Mom

[Tachi]

Thanks Marty, much appreciated. So much to do so I guess I will grieve as I can. I knew it was coming but that doesnt help. he was in good shape a day and a half ago and the floor fell out. Guess thats Life.

Thank you

[Ruby]

Tachi, I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.

[kayc]

Scott, I am so sorry, I know it had been your hope to bring him home, things went downhill so fast but it's a blessing in a way that it was there as they can really put you through it when it happens at home.  Your brother sounds like a selfish pain, enough said.  You are in my thoughts and prayers, I'm sorry you're going through so much.  Stick to your guns to the funeral guy, they can be like leeches, taking advantage of people's grief/sorrow, not all are like that, we got lucky with Bert's.  Cremation is cheapest, unless he owns a plot, I tell my kids to put me in George's old container (plastic...$75 for what amounts to a kleenex box w/o the hold in it), don't let them take advantage!  My mom paid $3,500 for my dad's casket nearly 40 years ago, she couldn't afford it.  

My greatest hope is he is at peace and rest at last and I'll be praying for you every day, I know your life feels up in the air right now, so I'm praying for peace and all to work out for your best, I truly believe that.  When my husband died I had no idea how I'd make it, my job ended shortly thereafter, the life ins. didn't pay because we were overbilled 3 times what was quoted and in the middle of disputing it, wouldn't you know that'd be when he died, barely 51.  I have made it all these years and never been late paying a bill, so somehow all worked out, even though sometimes challenging, a struggle.  You have my email address, write me any time.  I have all this ahead of me yet with Peggy, it's frightening sometimes but I've been working hard at "letting go" of what I cannot change.  Easier said than done but my BP is normal so it must be working.

Take care of YOU, sending you much love and wishes, and again, I am so sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.

Will scratch Kodie's ears AND belly for you!

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Tachi said:

Anyway, you dont need to read my anxiety.

Yes, we want to hear from you, that's what friends are for.  Mine would be through the roof so I understand.

[Tachi]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

Yes, we want to hear from you, that's what friends are for.  Mine would be through the roof so I understand.

This would be so much easier if my narcissistic brother werent trying to steal the entire estate at the expense of my ruin. And hes stupid enough to not understand I know exactly what he's doing. Pardon my french but he can go to hell. he keeps telling me I need to keep the house etc and I can in no way afford it, it would be my ruin. I get what hes thinking, he thinks that if I keep it all then when hes gone his wife can move in and if I go first they can have it all. he is obviously desperate. My patience is now gone. I need his good will to probat the Will to free up the possessions so I need to behave for a bit.

I was laughing at him yesterday because he kept telling me I could afford it, wanted to know bills etc and I told him ive already run the bills and I cant afford it. Not his money, not him that would go bankrupt and live on the street. Telling me what to do when he doesnt even understand the estate process and obviously cant do simple math. If he blocks doing probate or refuses to let me do an estate sale i'll go to the judge. 

the other thing is that the money from the estate will provide the security that i wont be afraid of going broke and going on the street. Once ya go theres no way back.

At least dad had funeral insurance so that expense is only 2k...only. Then medical bills, tax return. My brother is trying hard to make it look like dad left plenty of money to pay mortgage and bills. Im estimating med will be at least a couple thousand. Three ambulance rides and three weeks in two hospitals. His stay in april was 680 so...

anyway cat rush it to being done

I ate half my sandwich, went back to cleaning out drawers, remembered I was partway tru this and then started googling how im supposed to pay the estate expenses. i can try using dads debit card or can pay on my acct and then transfer that over . I am on his bank accts and his safety dep box and was his legal Poa. I believe being on his accts and being Tod I can access them freely.

I am going to write his obit, and have him buried in his flight uniform but hold his club ballcap. he was in aviation his entire life. 

Its better this time, not like with mom. It would be ok if not for my brother trying to steal it all at the price of my ruin.

[Tachi]

I have been lazy these past few years, should have done the Trust and many things, now I will suffer for it. I have been reading on wisdom and trying to take care of my anxiety and all that bad stuff. I had a thought last night.

how I feel inside determines my outlook, frame of mind, my mindset and emotions and what I think I can do. If you think you cant then you wont. but how I feel and think depends solely on me. My mind, my heart. 

TD Jakes

So if I let the fear and insecurity in it will overcome me. It will keep pushing and my brother is an agent of fear and is being used against me. So my journey is with peace and having control over my mind and heart. 

dad had a plan and he had paid his expenses except for putting him in the ground, thats 1995. It will be simple and short. The family tradition is that the person is not there, thats an empty shell. And we pay tribute to them wherever we are. 

Its funny how my brother lies to me. he always says he wants heirlooms. yet true heirlooms he doesnt want. Like the cookbook that Mom had that was over a hundred years old and had recipes and notes from aunts, grandma, etc. he wants the expensive ring, and the expensive print, and I tell him he can have whatever he wants but it will be deducted from his share at the end. And everything will be held to the end so the expenses can be paid. he wont like it and he will try and mess it all up. but to me he isnt family. I will fullfil my duty and then he will be gone from my life forever. I changed yesterday. maybe I finished growing up.

