Mom

[Tachi]

14 hours ago, kayc said:

Kodie was a Tasmanian devil last night.  OMG, I couldn't wait for his bedtime!  I could not sit and relax at all, he used me as a springboard, he was absolutely nuts and I couldn't get him to calm down.  It's always between 5pm and 8pm that he's his worst.  Then it started POURING rain last night, so loud I couldn't sleep for hours!  I was worried about having to drive the highway in it, but am hoping it doesn't do that today.  More branches down so must have had wind again.

Yeah, those were my thoughts too about your dad, trying to be useful, seem normal.  My poor mom...I think back to her last year of living at home alone, scary.  We were trying everything to change that, she refused to go to assisted living or an apt. we were having to drive long distances to help her all while still working/commuting full time.  We were scared she'd step out in front of a car, I imagine everyone in the neighborhood was relieved when we finally got her into the dementia care facility.  People calling the police/fire dept on her, they knew she wasn't right.

Yeah at least there were those funny moments with dementia, I think we get those to lighten the mood a bit, it's hard going through someone's dementia journey.

Wow, hope your day got much better. Kodie just like a lil kid. Ive heard about sundowning, where elderly crash and become mentally lost at tat same time, i think thats what I read. kodie gets the opposite. Wonder what it is about that time of the day. he needs to go wear himself out. Too bad you cant get one of the kids to take him for a walk. 

We dont get alot of rain so i love it when we get it. Seldom rains tat hard tho. Sounds like you need to catch up. Soft gentle rains are best in my book these days. I tghink now however we are going to have hot and dry for awhile. 

Often my dads ideas get forgotten, thankfully. He is at a point where he cant always use the TV remote. Today was day 1 of a bad turn. he slept til 3:30 and then napped after dinner. But he could walk withn his walker and get around. Thankfull for that at least. He has a barium swallow test tomorrow. About 6 weeks or so after he needed one. he was choking real bad on phlegm one night at dinner, that and his comment on how he drinks enough water cause it comes back out...made us wonder if he had swallowing or throat issues. he hasnt had any bad issues in awhile. he says he just forgets how to swallow, to take small bites and chew well and sip water. he still doesnt drink enough. Anyway, if hes sleeping in im not waking him. We can reschedule. 

I cant imagine what your Mom was going through. There is so much we take for granted. I also cant see my dad trying to interact and cope with life by himself. She was in her comfort zone and probably felt she could deal with things there. Sometimes we just cant see. She was blessed to have had a family to help her. 

Theyre talking about enacting a new rule in baseball that my Mom would have cheered. No spitting. She always hated it when the guys spit their chaw. She loved her baseball. I dont know  but that she had forgotten how it was played but she loved it. 

Hope you get some good sleep, take care

 

[kayc]

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

his comment on how he drinks enough water cause it comes back out

It shows how differently their brain processes things now.  Kind of scary...

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

Soft gentle rains are best in my book these days.

If only we could order the weather the way we like it!  Ha!

Have you tried getting your dad popsicle sticks?  Also making soups is another good way to get liquid in.  Some vegetables carry a lot of water.

I did sleep good, some sounds woke me up, thought it was Kodie crying out but when I checked on him it appeared not, so maybe an animal outside, had a hard time getting back to sleep after that but finally did.  Yesterday was exhausting, glad to have it behind me!  Now starts all the appointments my doc wants me to do in the near months, ugh.  All a part of this age!

On a side note, people sued our governor for keeping the state closed down for two months+ and the judge ruled it back open, said she could only do that fore 30 days, she has to go back to the legislature.  Some people are flouting their freedom now instead of continuing safety precautions.  It's maddening as it will have detrimental effects with the spread of this COVID-19.  I'm sure other states will follow suit.

 

[Tachi]

On 5/19/2020 at 11:01 AM, kayc said:

It shows how differently their brain processes things now.  Kind of scary...

If only we could order the weather the way we like it!  Ha!

Have you tried getting your dad popsicle sticks?  Also making soups is another good way to get liquid in.  Some vegetables carry a lot of water.

I did sleep good, some sounds woke me up, thought it was Kodie crying out but when I checked on him it appeared not, so maybe an animal outside, had a hard time getting back to sleep after that but finally did.  Yesterday was exhausting, glad to have it behind me!  Now starts all the appointments my doc wants me to do in the near months, ugh.  All a part of this age!

On a side note, people sued our governor for keeping the state closed down for two months+ and the judge ruled it back open, said she could only do that fore 30 days, she has to go back to the legislature.  Some people are flouting their freedom now instead of continuing safety precautions.  It's maddening as it will have detrimental effects with the spread of this COVID-19.  I'm sure other states will follow suit.

