Mom

[Tachi]

I used to tease about Taco Bell so my Mom started getting their taco kits at the store after which I felt bad cause tbh mine were better. Mom was always like that. her meaning to life was her family. God bless and keep her.

well, dad is having a bad couple days. he can get around physically but mentally hes lost. Little sleep two nighst ago i think crashed him. he said last night was ok but I see it in his face. Hes just sitting staring, dont know if he cant turn on TV or if he just cant think. I'll go in there in a minute and see. Thats an awfull thing and I sincerely hope and pray im gone before I get that way. 

Food stores are funny here. prices have gone up of course and if they have any sales going they dont sign them. I figure yes they hired extra people but theyve also been selling alot more product, who knows. I've given up trying to understand it all, too many lies and too many greedy people. 

Im thinking that since I cant walk through a real forest or quiet village I should create my own, 

Hows is little Kodie doing? Have virus restrictions eased up there yet?

This county has loosened a bit but we still only go out when necassary. 

We are in starting summer, two weeks of 95-100 and sunny. Going to retreat to the tub of icewater

Take good care

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Tachi said:

I sincerely hope and pray im gone before I get that way. 

I know me too, I'm doing my level best to take care of myself and I hope it doesn't bite me, living into my 90s...with dementia.  It's a robber.  I'm sorry your dad is going through that, and thus you too, I know the journey well.  Poor souls, it's not their fault...neither the mental illness nor the dementia.

We just entered Phase 2 yesterday so that means we'll get to have church Sunday, but no sitting together, touching, food, etc.  It will not be the same but better than nothing I guess.

Groceries have gone up tremendously and stores still aren't carrying some things.  Smokies are a treat for me and I haven't been able to buy them since this started except for beef and cheese ones that I don't care for.  I like the pork/chicken ones.  Raspberries are $12.33/lb, that's shocking to me, it costs as much as steak, which I haven't had in years!

Kodie is fine except for his incessant digging, so he's grounded from the yard for now, restricted to his pen, house, and walks.  My son said his dogs went through that when they were young, it got better as they aged.  He dug up a cable to something yesterday, don't know what it's too as it doesn't look like the internet, t.v., propane, etc. I see going into the house.  It was barely under the dirt, I covered it back up, lucky he didn't chew on it...I don't want to find out the hard way what it went to.  He is so stinkin' cute, I can't stay mad at him.  I try my best to sound stern with him when he digs but he looks unaffected.  I think men have a way of sounding gruffer when they want and dogs take them more seriously.

It's going to be in the 30s tonight and low 40s tomorrow...that is cold for June!  Had to build a fire again.

Good luck building your own nature spot, I hope you can!  I feel so lucky here with the forest and creek and beautiful nature!  Even if the foxes do leave their scat in undesirable places. 

 

 

 

 

[Tachi]

On 6/6/2020 at 10:21 AM, kayc said:

I know me too, I'm doing my level best to take care of myself and I hope it doesn't bite me, living into my 90s...with dementia.  It's a robber.  I'm sorry your dad is going through that, and thus you too, I know the journey well.  Poor souls, it's not their fault...neither the mental illness nor the dementia.

We just entered Phase 2 yesterday so that means we'll get to have church Sunday, but no sitting together, touching, food, etc.  It will not be the same but better than nothing I guess.

Groceries have gone up tremendously and stores still aren't carrying some things.  Smokies are a treat for me and I haven't been able to buy them since this started except for beef and cheese ones that I don't care for.  I like the pork/chicken ones.  Raspberries are $12.33/lb, that's shocking to me, it costs as much as steak, which I haven't had in years!

Kodie is fine except for his incessant digging, so he's grounded from the yard for now, restricted to his pen, house, and walks.  My son said his dogs went through that when they were young, it got better as they aged.  He dug up a cable to something yesterday, don't know what it's too as it doesn't look like the internet, t.v., propane, etc. I see going into the house.  It was barely under the dirt, I covered it back up, lucky he didn't chew on it...I don't want to find out the hard way what it went to.  He is so stinkin' cute, I can't stay mad at him.  I try my best to sound stern with him when he digs but he looks unaffected.  I think men have a way of sounding gruffer when they want and dogs take them more seriously.

It's going to be in the 30s tonight and low 40s tomorrow...that is cold for June!  Had to build a fire again.

Good luck building your own nature spot, I hope you can!  I feel so lucky here with the forest and creek and beautiful nature!  Even if the foxes do leave their scat in undesirable places. 