I will reiterate to the funeral home, nothing extra. No flowers no picture on an easel, just an obit. meet at the grave and lay him to rest. This guy really ticked me off when he called 20 minutes after i learned Dad passed, esp when he wanted to now what I wanted to do and he didnt have his records. 

The first time this is so overwhelming, the net its a bit easier. maybe it helped that my brother royally ticked me off. Lol. I feel a great need for urgency yet know this will be slow and scary. In the meantime going through drawers and such for any records, papers, legal things. throwing out papers that will no longer be needed. 

Well, back to it. Thank you. take good care of yourself and Kodie.

[Tachi]

7 hours ago, Ruby said:

Tachi, I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.

Thanks Ruby, much appreciated. he had 95 years on God's earth. he got to do what he loved all his life. Near the end illness started robbing him. But as an aviator I think he is flying thru the heavens with Mom in the passenger seat.

[kayc]

Your outlook is good, positive, you're having to hold on to your peace of mind, and I think letting go of your brother (when you can) sounds healthiest for you.  He's already shown you who he is.  I'd think it sad but what's really sad is how he behaves.  I haven't seen him helping or sacrificing.  I hope you're tracking ALL your hours so you can bill the estate.  He'll squawk but remember the line from Up in Smoke (Cheech and Chong) something about his mother always telling him how to live but he doesn't listen to her cuz his head is like a sieve...I always thought that was the funniest line, and now when there's someone to tune out that comes to mind and I smile.

95, that's a long time, my mom was 92, my gpa 94, gr-uncle 95, guess I'm stuck here a while!  Peggy didn't take care of herself (passive suicide) thinking she'd die sooner, but it hasn't worked that way, genetics says differently, instead it's affected her quality of life while she's here.  Although I doubt she'll make it into her 90s.

Good video, thank you for sharing!

I don't suppose your brother is going to help you clean out the house, can't sell it with a house full of stuff, does he think this just magically happens?  And then he'll complain about everything that has to be gotten rid off.  I swear it's like a monkey on your back.  Continue filling your mind with positives...

Kodie is laying here sleeping, not a care in the world, oh for a dog's life/outlook!

[Tachi]

Thankfully my bro is out of state and cant come. I dont want him here anyway. he would come in and want to run things and doesnt have any clue what dad wanted or about estates.  irks me he lies about dad wanting his wife to have the expensive ring. but I know he's a liar and doesnt care about me or dads wishes. But he can have what he wants and the value will be deducted from his share. And he thought he would just grab all the expensive items and then take half the rest. I talked to dad about doing this and he agreed it was fair. bad thing about dad tho, he would agree with me, never cared to get a thing in writing and as far as I know never talked to bro about his estate. In fact my bro would tell me to hold back things for him and I told him it doesnt belong to me ask dad and dad said he never did.

Forgive if I repeat myself. having trouble sleeping in, wake up early and cant go back. It'll even out soon. 

I have several recommendations for an atty close. want to get a consultation. had one atty on Reddit say that in Tx we dont need to probate the Will, as long as we are both listed as beneficiaries and agree on who gets what we just do it. That wil be a relief. Also asking the atty how i pay for expenses. Im on my dads accts but not his debit card. all I can think is proper is to write a check from my acct then transfer the money over.

The scary part is when I need to talk to the mortgage people. 

Bro sent me an email with a link to a course in interface design. he says take this course and get a job. the website he likes isnt well thought of and taking this course wont get me a job. It will introduce me to the disciplin and theres alot of other things to know. he's always pushing these and I ask guys in the field and who hire and they tell me they mean nothing. It wouldnt be a bad field but one course wont get me a job. I read the Post office is hiring. good place but will be awhile before i could even consider it. SO MUCH TO DO. I spent yesterday cleaning the den, making a list of his doctors etc to notify, it seems endless. Im scatterbrained.

there is a need to settle and return to being centered. One steo at a time. It is very good I was filing the pantry, its well stocked.

used to have cheech and chong records when I was a kid lol. made me laugh so much. Well, I know who and what he is and that I cant trust or believe him at all. maybe he at the cause wants t hep but it comes out horrible.

ahhh yes, for a dogs life. How do we get old and we've lost those simple times. Too bad we dont understand when we are young and can start working on it. now is too late. 

gee lol wrote to here, went and worked on the closet then came back and did something else and remembered hey, finish the post.

I sent bro an email and reiterated theres no way i keep the house and he replied if I really dont want to then thats ok. I dont trust it we shall be hopeful.

back to the closet, take good care

[kayc]

I do hope and pray for the best to come out in him although I'm cautious about that.    He who didn't do anything for your dad.  There's a reason you're the one that helped your dad, I can't see him coming through, your dad likely knew that too.

I listened to that video, wow, haven't heard preaching like that in many many years!

Take some time to do something enjoyable for yourself, we need that when all else looks...

