What Were Your Plans?

[kath]

Long weekends and spring days bring my heart ever closer to Bob and all we had planned to do in our old age. I was reminded again tonight sitting in the front yard, telling my dog all the things she would have loved about Bob. We mourn so many things, the longing to feel their hug, their breath, their hands again. We also mourn our futures because the plan was always to be together forever, isn't that how the fairy tale ends?

Bob and I always dreamed of having a small cabin in the Northern part of MN. Our dream was to sit on the porch, old and gray, holding hands and watching the grass grow. I feel sadness at him not being here to share that, yet the image of us in my mind, still makes me smile. We fit like a glove. We fully intended to be that cute old couple shuffling along together, deaf, half-blind, smooching into the night!

So, what were your plans? I'd love it if you could share them here.

Kath

[mlg]

We didn't have any huge plans other than doing some traveling together. I'm sure with the economy the way it is we would have to watch our pennies a little more than we had planned. We weren't people who were always on the go. We just liked being home together and I would be satisfied with that. I had asked Tom before he died if there was anything that he wished he could have done that he didn't get to do and he said he wanted to go to "the Hill" (and Italian section of St. Louis) and an exotic island which I reminded we had done when we went to St. Lucia. I feel pretty fortunate if after 37 years that those were the only 2 things he felt he missed out on.

I'm like you though, I really miss the "touch". I find myself holding on to the gearshift of the car a lot because a lot of times we'd hold hands on the console and this is the closest thing to it..

Hope your Memorial day wasn't too bad.

[mrspapajohn]

Kath - - I am so sorry that the plans that you and Bob made will never happen. I feel sorry for myself for the same reason. It's not just being alone. I actually like being alone. But it is the longing for the sound of his voice, his arm pulling me closer to him at night, the smell, sound, touch and taste of him. The sight of his face lighting up whenever I came through the door - even if I had just gone out to get the mail.

After Stephen received a liver last June, we began to make plans in earnest. It was a miracle that neither of us thought would happen after a very long four year wait on Mayo's transplant list. My dear husband that I loved so much was well again - - after four years in hell. We went dancing, went to movies, went out to eat. We were like newly weds, lost in each other's company. He loved golf, but had to delay that pleasure because after his surgery, his incision opened and that was taking longer to heal than the original operation. But he felt so well. I never knew that I could be so happy.

Our main plan was to move back to Ft. Worth where Stephen's friends and family live. I had lost my mother (ironically, to liver disease, although she was 91) four years ago and I have really no family left. Just two octagenarian aunts back in Boston. I could hardly wait to get back to Ft. Worth to Stephen's large, gregarious family. Stephen even contacted a real estate agent and we began looking at houses online. We planned to fly to Ft. Worth the end of January, buy a house and just come back to Phoenix to pack and move. Stephen died on January 6, two weeks before our scheduled departure for Ft. Worth.

I brought his body back to Ft. Worth where he is buried beside his father, and where, someday, I will lie next to him. Right now, I am trying to decide whether or not to remain in Phoenix or move to Ft. Worth where his family is. They are very supportive. I hear from one of his siblings daily. I just don't know if I could stand every day seeing where he grew up, went to school, other people he had loved - - the list goes on and on.

I had to laugh when I read what you had written about two old and gray lovers sitting on a porch holding hands. Stephen said that he would even grow a long gray beard and we would sit on the front porch swing holding hands. I really believed that it was going to happen.

See, I don't think our plans and dreams were that much different. But now, we have to make our own new plans, as hard as that will be. Since I still change my mind every day (sometimes every hour), I believe I'll wait until I become halfway reasonable, maybe even regain most of my sanity, to plan somerthing permanent.

What are you planning for yourself now? Might you carry on with the plan you and Bob made together? Please let us know.