 

One thing with so many kids, they dont unerstand what Life does to people Moreso now than ever they have no tolerance for anyone not like themsrlves. .

forgive me if I dont make good sense. Got sick yesterday and a little better today but hurt. Every coupe months i get this. i had two sips of coffee yesterday and my stomach/intestines fell apart. So coffee is gone, the itlian creme is gone.. without being gross hoping is just . Feels like either sever constipation or a blockage. 

My Dad got up and got ready then went back to bed for two hours, what a sad pair of old guys.

That im changing, more water, better diet, exercise, fiber, hav to change cause I dont have insurance so if it put me in the hospitl im broke.kodie must have been a miners daog in a former life/

You two take good care of each other and feel better. If I find a miracle sure will send it your way

 

On 6/6/2020 at 10:21 AM, kayc said:

 

 

 

[kayc]

Got the toy yesterday and he loves it!  Unfortunately the ball is way too big for his mouth so he pulls on the elastic rope instead, hope he doesn't chew through it!  Can't figure out how to dismiss the Paypal claim on them...took four weeks to get here, they said they'd ship in five days, took 15 and didn't show in the system until a couple of days ago.  Won't buy from them again, was surprised it came.

Haha, you may be right (miner's dog)!  If so, little hope of deterring him! 

I have Medicare Advantage, it would cost me thousands to go into the hospital, like you, can't afford it.  Doing my best to avoid it!

[Tachi]

That company must be overseas or very understaffed, glad he likes it tho. He probably thinks he is saving his momma from the evil toy. If you havent found a way with paypal you might try emailing or calling them. 

I spent a week sick as a dog wondering if my appendix was going to burst. I think its either ulcer or intestinal. But dumb me ate chips last night and I hurt a bit today. Diet seems to be the key. Ive given up coffee and beer and changed my diet and will change it more. I lost 7 pounds in the past week and a half. Feel pretty light tho. maybe that illness was a call to live healthier.

Funnu how I search googe and pinterest for ideas to make landscapes and I always end up in a forest. Guess thats just the peacefull place for me. now will see if I can learn something. 

take care

[kayc]

It came just as Paypal was about to find in my favor so in spite of my trying to cancel it, I was stuck...they never even bothered to respond to me (I tried several times by email).  I found they have a headquarters in Boise, no phone number listed, never did find out where it came from as it passed from one carrier to USPS, so I'm thinking you right and it was overseas, took about four weeks!

So Kodie played with it once although the ball is too big for his jaw...yesterday he managed to get the suction up and chewed on it...$20 down the drain!
George (iPraiseHim) is a wealth of information on my Diabetic site, he posted this, worth reading! https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/mar/26/the-human-microbiome-why-our-microbes-could-be-key-to-our-health?fbclid=IwAR2g7R4GGjCCsl6vy1jGlQfMz-qrg4eN44ORETOok8sgtPX-sYvAo-QXTpw

I have been truly amazed at the results of following Keto has done in my body.  Things that have plagued me for years are now gone!

15 hours ago, Tachi said:

I always end up in a forest. Guess thats just the peacefull place for me

I love forests too and anyplace by water.  When I had my daughter they told me to "bring a focal point" so I brought a picture of lush green forest with a stream running through it, beautiful, my idea of heaven, but unfortunately they removed my glasses so I couldn't see anything!  Oh well...

[Tachi]

wow that posts big, relaxing stuff and the scene would be heaven. Guess they didnt make the toy hold well enough. Dogs can be pretty tough. Well, if they refund you thats cool, didnt get much use from it. Thanks for the nutrition info, will be looking through it. Ive read so many things. I dont have the budget for anything special and its hard to cook just fo me but im trying. Mostly im having brown rice and chicken, salad and fruits. Mixing in green veges with my rice and add a bit of ginger-sesame dressing. I feel alot better. Now just have to get to working out. george sounds like a good man, a true blessing. You found diet that works for you and thats excellent. Plus the discipline to stick with it. Of course when you start seeing good results its an encouragment. 

Weve actually gotten rain and a couple cool nights. No more til october probably. 

Take good care of yourself.

[kayc]

I'm not trying for a refund, they have no customer service and don't respond, would be a waste of time.  I tried to rate them on yelp but they don't show up.  Figures.

I love thunderstorms.  We had one that was super loud and went on for hours during the middle of the night a week or two ago, that was a bit much, none of us could sleep around here!  Plus it scared dogs.  Kodie didn't peep so I don't know if he was scared or not.  A low flying plane made a lot of noise tonight and that put him on alert!  He doesn't seem anxious though, so that's good.

Hot here, it was 90 today.  No A/C, just swelter, I have the house opened up right now to cool off.

[Tachi]

Sometimes its just not worth the trouble. Too bad some companies have no clue about customer service, they wont last. Guess you dont need a/c very often. We're looking at mid to upper 90s and no rain for the forseeable future. 