[Tachi]

I caled him tonight to see if he had a scanner. I was going to scan in alot of photos for him but decided just to send them. 

Now he wants another item or two. contract a shipping company to piggyback em with someone elses stuff. As long as he pays for it. My only concern is he want to take all the expensive stuff and then the split wont balance. there also has to be enough cash from the estate sale to keep the bills paid til the house sells. i shouldnt have to be worrying about getting screwed over. sigh. i just hope he behaves because I a realy having no patience these days. I feel my back is against the wall in Life.

I try and do something for myself but end up going back to sorting stuff lol. just dont see the point of much at the moment. its odd how when dad was here even if I didnt see him all the time it didnt feel empty. just psychologically i knew he was here. now this place is so empty. Even if I could and wanted to afford this place its too big, empty and full of memories that would constantly make me miss my folks. I need a new smaller place.

did this crayon masterpiece as a little kid and Mom saved it all these years. 

Ive seen alot of old memories and alot ive never seen. Im not much for memorabilia so wont keep anything. life wil be rough and take all y time I think. 

My brother keeps trying to push me into taking things like he is. he is very disresoectful in that Itell him no, I dont want anything...he just keeps egging it on like i really do but wont say so. I dont want any antiqyues or paintings etc, nothing. I esp dont want to have to hire a uhaul and a person to help me move it. If this whole things works ill just buy a heap bed and chest. I will tak my bookcases and one chest I brought in. he assumes im like him and I think he's trying to start a run on items, not happenin and nothing leaves until allis appraised.

geesh, i have enough to do without this drama. 

Ok im just going on, take good care

[kayc]

Wow, you could have been a cartoonist!  Most moms save their kids' things, not mine.  She threw everything away, even special things.  She came home from my dad's funeral and started pitching all of his stuff, didn't shed a tear.  She was always strange in her responses.  I used to wonder why I couldn't have gotten someone normal.

Has it never occurred to your brother that while he sits in the comfort of his home, his life not disturbed, you have sacrificed all and this is all an upset to you, to your comfort?  Never mind, rhetorical, of course he hasn't.

Just know my thoughts are with you today.

Today marks two weeks since I was in contact with people who came down with Covid (at my church), so thankful I did not as I saw my sister October 6, not knowing.  I would feel horrible if I caused someone else's discomfort or death.

[Tachi]

Are you ok? I assume you are since you havent had any symptms. This is where me being a loner has been an advantage. No idea if docs can still prescribe Ivermectin here, really works tho. hang in there and take care of yourself, no getting sick or injuries for awhile. ya need to get healed up.

I did cartooning for fun a long time ago. When I was in high school and my bro was in college I did cartoons like in the paper of the mascots for the games each week. Too bad i didnt pursue it

My dad was the same way and I never knew if it was the illnesses or the narcissism. But the last 2 weeks before my Mom passed she told that after all these years she dearly loved him and made me promise to always take care of him. I hate that he went through so much. I wish he could have been at home and gone peacefully. In a way it was past his time. his body and mind were all but gone. It seems these days the body and mind go on too long, past their abiity for a healthy life.

When Mom had passed in the ER a priest came in and Dad had a good ole time chatting with him. On the way home he got excited and asked if we should stop at Ihop for dinner. I guess my look ended that idea. Again, I never knew if that was his illnesses or the narcissism. Many things in my life didnt get closure.

Nope, bro cares only about himself and how much he can get. he said Mom had an appraisal sheet and wanted to know when I found it. Note-if he thinks its there then its there. If I dont find it then either im lieing or cant find it and am stupid. Im guessing he will go crazy because he cant be here to look through things and pick what he wants. If left unchecked he would take as uch of the expensive stuff as possible. He has been told the rules and will ignore them and push. I will end up telling him he cant just take all the expensive stuff and that we will split evenly and that all must wait until all the bills are paid.

Ack, he will make it so much harder. he thinks of none but himself and has no concpt of honor and duty.

Anyway, the pumpkin seeds are starting to come up. Curious to see how they do. 

Working on documents today and found a big closet with airplane stuff in it. i should do something fun but I feel a real urgency. probably cause I want to get this over and get a safe life again. Im sure i'll be here all winter tho. 

Cold nights 40s now, days will be 80s for a bit. 

Visit with funeral home tomorrow. they say 1-3 hours, lol. Im not waiting to be sold, Im telling them straight up what I want done and cut the crap. Will have dad buried in his american airlines uniform and holding his flyers club cap in his hands. I think he would like that very much. 

Take good care of yourself and kodie. 

 

 

[kayc]

It's been 15 days with  no signs/symptoms, I hear the secretary is having it rough, maybe 3 1/2 weeks for her so far with high fever at night, etc.  The pastor got a very light case, her husband's didn't last long, haven't heard an update on the others yet.