Kathy

[teny]

NO PLANS ! After what hapened in my life I can not plan for future.My mother loved to make plans and I kept telling her that when people make plans God laughs at them.Yiany died a month after we have sold our home and planed to move to our summer home.Grow old in love take long walks at the seaside visit some islandsand he wanted me to stop working.Uor home was always the center of the family a place that we were all gathering.Now I have no home I can not stay alone in the summer house.Im living with my son for the time beeing and I just dont know when time will come so I can deside for myself.I miss every thing you desribe the hug the kiss the arms aroud me just to know he is there for me to talk about every days problems the confort he gave me the love we shared We were also woprking together so we were day and night so close .I can not go on tears are coming back.It is so unfair for all of us that loved so deeply uor other half.Love from far away TENY

[JeanneC]

Alex and I were in the mist of rennovating our home and eventually going to sell and possibly move to Florida after I retire. After Alex passed the house was left half done, so I had and still am trying to accomplish all that he was doing. Only thing is that I had to hire a contractor. There are so many memories in my home of unfinished projects that were just left the morning he went into the hospital. I think often about that morning. It was the beginning of the end. He was so scared to go to the hospital and he never came home after that day. I am sure so many of us have unfinished plans. I think that is what makes the grieving process so unbearable.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[Lucia Abeytia]

Ben and i had lots of plans too!!!! We were going to grow old together like the rest of you...We went to San Franciso for our 25th annivarsary and planned to go back for our 30th and he got sick 4 days before we were to leave so he kept saying as soon i get better we will go and than our gold was to go for our 35th but thats not going to happen. we celebrated our 33rd in Nov and he died in Feb. now i just exist... i keep thinking he will walk thru the door and than i remember that to is never going to happen..I miss his jokes his smile and most of all his arms holding me...Hopefully some day it won't hurt so much. thanks for listening

[kayc]

Our plans were to grow old together, we bought a porch swing to sit out on and look at the stars, we'd have made such a happy old couple. Have you heard the song Travis Tritt does, "Drift off to Dream"

http://www.lyrics.com/index.php/artists/ly...dream-t-5338409

...that was so us. We wanted to camp and fish and get together with friends and be active in our church...but growing old together didn't happen.

[missing B]

I know my situation is a little different, but I wanted to share too.

I was planning to start working out with B after the 6 weeks had passed from her c-section. We'd take the baby out in the stroller for walks and do stuff at her place maybe some workout videos. We were finally going to have time to go have lunches together. We were going to get to be even closer because we both were mothers now. I always imagined us sitting in the backyard and watching the kids run through the sprinklers and as time passed we would complain about how the kids were driving us crazy. She was the one that was going to physically care for our dad as he aged and needed it. She was much more "hands on" with that than I ever will be. We were going to all go camping which we enjoyed doing in the summers and introduce her son to the great outdoors. Trips to Disneyland...heck just watching her hold her baby she wanted so badly was something I was looking forward to.

well my nephew is calling for his next feeding. This has got to get to be less painful..right?

[LostnEmpty]

When Marc died this past February I was 5 months pregnant and we were moving in our new apartment. Our plans were to finish furnishing it and to start preparing for the birth of our first baby together. Since we worked at the same job and the same hours he was going to change his hours so both of us could always take care of our baby and we wouldn't have to rely on anyone else to. After our baby's arrival he was going to take off of work for a month so he could be home with us. He was so excited and looking forward to being a father again and I was so excited to be a mother for the first time and to share this with him. We had also planned to get married sometime after our baby's birth. We were going to be husband and wife and have our little girl- a real family. We were going to raise her, take her to dancing classes, go on vacations, watch her go on her first date, and graduate high school together. He also wanted to go dancing with me and I would tell him we will eventually because i always thought we had time- i wish I didn't put that off. We had planned on growing old together. A couple times when we would go out to eat he would point out an elderly couple to me and say "thats going to be us someday" and i agreed. I miss that so much. I miss his touch, his voice, his smell, his smile, his beautiful warm and loving eyes- i miss everything about him. It hurts so much that i will never see him again and that i have to do this all without him especially the part where I have to bring his baby into this world alone and raise her without her father who already loved her so much. Our love for each other was so strong and it grew with each passing day. I just knew he was the one and only man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I had know idea that i would only share just over 1 year with him- it's not fair. Since we were 25 years apart i always knew he would die before me but not nearly this soon at the young age of 51. There was so much more he wanted to do and i wanted to do with him in his life.