 

Someone has pointed out that Donepezil, the script they hadnt fixed yet, is to slow the advance of alzheimers and at some point wont do much anymore. You cant stop the disease just try and slow it down. I suspect we have reached that point. He has tremendous trouble using the remote. hes just clicking buttons without knowing which they are, else he has no idea where his thumb is, sometimes hes holding it upside down and sometimes he gets ahold of the DVD player remote. he will hear things, 

I ask the weather man for a gentle rain every night. Sometimes I can hear him laugh, kinda like Santa does when I tell him ive been good. Its funny because here nearer the end I dont want riches or anything fancy. I just want to be able to live in safety and create my artwork. I would be happy with a 1 room garage apt out back somewhere, a yard would be super nbice, sit out in the evenings. One thing that strikes me again and again. The important things in life you cant buy or even steal. they are within. TD Jakes has a sermon where he says the warfare is in the mind, its how you think, its how you feel. Life will beat ya down until ya cant get up, it'll make ya give up on your dream. Young people want to be a certain way without paying dues, wout training and learning. Doesnt work that way. They all hurt inside and they have no clue whats going on. Because we no longer teach things like character and honor. But such is this world. 

Food and dad lol. Its a running mess. We as a family went for years having soup for lunch. then one day he loudly proclaims to Mom that he doesnt esp like soup, he'd like a sandwich. Just like he told me the other day I should research the difference in cost and flavor between normal and turkey bacon. All he had to do was ask for pig bacon. I told him I get turkey because its healthier, less grease, doesnt shrivel so we get more meat and less fat. he just stares at me and I hear his mind say "bacon bacon bacon" . Considering hes been getting alot of diahhrea he sure wants to punish himself. Only the foods he likes are the 'real' food. ts like cooking for a 6 year old.

sorry, am tired and drifting. he refuses soups, he will eat melons, but they get expensive. he likes mashed potatoes because theyre easy to eat. he is very very picky, cant eat some things because of tremors and some things upset his stomach. I had just bought a large box of instant oatmeal when we decded it could be making him sick. Once foods are suspect he will not eat them again. he wont eat ice cream, havent tried popsicles, good idea. he used to love fudgcicles but that last bad choking food incident sooured him on them. Now its frozen yogurt. Im just happy if he eats. very picky. 

Its such a pain to have all the doc appts. Well, get rest when you can and enjoy the outdoors. id love to be in the forest. Such times just seem to drain all troubles away. dad had a test the other day and they cancelled it for covid but forgot to tell us. 

These are very trying times. people are overboard in both directions and there is much more than meets the eye. The governors being too strict are way out of bounds. but people have to take precautions. being crazy doesnt help their case any. im very curious to see how things progress. Trying to remember that i have no control whatsoever. I dont need to go out anyway, just the grocery store and take dad to the barber this weekend lol. '

Where you live, do you have to wear a mask in public? Do you folks have a high infection rate?

here we dont have to wear one, i do tho just to do what I can. next county over you must wear them. both counties the infection rate is very low. I dont think Texas has been hit very hard. It would be tragic if we all endured so much only to have a relapse. i just hope they can get the economy going safely again. One thing in good supply here tho

Frozen pizza.....we will survive. Take good care

 

 

 

[kayc]

9 hours ago, Tachi said:

The governors being too strict are way out of bounds. but people have to take precautions. being crazy doesnt help their case any.

Can't remember if I told you or not but the supreme court overturned the judges decision so the lockdown remains, most of the state in "phase 1."  I feel for the governors because they're trying to keep people safe and sometimes we have to legislate what should be common sense.  Where was the common sense in play when FL and CA beaches were crowded with people?!  Then they infect elderly who are doing their best to stay alive.

I haven't seen any of my family or friends for over two months.  I miss my church.  I plan to go to my granddaughter's fifth birthday, my son agreed for them not to be around anyone the two weeks prior.  They are in one of the more stricken counties so I won't stop for gas or anything there.

Sounds like your dad is not yet stage IV, perhaps II or III.  His mind works some still, enough to argue and think, just not like it once was or enough to be on his own.

My dog had Colitis, I took care of him, it was lifelong...he was on a low fat diet.  I would think if your dad had diarrhea he wouldn't want grease, that makes it worse plus the stomach discomfort.  

Our infection rate in Lane County is not bad, yes we wear masks at stores, gas stations, etc...the governor ordered it and then backtracked it into a "suggestion."  I just heard on the news that TX is spiking.  

I can't have pizza or anything high or medium in carbs.  I got my blood test results back, excellent report!  Everything improved and all normal except Cholesterol and Triglycerides, Chol. is slightly above range, Trigly. still too high, although both greatly improved.  Even my WBC and platelets in normal range after several years of being too high!  Calcium too.  I could not be happier!  My weight is what it was when I married George, so super stoked about that too, sure doesn't look the same as we age though, ha!  My blood sugar was 81 this morning, if it continues, perhaps I can start backing off some of the medicine...

A studio apt. would be great, wouldn't it!  Someplace to live and paint...

