Pain Too Great

[jackietnd1]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to share with you all where I am. I just got out of the hospital, from taking pills to numb the emotional pain, I don't have to say this does not or did not work for me. I was diagnosed with major depression and had a passive attempt of suicide. I did not want to kill myself, just wanted not to feel all the pain. I kept saying I know I have to go through this and I beleive that there is no two ways about it or any easy fix. As I have shared, this is the hardest thing thus far in my life I have had to go through. I thank you all for being here and posting I do get alot out of them, just knowing I am not alone is a great help. My husbands birthday is June 8(Sunday) I plan to spread his ashes on that day. I am in so much emotional pain at times I don't know what to do. Any suggestions will help or comments.

Love you All

Jackie

[karenb]

Oh, Jackie....

I feel so terribly badly for you and all your pain. I don't even know what to say except please try to get some help to ease this for you. I know you miss him terribly and it just seems to go on and on, but there are ways to lessen it. You mentally know all the things to do....they're talked about all the time. I guess it's just getting the "whatever" to just do them. I'm so, so sorry. I really feel for you so much. Please try not to focus too much on Sunday, it won't help you, and if you can delay it, don't put yourself through too much just yet. For me, and it'll be 3 years the end of July, I just had to take a day at a time, and I really mean it - sometimes an hour at a time. It goes by and you find yourself just living this new life. I've had depression, but not what you have, major depression, and I don't take pills. I'm lucky. It took me about two years before I spread Jack's ashes. I just couldn't do it. Please take care of yourself and talk to us any time - any time.

Your friend, Karen

[LarrysGirl]

I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. I really do understand. The pain is overwhelming and it almost took me down several times. Even at 2-1/2 years there are times when I go completely backwards. I can't grasp that time has passed like this. Please take it a little at a time. Don't try to accomplish to much now because it will keep you exhausted. It is so difficult to lose the one you love and I wanted you to know we listen and support you here on this site. Hang on. Deborah

[WendyJ]

Jackie I am so sorry for all your pain and what you are going through. I know the pain, I know the emptiness, I know the desperation all too well...we all do. Just remember we are all here for you whenever you need us, and we need you too, so keep posting and get all those feelings out..it really does help. Many times I was at the very end of my rope and this group brought me back to reality...they will for you too. Please take care of yourself and get the care you need to get well.

Love and Hugs,

Wendy

[Gail_R]

Hi jackie...I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. i know how you are feeling we have all felt the same way at one point. Everyone is here to help you please let us. No one can do this on their own we all need help to deal with this grief so please come and post and get all those bad feelings out believe or not it does help. please take care of yourself Gail

[mfarah]

Jackie,

I am sorry you are having a hard time you just have to remember you are strong and you just need to give yourself time life will eventually get easier for you and you have so many reasons to stay patient with yourself always think back to what you have been told one minute at a time. I have to remind myself that daily when the pain hits so hard I am 6 months into this ugly ride but honestly when I first got on I really did not believe I would make it this far but I did and though its not been easy I can say its got easier so just continue to stay on and always know you are not riding alone we are all sitting in the bumpy seats next to you. Take care of yourself today, tomorrow and always.

Love,

Marlene

[kayc]

Jackie,

I am sorry you are suffering so much. Please believe us when we tell you it won't stay at this level of intensity forever. We may not like that we've lost them, we may not like our altered lives, but we do learn to adjust with time. Draw strength from the knowledge that your love is forever and that his death has not changed that. Please keep coming on line and voicing yourself, we care about you.

[jackietnd1]

I Thank you all for your care and concern, it does and has helped.

Sunday went very well. I am up early today, have to get so papers together and clean this house one step at a time, however I have got to move.

I have no medical insurance so I don't know how I am going to get the depression meds, however one mintue at at time is what you all keep telling me and today I beleive. I pray you all have a wonderful day.

Kay please be good to yourself, you deserve it as we all do.

[WendyJ]

Jackie that stinks about the health insurance but you know there are alot of Holistic Meds out there that you may want to try first to see if they will help you. One of them is called Melatonin and you can find it in the vitamin isle. I have even used this on my one dog to calm her nerves during bad storms and I can tell you within 15 mins she goes from a horrified mess to just calm and nice. It does not make her sleepy or drousy, just more relaxed. It is a vitamin supplement so you should be fine with it. Good Luck !

Love,

Wendy

[kayc]

Jackie,

Call it to the doctor's attention, ask for samples, maybe he can prescribe something less expensive. Also, sometimes if you contact the drug company and tell them you have no insurance, no money, (throw in the being widowed, it can't hurt), they sometimes send free medicine to those in need.

