keep dad from spending money. he seems to get the hairbrain ideas then either forget or realise they were hairbrain and drop it for awhile. 

he just goes from one issue to another. Even though one may be solved we come back to it. Its the dining room chair now. he cant pull his chair to the table, I glued coasters on his old chair but he still has trouble so we got his office chair. Got locking wheels for it. Now it turns too much and rolls too easy but he cant pull himself to the table without pulling the table apart. As you see he will say two opposite things in the same conversation. The issues are in his mind, perception. It isnt that HE has an issue, its the object thats broken. 

My dad refuses to believe in elder abuse, says it doesnt exist. he thinks he can do what he wants and it doesnt effect me. I am the houseboy after all. In a sense I cant make him do anything. Sometimes people act like all I have to do is tell him and he will do it. On his good days he may be his old narcissist self, bad days and he looks for guidance. 

I agree, lol, he is nutty as a fruitcake. Just hope he doesnt get worse. yes, my bro is a trip. he will be a handfull when Dad passes. I see how he interacts with his wife and he is domineering and I can tell by his words and tone he thinks he is the authority. That doesnt nor will it fly with me when the time comes. he thinks he has me fooled but far from it. I expect he will insist on handling the estate and making all the decisions...nope.

And isnt it sad. That you wish for someone to be the good sane person you need instead of the 'off' person they are in reality. I'd love to have a real dad. I cant blame anyone really for my failures in Life. Ultimately we are the only ones responsible. But I do feel I was strongly effected and if not for that would have had a much better chance to have created a good and prosperous life. 

One thing I realised the other night. unlike most boys I was raised to not learn to do things. most dads teach their kids as they grow up, all the guy stuff. Like whats incolved in the house and the plumbing and appliances. I have always been treated like I break things. If something doesnt work how he thinks it should, whether realistic or not, then ive done something wrong. I was never allowed really to do anything and he never showed me. because only HE could be the one to make things work. he felt that would threaten his position as man of the house if he shared the sacred knowledge. he never shared his finances or about the house, even with Mom. So now, when I need the knowledge and skills to take care of things, I dont have it. So im expected to be able to perform adequately without knowledge and experience. I love Google

Well next is probably cleaning up flower beds, amending soil, planting flowerseed and mulching over. Lets see if my thumb is still green lol.

take good care.

[kayc]

Kodie is missing his best friend, Jazzy...they went on vacation and are getting her spayed then so they won't be able to see each other about 3 1/2 weeks...tomorrow will be one week.  I can't walk him the direction of her house as he gets really excited and then let down.    It's hard to watch his heartbreak, he's such a sweet little guy.  I know Jazzy will be missing him too, just as much.  Kodie also misses Jazzy's mom, Iris, as she's his favorite person to visit!

It was 78 here yesterday, they predicted 61 so I'd loaded the fire and then was stuck with it as it got hot, low 80s in the house, ugh!  I had to open the window & door for half the night!

Was disheartened to have my throat/tongue break out in sores again Tuesday, this time, bleeding.  Went to the doctor Thursday, he took me off my inhaler (for Asthma) and we're waiting to see what happens.  He'd like to do a pulmonary test as I've never been tested, but wants Covid to die down first or he'll send me to a facility that does them with special air filtration.  Hands...well that appears to be something I'll have to live with, it's been over a year, not much strength in them & continual pain.  

The mild concussion I got a week ago continuing to heal, mild headaches and of course sore on the noggin!  

On 3/27/2021 at 12:23 PM, Tachi said:

I cant blame anyone really for my failures in Life.

Instead of thinking of them as failures, how about thinking of them as learning experiences?  Because ALL of us make mistakes or have some things we'd do differently if afforded that opportunity, but we continue learning throughout our whole lives.  The sad thing would be if we didn't learn.  I'm a wise old buzzard, for all the good it does me now! 

On 3/27/2021 at 12:23 PM, Tachi said:

I'd love to have a real dad.

Oh how I know!  My mom was not a mom anyone would ask for, although she had some good qualities.  I inherited her organizational skills and efficiency.  But when I hear people reflect about the moms they had...that wasn't mine.  Nuttier than a fruitcake probably more aptly describes her, I know it sounds disparaging, but it isn't intended as such, just a recognition of the problems she had and never dealt with.  I understand not being able to "make" them anything!  With her, also, it was her perceptions that were so askew, severe paranoia colored them and thus her inappropriate responses.  But I also realize I have learned so much as a result of having had to deal with her all my life, it was trying, for sure, but I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without having had those experiences.  I am a strong person, and I think much of it is the result of the things I've been through.  I was lucky enough to get a wonderful MIL, she was softer, sweeter, a recovering alcoholic, yes, but a person 1,000 people couldn't replace!  She was the "mom" I always wanted, although I know she didn't always demonstrate that when her kids were growing up, being drunk and not coming through for them.  I knew her good side, entering the family just as she'd quit drinking.  She saw me as a fresh start with someone, a clean slate, so to speak, for her.

On 3/27/2021 at 12:23 PM, Tachi said:

I love Google

Me too!  My mom was the same, didn't teach us to cook because she thought we'd get married then, so instead I married at 17 and scrambled to learn, asking neighbors, going to the library for recipe books, etc.  I learned and then some on my own.  My mom was a controller, but we got to do the "grunt work" (washing, cutting vegetables, picking from the garden, doing dishes, etc.  But I remember watching her make rolls and pies when I was a little girl, before school age, and that stuck with me.

