My Sanity Needed Vents

[Gwenivere]

Really dreading summer. I can’t stand the heat like I used to.  Getting too old, too much pain and isolated.  Can’t do anything fun.  Tolls of aging and injury.   Ordered my cousin some chocolate for her birthday but had to call Amazon because trying to ship it to her was unclear.  They changed something..  So had to call her and ruin the surprise.  Couldn’t get a gift card in there.

Sleep is so messed up.  Talk to the pharmacist today when barely awake.  I’m afraid they will cut the opiate more as it’s getting so hard.  Or too fast.  That’s what I need to make clear to them.  It’s going to be very hard by hard it is to think.  I woke up 45 minutes after settling in for the night.  Again 5 hours later and finally an hour before.     

Found my missing post in another topic.

[KarenK]

And now, the plot thickens. I saw the eye doctor today to try different prisms for my double vision, but it seems my eyes have changed since last week. A red flag for the doctor as this is a possible symptom of Myasthenia Gravis. He is sending a request to my PCP to test me for this. Came home and tried to explain this to my PCP's office. It was like talking to a wall and of course there is no speaking to the doctor or PA. The words cooperation and doctor's office don't go together. So I'm in limbo again until the two doctors confer.

On a good note, Marley's final bloodwork today was good so no more vet visits unless she has a flare up, just ongoing medication.

[Gwenivere]

Had my pharmacist visit barely after I woke up.  Going to have to read the notes to make sense of it all.  They want to increase the patch dose and drop more oxycodone. Want me to do it during the week when I can contact them as they are closed on the weekend.   My shower got canceled til Saturday and I may cancel that and see what her schedule looks like next week.   It’s so hate feeling like a medical experiment.  It’s so easy for me doctors to expect you to what they say but not experienced themselves.  They have no ides ow it can impact your day.  

I know that since upping the pain patch 3 days ago I haven’t been myself.  I don’t know about taking a higher dose.  Even Dee has said she’s never seen me like this.  

They always say have Dee take me for a drive not getting seeing others doing that is saddening because you can’t.  It’s about the freedom.  

Talking with my weekend friend gave me a cool good, talking v. to others that are home bound.   I’m sure you’ll hurt d.  I’m sure you would have to get certified and trained.  Not ready for that in my condition but something I could definitely relate to.  
 

Accidentally swallowed a nicotine lozenge.  Hoping it doesn’t make me sick when going to dreaded bed.  Sleep well all. 💕
 

 

 

 

[kayc]

11 hours ago, KarenK said:

Marley's final bloodwork today was good so no more vet visits unless she has a flare up, just ongoing medication.

This is great news, Karen!  
Not sure why your doctor doesn't get it but maybe the specialist will get through to him.

Gwen, I'm sure she was happy to get a surprise even if you had to tell her rather than a gift card.  My bdy surprise for my sister in March dudded out.   So hard to please her.  I've about given up trying.

Not enough sleep going into yesterday and it was a long day (drive to valley to ENT), took Kodie, didn't get above 50 even there!  He was an angel, so good, I love watching him in the car, he loves looking out the window!

Met with ENT, really like him and his assistance, they put me at ease explaining everything, he did a scope and I got to see it, all state of the art equipment.  Throat hasn't been hurting last couple of months (or I got used to it) but no bad flare ups on tongue although I can still see inflamed glands, just not as many...found out why: throat is now normal. Ha! 2 1/2 years of this torture, never did find out what caused it!  Hoping the tongue glands continue to diminish in flareup, he said sometimes a steroidal wash will finish it off but I didn't want to as it causes my blood sugar to elevate, so we'll watch and see for now, can always schedule one later.  So I hope my platelets are dropping.

Oh gosh, isn't this fun, all these old age surprises!  Karen, wishing you the best with your eyes.  

11 hours ago, KarenK said:

Myasthenia Gravis

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/myasthenia-gravis/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20352040
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/myasthenia-gravis/treatment/

I wouldn't get too ahead of myself, however, don't know for sure, I'm always just curious.  Sometimes to my own undoing.

It did say often LEMS is misdiagnosed as Myasthenia Gravis.  
Oh Karen, it'd be great if surgery or Rx would take care of this!

[KarenK]

Kay, I did read up on the symptoms of this at the Mayo website. The only one I have is the double vision, plus this usually hits women under 40. It's pretty unlikely that I have it. I think the eye doctor is just throwing darts at the dartboard for lack of a better idea. I'll just give the doctors time to figure things out.