[kimb]

Hi jackie

recently just two months ago i lost my husband and saturday was his birthday

June 7, I also have depression and other mental problems, but i understand how hard it is, there is an empty place there where my best friend was. I didnt have to go into the hospital. But have been there before. my heart goes out to you. It seems you are going through alot. But you can find solace in others around you. Thats why I came here to look for some help or someone that might have gone through the same thing that I have. Stay strong in knowing there are people here who care about you. God bless

[lyn]

hello Jackie,

I understand your pain and I hope you are feeling better now...Yes, the pain is so great..this is how I am feeling now. I wish I could just sleep through the rest of this month(his birthday, my father's death anniversary, his coming first year this Saturday..) My heart is saying enough, enough of this pain, all I can do is pray and lift it all to God, hoping that He will help me get through this. I am just tired..too tired of this pain. I wish I could sleep straight for 3 days.

[leeann]

Jackie Just wanted to pop in here and give you some additional info on how to obtain your prescriptions.. (By all means tell your Doctor about your situation and see if he can also talk to his drug company representatives about help for you.)

****EDIT**** Please see what Marty said about the following two links in her post just below here.***

But also.. Try looking here for help:

http://www.scbn.org/pap.html

Also this site may be able to help you:

http://www.needymeds.com/

****Edit**** This site is more reputable. Again, see Marty's post below.****

Here is probably the most helpful link from the National Assoc. for Mental Illness (NAMI)

It is a list of the drug companies' patient assistance phone numbers.

http://www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/...ce_Programs.htm

Hope this helps and that you continue to feel a bit better.

leeann

Edited June 20, 2008 by leeann

[MartyT]

Just a word of caution here, Jackie. Leeann has given you a valuable tip, but before you decide to use one of these services, just be aware that their services are not free. They charge a fee for guiding you through the process of finding the medication that's been prescribed for you, in the range of $5 to $20 per prescription. Of the three sites Leeann listed for you, the most reputable is the NAMI one.

Before you decide whether to use such a service, you might find this article helpful: Shoppers' Guide to Prescription Assistance Programs.

[fred]

Jackie, Let us know how you are making out. A friend of mine said,¨you are not depressed if you have something to be sad about¨. But I understand, sometimes it can be unbearable without help. I have been hearing a lot lately about exercise as a method to ease depression, I think as little as 45 minutes of sustained walking twice a week has been shown to ease the symptoms.

[leeann]

Yes Fred.. I have read something similiar. I find even if I get out for just a quick 20 minutes of a walk I do feel better.

But yes, we are all different and some of us may need some medication to help us along. But certainly you are right Fred, that even on meds.. a walk can make us feel even better.

It's so hard sometimes though.. My tendency is to still want to hibernate and isolate.. so I have to PUSH myself alot. But once I do.. I find.. I always do feel better. I'm sure there is some sort of chemical basis for this.. like the release of endorphins or whathaveyou that helps us.

So Jackie>>> Just go to the NAMI site link I gave you and the link Marty gave you. (It helps to just keep it simple sometimes...and the other sites may be more complicated right now) And also.. try if you can.. to just get a wee walk in when you can and are able to.

leeann

[kayc]

My husband was diagnosed with depression and I did some studying on it, and it said that 65% improved with daily exercise, I believe it was as little as 10 min. a day. They suggested spending time around animals, getting out, doing something you enjoy, eating healthy, trying to get enough sleep. I would add to that, positive choices. In your case it is undoubtedly "situational depression" which differs from chemical depression, but even then medication can sometimes help relieve the symptoms and at least make it seem more copeable. Often depression and anxiety seem to go hand in hand, so to add to the mix, de-stressing and relaxation methods help. Whatever you do, don't ignore depression, it's important to address it, even just one baby step at a time. We care about you!

[DesertBob]

I find even if I get out for just a quick 20 minutes of a walk I do feel better.

But yes, we are all different and some of us may need some medication to help us along. But certainly you are right Fred, that even on meds.. a walk can make us feel even better.

A friend whose wife died suddenly a couple of years before mine did, gave me two pieces of advice:

1. Don't make any important decisions for at least a year.

2. Walk it off.

Probably the most concise good advice I've ever gotten. I took both to heart, and feel I benefited a great deal. I still walk 2 to 3 miles a day.

--Bob

[jackietnd1]

Hi, Just up late, I am so happy your all replied to may post and some of you e-mailed me which made me fee special. I love you all and I will always be here for you. Been 3 months for me today, had a godd you thinging about him, and praying which changes things. I am so depressed a I stay away from my fammily, like today I ask my mother to cook which she did. one sister came over, Mom is doing good, she cooked and everything.

I will always remember to KEEP THE FAITH, I am doing great today,

Love You All

Jackie

and again Thanks