Grief removes all guard rails

[kayc]

Gwen,

I'm glad you are home and I hope you find someone to clean and someone to pick up dog poop.  Some of the things we take for granted!  I'm glad they found the right antibiotic too, and I hope you are on Probiotics to take care of the destruction the antibiotics are doing in your body, they can be a double edged sword!  I get mine at Costco but they have them here and I just got some delivered within two days of ordering, I know it'd be hard for you to get out right now.  https://www.ebay.com/itm/trunature-Digestive-Probiotic-10-Billion-Active-Cultures-100-Capsules-12-2018/153097291571?ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT&_trksid=p2060353.m2749.l2649

[KarenK]

Gwen,

So glad you are home with the furry ones who I'm sure were thrilled to see you. Have been wracking my brain trying to think of where you might look for some help. Do you have a senior center in your neighborhood that may have access to volunteers for inside and outside cleaning until you are back on your feet? Also, there are probably programs that provide meals so you don't have to worry about cooking. Any young teens in the neighborhood looking to make a buck cleaning up the yard? Or am I way out of synch with the times and teens?  LOL

I know it is totally crappy to have to be dependent, especially on strangers and to reorganize your life right now, but hopefully it won't be for too long.

[Gwenivere]

I know there are services for hire for everything.  It’s almost as exhausting setting up as doing it yourself to me.  It is the loss of that independence, and more so how if he was here, these wouldn’t even be an issue.  I didn’t have a choice in the hospital not doing stuff, but being home it’s all around me and I am driven to not live in squalor.  So I do more than I should instead of rest because rest drives me nuts!  Guess that is the hamster wheel, see it and can’t resist it.  Going to try and buy groceries this afternoon.  Going to TRY to resist bringing non cold ones in as someone is coming by tomorrow that can.  Never been shopping on a leash with this O2.  The reality is hitting today.  The grief is in high gear.  It’s an anguish I’ve never felt.  😢

[brat#2]

Sending you hugs!!!!❤️

[Margm]

I do know if I keep walking upright that eventually I am going to lose my independence.  And my friends, one was just put in a nursing home from her nightly wine binges for years and years.  She never hurt no one but herself.  Eventually we do some crazy thing, we are elderly and we are watched..........and we are depended on.  All I can think is, y'all better hope I keep my independence a little bit longer, at least till our cars are paid for.  I get help from them all, my clothes are taken and washed, I have never worried about cleaning up a house.  As long as nothing is spilled on the floor and I have a clear walking path, I am okay.  I can still take the trash out.  I saw one woman (I went down an unfamiliar road) and her house was falling down around her, it was afternoon and she had bed clothes on (now, I cannot discriminate against this, I sleep in the same clothes I go  to Walmart in.)  I just looked at her and her house and I thought, well, she is by herself with no help and I felt sorry for her.  She lived in her own home, I guess.  I live in an apartment, and it is almost like assisted living.  If they do not see me often they check on me.  (I make them see me often).  My little Wisconsin "lost" elderly woman, her son came and moved her further south and she would not let them tell her daughter (who was taking her money) where she was.  My friends (Billy's friends) who did not welcome me when I came back "home," they did hear the footsteps, like probably I was Typhoid Mary.  One husband will not get out of the nursing home.  Another is in a bad way, and my friend who married the 2nd time, he is on hospice care.

So Gwen, it is hard to be strong when we had someone else be strong for us.  I have to be strong as long as I can because I have so many people watching me and if any one of them reminds me that we watched that movie two days ago, instead of last night like I remember, if any of them tell me I forgot to do something I just tell them I have the assisted living place and the two nursing homes on fast dial.  They leave me alone pretty much.  

Which is not to say that I do wish I could come up and do nothing else but read to you, we could watch Frankie and Grace together and anything else controversial you'd like to watch except those 50 shades of gray movies.  Actually my favorites are things like "The Jungle Book" and all the Marvel comic book movies.  Don't think you are forgotten about and we all wish we could be there.  There was a movie named "Sense8" where they could all be there for each other no matter where on the globe they might be.  But, just like all those "Outlander" books and TV series, they have not invented such things yet.  If they did, we would be right by you, where ever you are.  I'm sorry folks, "Sense8" was one of my favorite movies, and it was kinda-sorta-controversial.  (I loved it).  

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Never been shopping on a leash with this O2.

I can imagine!  You're like me, I like getting things done, and it's hard to have too much rest.  I keep busy at home or volunteering, not sure what I'd do if I had to quit.  I'm sure the oxygen tank is annoying!