Hopefully Kodie will turn out to be a very even tempered dog. Sounds like hes got a good temperament.

My brother is such a narcissist just like Dad, tho dad's thankfully has mellowed. Bro keeps telling me how to live, that I should never leave the house etc. Telling me to get an online degree from a worthless college in something that wont benefit me. He obviously thinks im a clueless dope and need him to tell me what to do. Too bad hes always wrong. I think after the estate is settled one day i wont talk to him again. he will want everything and for me to keep the house. Not going to go broke and die on the streets just to make him happy. Need to find an estate atty to ask one question so I can set up a Trust for dad's possessions and then its done.

sorry, I just go on. Been a rough couple days.

take good care of yourself and lil kodie. maybe you'll catch it lucky and get a gentle rain for a change.

 

[kayc]

Kodie is the sweetest little guy ever!  VERY good temperament!  I've never seen a dog so loving!

I hope you respond to your brother something to the effect that when you're seeking his advice, you'll let him know.  Such audacity to treat you like a child at your age!  I would not accept that from anyone, blood related or not.

I was just wondering how you were doing, sorry to hear your brother is wreaking havoc again/still.  Do not let him get what he wants, go for what is fair and legal.  

Weather in the 70s this week, no rain, either way is okay by me but likely entering the dry spell of summer and it'll be hot soon enough!

Take care of yourself!  Remember, this too shall pass...

[Tachi]

Kody seems perfect for you then. makes me think of the old cartoon Wonderdog. Wears a cape and flies and saves damsels in distress. Jealous of your cooler weather. it was 100 today and likely to be upper 90s to 100 for the next month. I miss Fall. 

My brother last week was chilled a bit. He's not going to do any good. And we are total opposites so theres no grounds for a relationship. 

Dad has reached the point where he sleeps alot. he tells people it passes the time and thats all he is interested in. Theres no reason to be interested in anything or try to learn. He tries to sound the brave old soul.

He tried to get me to take him out to eat the other day. he feels like he will never get to do that again. Granted i think the media is grossly overplaying in general but it would be tragic if he got it so we dont want to take a chance. hes just terribly bored and wants to get out and go places. 

One thing I have noticed and dont know if it means anything. But on those days when he is mentally challenged his lower lip sticks way out. 

Interesting conversation w/ my dad and I think its something people should be aware of. pardon that this may get long. years back I worked at Target and ate a burger and fries for lunch every day. It got so that would make me so sleepy after that I could barely work. So i stopped that and tried to eat better. Going forward some years I started looking at my sodium intake. I was eating 2-3 times what I should have had, eating out, canned meals etc. I cut that out. I looked into fastfood and restaurant food. Oh my the amount of sodium would kill a mule. I have yet to find one restaurant that has acceptable sodium content. When I ate with my folks at Ihop once a week i just cringed. I couldnt get Mom to understand and still cant get dad to understand that it doesnt matter if it tastes good or seems healthy...it has 1-2 times my daily intake of sodium and more. Its delicious but I dont want it. i cant control whats in my food that way. Cooking at home I can cook some fresh chicken and vegetables and have almost no sodium, no oils or fats or grease. My dad was upset he couldnt go out to eat. I offered to order him in whatever he wanted but I was going to make my own food. he didnt like that idea. he must not feel right if I dont eat it too. I refuse. I also dont have room in the food budget now that prices are up, no coupons and no usable sales. 

Anyway, people in general are killing themselves with food and dont even know it. Its sad. 

These days im eating alot of chicken and brown rice and mix in some green veges and fruit. I feel alot better and intend to keep learning. Looking at some oriental cooking, yum.

Ok book over. Take good care

[kayc]

I went to Roadhouse Grill, my only dining experience since this started, they were VERY careful!  People wear masks until they eat/drink.  Employees are masked/gloved.  Social distancing kept.  Food expensive but good.  It was a treat, couldn't afford to do that very often!  This is a hard life to live.  Our church is being careful, sanitation stations at every door.  Automatic dispensers, no touching, masks available for everyone.
I can't eat the rice or fruit (I can have berries) but I eat a lot of greens and meat, greek yogurt.  Can't have milk except coconut and almond, don't drink it but cook with it a bit.  Can't have wheat but can use almond or coconut flour, very expensive so bake sparingly.  But it's working and I'm committed to staying the course!

We have one restaurant in town open with in house seating now, Chinese, can't eat it, 10 times the amount of sodium, sugary sauces, lots of rice, etc, no-can-do.  Quit eating there a few years ago when their sodium took a great up-turn!