Now Iris' husband Mike has the flu or something, hoping I don't get it, although I haven't been sick in years.  My son's family has Hand/foot/mouth disease, plus a guy in his office got Covid but he said their desks are ten feet apart, vaccinations are no guarantee of anything it seems!  My son rehomed Enzo (dogbite dog) again, I know they were attached as they had him a month, he said he was sweet, umm, not to me and Kodie!  I'm still healing from it but it's doing amazingly well considering how bad it was, I will have lasting damage from it (arthritis/scar tissue, scarring, more trauma in one area where I've sustained three bad injuries!  I still feel it in the joints so will likely have arthritis there too, I didn't before.

My GF is right, she needs to come bubble wrap me!    She was my BFF and moved to TX six years ago, I miss her and would welcome her coming!  She always wants me to come find a guy in TX, I think so she can have me back, ha!  Alas I don't care for the weather, although I can't say as I relish the winters here either!  One day at a time...

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

I did cartooning for fun a long time ago. When I was in high school and my bro was in college I did cartoons like in the paper of the mascots for the games each week. Too bad i didnt pursue it

You are good at it!  Do you think it'd be too late?  You have talent, it seems that and a break is what is needed.  Maybe that's oversimplifying it, but I can't think what else you'd need!

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

In a way it was past his time. his body and mind were all but gone.

Such is dementia.  I know Peggy's heart can go on beating long past her brain function, it scares me.  All I can do is hope/pray.  I don't even know what to hope for, maybe for her to get in a care center if needed before she suffers worse?

My BP has been normal ever since I started on Bromelain, it thins the blood a little, but it doesn't seem too thin, I'm not a bleeder (I have to prick my fingers every day for my blood sugar readings).  So maybe I'm onto something!  Or maybe coincidence, who knows, I'm not a huge coincidence believer though.  It seems to me there's usually causation if we but look for it.

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

I wish he could have been at home and gone peacefully.

Oh Scott, your dad was so fortunate to have had you all this time, even when in the hospital you were still looking after him, visiting, checking in on him.  I doubt he was very aware of things at the end.  I know when my mom was at the dementia care facility she wasn't, what's odd is she ended back up where she started her life, within a block or two, the street that was named after her was just a block away!  

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

Again, I never knew if that was his illnesses or the narcissism.

This sounds like my mom.  She had some narcissism in her, everything was about HER, her perspective, what she wanted/believed, etc.  She came home from my dad's funeral and started throwing his clothes, treasures, etc. away, I was stunned!  My DADDY!!!  At his funeral, I cried...she didn't.

 

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

Im guessing he will go crazy because he cant be here to look through things and pick what he wants.

Hmm, if he really wanted to be, he would be there, same as he COULD have been there for your dad if he'd really wanted to be.  People always have excuses, they don't hold water though.  I've seen that, the ones who wanted to bad enough were there, the ones who didn't, weren't.

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

He has been told the rules and will ignore them and push. I will end up telling him he cant just take all the expensive stuff and that we will split evenly and that all must wait until all the bills are paid.

I know it must give you a headache to keep repeating this to him...make it your mantra, rinse/repeat.

This is where I live (lat/long) so you can see it's cold and rainy this week but we need it so I'll deal with it. 
https://forecast.weather.gov/MapClick.php?lon=-122.41158872593141&lat=43.802891161925544

Are you having a funeral/memorial for his buddies to attend or just privately bury?  Brother coming??  Maybe a stupid question.  Try to get through what you need to but make some time for yourself. 

You're in my prayers...

[kayc]

I shared this in another section but thought you probably wouldn't see it, so wanted to share it with you...
 

We have a lot of trails here, when I was in my 40s (prime of my life) I used to walk six miles/night with my Whippet in nature, we encountered everything, I love nighttime, it's quiet and wildlife is out...
I wrote this on one of them...
          Tonight is so beautiful…there was a lot of wind today, and the temperature is perfect.  As I walk down my beautiful road of nature, the sky is dark - neither black nor quite blue…just very dark.  There is no moon out, but the stars are sprinkled all across the sky like glittering diamonds, and the dark sky shows them off.  The path is thick with dust from the earlier wind, so the ground is soft, and the air is fresh and it smells like the smell of fresh dirt.  I feel the air whipping around my face, not harsh, just…nice.  I can barely make out the silhouettes of the trees in the darkness.  I walk down a lane bedecked with tall stately trees, and it is like walking through a narrow tunnel, and then I come out to the other side and the sky opens up to beauty and wonder.  The only sounds I hear are the sounds of rushing water, and bullfrogs calling their songs.  Lucky is running back and forth, investigating everything, checking on me, happily whipping her tail at me, saying, “Come on!”, and she nestles her nose against my hand as I walk.  I come to my favorite tree, the one that is tall and stout - it has a story to tell.  It stands alone with its greenery ruggedly uneven.   You can see it has been whipped in life, yet it still stands, a monument to survival.  Where are its companions?  The others are all together, but this one with the interesting shape, it stands aloof…perhaps not intentionally, but there it is, alone.  I find comfort in it, knowing that it is still there.  It holds its branches out to the sky, and you can’t help but admire it.  I walk along, and I see another favorite…two trees entwined so tightly they look like one.  I am reminded of a couple whose hearts beat so closely, you can barely distinguish them as separate.  These two trees speak to me also, of closeness and harmony…and again, I see survival.  I walk along and hear the sounds of Fourth Creek rushing, and I think of the forces that go on, regardless of the season…they have their highs and lows, but they continue.  I hear the wind pick up its song, and it sounds almost as thunderous as the ocean, and for a moment I listen and think of the peace that I always feel when I hear that sound.  Everything seems to come into perspective somehow when you hear that sound.  When I look up at the sky and see the myriads of stars there, knowing that each one represents vastness all in itself, I feel so small…yet not in an insignificant way, but rather I realize the vastness of God, the vastness of His love…that me, so small in the scheme of things, should be important to Him who has so much to concern Himself with!  How quickly these six miles pass!   How blessed I am to live in such a paradise!