 

 

[MartyT]

I thought of you and your dad, Scott, when I read this ~ just sharing with you: Frozen Networks  ❤️

[Tachi]

12 hours ago, MartyT said:

I thought of you and your dad, Scott, when I read this ~ just sharing with you: Frozen Networks  ❤️

Thanks Marty, hope you are well. Its funny that until recently I did feel like I had to be the hero, the everything. But I realised I can only do so much. I have to get back to taking care of me if i want to have anything left my dad is gone. His world, and I know not his fault, is tinged with madness. Its a fine dance to know what should be real and what is smoke and let it blow away. I definitely have learned much and still have more to learn. It would be easier for me if i were still working, had some outside activity. I had worked hard to get Life to where i could come home, get school and launch a career in 3d art. I purposely kept from making friends and relationships so i could be free at the end of my life to go wherever and do whatever. At least it serves me well during these times. I have no problems being by myself. its all just funny. 

By the way, whereas My dad had been on a cycle of 5-7 good days and 2-3 bad days hes gone a week of good days with two he slept most of the day. I dont know what changed but its welcome. Thanks for thinking of us, take good care

[Tachi]

13 hours ago, kayc said:

Can't remember if I told you or not but the supreme court overturned the judges decision so the lockdown remains, most of the state in "phase 1."  I feel for the governors because they're trying to keep people safe and sometimes we have to legislate what should be common sense.  Where was the common sense in play when FL and CA beaches were crowded with people?!  Then they infect elderly who are doing their best to stay alive.

I haven't seen any of my family or friends for over two months.  I miss my church.  I plan to go to my granddaughter's fifth birthday, my son agreed for them not to be around anyone the two weeks prior.  They are in one of the more stricken counties so I won't stop for gas or anything there.

Sounds like your dad is not yet stage IV, perhaps II or III.  His mind works some still, enough to argue and think, just not like it once was or enough to be on his own.

My dog had Colitis, I took care of him, it was lifelong...he was on a low fat diet.  I would think if your dad had diarrhea he wouldn't want grease, that makes it worse plus the stomach discomfort.  

Our infection rate in Lane County is not bad, yes we wear masks at stores, gas stations, etc...the governor ordered it and then backtracked it into a "suggestion."  I just heard on the news that TX is spiking.  

I can't have pizza or anything high or medium in carbs.  I got my blood test results back, excellent report!  Everything improved and all normal except Cholesterol and Triglycerides, Chol. is slightly above range, Trigly. still too high, although both greatly improved.  Even my WBC and platelets in normal range after several years of being too high!  Calcium too.  I could not be happier!  My weight is what it was when I married George, so super stoked about that too, sure doesn't look the same as we age though, ha!  My blood sugar was 81 this morning, if it continues, perhaps I can start backing off some of the medicine...

A studio apt. would be great, wouldn't it!  Someplace to live and paint...

 

 

I feel rather odd in this lockdown thing because it really hasnt bothered me. I have no other family here than dad. the only friends I had after moving back were at work and theyre gone now. I've always been a loner and quite comfortable by myself. in fact i'd rather be by myself than be with someone just so im not alone. Yea, my wish for the end of Life is just simple, survive, peace and quiet. 

It would indeed be more difficult if we had family here. I'm sorry you havent been able to be with yours. If you folks havent tried it you could all get on Skype or similar together and at least see and talk to each other. hang in there and enjoy the Birthday party, esp the cake.

Virus, I think Dallas and Houston are worse than we are. We were never totally locked down. People here have been sensible, Dallas not so much. But the infection rate is low. They were in panic mode for awhile, built tent cities etc and never used them. they need to all follow the rules but if they dont get the economy going again there will be nothing left. I think georgia and Florida have been opening for a month and havent had any resurges so hopefully were headed in the right direction. Theres just so much more going on and i fear that will end badly for us. 

Dad... has always held the opinion that he is the sole holder of truth and meaning. But that isnt absolute. Whatever may be the subject only what he likes is 'real' and usually the comparison is to what he had as a kid or what he read in an article. That isnt a real corned beef sandwich or that isnt a real milk shake. he just doesnt realise that different people make things differently and some things/many things they just dont make them like they used to. 

But he likes what he likes. I was giving him a little turkey bacon but he isists on real bacon, waiting to see if that hurts his stomach. I dont think he relates things like diet to stomach. But it seems to be settled down so will keep doing what we're doing. Some things they reccomend he just doesnt tolerate.

At this point he gets ideas in his head based on what he wants, and I cant always make that happen or lets say waht he wants shouldnt happen. Sometimes/often i cant really understand what hes talking about. i have to ask and i dont want to offend him but he talks softly and well, sometimes he just doesnt make any sense. 

Congrats on all your tests, very good to hear. The nutrition paid off it seems. Do you do any jogging out in those woods, seems that would be so inspiring.  Keep up the good work. I had been trying to wade through all that stuff and gave up. Too many conflicting ideas. i just try to minimise my sodium and no grease or hot spices. Just a general good diet. I know I need to look at it again and get in gear. No time to waste.

Ok scratch Kodie ears for me. Take good care of yourself. We are going into the upper 80s and 90 for the next week and a half but should get some rain, too bad it wont be cool rain but we'll take it. take care

 

 

[kayc]

It's about 50 here today with pouring rain.  I do very brisk walks several times a day, no jogging with my knee injuries!