[Tachi]

Hope youre feeling better. Hows the mouth? You've had your fair share and then some. life needs to be giving you a bit of a rest. 

Poor kodie. pets dont know why their friend is gone. but will be really happy when they're reunited. 

Sounds like some unseasonably warm weather, here as well. We will get some 80s next week I think. Love the 60s and 70s the most. Not supposed to but I sneak the window open at night. Just feels so good. Im wishing for some more rain in the hopes the grass will grow. Its maybe half so far. Will need to patch it. Was curious if you plant any flowers or any potted plants there? Will be doing very little here, some seed and small starters. Zinnia and lantana so far I think.

I will say that I am a more experienced person now. But sadly I have great difficulty focusing, and motivating. Not from laziness but I cant seem to take several ideas and form the whole anymore. And my memory isnt what it used to be. 

Sounds like you were blessed to have your MIL. I think people who have never had a narcissist have an extremely hard time believing and understanding. esp since Narcs play the angel. My dad still does and always will play the game. What is so frustrating is with his dementia he makes some really poor decisions and gets really hairbrain ideas and he still expects them to be carried out. 

He gets his new mattress tomorrow. he wont like it but he will have to love it. I hope he will finally stop wanting to spend money and hoping the grass comes in well enough he wont insist on having it redone. he cant afford to waste a couple thousand. 

I redownloaded my old landscape software and so far its working. Need to explore fully but

we shall see. Attached you will see its simplicity

I am impressed by the fact that you weren't given a rosy life. But from this viewpoint it seems you took whatever you had and made good things happen. Its true we have to do what we have to do. But it seems that you didnt let things get you down or stop you. 

Well, time to go call my brother. I talk for maybe 5 minutes of an hour but dad really likes the calls. I dont know why they cant or dont talk more often. I guess dad has nothing much to say. You and kodie take good care.

 

[kayc]

Still have mouth sores, haven't missed my inhaler yet.  Kodie's bestie got back from vacation, didn't get fixed as she started in heat.  Her mom wants her to have puppies with Kodie but he can't reach, it's tried everything, it's been hilarious!  Jazzy has been amazingly patient with him. 

Had a good Easter with my daughter up but my son went to his in-laws, I'm going today to go babysit my grand-kids for a  couple of days.  I will be glad to see them but hate the long drive, it's in the middle of the boondocks, hard to find, nothing is marked, GPS quits there.  

I hope you had a good Easter, beautiful picture!  You keep being a great son, wish your dad knew how blessed he was, but unfortunately, I don't think Narcissists are capable of appreciation, instead thinking everything is their just due.

[Tachi]

I guess all you can do at this point is hang in there and hope the body heals, or find a new doctor again. Poor kodie, id say he needs a stepladder but oh well. Great that you get to see family. 

Blissfully missed the call with my brother last week but we will do that tomorrow. Just so oppressive. Dad has been up and down. last night it took an hour getting him to bed as he could barely use his walker. In general he could do a few small things differently and have it easier but nope. he either knows better or has been doing it that way for years. So funny, I offer a solution or even say the name of an actor we see on TV and he iimediately says no thats not it. then later tells me the same name I gave. But now its his idea. he had his intestinal attack again, he says once a month. So he needs to have it fixed. Will get him an appt and they will suggest diet and fiber etc, which he already does. he thinks he must be the same perfect every day.

Grandkids sounds alot of fun. Do you spoil em rotten? Have they been up to meet kodie?

Was curious do you have alot of flowers where you live? Or does the forest have too much shade? Im trying some TX wildflower seeds. 

Tbh, my dad sees me as his servant who is obligated to stay here and serve his every whim. We've been over and over it but a narc cant change I think. I have to be careful with my time.

take good care. We have 85 days and 60s night. Going to go sit on the patio for awhile after the news.

[kayc]

I like to have hanging pots of flowers on my  patio but deer eat whatever is in the yard so gave up on that.  I used to have a large planter across the side of my house, at the bottom of the driveway but it fell apart years ago, I miss it.  

Wow, it's cold here, freezing at night still, low 20s a week ago!  I'll hope for 60s to come soon!

Grandkids are already spoiled, but I spend time with them and they love being read to or getting down on the floor and playing with them.  I bring Kodie to their house, they don't come to mine although I'd love that now and then!  We're about three hours away.

My sister is getting worse (dementia), for a while she rallied, but no more.  She does nothing for herself, no common sense, doesn't cook, clean, anything, just sits, she's gained a lot of weight this year.  Am very concerned about the future!  She hasn't seen a doctor in over 1 1/2 years, has severe COPD and until recently chain smoked in her house.  I could have gotten her a free air filtration system but she refused it!  I got an application to the one clinic left in town and finally got her to apply to them, in the nick of time, her Rxs could not be renewed last time.  (Still she did nothing!)  I called the clinic and made sure they'll accept her application and that they accept her insurance.  

I had a melanoma removed from my little toe and she told me I should sewed potato skins on it!  She scares me.

Enjoy that beautiful weather and your patio!  Hang in there, I know it's frustrating with your dad...