It's definitely depressing getting old and gaining new ailments constantly. Can't seem to conquer one thing before another pops up. We sure have turned into a bunch of grumbling old hens and I hate it. Kind of glad that Ron is not here to see me fall apart, but a reassuring hug would be nice.

[Gwenivere]

I hear yo, Karen.  A comforting hug would feel so good.  It’s a b*tch having to do this alone. Just being able to talk to Steve would make so much difference.  Someone who is a core of my very being.  Someone I spent, until 8 years ago, more  of my life with than without.  

Have to get through the rest of the night.  Dee is off the rails again.  Today is his day het partner died she is acting drunk.  The usual drill. 
 

Have to contact the pain clinic for med  changes.  Bath aide coming and don’t know if the timing will work as I have a Zoom with my doctor in barely an hour she starts and. I’m so shaky.  💕
 

 

[kayc]

21 hours ago, KarenK said:

Kind of glad that Ron is not here to see me fall apart, but a reassuring hug would be nice.

Aww, I wouldn't call us grumbling old hens, but we sure got the old age surprises to hit us!  You wonder what it is that will hit each of us, we all got different ones...very sorry for Gwen, she got hit hard with way too much.  I hope your doctors can figure it out and do something!  So glad your son is there.

Yep, that reassuring hug would be great.

Gwen, hope it all went okay and the timing worked out.  

[Gwenivere]

 Very bad night Tuesday.  Dee got drunk again.  Yes5e4day was her partner’s birthday. Not an excuse.  She beat herself up really hard, so much that THAT really annoyed me.  I’m not in a good place anyway after an appointment with my doctor.  Always talking about assisted living, colonoscopy and changing my routine to ‘fit in'' with others.  Not something a mid 30's guy can really understand.  
 

Have my new counselor today.  Hoping I  hear from the pain clinic about slowing down this withdrawal.  Housekeeper coming Friday.  Shower Saturday.  
 

My Google crashed and I finally got it working.  Ironically I couldn’t look up how to fix it.  Just restarted it 3 times.  Off to wonderful sleep (she says sarcastically). 💕 

[Gwenivere]

Lost today’s post again,  This editor usually backs it up.  
 

Had my 2nd session with new counselor.  Hard now as we don’t know each other much.  We have a lot in common.  Not the history of going thru crisis.  What I am I'm going thru now is a good test of this.  The only way I understand how Jinny and I got so close.  
 

Dee is really being difficult right now.  No matter what I do annoy her.  I’m always being difficult.  She tells me to tell her if she is repeating* something  she’s already told her and  I do L'm being  mean and hurtful.  So I stopped talking last night as much as possible. She'll go around saying how bad I am.  
 

Lots of time to ponder this today.  Plus a filler housekeeper.  Better get. To that great sleep that cost me over an hours loss yesterday.💕

[kayc]

Blood sugar 77 this morning, 81 during night, not sure why, don't feel hypoglycemic so not worried about it.  Will have some coffee.  Ate the same yesterday but did a lot of walking, trying to catch Jazzy home.

Gwen, I'd probably do the same and just stop talking when she's like that.  You can't win. I hope she's at least sorry today but who knows with her.

 

 

[KarenK]

Ten years ago today, Ron left this world for another. I still look for him everywhere.

Rest well my Cherokee Irishman.

[Widow2015]

1 hour ago, KarenK said:

Ten years ago today, Ron left this world for another. I still look for him everywhere.

Karen:  Gentle😢 hug for you. Dee

[Margm]

Karen, it is gonna be eight this fall.  I sure miss him, but the time has given me to think and some thinking was not good..  I don't like to think bad things.  I am not sure of anything anymore except he was the best friend I ever had.  In talking with friends we remembered "friends" before I met Billy.  Not any of them could have put up with me.  I don't miss any of them and a couple are with Billy now.  Maybe more.  I'm sure they give him accolades for putting up with me.  

 

[Gwenivere]

Love.and warmth to you today, Karen.  So hard these days that were once just dates passing by. We wake every day to the emptiness as it is.  I never know what to say but thinking of you.  

Woke up yesterday and thought I was n the rental house we had before buying this one.  I always took showers at night but was laying in bed thinking maybe I'd get up and take one.  It was a cool feeling.  Life just being life.  Then I realized life was so much different now.  I hate when that happens because the short time it does isn’t worth how intensely it hurts.