I too have to be careful with grease and spices, my gallbladder was removed several years ago and they diagnosed me with ulcers at the same time, so I control it with diet and exercise as the medicine they prescribed was worse than the ulcer!

No skype here, only slow speed internet with 10.3 GB data/month.

[Tachi]

On 5/22/2020 at 5:03 PM, kayc said:

It's about 50 here today with pouring rain.  I do very brisk walks several times a day, no jogging with my knee injuries!

I too have to be careful with grease and spices, my gallbladder was removed several years ago and they diagnosed me with ulcers at the same time, so I control it with diet and exercise as the medicine they prescribed was worse than the ulcer!

No skype here, only slow speed internet with 10.3 GB data/month.

That sounds like perfect weather. Walking in the woods like that would be a great rejuvination. I would rather spend my time in that or in thought in the woods than aimlessly hanging out w/ people. It was always funny to me that kids would talk about all their  'friends' when they didnt know what friends are. 

Sounds like you have to eat healthy. Do you eat alot of greens and vegetables? What about bread? Good trhat you keep it under control. One thing this virus points out all too well is how unhealthy we are as a society. 

We talked to my big brother and his wife. She is very sweet, he is an overbearing narcissist who always knows the only truth and has been giving me advice on career and now life for years. too bad he is often wrong. At my age i dont appreciate his attitude. Yea, whe dads gone sadly we will be fighting. Hes upset that I still go to the grocery store. Anyway, just can barely stand to talk to him anymore. I had always thought family was supposed to support you not try and shove their rules down your throat. Nice visual lol. 

Ah, you have a data plan. Those can be rough at times. At least youre not doing any gaming or pirating movies  I download so much art assets its silly.

We're supposed to get rain here and there over the next week. be hot tho. Take good care.

[kayc]

I'm on Keto, low carb, for my Diabetes, no wheat flour, sugar, processed foods...I stick to mostly greens (no starchy vegetables) and meats.  No pasta, rice, bread, etc. but it's gotten me to goal weight and my numbers reached normal range.  I've learned I have to eat dinner early, if I eat in the evening, my blood sugar is elevated in the morning.

Going to be sunny here all week, will let my fire go out after nine months of having it going!

[Tachi]

16 hours ago, kayc said:

I'm on Keto, low carb, for my Diabetes, no wheat flour, sugar, processed foods...I stick to mostly greens (no starchy vegetables) and meats.  No pasta, rice, bread, etc. but it's gotten me to goal weight and my numbers reached normal range.  I've learned I hate to eat dinner early, if I eat in the evening, my blood sugar is elevated in the morning.

Going to be sunny here all week, will let my fire go out after nine months of having it going!

Good for you, sounds like you're eating right and keeping discipline. Its always a challenge for me to cook something healthy and keep it from getting boring. I fail more often than not. But tonight despite the threat of rain I bbq'd. I made some burgers and bratwurst. dad liked it so im happyt with it. I had started at one time but was quickly overwhelmed by how many diets there are. Some i had no idea if I could get the food and some were expensive and I can do neither.

Dad is losing his days, apparently he thought today was monday. We have a big cakendar on trhe fridgerator but he doesnt even notice it. I can leave notres ;osted in huge text but he doesnt notice. He had told me a week ago he made a eyedoc appt for tomorrow. Ill call and see but I doubt theyre open. My brother has no idea whats going on. And I cant type.

Supposed to get rain but it went around, thinking very seriously of taking tomorrow off and just working on artwork. 

Oddly, I went to the grocery store today. I felt perfectly safe being there. lots of middle aged and young professionals and it struck me odd that should have been me. I wondered what it would have been like to have had that life. Sometimes it hits me like, why didnt I ever pursue that. Too late for that tho. 

Thats why people shouldnt be hidden away .....we get wrapped up in ourselves....we need to be around people so we at least see theres something else out there. My brother says hes been in the apt two months, at least he has his wife there. Im a recluse but it was good forme to get out a bit today, and bring me out of myself. 

My best friend is diabetic. When he found out annd started eating right he dropped alot of weight. Cheats sometimes tho. Enjoy the sun, were supposed to get rain off and on for a week. War and humid, o joy. Anyway, have a walk in the woods for me. Always loved how the sunlight came thru the branches, light and shadow. take good care

 

[kayc]

Getting warmer, I opened the windows last night to cool the house off, the neighbor was doing a burn pile yesterday and other than my allergy symptoms it didn't seem too bad but my smoke alarm went off three times last night, scaring Kodie half to death!  No way to disconnect it and it took a while to figure out how to shut it off, it's electrically wired in, if I shut off the breaker I can't use the computer either.  Finally figured it out, yep, thought about bashing it in but figured if I did, THAT might start a fire with the electrical!  I've had times over the years the wood stove smoked and it didn't set it off...check the emissions, they were non existent.  Go figure!  43 years I don't remember it going off, the other one at opposite end of the house a time or two, but not this one.  No batteries in it, so who knows!