 

[Gwenivere]

It’s horrible, Kay.  I don’t carry my purse anymore, just tuck my credit card in my pocket and ID if I am buying some wine.  The portable tank is enough to carry.  I guess if I were a dog and used to this all my life it would be different.  I have a system, but I’m still an old dog regarding new tricks 🙂. I’m definitely overdoing things being home, have to with the kids and tasks that can’t be ignored.  I wish I could vacuum as that is so important to me to feel the place is clean.  I’ve worked my way all around that but feel this layer of fur that drives me batty.  Taking a shower was tough.  Can’t do my volunteering and don’t know how this will pan out in the long run.  Docs have all kinds of things they want me to down the line.  I have lots to think about because this doesn’t solve the back problems and hypothyroidism.  Got to have motivation to deal with it all and I’m pretty much tapped out.  If I have to drag around oxygen, lose volunteering and face a life of sitting here trying to figure out what to do with my days beside a ton of medical appointments, well, that isn’t much of a life.  I’d surely do it if I knew I had nights with Steve.  Like that is some great epiphany.  Not.  Dreams have been interesting.  Revisiting the good life.  Then reality comes.  I see why some people sleep so much.  My depression won’t let me.  Too much anxiety.  I wonder how much sleep is stolen from many if us leaving us vulnerable to more anguish.  Babble, babble.....my latest hobby.  

[iPraiseHim]

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

It’s horrible, Kay.  I don’t carry my purse anymore, just tuck my credit card in my pocket and ID if I am buying some wine.  The portable tank is enough to carry. 🙂

Depending on your oxygen needs, you may be able to use one of these portable lightweight systems. My wife was not able to because of higher oxygen level needs but it is still worth looking into it to increase your independence.  Here is a link for some general information.  Ask your pulmonologist .  http://www.portableoxygenconcentrators.com/    - Shalom

[kayc]

Gwen,

I'm so sorry.  I can imagine your frustration, I also deal with long furred animals and have to vacuum frequently...so much so that I leave my vacuum out next to the couch.  Not like anyone comes to visit anyway, my house is there to suit my needs not be a showplace.  But I do prefer it clean.

What to do if you can't get out...I don't know, make phone calls, read, it's hard, like killing time.  Even portable oxygen tanks still have the line on them that gets in the way and makes you feel tethered.  I had a friend that had one...he hated it.

[Gwenivere]

I had to resort to the cordless.  Not the best but it helped for now.  

Got a call from the vet about my elder dog and her odd panting.  Brain overload with possibilities.  One being a sedative procedure to look at her larynx.  Blood tests showed she was not getting enough protein from her food so causes for that are a concern, plus she is slightly hypothyroid which could be the stress from the 10 day’s she was shuffled while I was gone.  She’s my lifeline to keep going too.  Lots of pressure there.  I cannot get her to the vet in my condition.  Feel helpless when I was the whatever it takes mom before.  

I feel I am losing control of my life.  Trying to decide if I can wait 2 more weeks on recycle, another on trash, restriction on my energy to do what I want to feel I have accomplished what used to be easier.  Trying to find help is hard!  I miss the old days we knew so many people that someone knew someone who could do things and skip this interview/quote process.  Everything is so computerized it drives me nuts.  Where are neighborhood kids looking for things to do?  Also found out my best neighbors are moving soon and they could do little things I needed as I used to for them.  The loneliness of more change just keeps increasing.  

I hate the morning alarm.  I see why some people just pull the covers over their heads and say screw it.  My lord, wasn’t the hospital road bump enough?  Rhetorical. 

 

[Widowedbysuicide]

I feel bad for you Gwen.  I'm physically ok and am so thankful for it.  I hope you can get some help finding good help.

[Margm]

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I hate the morning alarm.

With Brianna's school starting at 8:00, the alarm has to be set.  I am awake off and on through the night just knowing it will go off.  So, finally got up at 5:00 and put a roast in the slow cooker.  Can you believe these folks give me the impression that I am still "mom" and need to cook.  I hate cooking.  Brianna does not drive and, of course, is afraid to.  One "fright" I hope we can work on soon.  Gwen, I hope you late to bed people, or early risers one, hope you all get some rest soon.  My only cup of coffee is ready.