House got cleaned.  It’s nice but I wish I could do it myself.  Opted to wait on changing the linens til next time as  there was so much to do.  Last time my regular one didn’t do very well so next time I get an extra half hour on them.  Like this substitute and may request a switch.  Hope I can get thru my shower so I have it, then change patch without all that taping over.  Being Cinco de Mayo the CC Center meal is tacos that look good.  We're starting a 3 hour movie tonight we’ll have to split over 2 nights.  It’s about silent movie stars switching to talkies.  Should be interesting.  Called Babylon.  Take that back, we bailed…..too weird.  
 

We have  warm weather coming this week.  Actual spring sunny days.  Being locked up, I prefer grey and drizzly.  Housekeeper does too and he’s young!  Sun was fun when I could play in it.  I’m just a cfanky ol' lady.  💕

 

 

  

[kayc]

Karen, sorry I was on and gone before you posted, but thinking of you and your big Irishman...never forgotten, ever.  Mine was Native American.  I'm part Irish from both sides but mostly English (although I see that the least!) with some Scotch, Dutch, French, German, I think those are all lesser.  It'd be fun to get a DNA test.

I fell asleep at 6:30 last night, really tired, poor Kodie didn't make it as long as I did!

Still picking up branches and fighting with Spectrum, dirty rotten...

[brat#2]

Sending hugs Karen

[kayc]

Lost my battle with Spectrum, $30/mo for mobile instead of first year free.  Fought with them steadily for 3 1/2 weeks and have been lied to constantly, they'd promised for free. First phone wouldn't work, went by everything they said, more lies. Stuck. Makes me wonder what "surprises" I'm in for on my internet and landline next year!

Didn't hear from you yet Gwen, wondering how your night went.

Karen, are you okay?  (((hugs)))

[Gwenivere]

 Another day in paradise, as they say.  Woke from too deep sleep less than an hour before the alarm.  Writing this Saturday.  My usual Sunday Zoom call moved to Monday.  Mail brought a huge bill for x-rays denied by insurance done last August I'lll have to check on.next week.  They are for my back shortly after I got out of rehab for the back surgery.  I don’t recall a bill but see I paid one.  Numbers don’t match and I haven’t gotten another bill.  
 

I'm concerned about a scab I have just under one eye..  It’s been there for weeks.  From all i''m reading it sounds like a cyst that won’t go away because  the scab keeps pulling off making another.  I doubt my doctor would prescribe anything without seeing it in person creating a big problem.  
 

Dee is all into this coronation of Charles.  Totally bores me.  Never seen the interest in it. All the same names from history.  How about a Micheal or  Sarah?  :=)

We are going to watch Deya Vu tonight.  Another time twist one. So Collateral  tonight.  I need a break from that.  

Tough night after  shower and the meds.  Took some of the ones that are supposed to help but make me dizzy.  Yesterday I slept almost till like alarm.  Not good.  Will see what today brings.  Getting harder to breathe.  Ee is worse.  Whining is worse.  Talk to pharmacist tomorrow.  For what that’s worth.  💕

[KarenK]

I'm good, Kay. Not surprised, but never heard anything last week from my PCP about Myasthenia Gravis test, so will call them next week. Nice to know how concerned they are.  lol

My grandson is having a lot of dental problems. His teeth are breaking off so he went to the dentist recommended by our retired one. Both my son and grandson said that he is a condescending prick. He wouldn't fix the teeth and told him he needs to have all his teeth pulled and get dentures. David is only 28 and his teeth are not that bad. Needless to say, he didn't go back. Robert signed David up for dental insurance and found a dentist who is really nice. Said right now that David needs 2 crowns. Unfortunately the insurance doesn't kick in for 9 months for that procedure, so we're footing the bill for that($1600), but at least he'll still have his teeth. So surprised my dentist of 40 years would choose someone like the other guy for his patients(maybe proximity to his office). Will always be a mystery why he retired so suddenly.

Sorry you got screwed by your phone provider, Kay. Seems like it's always something.

Gwen, don't mess around with anything near your eyes. You may have to bite the bullet and see the doctor.

I'm not interested in King Charles or any of the drama surrounding the "royals".

I was sad and surprised to hear about Kevin Costner's wife filing for divorce. Guess he was too.

[Widow2015]

5 hours ago, KarenK said:

Gwen, don't mess around with anything near your eyes. You may have to bite the bullet and see the doctor.