I'd hate to not be able to open my house up in the summer for this thing!

I hope you are able to take time today for your art, it can be so cathartic!

[ipswitch]

I keep my social distance, but wearing a mask makes me feel truly unwell. I had to wear one for a meeting last Friday for an hour. I noticed I wasn't the only one struggling. Colleague across the room kept unhooking one side behind her ear to breathe. I've ordered a face shield, on the recommendation of a cashier in a store who found it preferable to a mask. I don't wear a mask when I go out, which means I am barred from certain stores. I'm really okay with that, because management has a right to run their business as they wish. Plus, I'm not shopping for fun these days, just getting food and occasionally a sack of bark mulch. Living in a sparsely populated state has it's advantages. 

Pool parties? Good Lord, what are people thinking? COVID and impetigo and herpes and who knows what can be passed around with close contact and horseplay. smh.

[kayc]

Oh for sure, I see people attacking store personnel for not allowing them in without a mask, what are they thinking?  Showing their immaturity and selfishness if you ask me, it is not a constitutional "right" as it's private property and proprietors have the right to make policies and enforce them...remember the "no shoes, no shirt, no service!"  We then have a right to decide for ourselves if we want to enter with their policies respected...or not enter.

I've been ordering on line to save going places and further exposure.  The only place I go to is church to do their books and pay their bills, and to get groceries & gas.  I recently had a doctor's appt but the rest were all canceled, even ones I needed to go to!

People having pool parties strike me as unthinking!  Young people tend to think themselves invincible.  Something we older people realize we are not.

 

[ipswitch]

Oh, local superstore has free service to order 0nline/pick up at store / if you order at least $30. It's a 20-30 minute wait to go into the store, so why not?  It's actually pretty slick.  I can  see people could save a lot of money, being able to look through your pantry and plan instead of standing in the aisle wondering "I didn't put it on the list, do I have coffee?"  Unfortunately, scheduling the pickup is troublesome, as I guess they're overwhelmed. Still kind of works, though.

I saw a video of people in one of the pools in question. My thought was "Ugh. Human stew." 

[Tachi]

On 5/25/2020 at 11:28 AM, kayc said:

Getting warmer, I opened the windows last night to cool the house off, the neighbor was doing a burn pile yesterday and other than my allergy symptoms it didn't seem too bad but my smoke alarm went off three times last night, scaring Kodie half to death!  No way to disconnect it and it took a while to figure out how to shut it off, it's electrically wired in, if I shut off the breaker I can't use the computer either.  Finally figured it out, yep, thought about bashing it in but figured if I did, THAT might start a fire with the electrical!  I've had times over the years the wood stove smoked and it didn't set it off...check the emissions, they were non existent.  Go figure!  43 years I don't remember it going off, the other one at opposite end of the house a time or two, but not this one.  No batteries in it, so who knows!

I'd hate to not be able to open my house up in the summer for this thing!

I hope you are able to take time today for your art, it can be so cathartic!

we were forcast cool and rainy for a week or so but thats changed to warm and blue sky. I should talk to the weatherman. Poor Kodie, he had no clue what was going on. had that happen one morning at 3a.m. These are electircal backup so i had to round up the batteries to replace the bad ones. Yep, dad also think an electric blanket costs a hundred bucks a month to run. He gets ideas in his head and wont let go. 

Opening the house to fresh and cool air improves life, almost as good as sitting on the back porch. Trying to discipline to finish studying and take exam. My brother keeps trying to run my life. hes alot like Dad. Sad thing is that most of his advice is very bad. At the moment hes trying to get me to abandon this exam and become a programmer. Wont happen. Luckily I have become old, rude, and very defensive. 

Yes ma am, working on an environment tonight, may actually learn something, we can hope lol

take care

[kayc]

My son is an electrical engineer among other things so he said next time he comes over he will disconnect the wiring (it's hard wired in not plug in) and install new ones...they came with the place, 43 years old.

I'm at my son's now, didn't sleep much, will be glad when I'm home and everything is back to normal, it's been hard for Kodie here as it has him off schedule, etc.

Have temps in the 80s through Friday then it's cool down and rain after that.  I already told the firewood guy I'm done with fires for the year so hope it doesn't get too cold!

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

Luckily I have become old, rude, and very defensive.

Haha, stand your ground or ignore him!  Do what you have to do!  Don't owe him an explanation or argument.  Proud of you!  Not many could do this at your age...haha, not that you're old! 

 

[Tachi]

On 5/27/2020 at 8:45 AM, kayc said:

My son is an electrical engineer among other things so he said next time he comes over he will disconnect the wiring (it's hard wired in not plug in) and install new ones...they came with the place, 43 years old.

I'm at my son's now, didn't sleep much, will be glad when I'm home and everything is back to normal, it's been hard for Kodie here as it has him off schedule, etc.

Have temps in the 80s through Friday then it's cool down and rain after that.  I already told the firewood guy I'm done with fires for the year so hope it doesn't get too cold!