8 hours ago, Tachi said:

people in general are killing themselves with food and dont even know it.

You are so right!  And once the Diabetes starts, look out!

8 hours ago, Tachi said:

But on those days when he is mentally challenged his lower lip sticks way out. 

That is kind of funny but kind of sad too!  

[Tachi]

Roadhouse sounds good, theyre doing safety right too. The one weve gone to here had really good food. Church sounds good also. theyre going the extra mile for their people. Thats the way it should be done. That human interaction is very important. So many games and politics being played in this pandemic, its a shame. My brother is such a narcissist, he believes all the ppropaganda and hasnt been out of his apt since May. he says the world is ending. Wont believe anything from anyone but his own news channels, he doesnt think for himself or question. 

Can we please trade weather? In the upper 90s every day here and dry. Be that way for at least the next two weeks. right now im playing a video on youtube of rain. thats the only rain i'll see or hear for probably the next two months. 

So you mostly eat greens and meats. I would miss my bread I think. I get the ancient grains bread. have switched to turkey from hamburger and mostlyt chicken over beef. here theres few sales and coupons and sometimes the meats are not good quality. I need to explore the veges more. Can you eat yams? Ive taken a liking to them, healthier than white potatoes i think. Do you take any vitamins at all? I may have to read up on that...Keto diet?

Eating out I just dont like. I cant control food. When i cook its chicken, rice, some mixed green veges and sometimes add a sauce, but always low sodium in the end. Thats the rap on restaurants, they add sodium for flavor and give you way too much. ive gotten to where I want to feel good not gorge myself. 

On good days dad is still challenged, he cant work the remote to save his life poor man. he will try and use his phone to work the tv. one day he had remote in one hand and phone in the other pushing buttons on both. he complained a month ago his elec razor didnt shave good so I ordered hi a new one, he picked it out. he loved it. now he wants to send it back because it doesnt shave any better than his old one. Now he wants to shave with a blade, with his tremors. he doesnt listen to me. he doesnt know what he wants. He will change his mind and want his new shaver back, he will slice his face up. 

he has an old comfy sweater he said to throw away cause he doesnt like the button holes. two weeks later he had to have it, i dont throw things away. It strikes me that I am having a glimpse at madness. It could be alot worse and im thankful it isnt. 

he is depressed and grumpy. he was sleeping alot for a few days and finally went back to bed after lunch. I woke him up and chatted and he was bored. So i found him a show on cable and he watched tv. I know hes fixated on dieing, and he misses Mom his enabler, and he misses his friends and has no one to talk to except me, and i dont count. But he shouldnt give up. if I have to I will give him the chance at least to be engaged. If he just sleeps all the time I doubt he'll be here very long. 

well thats the week, around that trying to study and do artwork, Im having to relearn how to make the art software work i need to have time every day.  now that ive written a book of selfcentered junk lol, 

Take good care of yourself, and scratch Kody behind the ear for me. 

 

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Tachi said:

So many games and politics being played in this pandemic

That is for sure.  It's making me really rethink everything.  Like I'm seeing things I never noticed beyond the obvious.

Went to Praise Team practice this morning, then Sunday School, then church, then to the office to pay reimbursements to people, then potluck and Quarterly Business/finance meeting, then to post the counters' sheets & checks.  Finally back home to walk Kodie & now he's playing happily by my side.  Hand still numb.  Back to the doctor tomorrow to check on both hands & back, back is doing fine after melanoma removal, but hand "core" looks like it may be infected, not sure they remove the stitches yet, we'll see.  Dogbite nerve damage still hurts.  Hoping I don't have to go back on antibiotics, it wrecks my gut and I've been trying to build it back for the last months since the last one from the dogbite.

80s in Oakridge, about 84 here, lucky to be in the mountains in the summer...not so lucky in the winter snows.

Ancient bread...like Dave's Killer Bread?  I loved that but that's in the past for me!

Kodie is whining for attention, didn't like me being gone so long...I have to drive to the valley tomorrow so he really won't like me being gone all day!

I can't imagine how your dad is feeling...I know what it's like to be widowed for years, it's hard.  

I hope you find the time you need for your artwork and study!  We need something "just for us!"  Something that brings out the good in ourselves.

 

 

[Tachi]

Used to be an excellent video on youtube documenting how the marxist thinktank escaped nazi germany to america in the 30s. their violence hadnt worked so they decided to take over from within and this video was made in the early 60s. he outlined the plan and how it would be done. really shocking think was that it all was coming true, every bit. that video has since gone. 

