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It Just Hit Me


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I can't describe what I'm feeling, except to say that I'm OVERWHELMED.

My Mom died on July 4th and it just hit me like a brick in the face that she's really gone. I've felt it coming for a few days now in retrospect, but I'm just LOST. I sob, I stop, I feel like I need to let it out, but I can't quit stopping myself. I don't know how to take the step and let it out.

Kitkat

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Kitkat,

I am so sorry for your loss. Overwhelmed is such an accurate word for what we feel. It is the worst thing to have to face and can take awhile to fully hit you. Crying is so important, to let it all out, as you said. One thing I did was to look at pictures, play music, purposely think of that person until I was reduced to a sobbing mess. If you keep stopping yourself from crying, you might want to try this. Do anything that will force you to cry. It sounds harsh, but it will be healing in the end. Once you start to really cry you may not be able to stop, but eventually you will have your sobbing spells further and further apart. But this is normal, so don't worry if you feel like crying A LOT. I wish you luck in getting it all out.

A big hug to you,

Shell

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Dear Kitkat

i am sorry for your loss, i lost my mom on 7/3/06 and i feel lost. somedays are worse then others, but i can tell you i cry everyday not one goes by that i don't. some days i cry more then others. the pain is crushing, it feels like it takes over your entire body and soul. i relieve every moment over and over in my head. i do read alot of books about death, grieving and the afterlife. it has helped to keep my mind buys. i also come here at least once a day even just to read it has helped alot. i pray everyday and light a st. anthony candle for my mom whom she loved. sometimes i get scared that i am to preoccupied with her death, but then i come here and read what others feel and feel normal. i also go for counseling. i learned that by now most people don't want to hear it anymore so i don't talk about it except to people i know really want to listen. i can only say talk one moment at a time, somedays it is hard to get through the day so if you can get throughh 20 mins at a time be proud and each day will get a tiny bit longer. know that you are not alone and we all understand.

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Hi, Kitkat...

I lost my Dad on June 18th of this year (Father's Day). I can't describe to you the loneliness I feel. I miss him so much that I feel like someone has hit me in the stomach and I can't breathe. I'm glad you found this site....everyone here is so nice. We're here for you.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

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Hi Kitkat,

I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died on August 21st. Sometimes I'm o.k., then it also hits me in my face that dad is gone forever! Like Shell said, crying helps alot. Right after work, I lock myself in the bathroom at home think about my dad, and cry, cry, cry until my head hurts. I know it might sound crazy, but the next day I feel better. And since there was a lot of unresolved issues between us, it's also mixed with guilt. I know we'll never stop thinking about our parent's, but I'm praying that within months or years, the immense pain will become less.

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kitkat,

I'm also very sorry for your loss as grief is so hard and we all handle it in different ways. I cry every day for my Dad, who I lost in March. I can understand why it's hard to cry, though, because in a way I think we as adults feel like we have to carry on and bottle things up. But crying IS therapeutic despite how exhausting it can be. We're in pain and it should be expressed. The entire experience is overwhelming and there are many days where I just wish I could sleep them away so I didn't have to face the fact that I don't have my best friend here anymore. It's incredibly difficult and there aren't many people who really understand how hard it is (the "you should be over it" crowd). This site is wonderful since everyone here DOES understand and are sympathetic. Keep posting, this place has helped me more than anything.

Take care,

Kathy

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Thank you all for your kindness. I have to add to what I said and give another piece of the puzzle I am in the middle of... First off, I am living in the house my Mom lived in right now, but I belong at home in Washington State. I will be going home in a couple of months. I came here to help her with her illness, knowing it was not likely she would get better. I was not, however, prepared for the nightmare that was to ensue. SHe started to lose her memory and was diagnosed with dementia, But all that is not what I really wanted to say.

I want to say that what is so hard for me when it comes to grieving is the family members I am staying with make me uncomfortable with sharing my feelings. My sister is severely mentally ill (psychotic n.o.s.) and my brother is a depressive. He has not dealt with our Moms death. He didn't want to go to her memorial or see her body. Neither of my siblings (both older than I) is able to talk about the real feelings. My brother can sometimes talk about her while joking about old memories, but not grief. I want to talk about my feelings with the only people who know how it was in our house, with our Mom. I can't do it. My brother hides and my sister starts to hyperventilate and have a psychotic episode. All of this makes me feel worse and fear the next time I slink out of my room... The akwardness, the profuse apologies that last hours from my sister and the fact that I want to explode and run away. But I have to pack up my life and go through my Moms stuff and figure out what I will be taking home with me.