[valley]

Kath,

You certainly brought out a lot of love with this posting. Each person speaks so lovingly of their partners and friend, of the long life they thought they would get with this person. Me too. That is what I always thought and yet I was aware of getting older. My husband died at 68 and I just turned 65. We had tried to squeeze in travel these last 8 year, as we had lots of places we wanted to see and we wanted to be able to still do long hikes, carry heavy bags, throw them on trains and be totally independent travelers. We managed to travel in Spain, Portugal, Morrocco, Italy, France, Hawaii, Mexico, Alaska and the western USA. We loved talking about all these adventures and Tom could embellish stories with the best of them. I am thankful we took the time to do this as we both loved each adventure.

Tom was still working at the time he was diagnoised with cancer. He taught metal sculpture at an art college and only worked part of the year which allowed us to focus on other things. I had been an administrator for a graduate program training art therapists. I quit when my mother got sick and I needed to go be with her for extended periods.

Our plans! We had them, but we were also living our PLAN. We worked on our house, did a big garden, traveled, visited our mothers every few months (they both live a day's drive or a day's plane ride from us), visit our children, take our old Starcraft boat out on our lake, mow the lawn, have friends over for dinner, go to movies, read, paint, write. We imagined that at some point we would sell our place (almost 5 acres) and move to a smaller house and little yard that would be easy to maintain. That was one plan. We hoped to spend lots of time with our grown kids, to see how their dreams materialize. Tom wanted to spend a month or two in Hawaii in the winter and swim and snorkle. We did that twice, but only for 3 weeks at a time.

We hoped we would live out our lives together and carry on with the many activities we loved. At the end of each day, before we ate dinner, we would sit together and have a drink and visit...talk about what we had done that day. If one of us had had a problem, then we would either just listen or try to trouble shoot it. But he was a great listening board for me and usually offered me suggestions, which of course I did not always take, but did appreciate. Our plans were to continue to do all of this. We both loved to stay home, home giving us our center.

On Tom's memorial card that I made to hand out at his service the last sentence says..."Tom dreamed....then made his dreams a reality. He lived the life he created".

I miss seeing his truck drive in each day and watch him get out of it, knowing by the way he walked or what he was carrying, sort of how the day had gone. Now the truck sits by the side of his studio. Going no where.

I have NO PLAN now, except to carry on with all the business and responsibilities I have been left to deal with. When I am stronger emotionally and have taken care of the many unfinished pieces of our lives, I may find a way to look at the future. For now I can only handle this day. And sometimes that is so hard to do.

Our plan together was to have fun, laugh and enjoy life. Spend lots of time with our kids. To find ways to simplify our lives. To be each others side kick.

Valley

[David'sGirlStill]

Kath,

This is a great topic. Well right about now we planned to be having a liver transplant. Hang aroung PA for a year, see all the doctors. Then after he got a clean bill of health(we just knew he would) We were going to buy a bait shop close enough to contuine seeing doctors. We were going to live out our lives living by some water (didn't even care where). We planned to take lots of walks with his hand in mine as it always was. Go camping, drive up the old roads on the West Coast. And see our grandchild born and watch her grow. We always pointed out elderly couples who were so affection with each other and David would say, "That will be us hon". No big plans , just live out our life together.

Now, the biggest plan I can handle is planning to wake up in the morning and hoping the angels don't let me. Sorry, for such a depressing thought. It's just been a real bad couple of days.

Hugs

Phyllis

[marsha]

Kath - we didn't have any plans, just a vague idea - sell the business in a couple of years, travel - no, actually there was a plan. Joe wanted to buy a truck, one we could travel in with a huge sleeper, and pick up loads here and there to make some money, but just for fun. He would teach me to drive, and we'd travel the country. I'm just happy he had 8 years to see his dream of our own business take off and succeed. Like Valley said, we constantly bounced ideas off each other. Now I bounce ideas off the wall. Except for getting his Harley, Joe pretty much got what he wanted. Now if I can just figure out what I want... Hugs, Marsha

[Dusky]

What does the old saying state, “The well made plans of mice and men – often go astray.” Then there is the one that says, “God laughs when you make plans.” I may not have quoted these old sayings perfectly – but you get the meaning.