Sounds like youre having lots of energy. maybe Kodie can lend ya some more. Hope the hand and back are ok. did one of your dogs bite you? Hopefully not permanent damage. I used to like soaking in warm epsom salt water. Agree on the antibiotics, used to get a respiratory infection every winter. I think the cure was worse than the disease. 

I saw dave's Killer Bread last time at the store, going to try it. There used to be a 12 Ancient Grains Bread at our store but its gone. I just get as close as I can.

I dedicate every night after the news to me. the time is there but im very ineffective. But I wont give up. Relearning the software. I refuse to just do nothing with the rest of my life. I choose to work on being the person i want to be. This is a depressing atmosphere, oppressive. But have to succeed.

My dad has always been on his throne and everyone needs to come to him. he mostly refuses to try. When he lost mom, he lost his enabler. When the pandemic hit he could no longer see his friends or go out to eat. Without which hes down all the time. he has a few close friends  that he could call every week but not the same I guess and all shooting the bull over pizza. I suggested we all get on skype once a week but there was little interest.

I catch myself and refuse to be dragged there as well. This caregiving is not the totality of me. Its not even me. Its something I do from compassion for another human being. I at times do get engrossed in it and let it define me and thats wrong. After my dad is gone I will go one, whatever happens happens. But there are things that must be done and now. the world wont cry if I dont but I will be happier and have a better chance of survival. besides which I have never been able to be me and become the man I wish to be. now or never.

Take good care, hoping the injuries turn out well. Scratch kodie behind the ear for me.

[kayc]

A neighbor's dog (a chow named Joe) I've been walking for ten months bit me over a month ago.  The doctor said the pain I'm still having is due to an inflamed bone and it should improve with time.  That was good to know!  The numbness/pain in my right hand (unrelenting) she's going to refer me to a Neurologist for a battery of tests.  Yay.  A friend of mine has been going through it for two years and they made her go to physical therapy (100-120 mile round trip) and have sent her to different doctors, still no real diagnosis or help.  Hence why I've procrastinated starting the process for four months, that and the pandemic.  Who knows what the cost will be?  If I could live with it I would.  May have to anyway from the sounds of it.  Back is doing well, got my stitches out (both from melanoma and a core for biopsy) but the hand still has some healing to do, the back a little bit.  So continuing to bandage.  My hands are a mess!  Too bad we need them so much!

Okay, Kodie duly scratched!  

You work on becoming the you that you wish to be, even if baby steps...know each step you take is that much closer!  I feel for you with living with and caring for your dad.  It's a tall order, I know.

 

[Tachi]

Joe must have had a bad day or gotten spooked. Wonder if he considered a shot of steroids. heard of that being done but dont know alot granted. Will hope for the best. last ding I had was a calfpull. Soaked it in epsom salts, eased it some, that and a heatingpad. you could try soaking your hand in warm epsom salts, granted im no doctor tho. hang in there and see what they can do. At least your back is coming along.

I must thank you for reminding me of dave's bread, got a loaf this last time and it is indeed Killer, makes yummy toast. 

Since dad was so sad about not going to a restaurant I started ordering in, but its pretty expensive. Got some fried chicken and okra tonight, good stuff but im sticking with eating healthy every night. i feel so tired now. dad just doesnt understand about eating right, ill order in for him. 

he was waiting for the ballgame to start and dozing away, he says the announcers on TV were talking about him, razzing hims for sleeping. But when they came back from commercial the gae started so he could reply to em. he actually thinks they were seeing him and talking to him. 

never dull, never.

Take good care. Hoping and praying the hand starts to heal up. 

 

 

[kayc]

Joe wasn't spooked about anything, he doesn't hear and doesn't see well anyway.  I think it has to be pain

The doctor things the numbness in my hand/thumb are from an injury and the only thing I can remember is one time I was walking Joe and he suddenly veered to the right, pulling the leash on my hand, the brunt of it on my thumb, I don't use my pinky usually because it's bent with arthritis and not much good anyway, so that would explain why it is the worst on the thumb (base of thumb is where the exertion went) but also some on the three neighboring fingers.  I had forgotten about it but remembered after seeing the doctor.  Chows pull like Huskies.  I think the fact that it was a sudden jerk 90 degrees is what got me, that and my age.  Arlie started out pulling but I got him a gentle leader (Halti) and trained him on it, and when he grew into an adult, he was as good as gold, I even walked him with a broken right elbow, which they do not cast so no protection.  He was always careful with me, and being twice Joe's size (I think Joe weighs more than the owner said, more likely 70 lbs than 50)...since they apparently never took him to the vet, and he would never let them pick him up to get on the scale with him, there is no way they could know actually.  I feel deceived in so many ways.  They aren't who I thought they were, lying about his shots, weight, everything really!  She put on FB they'd offered and offered to help and I'd refused.  ?!!  I called her and told her she hadn't contacted me in over a month and right at first she'd offered to walk Kodie but I take him when he "needs to go" and with her being 9 months pregnant and two little ones to take care of along with three dogs, two sheep, chickens, and a garden, it didn't seem feasible that she walk Kodie when he suddenly needs to go.  I try to walk him with whichever hand hurts less, that's what is hard, it has been both of them involved.  Joe's parents don't know about his jerking on my right hand because I didn't put two and two together.  I think to tell them would be to further alienate them, she's very defensive.  I've just backed off our friendship, it's sad because I miss the kids and dogs.