Haha, stand your ground or ignore him!  Do what you have to do!  Don't owe him an explanation or argument.  Proud of you!  Not many could do this at your age...haha, not that you're old! 

 

I have put up with my brother and I know there are ways of doing things. There is good advice presented respectfully and then theres bullying just to make you do something they say, and thats him. Not good at conflit and have always been an appeaser like Mom was. But at 62 and in a very bad situation in life. Way I see it is if someone is respectfull they offer one time and if you dont wish to do what they offer then drop it. he has a very bad habit of pushing again and again. What makes me mad is that he cant actually BE a big brother. 

They took our rain away. We are now headed into the more summer weather pattern, hot and dry for a few months. 

Ah, good field for him to be in and a definite boon for you. That should do the trick quite nicely. maybe next life I can live up there and sit on my porch and feel the cool breeze while the trees sway in the wind. 

Is there any fishing near you? Like a pond or little lake. I'mnot sure just how wild it is there. Is it even safe to be outside after dark?

You two take care

 

[kayc]

Well they never shipped the dog toy and now I'm having to file a dispute with Paypal.  They don't respond, don't have a phone number, customer service is apparently non-existent.  They sent me a tracking # a week ago (I paid 5/13) and said it had shipped but USPS says they never received it in their system.  So annoying!  I should have known better than to order from a company I'm not familiar with.

I don't fear wild animals...except cougars, and they are in the area.  I've never let my animals out at night.  There's rivers and lakes around, the North Fork of the Middle Fork (of the Willamette River)  is about ten miles from here, cold water, can only swim it in August, but very beautiful and serene.

It was up to 91 yesterday (predicted 81), they say 84 today, who knows how hot it'll really be.  Left my windows open until 1 am and it only cooled to 70 in the house.

Honestly, if I had a brother like that, I'd have a mantra I'd repeat.  Whenever he'd start in, repeat mantra.  He argues...repeat mantra.  Once your dad is gone and everything settled, not sure I'd stay in contact since he's so toxic and can't respect boundaries.  There has to be more in common than childhood in my opinion.  If all you ever get is a headache for your trouble, I think I'd stick to Christmas cards and a call on his birthday.  It seems cold, but it's self-protection and survival.  You already understand that any time you talk with him you're subject to his battering.  I'm sorry you don't have a decent relationship...my siblings mean the world to me, we've always been supportive of each other.  My one brother doesn't have contact with us much at all.  We're never invited to anything and he doesn't come when we invite him.  He was there for my mom, so I guess he considers himself a son but not a brother.  He was the youngest, 15 years younger than me so to his credit he just never felt bonded with us but he's adopted his wife's family as his own.  His own choice...I still love him and miss him.  I love who he is as a person and his quick wit and great dry sense of humor.  I wish my kids could have known him...and I wish I could have known his kids.  I am getting to know one of his daughters on FB now that she's grown.

 

 

[Tachi]

12 hours ago, kayc said:

Well they never shipped the dog toy and now I'm having to file a dispute with Paypal.  They don't respond, don't have a phone number, customer service is apparently non-existent.  They sent me a tracking # a week ago (I paid 5/13) and said it had shipped but USPS says they never received it in their system.  So annoying!  I should have known better than to order from a company I'm not familiar with.

I don't fear wild animals...except cougars, and they are in the area.  I've never let my animals out at night.  There's rivers and lakes around, the North Fork of the Middle Fork (of the Willamette River)  is about ten miles from here, cold water, can only swim it in August, but very beautiful and serene.

It was up to 91 yesterday (predicted 81), they say 84 today, who knows how hot it'll really be.  Left my windows open until 1 am and it only cooled to 70 in the house.

Honestly, if I had a brother like that, I'd have a mantra I'd repeat.  Whenever he'd start in, repeat mantra.  He argues...repeat mantra.  Once your dad is gone and everything settled, not sure I'd stay in contact since he's so toxic and can't respect boundaries.  There has to be more in common than childhood in my opinion.  If all you ever get is a headache for your trouble, I think I'd stick to Christmas cards and a call on his birthday.  It seems cold, but it's self-protection and survival.  You already understand that any time you talk with him you're subject to his battering.  I'm sorry you don't have a decent relationship...my siblings mean the world to me, we've always been supportive of each other.  My one brother doesn't have contact with us much at all.  We're never invited to anything and he doesn't come when we invite him.  He was there for my mom, so I guess he considers himself a son but not a brother.  He was the youngest, 15 years younger than me so to his credit he just never felt bonded with us but he's adopted his wife's family as his own.  His own choice...I still love him and miss him.  I love who he is as a person and his quick wit and great dry sense of humor.  I wish my kids could have known him...and I wish I could have known his kids.  I am getting to know one of his daughters on FB now that she's grown.

 

 

Oh no, i'm so sorry. Sounds like a scam product and company. I'm sure paypal will take care of you. had same thing on amazon trying to buy facemasks. Turned out to be a Chinese company just ripping people off. Thats one reason I cancelled my Prime membership, have been seeing that more and more often on amazon. 