[kayc]

@Gwenivere  Is it possible the vet could come to your house?  Or does she need machines/equipment for this follow up visit?  A friend of mine has his second dog that has required giving him enzymes in order for his dog to get the necessary nutrition from his food...otherwise it passes on through like it never was there.  With the enzyme supplement, the dog lived to a ripe old age...and now his new pup has the same condition.  I hope they find what is causing this so they can do something to help your dog.  Someone needs to start a business "Hire a Friend" for we could sure all use one and sometimes we find it hard to find the help we need for these things.

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

Can you believe these folks give me the impression that I am still "mom" and need to cook.  I hate cooking. 

Marg, maybe you need to cook something that will make them a little less dependent on you...maybe fix something only you would like.  I remember when I was raising my family, I saw some eggplant at the store and got excited, never think to buy it but I love it!  I came home and told my family, "Have I got a treat for you!"  You should have seen the look on their faces when I set the cooked dish down on the table.  It was hilarious!  It was evident that they did not think of it as a "treat", I guess they had ice cream or cheesecake in mind!  Maybe with a little more eggplant served they'd find something to fix for themselves.    (By the way, I had eggplant for breakfast yesterday)

[Gwenivere]

Actually Kay, they do have companions you can hire.  I was given a list on discharge of all kinds of services.  Not a vet tho.  I’m sure they’re out there.  Hiring a companion brings me down more.  How did it get to this?  I was sitting on the back porch about midnight and realized I’m in the dark and all I hear are echoes of my former life.  Voices of so many people that have been here at some point.  The doors to Steve’s studio are covered with pictures of all the musicians that were around and I could hear faint songs they played and all the laughter.   My great neighbors on both sides are moving or already have.  

Then I came inside, strapped on my oxygen tube and wondered why?  Why do I keep going on?  Every day brings more medical crap.  Yesterday was a referral to the hospitals psychiatric services my doctor put in. Not something we discussed so I messaged her.  I have a counselor and a therapist that I am happy with.  They can’t prescribe meds so I don’t know if she is getting leaned on for my anxiety meds.  Also got notes from a sports doc I saw saying my back problems only solution is surgery.  Then there is the hypothyroidism to tackle.   So I sit here thinking of my former full life wondering what is the point?  I keep getting more and more limitations.  Need a housekeeper, yard person, someone to brush the dogs and have a hard time shopping carrying  a tank.  And all those hours.  What do I do with those?  Sit around taking up space?  My furry kids deserve more than I can give them as far as activity and sometimes attention.  Seems I bug them most to get off this tubing so I can move around.  

When I got home yesterday afternoon I literally stood in the living room not knowing what to do.  There is a lot to do, but I can’t do it.  It was defeating.  I can’t volunteer, clean the big stuff,  unloading what I bought was daunting.  Knew I faced another night alone just to face another.  Being in the hospital showed me just what true loneliness is.  I may not have really known all the staff, but I existed around them.  I heard my name spoken all the time.  Lots of conversations.  People making sure I ate, was warm enough, waved hi going by and touched me.   It was like living in a weird way.  Driving myself home and walking in here was now even more forever changed.  

All the plans for my health will be a full time job almost.  You need to have a reason to do that.  He left.  He took that reason with him.  Even when he was dying, he was my reason.  

[kayc]

I have a friend who was a companion until she got so old she figured SHE should have one!  (she's 89).  She got close to the person she was a companion to and now she's no longer doing the care but she is still friends with her, I got to meet her when they went to an event together.  I'd forgotten about that.  I have another friend that used to be a companion too, before she moved away.

I don't think I'd feel bad that I needed someone, maybe relieved that they were there.  But I'm private and independent so I can imagine I wouldn't want someone there 24/7, maybe if they were unobtrusive, it'd have to be the right fit.  After all, I could be with George 24/7 and that would never bother me!  But this is surmising, and I might feel totally different if in that situation. 

6 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Then I came inside, strapped on my oxygen tube and wondered why?  Why do I keep going on?  Every day brings more medical crap.

Boy this isn't anything I haven't wondered about my sister...each day brings new developments and I wonder how much more she can take.  She has to go back to the doctor today, another $70+ for someone to take her.  They examined her after her fall a couple of days ago and took x-rays to send with her to the doctor, it seems strange to me they'd wait that long if they're worried about concussion, but what do I know.  I'm anxious to hear what the doctor says today.  I know you have your dogs to live for, but Peggy doesn't even have that, I guess she's hanging in there for us, her family, but gosh I sure don't like her being put through this.  I hope she gets some quality of life back, but am worried.  I don't see her being able to fend for herself much at all.  If she can get to where she can read again, if the pain will subside enough to allow her that...I don't know.