17 hours ago, Tachi said:

Take good care. Hoping and praying the hand starts to heal up. 

Thank you!

 

17 hours ago, Tachi said:

I must thank you for reminding me of dave's bread, got a loaf this last time and it is indeed Killer, makes yummy toast. 

If there's one thing I miss on my diet, that would probably be it.  Maybe I can learn to make a gluten free, carb free bread with lots of seeds, I miss it!  So far the recipes haven't done justice to "bread."  Will get better at this.

17 hours ago, Tachi said:

never dull, never.

  That's a for sure with dementia!  Throw in personality disorders, whew!  My mom had most of them.  Challenging.  When she got to stage 3 dementia she got softer, of course then she was treated for paranoia, finally!   I hope you find this true for your dad.  I once joked to my sisters (I hope this doesn't offend anyone, we use humor to cope) "See, I always knew brains were overrated!  She does better without hers!"   Of course she wasn't better off without hers, but she was a helluva lot easier to get along with.  But prior to that she was extremely challenging, much like your dad is with you.  Always doing this dance around them, trying to figure out the best way to deal with them.  Your compromise about eating out sounds about like the only thing you can do for now.  Are there any tables outside you could take him to to eat it?  They're making some in Eugene but nothing here yet.

[Tachi]

They dont sund like very nice people, or at least theyre not good people. Yep, sharp strong movements arent good. Ive had a few like that and theyre slow to heal. And easy to tweak again. be careful, and hopefully it'll start coming around. Epsom salt soaks. Basin of warm water and salts. 

More and more I dont like people very much. that said I had my eyeglass lenses put in new frames and the optician is the nicest guy you'd ever meet. But generally I dont think I like people anymore.  Good thing ive always been a loner. This lockdown really hasnt affected me much. 

Theres got to be a good bread recipe out there for ya. maybe email the manufacturer and tel em what you need? Need a talk with an old baker, fix ya right up.

Dad has indeed mellowed. part the diseases and part giving up. The biggest things are that he tends to not try. he says hes just passing time until he dies. I know with his issues life sucks, but while there is life one shouldnt just give up.  he is at the point of losing chunks of memory. he asked me the other day what my brother did after he graduated, later he asked the same of me. When I went to get my glasses fixed i asked him but he didnt want to go. Then when I got back i woke him up and he looked totally lost. he told me he didnt want to go with me to get my glasses cause it would just confuse the issue. he says things that dont make sense. 

It was near 70 last night so i walked in the yard and it felt like being in the forest. Stress and worry has a way of being carried. One of the best things to learn is to be able to set them down. We should be able to always carry that good peaceful feeling and drop the rest.

We have a set of patio furniture I can clean up. Its 95 every day tho so a bit warm.  After it cools off maybe he would sit on the patio. At this point its hard to keep him from sleeping all day. He's always been pf a mind that he doesnt have to try, he is the King so everyone has to come to him. his friends have to be the ones to call him, relatives have to call him or he has no use for them.

Relatives...ive contacted two cousinsthis year who were oh so happy to hear from me. One was oh so happy i sent her the family cookbook and lets stay in touch etc. havent heard from either again. One, their family came over from Japan in the late 1800s to Cali. Ive always been interested in them and asked her. Nothing. Oh well. 

Going to go start dinner. Take good care of yourself and hoping you get some cooler weather.

 

[kayc]

I had loads of stress in the last week, but Sunday things turned around, so it gave me a bit of reprieve.  I have decided to let my term of office run out as church treasurer the end of the year and will begin training someone next month.  It was something I've given thought to for a couple of years but had been back and forth about it, but with some things happening, changes, plus the immense pain I'm in with my right hand, I feel the time is right.  Still have heard nothing from my doctor even though it's been a six days since my nerve conduction study.  The tests revealed my nerves are severed in the carpal tunnel area from the hard jerk Joe gave me months ago.  The doctor said it's past the point of no return.  Still praying for healing, but however God chooses to do that, through a miracle or surgery, I hope for that.  Cannot do surgery until next April as I have to be able to haul firewood and shovel snow...and the recovery time is VERY slow for this, six months to a year.  Starting after the snows are gone gives me the best possible chance of making it through this on my own, as I have no one to help me, plus gives me more time to get Kodie not to pull.  I've begun training him on the Halti, but cannot unfasten it with my left hand, not even with pliers!  Don't know why they make it so difficult!  So will not be able to use it after surgery unless/until I have full recovery.

