Rosemary T Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Hi everyone,I wish I could find someone exactly like me but I guess that is impossible. I keep thinking no one really understands what I am going through because no one is in my same boat. Maybe everyone feels that way? For example: I listen to women who are obviously older than I am or wealthier because they are not faced with the burden of going to work everyday. People at work don't really know me so they don't understand that I "pretend" to be ok at work. Work keeps me distracted but I am not at the top of my game anymore and it is NOT business as usual. For them, it has been 7 months so I should be ok now.Or I hear women talk about having to do for their children. I never had any children so I don't have that to keep me grounded or to see my husband in their faces.Or I hear about women who are young and have their whole lives ahead of them and are talking about starting over. I am 46 and I keep thinking that it is all over for me now. First, I can't imagine EVER getting close to a man again (I had the best and most perfect husband so nothing could ever take his place) and second, I look at myself and can't imagine any man really being interested anymore. Not that I am a hag or anything but lets face it, I am no spring chicken anymore. I can't imagine dating or getting intimate with anyone ever again; it makes my skin crawl! I often hear about how people find things like church or social groups that they get involved with. I can't seem to muster the energy or interest in anything. I go to work, try to excercise a couple of times a week and visit with a few friends once in a while....not because I get any real enjoyment out of it and not because I feel like I have any purpose in doing it.....I do things because I think I am supposed to. That's it. I eat, sleep, and go about daily functions for the same reason I breath. It is habit and uncomfortable not to. I can't think of a thing nice or great that someone could tell me that would fill me with any joy and I can't think of anything so terrible that it would bring me any more pain or unhappiness. It would just be "something else" to do or think about. Flat line is the only way I can describe myself.So, 250 days and I still just exist. The weird thing is I'm not sure I even care that it is this way. I only get a little scared when I think I might live a little too long and in 20 or 30 years I will be in this same situation. Rosemary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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