[Tachi]

Sounds like everyone is getting sick. take a yardstick with you when you go out and whack em on the head when they get within 3 feet. From what ive read the vaccines dont work very well. 

hahaha bubble wrap, guess it cant hurt. Ask her what to do when you need the bathroom lol. 

Our summers get real hot. depending which part of Tx she's in it can get pretty cold. 

Now many cartoonists use software and many still do it by hand. I considered drawing again when in animation school. but everyone said t be good you have to draw for hours every day. maybe after this ends if it ends well. I just know I have to be creative in art, somehow.

I never realised how bad my dad was. Its way too late for regrets or blame. the only thing now is survival. 

My quercetin has bromelain in it. saw a video on the virus protocol. Doctor said for a virus and he said flu...quercetin, D Zinc C and he named a couple addons that make those work better. I cant afford to get sick.

Just got off phone with american airlines reporting dads death. he never reported moms death. They will probably send his monthly in Nov so I will need to transfer it to my acct and send them a check. They will send me a kit in 7-10 days...

wow, looks like you live out in the wilds. Looks cold today too, we get 80 then 40s overnight. I have to be careful when the weater changes cause my resp tends to act up.

I let a couple guys know and told em if they come is great but if not it isnt a problem. Tbh I just want to get it over with. Eerytime I have to call and report it I tear up, just an auto response.

I always wondered why my brother would only talk twice a month, somethimes more. But he could have called dad during the day or in the evening and just let him tell stories. he wanted to throw money and buy stuff. Dad didnt want stuff to be bought. 

You write very well. Thank you for sharing. I think most people have never appreciated nighttime. esp in the garden everything changes. There is something lost to this society and younger generations. they cant look beyond themselves.

im thinkiung now that next month everything will be deposited and taken out as normal and will be a mess. SS and AA will go in and insurances will be charged. I think ss has to have a death cert. Ok im grabbing some coffee and making a list.

take good care 

[kayc]

I ordered quercetin 10/6, still haven't received it!  Been fussing with WM about it, thought it was lost but they didn't ship for six days and the USPS is getting ridiculous.  No delivery date.  I take bromelain and it's helped my BP be normal lately!  On zinc too.  I take so many supplements I'm not hungry afterwards!   I think my health is why I haven't gotten sick yet, not that I can't, but I'm giving it the best I can.

My sister had a stroke yesterday morning, I didn't find out until last night at dinner, she refuses medical help, won't see a doctor, damn she's stubborn!  She doesn't understand/listen to anything I say.  Finally getting the electrician's butt in gear for replacing her panel box and now she doesn't want to do it until May.  I'm done.  I can't argue stubbornness.  I've done everything I could for her for the last 13 months...

What kind of a kit is the airlines sending?  I missed something.

Yes, when my husband died I had to take a death cert in to them, also one for the bank and one for auto insurance, his medical ins was through his job so automatically canceled the end of the month as he was working to earn it.  We were in the middle of dickering with the company on life ins. when he died so didn't get anything.  The bank has been painstakingly slow and discombobulated getting Bert's bank accounts taken care of.  We took death cert. in to them, they lost it, had to mail them another one, it's over a year later and they still haven't settled everything.  Another reason I refuse to be executor of the estate, she leaves everything to her nieces/nephews, even though she doesn't know them, so let one of them have the job, my brain is exhausted, I'm getting too old for this.  She's told NONE of us where her papers are and I never found anything even though I searched her house.  If she did something with a lawyer 26 years ago they're long since retired and have no idea who it would have been.  Can't get any answers out of her.  Likely the state will get to deal with it, they will end up providing her end of life care so they'll take it all.  It's all out of my hands.  Cooperation is not her middle name.

I feel very helpless standing by while she goes through the end of her life, she could suffer for years, but no matter what I said over the years, she refused to listen, choosing instead to think she'd have a heart attack in her sleep and that'd be it.  No, it doesn't work like that for most of us.  She's in a fairy tale world, always been that way, which was fine as a child, but not so much now.  Who knows, maybe it'll protect her from knowing what's going on or caring.  I questioned her about if she can still walk, can she still use her arms, get something to eat, yes.  For now.