I'm sorry your dad feels like giving up.  That must be very hard to watch.  Dementia is such a different ballgame...very complex and difficult for the family as well as the person.

I hear you on people!  Had a week that made me want to live on a desert island!  But it's getting better.  I'm sorry family is so disappointing for you. 

Am getting cooler weather for a few days, will be 80 today, then 70s, even rain on Thursday!  Will believe it when I see it, but it will be quite welcome as fire danger is high.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry about your poor right hand, Kay. Any thoughts on having a cortisone injection to alleviate some of the pain?

[kayc]

I was actually HOPING for that, I have not heard back from my doctor yet as how to proceed, it's been a week since the test results, it seems a month.

[Tachi]

Severed nerves doesnt sound good, I hope youre not hurting you to type. Hopefully by now youve heard from the doc on a steroid shot, may have to call him up. Ive had a couple really good ones in my life and then ive had doctors that should have been accountants. Too bad theres no one a bit closer. Can someone come stack it by the door? Maybe someone from Church would come lend a hand. Guess there are some drawbacks to being on the edge of town so to speak. 

Is there anything at all that helps with the pain?

It must be difficult to resign your office at the Church, tho as you say its time. You'll have to keep in touch with those you dealt with closely and of course you'll see em all at service. just dont be shy about calling em up. Do I sound like a big brother yet? lol. Hard making changes sometimes, yet if not necassary then advantageous. 

I never know with my dad if hes playing his little narcissistic games or if hes sad and depressed or if he just doesnt have a mental spark to watch a show or read a book. His latest game is to tell me he wants something, then tell me why what I ordered wont work. he doesnt give me all the info, or what he wants isnt available. He just likes making me waste my time and tell me how its the wrong thing. Control is what he thrived on and is now starved on. That show of emotion, frustration and I still havent learned to control it completely tho im better. 

His buddies have found a gym to go fly their planes in and want to have lunch after. Of course thats just what dad needs in one sense yet not at all good as far as the virus. One comment I read about whether or not to take an elderly parent out to eat...how horrible it would be at that age to not be able to do something you enjoy. So, im torn. Of course its his decision and not mine. 

My brother...lol...took his wife to the dentist. 'supposed to be' the only ones in the offices. but she could hear another patient in another room. So when he got her home they quarantined from each other for 14 days. Thats the first time theyd been out since it all began. I dont know if he'll ever come out again.

Anyway, take good care of yourself, I hope the hand gets to hurting less. Doc needs to get on the ball. Enjoy the weather, we are 99 all week. 

Edit: its difficult being treated like the idiot son. because he has some freak thing about not showing weakness and never admitting a problem he endangers himself and gets angry and verbally and emotionlly abusive if I try to help. He will lie to me. I'm an adult. Not perfect but actually pretty smart and somewhat wise. I waste alot of time researching things and if im not comfortable with what ive found I will ask a professional. Yet in his loss of mind he makes things up, that are wrong or halftrue and he will defend those to the death. because he can never be wrong and I can never be right. Ive picked him up off the floor, ive held my breath hoping and praying he doesnt fall, because hes too whatever to allow a lil help or to listen to me tell him what will help. Ive cleaned his bed from the pee so many times. Ive looked into his eyes when he was quite mad. And prayed he would come back. 

I know you've been thru worse. Maybe he would be happier in a home, where he might have someone to talk to. But he wouldnt last too long. They wouldnt spoil him or allow his bs. I sincerely doubt he would go unless they dragged him there. 

Everyday he starts out sitting and staring. Sometimes I can get a program on cable and he will watch. Sometimes he will try and change the channel using his cellphone. He will often not be able to work the remote. The other day he got youtube displaying in Phillipino. And deleted the settings menu. 

He never thinks anything is wrong, he always has hayfever and allergies and he takes a pill. But rt now he coughs so often and I hear the phlegm, but he refuses that anything is wrong. I know that at anytime he may pass. then I will have to fight with my brother, settle the estate if possible and find an apt and a job. Life holds no fun. No future. there will be no thank you. No 'job well done' and no reward. If i'm lucky I wont end up broke on the sgtreet. then maybe i'll pursue happiness. But when he just sits there and stares like hes depressed, even tho I know he wont talk and wont allow help, its pretty darn hard to concentrate. because even after all he is and has done and I dont respect nor love him, hes still my responsibility. And its like caring for the devil, you never know.