6 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

All the plans for my health will be a full time job almost.  You need to have a reason to do that.  He left.  He took that reason with him.

I hear you.  (((hugs)))
 

[brat#2]

I'm so sorry my friend, I wish I could be there, don't know how much help I would be, but at least I could be company!!  Hugs

 

[Margm]

Gwen, I don't have any fur-kids, and I know I am a totally different human being from the majority of people, but living in an apartment is close to assisted living, I guess.  I had no ties to a house.  My mom did.  Billy and I never were homesteaders, so I guess a fancy tent in a national park would be okay with me with plenty of butane for heat and electricity and a fan for summer.  Now, I might miss my microwave.  Potty chair......have to be comfortable.  TMI.  The point is, I need electricity to read, need a TV, but as long as I am safe (and now-days that is iffy anywhere).  Right now the two chairs in my living room are camper chairs.  I don't decorate.  My daughter has hung pictures and I hang clocks.  Refrigerator and microwave I think are allowed in assisted living.  The thing is, my mom was a homesteader.  She wanted her home.  Me----I hate "homes."  Don't know why I am that way.  Just sent in my DNA, I suspect there must be some gypsy gene there somewhere, I know the Iberian Peninsula (which I never remember hearing of this place in geography).  Something makes me different.  Maybe 54 years of living with "Jeremiah Johnson" and liking the lifestyle.  I definitely am not a homegirl, but yes, I am terribly country, small  town person.  I guess I live a life of contradictions.  I am surrounded by kin.  Just found out we have three more first cousins, all older men now.  Surprise!!!  (I remember my aunt breaking out the windows of my uncle's car, I now know why).  Ancestry.com brings all kind of surprises.  I kind of like the notoriety.  Never been in trouble with law, respect them.  Respect our veterans too.  Don't want to sound like an outlaw, I fly under the radar.  Actually not much flying, kinda stumble under it.  Know the fur babies bring much love, but I seem to gather enough responsibility without them.  Just get along the best I can and sometimes I get angry with Billy for leaving first.  Damn selfish of him. (I know, I know).

[Cookie]

On ‎08‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 3:56 AM, Gwenivere said:

Actually Kay, they do have companions you can hire.  I was given a list on discharge of all kinds of services.  Not a vet tho.  I’m sure they’re out there.  Hiring a companion brings me down more.  How did it get to this?  I was sitting on the back porch about midnight and realized I’m in the dark and all I hear are echoes of my former life.  Voices of so many people that have been here at some point.  The doors to Steve’s studio are covered with pictures of all the musicians that were around and I could hear faint songs they played and all the laughter.   My great neighbors on both sides are moving or already have.  

Then I came inside, strapped on my oxygen tube and wondered why?  Why do I keep going on?  Every day brings more medical crap.  Yesterday was a referral to the hospitals psychiatric services my doctor put in. Not something we discussed so I messaged her.  I have a counselor and a therapist that I am happy with.  They can’t prescribe meds so I don’t know if she is getting leaned on for my anxiety meds.  Also got notes from a sports doc I saw saying my back problems only solution is surgery.  Then there is the hypothyroidism to tackle.   So I sit here thinking of my former full life wondering what is the point?  I keep getting more and more limitations.  Need a housekeeper, yard person, someone to brush the dogs and have a hard time shopping carrying  a tank.  And all those hours.  What do I do with those?  Sit around taking up space?  My furry kids deserve more than I can give them as far as activity and sometimes attention.  Seems I bug them most to get off this tubing so I can move around.  

When I got home yesterday afternoon I literally stood in the living room not knowing what to do.  There is a lot to do, but I can’t do it.  It was defeating.  I can’t volunteer, clean the big stuff,  unloading what I bought was daunting.  Knew I faced another night alone just to face another.  Being in the hospital showed me just what true loneliness is.  I may not have really known all the staff, but I existed around them.  I heard my name spoken all the time.  Lots of conversations.  People making sure I ate, was warm enough, waved hi going by and touched me.   It was like living in a weird way.  Driving myself home and walking in here was now even more forever changed.  

All the plans for my health will be a full time job almost.  You need to have a reason to do that.  He left.  He took that reason with him.  Even when he was dying, he was my reason.  

