My Sanity Needed Vents

[kayc]

38 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Exterminator found no active rat activity under the house.  Just in the outside  feeding stations.  Going to cancel it.  I don’t want to attract them here.  

Wow.  I swear they love what we give them to go away.

39 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Fall didn’t seem to make things worse.  Grateful for that.  💕

So glad!

 

[Gwenivere]

Got thru my shower.  Had To scramble to cover pain patch.  ots of phone calls.  Problems with my housekeeper appointment,  PT coming out today, Dee got pissed about something, felt awful after dinner.  A typical yucky day.  Took forever to get my hair pinned up.  Forgot to call the exterminator and make sure they don’t come back for rats .  Only got partial RX refills because my doc is off this week.  Covering one doesn’t know me and won’t prescribe full refills so more calls next week.  
 

Finished HBO series that was really good.  Hate when a good show ends.  Sleep time coming.  Always leads to crushing memories.  Wish I could have good ones with Steve in them, not the void.  😰

[kayc]

I hope you don't run out of Rxs before your doctor is back!  It seems the covering doctor could look at your chart and tell what you've been on and do likewise.

Sounds like a hard day, I hope you had a good dinner and tv show to finish it off with.

I shoveled and blew 11 1/2" yesterday, it was a LOT!  Worst day this winter for getting more snow, before that the record was 9" only that was heavy/wet sludge so this powder was more welcome.  Hoping we're drawing an end to this snow.

Still no sign of taxes, been five weeks now.  You'd think they could call if there's an issue.

I hear you on wishing for dreams with Steve, been years since I've had one with George but I don't remember dreams anymore since I'm taking a sleep aid, but I NEED my sleep so...

[Margm]

Going through hades with my sister's illness(es).  Ambulance came to get her.  She is 92 pounds.  She seems like one of my children and I so hate her to hurt.  Ambulance last night, this humid air has her COPD where she can't breathe.  She has oxygen at home, very hard to get the kind she can carry with her.  She wanted to drive (I scare her, she says I drive like a teenager).  We went to a bigger city that delivers the oxygen she needs.  Living in government housing has taught her a lot.  She is still stubborn though and thinks she knows everything, not being sarcastic, she really does.  I just have to let her make her mistakes and then tell her where to go.  She absolutely wore herself out yesterday, ambulance last night.  They got her breathing right again and someone picked her up and took her home.  I've got to get the gumption to go get my eyes fixed.  Admission:  I'm afraid of any procedure in my condition.  Hey, I'm 80, I can walk, can still think (I'm sure I'm slower), but God invented Google to help me remember words.  If I can think of a synonym, I can find my word.  Sometimes it helps to look at an object and the word comes to me.  I have the aches and pains of my age and condition, but I'm not gone yet.  I hate for my sister to hurt so much.  She has no money and cigarettes are $7.00 a pack down in this state.  So my biggest problem is worry and anxiety.  But I sleep good.  And I have the Xanax for that.  Otherwise, over the years, the effectiveness only works for sleeping.  Guess I'm doing okay.  I went to the "essential tremor" site and there are even a lot of us.  No cure, of course.  People are kind when I cannot write my name good.  My bank knows my signature.  i remember the doctor who signed his name as a sperm.  He didn't have the tremor. 

I'm sorry you have the trouble with Dee.  As long as you feel safe with only her words being hurtful, I think you are able to worry about a friend and worrying about someone else does not minimize your own problems, but it does make you think of something else, and pain is hard to ignore in our own bodies and in our minds.  She seems to provide either an outlet, or maybe another problem.  I know you are intelligent enough to know the difference.  

[kayc]

1 hour ago, Margm said:

She is still stubborn though and thinks she knows everything, not being sarcastic, she really does.

So was my sister, Peggy.  Sometimes it worked in her favor like with the caregiver we had to fire, but most of the time it worked against her.  I miss her, stubbornness and all.

II'm sorry for all your sister is going through.

[Gwenivere]

Dee does help so much.  It’s her personality that is volatile.  Unpredictable .  Just have to pick my words carefully.

Got totally befuddled trying to get a hold of a medical biller with phone tag and outrageous hold times (30-40) minutes.  Rescheduled with the exterminator and housekeeper.  Hopefully that happens.  If it doesn’t happen it will be 6 weeks.  We aren’t slobs.  They have much stronger cleaning supplies.  
 

Dee's. preparing for an overnight trip to see her dad on Labor Day.  On the other side of 5he state .  Told her she could take my car once we. Get 5he brakes fixed.  The bus was too restrictive.  She want's to see him but also not to leave me stranded too long.  This is when I know she cares.

Counseling today.  PT today was  depressing.  Left me with exercises I did in rehab. Lots harder than they were now.  I’m not surprised.  I have gravity working against me.  Good sleep wises for all.  💕

 

 

[kayc]

Aww, that is nice of you, Gwen.  I just wish she didn't go off on you all the time. Does she ever show remorse afterwards?