I'm not interested in King Charles or any of the drama surrounding the "royals".

Gwen/Karen:  I have to agree with Karen concerning your eye concern.  Not knowing how close it is to your eye - could it be aggravated by your glasses?  

Agree about "royals".  Enough already!  Of course, I feel the same about our political leaders here in the USA. LOL.  Dee

[Margm]

Not much we can do about anything.  They say voting will get it all straight.  I vote.  My mom had a sticker on her car when she got Alzheimer's.  It said "I smoke and I vote."  Not sure anything does any difference.  We honestly have places we can't go.  Scott had moved into a new apartment a few years ago and thought he would walk down and see his "friend" he had worked with.  He got close to the house and guns shot off in the neighborhood.  His friend jerked him in his house and said "Don't you know any better than to walk in this neighborhood?"  Sorry, we lived in a neighborhood where he grew up that those things did not happen.  I guess I told about the 6-year-old that was playing in her yard when two warring gangs drove by in two cars shooting at each other.  I think she is still in critical care.  There were 40 holes in the houses.  When they pass each other on the street shooting, perhaps a camera can catch one car, and this one car was caught on camera, but people are not found.  They change administrations to try to tighten safety.  It just gets worse and policemen are targets also.  Is this post political???  I don't mean it to be, we have no politics, just people filling spaces that accept bribes and sometimes scared to protect.  I didn't grow up with this, neither did my kids.  God took my "God button" away from me in 2015.   No one bothers me or these apartments.  My sister is taking chemo by pill now and she has "chemo brain" (or at least I hope that is what it is.)  I just have old run over and flattened brain.  Sorry, guess this was political, religious, and word salad material.  Karen, my teeth were bad all my life and I was at the dentist so often before I was 15, I'd walk from school to office.  I had an upper plate at 19 and the roots of all my jaw teeth were replaced by little tumors (benign).  My son needs his fixed bad.  He has the money but won't do it..  

[scba]

It is not political. 

By chance I got to see some clips from last Texas shooting. Two things were stricking. On a first clip people were running for their lives but still carrying big shopping store bags. Like consumption coexisting with violence. 

On a second clip two police officers seemed to be searching for the shooter. While they were carrying large weapons a Madonna's song was still playing on the mall: Beautiful strager. The song was interrupted by an authomatic voice machine telling people.to find a safe spot. When the machine delivered the message, Madonna's song resumed. 

 

[Margm]

Strange times.  No, it is not political, but each new mayor of our big city is gonna make changes.  It only gets worse.  Mayor can't stop it. We had the news on the radio, didn't have TV till I was 11 or 12, and we were the first ones on our street.  I still read the news the next day sitting on the floor in "The Shreveport Times."  If you ever get a chance read Trevor Noah's book "Born a Crime."  He makes light of things that were definitely not "light." He seems a good guy.  

[Gwenivere]

Don’t have much to say.  Having the discussion with the pharmacist this morning.  I’m spending days seeing how more ben5 over I am getting.  Have a pad of paper with lots of info from my vantage on it already.  I know this will be very complicated.  I know they will write out everything, but I may have Dee stay to make sure I don’t leave anything out.  Risk her getting upset with me in her weird way.  Will have a lot to say later.  Wish me luck.  Really need it today!  💕

[kayc]

On 5/7/2023 at 4:42 AM, KarenK said:

we're footing the bill for that($1600), but at least he'll still have his teeth

I'm glad.  I forked out thousands for dental over the years (no ins.) and am glad to be off sugar as no more cavities since, but still there'll be maintenance, what I have left are crowned or bridges, all but two out of 16.  One they can take if it comes to that as no opposing teeth so it doesn't help.

On 5/7/2023 at 4:42 AM, KarenK said:

I'm not interested in King Charles or any of the drama surrounding the "royals".

Me neither.  I think he polished me off when he was cheating on Princess Dianna with Camellia, can't accept them.  They can have their pomp and ceremony, they never accepted responsibility for what happened. 

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Wish me luck.  Really need it today!

I do, Gwen!  I hope it's not a cyst, it requires getting checked out by doctor, I had one on my eyeball removed a few years ago, he did a good job of numbing and I had a driver.  You may need her to take you in.

Karen, hoping your doctor comes through and does some followup!

I found a news report on the TX massacre, it is so sad yet another one has happened.