I woke up at 2:30, Kodie was being needy, wanting to be on my lap, tried to get him to settle down, not sure what had him upset but I never got back to sleep.  Scared off the skunk as he was heading for my house, nope!  Not on my watch!  So I'm up and will be sleepy today.  Coffee...I don't like it black, wish I did, but put HWC (heavy whipping cream) in it, a tad vanilla, sweetener (Stevia or Erythritol) and a wee bit of pumpkin, OMG, I think I stumbled onto something!

I hope you have a good day today, and I totally agree about nighttime, I love it, always been my favorite time, odd that I go to sleep so early but it's the way my body settled into in its old age. 

And I totally agree about the creativity, keep on with doing something creative!  It's life's blood.

 

 

[Tachi]

quick post of a couple resources. ive not used yet but Frontline doctors is well known.

https://americasfrontlinedoctors.org/

https://speakwithanmd.com/

https://corstet.com/telemd

be back later, just wanted to post these. There is now no incentive for the mail to even work. This is the plan from the people in power. Break everything and sow chaos. I need to carefully watch the money but im thinking of doing another food order just to stock up in case we get shortages.

[kayc]

It occurred to me Mike could have Covid, if so, I hope Iris doesn't get it.  They haven't tested.
Peggy could talk yesterday!  It's taken me months to get the electrician out to her house to replace the panel, but today they're doing it.  Since the electricity will be off all day, I will bring her lunch and let Kodie entertain her.  She can't see to read. 

It doesn't matter, she's refusing medical care, I can't convince her of anything.  At least I'm getting her house dealt with, finally!  I've been working on this for months!

Yes we need to have an abundance of food on hand in case, prices have really jumped this month!  Gas too, this is the time of year it goes down, but no, it's risen more!

[Tachi]

Im sorry about Peggy, she is really blessed to have you and good youre getting things done. 

gas here was 2.89 the other day. Lucky I dont need to drive much. 

Hope Mike and others dont end up being sick. This is all so crazy.

The service for Dad was today. Luckily one of his friends showed and that helped me get thru the eulogy without breaking up. I feel a bit better now thats over and face  long road ahead. 

I think since cold weather is close I will turn to working in the yard then the house again. my pumpkin patch is growing. The seedlings are a couple inches tall and the leaves are bigger every day.

I should probably order some more quercetin and zinc/d. I have read of several people who took these as well as C and got Covid and just had a mild case. guess it depends on the person too but I believe this stuff helps, as well as colds and flu.

I hope your sis keeps getting back. She sounds like she doesnt understand things. Really good she has you.

AA is sending a kit cause dad passed, forms to fill out and probably tell me to send a death cert. lady I talked to said dad had life insurance. he didnt think he did but then since his stroke he had no idea about many things. We will find out.

The people ive called so far have been willing to cancel things but two still charged him. So when I get D certs i'll send em out to everyone along with written demand for refunds for this month.

sad for her end. It could be easier. Ive waded thru so many really old statements with no clue if the acct was taken care of, closed, or just forgotten. Worse for her cause the current stuff is so messy. Hopefully when the time comes she is well taken care of. Im sorry for your frustration, its hard to take i know. But only so much you can do. Its just so hard to let go or back away.

I agree, let the nieces and nephews handle it. for once you can have a rest. I can imagine the aggravation. esp when its no appreciated nor compensated. 

Which is why I will be compensated. Me with no job could be studying to get one but im doing this. I dont mind doing this, its an honor to serve my folks. but it hurts my ability to find work. 

I have a decision to make and I have no idea what to do. I feel like ive forgotten all the IT things ive learned so would need alot of time to get it back. My brother suggests getting into the field of user experience design. Interfaces between product or website and the customer or user. he says to take this one course line on coursera and i can get a job. But i know its not that easy. It will be like starting over and its alot of programming so would need to learn a couple languages. I will be here for the winter and hope to get an estate sale in before Spring. then can work on selling the house. Brother is playing nice for now but I know better.

My best friend told me once that its hard to let go. We see the problems and the solutions and want so bad to help and see them safe. But we can only do so much and if they dont wish to co operate we cant force them. Its hard to do. But know that you've worked so hard helping her and showing her love. I dont think anyone could do more. And you're still there for her. maybe the nieces and nephews would have better luck. maybe that having someone new to take a few responsibilities.

For the past week ive felt sad and bad and angry at myself because it seems now I see things with my dad much clearer. i think he was much worse than he let on and I udnerstood. there was alot more I could have done to help. But its all over now and doesnt matter. thats part of letting him go and forgiving myself. 

Lol, your coffee sounds good, enjoy for me. Ive been making two spoons of french vanilla capp with one spoon spiced chai and its yummy. im sure that at some point i have to give it up.

Ive been sleeping earlier and waking a bit earlier, no idea. Waking many times a night so curious to see if I sleep well tonight.