Ive always enjoyed watching the water, esp at sunset. And the sound is serene. Miss that experience. being close to the water like that cools the air and gives it a really nice quality. Like night air when it gets cool. Our house just doesnt cool well. We're upper 80s and into 90s next week. The house stays at 80 all summer but a bit warmer in my room. Problem is it doesnt go down enough at night so doesnt do any good to sit out. 

My bro sent me a Pi, its a miniature basic computer that sits in your hand. You add accessories and code programs in Python to make it do things. Cool gadget and I dont really have time to mess with it. But my bro wants me to abandon my exam and go full steam ahead on being a programmer. he thinks I can teach myself and be a developer and make 6 figures. Doesnt work that way. 

I have been an appeaser all my life. And i understand thats part of the problem is he thinks all he has to do is just keep pushing. If dad werent around id have already broken ties. There is a thought that there are two kinds of people in life. Those who help you spend your time and those who waste it. Most people just waste it and why should I give them time? Eh, well sometimes maybe its the right thing to do. But not often. And at 62 I could go at any time. I dont care to do what HE wants me to do. This is my life and no matter what its do what i care about now or theres may be no tomorrow.So, yes ma am after we settle the estate and finish with the atty stuff, and i fully expect he will cheat me blind, he and I will be through. I dont think its cold at all, its my right to expect respect. 

It is sad when family doesnt bond. Its good youre getting to know one of his kids tho. Who knows what will come of it. I guess family isnt what it once was. Of course i can see how my bro grew up like dad. makes sense since hes the oldest. I do miss the old days with the aunts and uncles. I didnt have a clue and ignorance was bliss. 

anyway, im trying to discipline myself to work on some artwork, i need to do alot of learning. 

Take good care

[kayc]

8 hours ago, Tachi said:

he thinks I can teach myself and be a developer and make 6 figures. Doesnt work that way. 

I had to laugh when I read this!  He must not live in the real world!

Tell your brother you're grown up and can make decisions for your own life.  Repeat.  Repeat. 

8 hours ago, Tachi said:

its my right to expect respect. 

ABSOLUTELY!  I love Dr. Phil...not always his show's content, but I like him and how he responds.  One of the things he always says is "We teach people how to treat us."  So true!  It took me a long time to get that but the older I get, the better I am at it...I've had to learn to be my own advocate.  I've been on my own now for 15 years and honestly, I can't imagine being married...I get tired of being alone, but my GF tells me I'm too independent for most men.  But I can't fake it and act all helpless and bat my eyes just to get someone!  I'm very authentic, so unless someone could like me for ME...no can do!  

My mom married brothers...not a bright idea when it comes to family harmony.  So when it came to aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, we were ostracized even though they all lived across town from us.  Us cousins are getting to know each other through FB, I LIKE them!  It's been good to get to know them for who they are without the appendages of our parents and their "stuff."  

You sound like someone who enjoys what he does and I think the artwork is likely a very therapeutic outlet.

[Tachi]

On 5/30/2020 at 8:28 AM, kayc said:

I had to laugh when I read this!  He must not live in the real world!

Tell your brother you're grown up and can make decisions for your own life.  Repeat.  Repeat. 

ABSOLUTELY!  I love Dr. Phil...not always his show's content, but I like him and how he responds.  One of the things he always says is "We teach people how to treat us."  So true!  It took me a long time to get that but the older I get, the better I am at it...I've had to learn to be my own advocate.  I've been on my own now for 15 years and honestly, I can't imagine being married...I get tired of being alone, but my GF tells me I'm too independent for most men.  But I can't fake it and act all helpless and bat my eyes just to get someone!  I'm very authentic, so unless someone could like me for ME...no can do!  

My mom married brothers...not a bright idea when it comes to family harmony.  So when it came to aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, we were ostracized even though they all lived across town from us.  Us cousins are getting to know each other through FB, I LIKE them!  It's been good to get to know them for who they are without the appendages of our parents and their "stuff."  

You sound like someone who enjoys what he does and I think the artwork is likely a very therapeutic outlet.

My dad and my bro will both tell me things that arent true. They dont know anything or have a wrong understanding and they state it as fact and argue it. I dont just pull things out of the air. I look it up, research it, I ask people in the field. And I dont care what either of them tell me when i know it isnt right. I honestly dont know if my bro does it just to feel the narcissistic power rush of having convinced me to follow his wishes or if hes just trying to hurt me. 

The hard thing for me is to change. I tend to appease because thats how I was taught and how I survived. I hate that and I hate myself for being that way. It comes naturally w/out thinking so is very hard to stop. I tend to go from appease to stubborn and mad. Thats when I feel threatened. there is a proper mid ground where youre sure and confident and dont feel threatened by people trying to use you. You can just look em in the eye, call em out and laugh in their face. havent learned that yet. 