Sorry to let that out and no need to reply to it. guess that was therapeutic or something. I went to get food tonight. I realised that getting out is needed to maintain social ability. But most of all to bring us out of ourselves and restore our focus out of our home circumstances and remind us the world is out there. anyway book is over.

 

[kayc]

I called the doctor as it'd been 12 days since they sent the nerve conduction studies over to her and I'd heard nothing...they said she "hadn't had time to look at them."  When I worked for a doctor, they went over things at noontime and closing time every day!  I understand things come up, but twelve days???  They called back and said the results were BOTH hands are severe and need surgery!  Well I've lived with some degree of pain in both hands for probably 35 years and can continue to deal with that but the one that REALLY needs done is the right hand that was injured by the chow I was walking as it is the one that has continual pain and numbness day and night for five months now!  No there is nothing that helps, and the doctor has not offered steroid shots for even temporary relief.  They sent off for preauth and referral with insurance.  I cannot begin training the other person for the job until Sept. 1 and may have to change to having her do it while I coach her right off the bat as I may not have the necessary time to give this...

I do live about 8 miles from town in snow country, most of our church are older and may not be able to drive out here in it...I will not be able to drive in it with my right hand out of commission as my pickup is stick shift.  Perhaps a neighbor kid, they're hard to count on though and $ can add up.

I guess I'm not understanding why your brother and his wife quarantined if she wasn't exposed.  Someone being worked on "in the next room" is common and not exposure.  My doctor and dentist do the same, they don't just "allow one person in the building at a time."

15 hours ago, Tachi said:

The other day he got youtube displaying in Phillipino. And deleted the settings menu. 

I wouldn't begin to know how to fix that, I'd have to call the company for help!  The settings menu likely isn't "gone" but "gone from view", I managed to accidentally do something like this on my PC once, but got it back with google's help.   Never did know what combination of keys I pressed to cause that!

I hope if nothing else this thread helps you know someone is listening and caring...been through so much with my mom that I can relate to much of what you relay about your dad.  It's possible as he reaches stage 3 & 4 that he will mellow a bit, be more accepting and softer, my mom was, for the first time in her life, made it a lot easier, although she had no clue what was going on...perhaps you can understand my joking about brains being overrated as she did better w/o hers.  I apologize if that offends anyone, you'd have to go through a lifetime of my journey with my mom to begin to get it.

 

[Tachi]

All you can do is keep after that doc. These days I wonder if they've forgotten the point of being a doctor. just wish there was something to help. You need a kind soul of a kid to help ya get ready for winter and such. the more you could eliminate tasks that call for using the hand the better. Maybe someone to stack the firewood close to the door and deliver groceries every week or so. Keep your eyes open I guess. maybe as a thanks for your years of service the Church would send someone to help. hang in there.

It was 107 today....

My brother is a narcissist, thinks he knows everything, is never ever wrong (even tho he often is because he passes decree on things he knows little about...just like Dad). Hethinks he has to tell me what and how to do things because I obviously have no clue. i would like nothing more than to tell him to shut his yapper but that would greatly upset dad because my bro is his favorite and I have to deal with Dad daily. Anyway, my brother is a leftist/socialist and swallows everything the media says. So hes adamant that this virus is a plague of death itself. And hes so afraid of getting it....well, hes an idiot. I refuse to also be an idiot. Im staying safe but im not hiding. 

Dad is at the point he has two calendars to mark the day and his appointments but he forgets to notice them so he always thinks he has an appt each day. he has asked me what my bro did after colege and then later as an afterthought what ive done. I wanted to say 'not a thing dad, pretty much just wasted my time'. Then yesterday he asked if I had always lived in this area and talked about Scott and Bill his sons like he had forgotten i was Scott. The good days are fewer. last night he was already asleep when i went in to watch TV at 8. Think I will turn on a movie when I fix his breakfast and maybe he will get interested. 

To be honest my biggest failing is myself. I seem to have no spark anymore. favorite part of a sermon, 'the warfare is in the mind, its how you think, its how you feel' win it in the mind and win it in Life. Just cant seem to stay organised or frame a plan of action in my head, but I keep trying. 

I thank you for your kind words and your friendship. And i hope I never yak too much here. I tell myself that I must find a way to take advantage  of these isolated times to do as much learning as I can...because any day it will all change and then there will be no time.

take good care of yourself my friend. Will be praying for your hand and your situation. Something may yet come around.