Been going room to room and closet by closet and pulling out all of it. throwing away junk and brokens and saving out documents and such. Some really neat stuff, things ive never seen before and cried some. made some more room in the pantry so thinking of make one more order. I have food for the winter probably, just need baked goods. 

Well, im going to take out my last load of laundry. take good care of yourself and Kodie.

[kayc]

$2.89 sounds wonderful for gas!  These are the CHEAPEST prices around  here, it's crazy!  
http://www.oregongasprices.com/Springfield/index.aspx

Mike tested positive for Covid yesterday, it's six days now and he can't even walk w/o assistance.  He looks horrid.  Iris is deluding herself thinking he can go to the eye doctor next week...she's counting down quarantine days, umm...that doesn't count, he needs to get OVER it and test NEGATIVE before he can go anywhere!  I'm very concerned about her getting it as she's immunocompromised with cancer and about to start chemo!  I take my temperature every day...

I changed my doctor's appt today to a phone visit as I don't want to risk anything.  Our area is being hit hard even while the news says things are on the upswing.  

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

The service for Dad was today.

I am so glad one of his friends came.  Did your brother come?  I hope the eulogy was helpful for you.  

 

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

I should probably order some more quercetin and zinc/d.

I just got my quercetin so will start taking it today, also am on bromelain and zinc, I have plenty of D in my multivitamin so gave mine to my sister, don't know if she takes it though.

Before learning Mike had Covid, I'd gone to my sister's to bring her lunch and relieve her boredom as her electricity was off while they work on replacing her panel box, I brought Kodie to entertain her.  They have to come back and finish today but don't need the elec. off for that.  Her phone needs reprogrammed now as it lost all the numbers.  I don't understand why the battery doesn't keep them in there when the power is out, mine do.  She just got a new battery put in last week!

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

The people ive called so far have been willing to cancel things but two still charged him. So when I get D certs i'll send em out to everyone along with written demand for refunds for this month.

If they charge automatically on his bank acct or visa, can you dispute it with the bank?  No one should have charged him.

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

Brother is playing nice for now but I know better.

Past behavior is predictor of future behavior...yep, we've all learned/seen that!

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

maybe the nieces and nephews would have better luck.

They don't have contact with her, let alone visit, etc.  They're busy working, some with their families, none live here.  No one is here helping  but she has one friend that takes her to get groceries or picks them up for her.  That helps a lot.  She also takes her to get her hair cut, which is how she fell in June.  Bad judgment on where she went, I don't blame the friend for not knowing but Peggy has never had common sense.

Enjoy your capp/chai!  I haven't experimented with that since starting Keto, hmm, sounds interesting!

Good luck with all the cleaning out.  My brother cleaned out my mom's big house/property in one weekend with help from his big strapping boys, he wouldn't wait until my several feet of snow was over so I couldn't be there, none of us got anything, Julie was able to be there as she didn't have snow, Peggy and Polly didn't come even though they could have at that point.  I got nothing to remember my parents, my mom lived there for 59 years, the house we grew up in, this was in 2012, my mom died two years later.

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

letting him go and forgiving myself. 

Yes.  We all go through this when we lose someone.  It's hard. 
Guilt and Regret in Grief
Grief and the Burden of Guilt
Guilt In the Wake of a Parent's Death
Address Guilt When Grieving
and this video is helpful as well:

[Tachi]

has Mike gotten any meds? i hope hes ok. yes, he needs to concentrate on getting well and then resting up first. Some people get hit hard and some its mild. Guess its just their system and what they take. I get to mostly stay home for awhile. good thing im a homebody anyway. 

I rather like the med televisits. As long as you're not getting less care. geesh, I become eligible for medicare next Sept and I need to start thinking about that. No idea if I sign up asap or wait til next year.

Nope bro is out of state and cant come, wouldnt want him here anyway. he'd just try and run things. Even tho he cant admit it I really do know what im doing.

I had called SSA to report dad passed. They said he may get the Nov payment and theyd need that back. i told them no problem will do. So today they placed a hold on the amount of that payment in dads acct, then tonight they released it. I sat on the phone an hour and a half and never got thru. No idea what theyre doing. i just hope the bank doesnt now lock the acct cause bills will bounce. 

one of the bills that charged I called the day before, the other was 3 days before. I dont know when the service period is but both said its now cancelled and would do a refund. Normally 7-10 days. One was supposed to call back to confirm and never did. they dont understand how much i dont care anymore. they can get me on the phone again or maybe when I talk to the atty he can call em.

No one will believe me when I say (other than maybe the TV) I dont want any furniture or prints or anything. I want to leave here with what i brought in at most. I may sell my furniture as well and start clean. I have never really cared for old photos or memoribilia. They tell me that after a year id wished id save something, probably not. I have memories. I will save a pic of dad when he left flight training in denver. good pic of a dashing young man in uniform. I dont want to remember dad as the all but crippled old man ive taken care of these past 4 years. I dont want to remember him as the narcissist. I want to remember him as the dashing young cadet full of dreams. And i do have a couple pics of mom already so im good.

thank you for the links and videos. Will watch them in about an hour. Bro had sent a book on grief. I promised id read it so will start skimming. Tbh im in a food place today. It seems to have really helped to have the funeral. I prayed all the way out that i didnt break down and here comes dads friend. I was very thankful. 