Oh dear Gwen, my heart goes out to you.  I wish I lived close and could help.  You are such a smart, perceptive sounding person.  I realize what you are going through would make anyone have a hard time.  It is so much harder for me to cope when something physical emerges.  The oxygen thing has got to be hard.  I also can relate to the thought of "what am I doing here?"  I have had that same thought a million times; don't have an answer yet...I just know that I'm here.  I enjoy your posts.  There is always something in them I can relate to....Just know you make a difference just by being on here.  You are genuine and that is worth a lot to someone like me.  Please take care, Cookie

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Cookie said:

I also can relate to the thought of "what am I doing here?"  I have had that same thought a million times; don't have an answer yet...I just know that I'm here

Gwen, Cookie, everything I do is happenstance.  I do not sit back and think out anything.  I jump into the deep end forgetting I cannot swim.  Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do one thing every day that scares you."  And, I think of that often, because the first thing that scares me every day is getting out of bed.  But, the fear of staying in bed and "thinking" scares me more than getting out of bed.  I am afraid so often.  Driving on Interstate-20 scares me so much.  My little car is front wheel drive and any twitch of the steering-wheel might get me off the pavement and lose control of the car.  I love country roads.  When automobiles first came out, in the little hilly country roads of North  Louisiana, my grandfather would ride the middle of the road and blow the horn all the way up it to make anything get out of his way.  I want to do that too.  My family, and Billy did too, fuss because I drive too close to the side of the right part of the road, and I do.  My little car has a beeping if I get too  close to center line or right side line.  I shut that sucker off.  It was very distracting.  Now I drive in traffic all the time, heavy traffic (not Dallas) for sure, but still, I fear anything but the vacant country roads and know my driving days might be limited.  I remember my sister having to take my mom's license.  

I'm just hoping and praying that I can hold on to reality until my granddaughter can find hers.  

[Gwenivere]

8 hours ago, Marg M said:

  Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do one thing every day that scares you."  And, I think of that often, because the first thing that scares me every day is getting out of bed.  But, the fear of staying in bed and "thinking" scares me more than getting out of bed.  I am afraid so often.    

 Well, I’m no Eleanor.  Not even close anymore.  I feel the same as you, getting up is the hardest and scariest thing I do. I don’t even feel I have the luxury to stay under the covers because the dark thoughts snuggle in with me and are more intense.  Doesn’t help that the darned meds I’m on from the hospital affect my sleep now.  Every day brings another challenge it seems.  Set up for a housekeeper next Friday.  Locksmith on Monday.  Most distressed about making so many calls for help.  I find reasons to go out in the afternoon and coming home is my 2nd biggest fear.  Many of us know that walking in the door to no one.  Last fear is going to sleep starting the cycle all over again.  If I could breathe with dragging oxygen around or not limp from such leg pain, it would help.  I feel beat up just by living.  One interesting thing next week Is the hospital is sending out someone to just talk with me about adjusting to these health changes.  I’m so desperate for company I said sure.  I did what little errands I had today and wound up sitting in a stores parking lot.  I didn’t need any thing.  Talk about feeling pathetic.  Just didn’t want to get home too soon.  As usual I saw a few things I would have told Steve about like a guy pulling around me to run a red light tho I had lots of time to stop.  Banter stuff.  It’s so hard having those in your head, knowing they would have a reaction, but you have to keep it to yourself.  Just like the love we carry and no one to give it to.  Bought a burrito on the way home.  Thought of how I used to surprise him occasionally with the mexi fries which I rarely allowed.  His smile, his eyes, how he’d be so excited I bent the rules and tell the 'kids' what a great mom he and they had.  So hard living a life with no happiness that isn’t just imagined or remembered.  

[iPraiseHim]

On 8/23/2018 at 3:56 AM, Gwenivere said:

Actually Kay, they do have companions you can hire.  I was given a list on discharge of all kinds of services.  Not a vet tho.  I’m sure they’re out there.  Hiring a companion brings me down more.  How did it get to this?  I was sitting on the back porch about midnight and realized I’m in the dark and all I hear are echoes of my former life.  Voices of so many people that have been here at some point.  The doors to Steve’s studio are covered with pictures of all the musicians that were around and I could hear faint songs they played and all the laughter.   My great neighbors on both sides are moving or already have.  

Then I came inside, strapped on my oxygen tube and wondered why?  Why do I keep going on?  Every day brings more medical crap.  Yesterday was a referral to the hospitals psychiatric services my doctor put in. Not something we discussed so I messaged her.  I have a counselor and a therapist that I am happy with.  They can’t prescribe meds so I don’t know if she is getting leaned on for my anxiety meds.  Also got notes from a sports doc I saw saying my back problems only solution is surgery.  Then there is the hypothyroidism to tackle.   So I sit here thinking of my former full life wondering what is the point?  I keep getting more and more limitations.  Need a housekeeper, yard person, someone to brush the dogs and have a hard time shopping carrying  a tank.  And all those hours.  What do I do with those?  Sit around taking up space?  My furry kids deserve more than I can give them as far as activity and sometimes attention.  Seems I bug them most to get off this tubing so I can move around.  