Yesterday I only had to shovel what came off the trees on/around car and path to garbage, also a pile nearby. And what came off the garage roof, entry to storage room and enough for Panther to get into carport.  I tried doing the bit that came down on the ramp but it was froze solid, melted in afternoon.  Most of the day it was below freezing but it got into low 40s for a bit.

 

[Margm]

I have the heat on tonight.  Air on last night.  This heat hitting cold has kept tornado watches on all the time.  I worry about the kids in the mobile home.  There are big trees around it.  The ground is saturated down to the roots and that is when they get blown over, the "straight line winds" can be as destructive as a tornado.  I had hail hitting my patio window and I live on first floor, so there is a "porch" patio above me.  I have a big privacy fence around the patio and that wind was still blowing the hail hard against the patio  windows.  There have been devastating tornadoes in places I usually do not hear them in.  Little Rock had a bad one and I think in all of them together there have been 32 deaths and dozens more injured.  Our bayou's, creeks, streams and rivers are all at flood stage and low lying homes are water soaked inside. Our lake house was high enough on a hill that if it flooded that much we would be talking to Noah in his boat.  

So, our southern springs are not without consequences.  

[MartyT]

[KarenK]

Marg, just glad to hear that you and yours are safe, even if you maybe are a bit soggy. I always worry when I hear about these wind monsters in your area of the country. Hunker down!

[Gwenivere]

Yes, she shows remorse.  I've done things I've had to as well.  But it’s usually her.  I prefer discussions to yelling.

Got a message to use higher dose patches and dropping another pill dose.  Going too fast from when we started.  2 weeks as opposed 4 as planned.  I’m thinking I'll drop the sleep pill since I get so sedated with my anxiety meds.  I also take Tylenol full doses every day and that’s not good for your kidneys.  I’m having signs my heart is working too hard now too.
 

Talked with the PT woman and she lost her husband 8 years ago too.  It was quicker, only a few months.  We discussed the pro's and cons.  She doesn’t have the prolonged images burned into her brain.  Watching for years the changes and pain.  Losing him to a dementia like thinking when it hit his brain.  But we both ache for the love and friendship lost knowing it will not happen again.  Some find it, I know I won’t.  We all know ourselves.  I’m not open to it.  Even if I had opportunity, which I don't in this physical state, I will never feel that again.  I thought I was in love 2 other times.  Not even close.  I have less time to live than I have.  Plus i'm still in love with him.  
 

Found this at the time change and forgot to post it.  Still wish it would stop being mucked with.

Had counseling yesterday.  Talk to a pain specialist today of how to manage this.  Housekeeper here too.  Dee to show him the important stuff.  The company comped me a half hour for sending a substitute.  Hoping he can get the bed linens dry and folded so  Dee doesn’t have to.  I don't know how long this Zoom call lasts. It's a different platform.  Hope it works.  I'm hoping it is worth it.  I haven't had a medical one that wasn't upsetting. 
 

Watched The 33 about the trapped miners.  Those guys had to have had PTSD after all that time buried alive.  Planning Arctic tonight, another survival movie.  Jump to the The Blacklist.  Will hate to have that end.  Time for bed.  💕

 

 

[kayc]

37 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

i'm still in love with him.

I don't think that ever goes away, not if it's true love, mine hasn't and never will with George. Out of 4 so-called husbands and 2 fiances George was the only one who ever truly loved me...and believe me, feelings were mutual!

I saw that quote about Daylight Savings Time on FB, that was good!

 

[kayc]

Marg, so glad you are safe through the storms!

[Gwenivere]

Very tense day around here.  Housekeeper, virtual  med calls and Dee over doing it with walks and no food.  I'm very worried as she has thrown up and didn't want to eat.  I got her to eat about half.  Then everything went off the rails a ga in.  I don’t know if she’s been drinking or seriously melting down.  The verbal abuse was so bad. Now she hares me and there’s no talking to her.

The meeting with the behavioral PA was scary.  The treatment I am getting is creating perpetual withdrawl.  It's either pills or patch as they cancel each other.  She said she's called the clinic several times about it and was going to again.  Today I start my first day with no pills.  The patch level I Have is very low.  She said it's also a long term solution.  Safe for the rest of my life.

Have to try and get ready for today and no pills.  Also Dee keeps coming out here and making things miserable.  💕 to all.

 

 

[kayc]

Oh Gwen, your life is hard enough without doctors and Dee.  I'm sorry.

I finally got my tax return!  Yay, out $185, my next door neighbor goes to same place, different tax person and got her return done in 2 1/2 weeks, will see if I can go with that person next year.  This is nuts.

Got deluged with rain last night!  Found somewhat of a lull to take Kodie to play with Jazzy. Came home just in time to eat.

Where is everybody!  Karen?  Marg?

[KarenK]

Still here, Kay. It seems lately that it is just you, me, Gwen, and Marg posting. Hope this means our friends are doing well.

Gwen, sure hope the patch makes your pain non existent or at least tolerable. Could it be Dee's liver problem making her sick? What about her treatments?

We finally had to turn on the AC. Going into the 90's starting Sunday.