I feel like I can't breathe and I just need to SCREAM!

Thanks for listening

-kitkat

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Kitkat,

Wow, that is a lot to deal with! It is hard to have no one, who knew the person, to talk with. Do you by any chance have an aunt or uncle, cousin or one of your moms friends to talk to? If not, try to tough it out until you can go back home. I know the frustration you must feel! Just keep reminding yourself it won't be forever. Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell

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Thanks for your thoughts Shell.

To answer your questions I do not have anyone else that knew her to talk to. I am going to try to get to the the group grief counseling session tomorrow if only to listen and hopefully feel I am around people who get it.

Crossing fingers....

-kitkat

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kitkat,

Good luck with your group session! You know, it's not the same I know, but you can talk about her here. I have always said that I love to hear about what the people we have lost were like. Funny stories about them, what they liked and didn't like, what they taught the people in their lives...anything people feel like talking about. So if you want to tell us about your mom, we'd be more than happy to hear it!

Hugs,

Shell

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Kitkat

I to lost my MOM 4/09/06 and the feeling of overwhelmed is just what was going through my mind this morning and its not a good feeling I just started to talk to my self and say like I need to run away even if it is for the day just to get my mind to calm down. Our minds are racing like you would not believe and its hard to think and focus. I also have nobody to talk about it with that is here by me I come to this site alot a few times a day also and it does seem to help a little bit I ahve had crying spells and I never thought one person could ever cry as much as I do and everybody else on our site but thats ok thats what we need to do. Feeling lonely is hard and stressful but believe me you are not alone here and we all are going through it together, I know it helps to have somebody near you to talk to but we are not that lucky just hang in there and come and tlak as much as youlike even if something good happens we all are trying to talk about that also it helps too.

Thanks

Haley

Keep your head up we are there for you.

P. S.

If you need to scream than scream let it all out I have done that several times and thank goodness for pillows

Haley

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kitkat,

I didn't have any family who would talk to me about my Mum and my feelings, either. All I can say is it sucks and it made me feel even more alone than ever. I lost the one brother who might have been a half-decent source for this, only 2 months after our Mother died. This never was resolved and never will be - now I don't talk to any of them, including extended family. It was a frustration that I couldn't find an answer to, and even talking about my Mum to those who didn't know her or our family, only helped a little.... it wasn't the same and wasn't what I wanted or needed. Sometimes we just don't get what we want, no matter how much we feel the circumstances should warrant getting our needs met. It still makes me angry that people were that selfish and self-absorbed, especially after I'd given some of them an outlet for their own personal issues through the years.

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i also don't have anyone to share with, my siblings and i don't speak. i talk everyday to my children about my mom and i have my husband. i think it would be nice to have my siblings since they know all the stories but i realize i have to make the best of it. my therapist says i not only grieve for the loss of my mom but also for them which makes it so much harder. i do try to tell my children one story a day about my mom. the pain is horrible and i pray for the day that it will be bearable. i had such an anxiety attack yesterday and had to take my xanax, i hadn't slept in days and then i watched the coverage of 9/11 which made me even sadder. i then went to work and felt horrible. by 11pm i was a wreck i took the pill and it finally helped. i have to say i am thankful for that, i had such chest pain i thought i was going to die. then the nausea and diar kicked in. so far today i have not eaten anything but at least i am off tonight an haven't had any hysterical crying. thanks for listening. lori

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Lori,

You hang in there, my kids have helped a lot. They have given me some strenth to get through the day. One step at a time and your journey will get easier. I remember I kept asking my grief counselor "when" and she finally told me that when I recognized it was a journey from within, I would start to get it. I am sorry for how you feel and I know exactly what it feels like. I miss my father a lot!

We are pulling for you!

Charlie1

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I am so sorry for your loss ( as I know that does not always help) and I do know exactly what you mean my being over whelmed. It is true taht you need to just let yourself grieve (as hard as that is at times) I agree with everyone as far as this is a ness. part of "letting go" as much as we do not want to do that. I know that I find myself crying in the car alot. For whatever reason I do not know...maybe becaise that is MY time alone and I dont want to upset anyone else , maybe because that is when I have the most time to think...I am not sure. the point is everyone grieves in different ways. You may cry you may scream you may need to take up kick boxing who knows...you just need to find teh best way that it is for you to greve and go with it.

Juts know that we are all here for you whenever you need a shoulder. Feel free to IM me if need be too.

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