When I got home yesterday afternoon I literally stood in the living room not knowing what to do.  There is a lot to do, but I can’t do it.  It was defeating.  I can’t volunteer, clean the big stuff,  unloading what I bought was daunting.  Knew I faced another night alone just to face another.  Being in the hospital showed me just what true loneliness is.  I may not have really known all the staff, but I existed around them.  I heard my name spoken all the time.  Lots of conversations.  People making sure I ate, was warm enough, waved hi going by and touched me.   It was like living in a weird way.  Driving myself home and walking in here was now even more forever changed.  

All the plans for my health will be a full time job almost.  You need to have a reason to do that.  He left.  He took that reason with him.  Even when he was dying, he was my reason.  

Gwen, Let me tell you a story...

I visited with my Dad most of today since my BIL & sister had a Dr. appt. today @ 12:45pm.  I arrived at 11am and left her home at 7:30pm.  My Dad can just barely walk and need help with meals and someone needs to be with him all the time.  Yet he is improving and in good spirits despite the diagnose of CHF(congestive heart Failure)  He has managed through therapy to strengthen his right hand and wrist so that he can use it again, sign papers, and eat with it. He struggles to get out of his chair and move every two hours and can just barely walk.  Yet he is in good spirits and still tries to do as much as he can.  He struggles but still manages to stand up just to give me a hug.  His mind is sharp and clear especially of how he did things in the past.

For myself, it is easy for me to think about all of the problems and challenges I have without my beloved wife. I miss her daily.  I remind myself of the blessings and Grace I still have.  It is a challenge to remain positive when life throws us such trials.  I heard someone say that if you believe you can or you believe you can't either way you will be correct.

I am learning this week to not give out unsolicited advice because the person didn't ask for it.  I tend to be overly helpful to a fault.

I also have low thyroid function and that effects over 300 systems in my body,, especially mood and mental state.Our bodies are complex and our thoughts/mind can effect our body.  I have changed what I eat, when I sleep, sun exposure, vitamin supplements, exercise, food, hot baths, cold showers, etc... to find ways to improve my overall health. ...  My reason is that even in this horrendous grief I am learning to choose life because it is more optimistic and opportunistic. My passion to fly is so real and uplifting despite the fact I see no logical, rational, or realistic way this is going to happen....  YET, but with God all things are possible.  Initially, my belief in God was very dismal.  I learned that I just needed to believe that there is a power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity.  I had to be willing to be willing to believe. My prayers, are the same,  "Lord help me".

My prayer for you is that you can find that uplifting thought, dream, or goal.  Meanwhile, just keep hanging on and holding on.  If I gave up in my darkest hour, I would have never met and found my beloved soulmate, Rose Anne, and had the wonderful life we shared together for almost 26 years.

I continue to pray daily for you that you can experience some peace and joy even through this grief.  {{{HUGS}}} - George - Shalom 

[kayc]

Just had a horrid day from hell (tech stuff, I hate that, it's so trying!) but it's over, thank God.  First the Modem wouldn't work, then the APC unit quit, hooked up a new one and the modem started working!  Don't know if it's related.  I don't want to pay for a service call if I don't need it so will watch it 24 hours before deciding, you have to give 24 hours notice.  I ended up using the wifi at the church but had some problems there, long story, I'll spare you, but all technical stuff, ugh.
 

Miss having my son at home, it was nice having a computer engineer around except they're always busy.

Gwen I hope you get this tank thing figured out...my sister is supposed to come home Thursday and it has me worried sick.  Not sure they're ready for it.

[kayc]

2 minutes ago, iPraiseHim said:

I am learning this week to not give out unsolicited advice because the person didn't ask for it.  I tend to be overly helpful to a fault.

I have to smile, gee, sounds like me!

[Gwenivere]

Thank you, George.  I know we are different in our beliefs, but we do share a common bond, and for that I appreciate all your sharing and care.  I wish I knew more expressive words. As they said in my catholic upbringing, you are a saint.  😇

[Gwenivere]

Don’t sell yourself short, Kay.  You and Marti are like the den mothers around here.  🌹