Good youre connecting w/ family. All that other stuff shouldnt get in the way. they should get to know you and theyd see your a nice person. I give up on all my family, every one of em. When i moved and when i quit work I was the one who would reach out to people. So I decided if they wanted to remain friends they could get ahold of me, after a few weeks none did. 

marriage...I did when I was too young and stupid, finally stood up for myself, will tell that story some time, its fun. From this point onward I wouldnt have the time or the patience, dont care to play games, dont want to marry or date someone just so im not alone. Im great being alone. besides which I feel I have nothing to offer. My fervent wish hope and prayer is to be able to survive in peace and get my artwork going. Thats all i want. I had my chances in Life to be married and I tried one...lol...the rest i blew it. never had the confidence or trust after my divorce. Its both a comfort and a great sadness to know certain times are done and certain things will never happen. Its just life.

hah dont you ever compromise, it never ends well. You have Kodie, unconditional love is good. 

Guess we'll see if my bro and his wife are home and get the weekly pain out of the way.

Oh, enclosed please find latest project, old quarry. Ive found that alot of people dont understand how important an artists work is to them. Or how it messes them up to not create. Its not just something I do to fill time. Its my reason for being, its my soul. And to not be able to create well is painful. I can take a few assets like trees and rocks and create different environments and have stories for them all. people can give me just an object or an idea and I can create a story. Outside interference like family stressing me and unresolved issues dampen it. And i tried to forget it for over a year but I cant and I am no longer willing to. This is a major mark against my bro, in that he has to have an opinion on it and render a judgement, that its not important. he has no right to an opinion. 

Anyway, guess im feisty and protective today lol. take good care.

[kayc]

Wow, that is beautiful!  It's hard for me to understand how someone can create something like that, we're all given different talents and abilities but few are given an artistic bent like that!  It is part of you, you should never let that go, paint until the day you die!  Because you CAN!  It's an expression of one's soul!

One correction I must make, you say you have nothing to offer, that is not true.  You have wisdom, character, honesty, listening, that is a lot to offer.  You may choose to be alone the rest of your life and that is okay but don't do it for the wrong reasons, do it for preference if you will.

I never dreamed I'd be alone all these years later as I never had been before, but although it was not my preference, I'm okay with it, sometimes I wish I had someone but never met anyone I clicked with like George either.  It seems ironic that so many remain in their so-so marriages or worse yet, unhappy ones, whereas we were blissfully happy with each other and it got taken away all too soon.  Preserved through time through memories.

 

[Tachi]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Wow, that is beautiful!  It's hard for me to understand how someone can create something like that, we're all given different talents and abilities but few are given an artistic bent like that!  It is part of you, you should never let that go, paint until the day you die!  Because you CAN!  It's an expression of one's soul!

One correction I must make, you say you have nothing to offer, that is not true.  You have wisdom, character, honesty, listening, that is a lot to offer.  You may choose to be alone the rest of your life and that is okay but don't do it for the wrong reasons, do it for preference if you will.

I never dreamed I'd be alone all these years later as I never had been before, but although it was not my preference, I'm okay with it, sometimes I wish I had someone but never met anyone I clicked with like George either.  It seems ironic that so many remain in their so-so marriages or worse yet, unhappy ones, whereas we were blissfully happy with each other and it got taken away all too soon.  Preserved through time through memories.

 

Thanks, it is actually done in 3d software. meaning that its on the computer and I can go in and walk around in it. One use of this is for architects when they propose a building to a client they can model their design, then add the realworld lighting and do an animation walking thru the building. Or to create an ancient temple or some structure. lots of applications. Its my escape, dwelling in my soul.

My dads condition is odd. he no longer has the same physical cycle of 2-3 bad and 5-7 good days. he is ok every day now physically. But mentally he slipped a bit. he will like today just sit and stare in the darkness. he asked me when they would have Christmas cards for sale because this year he wanted to get them out in time for people to send us one, and we also need to make a card list. I reminded him its June 1 and he didnt seem to understand. I can look him in the face and tell he's not all there today. 

Phonecall with brother in an hour, I really cherish those....

.....I think tbh if I did meet someone who was right id try, but just not going to look. I think its going to be a miracle to survive and find a job after dad passes. I understand that he may need to go to a home somewhere and there will be no inheritance. Thats Life I guess. 

I think you're right. You could remarry just to have someone there. i guess i couldnt fault anyone for that, not my business anyway. But how do you compromise just for expediency...one day as you say, you and your beloved will be together for all eternity. This is just a short time. 

Ok weird question, do you folks have Taco bell up there? Ive heard theyre everywhere.

Take good care, 

[kayc]

Not in my town as this is very small, few places to eat, but when we go to the valley to get groceries (50 miles away) we can eat at Taco Bell...I usually go to Carl's Jr as they do lettuce wraps (I'm on Keto) and their hamburgers are amazing with avacado, etc.  When I grew up in Eugene, Taco Bell was within a block of my church and us teens used to go there.

Maybe just tell your dad it's six months away and you will let him know when the time is closer.