[Margm]

Guess Gin, Brat, and the others are getting on with life.  If the rain keeps up here, we will all stay inside.  At least no tornado recently.   Everything is overflowing.  Needed A/C and then needed heat.  The humidity weighs heavy on my sister's chronic lung disease.  Will go for a PET scan later this next week.  She has medical van driving her.  They keep oxygen on these vans and she really gets upset with my driving.  (I am very safe), but I drive speed limit on interstate and her little bony arms reaches for protection at all stops and then moving again.  I drive a Toyota Yaris and it is very small.  I am thinking about having a big purple flower put on the driver's door and a big red flower on other side back passenger door.  He is gray and looks like 90% of all cars in parking lots.  Very good gas mileage.  She drives a sedan and is used to more room.  (NEWS FLASH); Weather man just said "looks like it is drying up a little bit."  Sounds good to me.  

I'm fine.  I would go to other sites on here but last time I strangely argued with someone.  I kind of hang back from the other sites.  I would like to provide hope for someone else, but right now I just stay here.  

[Gwenivere]

Dee isn’t doing her treatments yet.  They won’t do it til she has stopped drinking for a month.  She blew that big time. Friday by drinking all day, not just the evening.  I’m so sick of it.  I was already tense about changing to a higher dose patch and being told by another med person to stop all oxycodone yesterday.  
 

I made s e several calls yesterday for. Help about the patch and pills to no avail.  All were to go to he ER .  Creating a huge anxiety attack.  I took some oxycodone and dropped another dose at bed.  Back to where I was.  I don't like being pulled in opposite directions by experts.  I tried writing a message to my doctor as he prescribes the oxycodone.  Giving up on that til I talk to the patch doc Monday.

Last day before  another too busy a week with medical, shower and almost last meeting with Jinny.  Lunches messed up everyday.  
 

Happy Easter to all that celebrate it.  🐇

 

[kayc]

Marg, you didn't start an argument, you had no fault in that, we were attacked and stood up for ourselves, no worry.

Karen, with you, I just wish they'd drop in now and then, Kevin still comes to positives, once in a great while someone else shows up, George posts once in a while in his thread, and I'll be darned if feralfae didn't show up a while back, also Laura.  It's nice to touch base with them.  

Good luck with talking to the doctor, Gwen.

Marg I love your idea about your car.

[scba]

Hello ladies

I'm still around here.

Ana

[brat#2]

Hello, I'm still here, I read the posts everyday, just not much to say.  Going through a lot of medical issues in trying to get approved for hip replacement surgery on one of my hips, hope I can get it done soon, can hardly walk and the pain is extreme.  I will continue to read the posts daily as it makes me feel like a part of a family.  Joyce

 

[Margm]

The only good thing about getting old is that we are still above ground.  And, sometimes that does not make us happy either.  Joyce, you are a part of the family.  I wish you luck with the hip problems.  Let us know how it goes.  

[Gwenivere]

Oh my gosh…it's Joyce!  I know you’ve been waiting on that hip replacement so very long.  I sure empathize with pain.  I so hope the docs are at least giving you something in the meantime.  Wow!  I5's Joyce!!!  🫤

 Time as gotten away from me.  I’m feeling the effects of the stronger patches.  Tak to the doc today.  The n my PCP.  Have. To write later today.

 

Hope it was a good holiday for everyone.  I got some mini chocolate eggs .  More than I expected.  💕 to all.  

[kayc]

Wow, all kinds of responses!  Yay!  Sometimes I forget people read this and it's not just Gwen and I talking.  It helps getting response.

Poured rain yesterday, went to church, on praise team (platform), then helped in the kitchen a couple of hours, we had Easter Dinner, ham & turkey and everyone brought side dishes, so I brought Keto Avocado Brownies, they all went.  Went way better than Christmas, lots of help in the kitchen so didn't take as long and it was nice having the camaraderie!  Came home, had to wait for a lull in the deluge of rain to take Kodie to Jazzy's and they were just leaving to take her to the park so we went on a walk instead. Tried again in two hours, no lull in the rain this time, stayed half the time as the dogs wanted to stare in the door, willing Iris to give them a hot dog, I wasn't going to stay and watch that. Jazzy wasn't much into playing, Kodie tried.
Got wood in, fixed dinner, tended fire, that was my Easter.

Gwen, I hope it goes as well as it can with the doctors, let us know...

[Widow2015]

On 4/8/2023 at 3:14 AM, KarenK said:

 Hope this means our friends are doing well.

Karen and all:  Am still "above ground".  I do read on the Forum how you all are handling your life; I just don't have much to say about my boring life.  My heart aches for you all who are struggling with physical pain and grief pain.  

I realize how fortunate I am to seemingly have good health with the exception of my achy knees, less than normal eyesight, and increasing forgetfulness.  All my blessings don't seem to take away the loneliness, though.   

My "joy" is of course having my son and his family maybe 100 steps from my front door and occasional sightings of deer in the yard or elk in the neighbor's yard.   

Keeping you all in my thoughts and hoping Joyce's surgery happens soon and is successful.  Also hoping Gwen's pain patch is successful in easing her pain and Karen's CT scan gives her answers soon.   

Good thoughts for all, Dee