Now its getting house in order, continue to work on grief. get ready for estate sale in maybe two months . And hope to get medical bills settled. Im going to be crazy busy but will find what I want to study. What bro suggested I was told is a longshot. Employers want a degree and not this program, they want experience.

How is your hand doing? hopefully all the aches and pains heal up. 

So, does Kodie have a doggie sweater? Or is his coat pretty thick? I remember when i was a kid we got our dogs sweaters but they didnt like them. 

You've been through so much, but you've done so well at coming through it. Thanks for helping me. 

going to go read then watch the videos and check the links. Thanks again.

[kayc]

You'll want to call 2-3 months before your birthday.  I signed up for soc sec at 65 because I was broke so had to take a penalty for life, it was recession and no one would hire an old lady!  You're five years younger than me.  I had soc. sec. set up to take Medicare out of it, otherwise you have to send them $ for it until you do retire.

Arlie had a coat but not Kodie, his fur is different, it seems to repel the water somewhat.  It's always softer after it gets rained on and dries.  It dries pretty fast.  I hold Arlie's coat sometimes.  Kodie is plenty warm.  He does a good job keeping himself clean.  Last night I got out his brush and he laid down and rolled over, waiting, such a good boy!  He knows there's a treat at the end.

My roof leaked yesterday, so had to have a roofer out to look at it.  Only 7 years old, the roofer absconded with my warranty.  This one put some goop there, he said there was a nail clear through, it was pouring rain so he doubted it'd hold, will be back Tues. to check it.  It's to rain every foreseeable day, every hour!

My hand is healed but left with MORE trauma, MORE arthritis, more pain.  So aggravating.
Here's Arlie's coat, I had to make alterations to cover his neck, narrow the opening, also took buckle off and added velcro for easier slipping on.  When I was done it fit better.  I had to convince he he was beautiful in it.  He's sitting on his own recliner.  Gotta spoil dogs in the manner in which they're accustomed!

[Tachi]

Thank you. When it comes I may not be working but feel I have to sign up. it will be very expensive for me. 

I think I will split my study time. half on relearning the IT stuff and apply it through projects.

The other half will look at this UX Design my brother is talking about. I have grave doubts the coursera course is going to land me a job, they say its the equivalent of a 4 year degree but I dont see how thats possible. 

Lol I bet Kodie loves a good brushing. thats a nice picture, good looking dog. We always had boxers or schnauzers.

Gee wiz, seems theres always something to fix and why i dont want to own a house. i love this neighborhood and all but...

Hopefully your roof will be an easy fix. You have to catch a break sometime. Except for trhat constant rain. please send some this way.

The pumpkin seedlings are pushing up a second set of leaves. i'll post a pic when theyre a bit bigger. I had forgotten I planted morning glory seeds outside my window, theyre taking over and blooming. A nice surprise. 

Looking over the articles you sent. Marty is an angel. It really hits home. The book my brother sent is all over the place and wastes alot of space. There is much to learn, changes to make and growing up to do. its a scary time with so many things to go wrong, that could cause great hardship. I pray it all go right and I see the hope realised. 

So the more trauma your hand suffers the worse it gets. i wish there was something to soothe the nerves and muscles etc. 

We had a boxer once when I was a kid. he loved the beanbag chair. If we were in it he would lay next to us and dig his feet in and slowly push us out. Crazy dog. I guess theyre like kids. Gotta love em tho. esp ones like kodie. 

Take good care

 

 

[kayc]

I tried to adopt a schnauzer two years ago, he bit me four times, the rescue lied to me about him, he had abuse in his background.  He didn't begin to do the damage the chow and Husky did although it left me unable to wear my rings because I have so much scar tissue in the ring finger joint.  Other than his biting, he was so sweet and would have been perfect for me, the damage people do!  Little Jackson.  I've never had a boxer but a coworker did, very nice dog.

Voltaren seems the only thing that helps the arthritis that's set in from the injuries, but I only put it on at night as Kodie wants to lick it off.  I bought cotton gloves to protect it but they didn't even cover my hand, not as pictured, so have to return them.  

I got a Medicare Advantage Program, have United Healthcare through Aarp, pays better but it's an HMO so have to check providers in network, etc, so far no problem with it.  I had Healthnet before but do NOT recommend it, they didn't even cover Peacehealth (over half the providers in our county) and none of the urgent cares!  Way too many problems with them, although I did prefer their website.  I think Medicare is $145.50/month, not sure what it'll be next year, but it's a lot less than the obamacare I had was and covers way better!  United Healthcare leaves a higher copay on Rxs than Healthnet did.

One option is filing soc. sec. and when you get a job, paying it back so it's like you didn't file yet and can get more later.