One thing I have learned during these last four years of grieving is to try not to plan too much. However, “yes” Jack and I had plans. We were headed into what I like to refer to as the semi-retirement stages of our lives – although getting Jack to slow down was a very difficult task. Eventually the ability of Jack to stand all day cutting hair would have driven him from the occupation and life’s work that he loved so much. He would have learned to enjoy the retirement that we worked so hard to obtain – at a young age. We would have traveled – but most importantly, we would have just enjoyed each other’s company and that of his son Tom and the grandchildren. When Jack received his terminal diagnosis his first thought was that, he was not going to see his five-year-old granddaughter graduate or get married. It is these family events and adventures, and future memorable moments - part of our mentally planned future - that now exist only in “what would have been” thought and un-played scenarios that exist only in the mind.”

It has been reconstructing these lost images that have been the most difficult part of the grieving process.

Therefore, I try to move forward – vowing to never forget him – and realizing that what might have been most certainly died with him. Moreover realizing that he is still always with me, and I plan to take him with me, in my heart, on any adventures and beauty in life that still awaits me – just around the corner.

I’m reminded once again of that beautiful quotation of Berta Damon that reads,

"Beauty that dies the soonest has the longest life. Because it cannot keep itself for a day, we keep it forever. Because it can have existence only in memory, we give it immortality there".

I cannot take him physically with me – But I can certainly give him “existence” in my memory – and “immortal” place.

[leeann]

One thing I have learned during these last four years of grieving is to try not to plan too much.

I think I have learned the same....

I know I haven't lost my spouse.. but he has been through major surgery and been seriously ill. He is ok now... but he bears close watching and tests every few months.

But I find since his surgery and since being here in this community and reading all of your posts... I'm very into one 24 hour period at a time. And I don't plan much either. I try not to think too much about the future.

Retirement??? Ha... at this point I would lying if I told you anything but, in my mind right now..., that's icing on a cake. I'll be grateful to get a cake even mixed together and close to the oven....let alone baked completely & iced.

I also find I have pulled back a bit emotionally away from my husband. Don't know if this is healthy or not... but it is what is happening with me. Almost like I wanna be ready for this blow.... so.. not so close. Ya know?

I honestly don't want to think much at all about the future.. let alone plan.

leeann

[mlg]

Leeann

Please don't pull away. Enjoy every minute with him because no matter how far you stand back it is still going to hurt like H---. Don'lt waste a minute trying to prepare for the future without him. I think at least most of us here would tell you this because we would like any minute whe could have back. It will just be something else for you to feel "guilty" about when the time comes and believe me you will have more than enough of that.

[Boo Mayhew]

Mary Linda, that is perfect advice.

Leeann, I went cold when I read that you were pulling away ... god knows I torture myself enough about nasty things I said years, months ago, stuff I didn't do ... please don't add another thing to your guilt list!!!! Live for today, love as if there is no tomorrow. We should all do this whatever ... and then we wish we had.

xx

Leeann

Please don't pull away. Enjoy every minute with him because no matter how far you stand back it is still going to hurt like H---. Don'lt waste a minute trying to prepare for the future without him. I think at least most of us here would tell you this because we would like any minute whe could have back. It will just be something else for you to feel "guilty" about when the time comes and believe me you will have more than enough of that.

[Boo Mayhew]

Cliff and I were going to retire when I hit the big 50 (in 5 years) and we were going to cash in some collateral on the house and live half the year in Spain (buy a small villa there).

Where we got married in Jamaica, each night they left you a "Though/Wish for the day" ... one was, "May you grow old on one pillow" - it's an old Armenian saying. Since then I have written that in every Wedding card that I have sent and still will, even though we didn't get to do that.

I wish that we had ...

[kath]

Thank you all for sharing. I know how painful it is to imagine a future where our plans won't be realized. But I also know that we have work left to do here. I don't know what the plans for my future are. I don't look much past today, not so much for fear of disappointment, but it can become too overwhelming.

Leeann, there is no way to prepare for the worst. We are never prepared, even if it is someone who's life has been long-lived. We still miss their presence in our lives. I know it can be really hard taking care of someone ill. I did what I could, knowing very little of what to expect, and without any help. There was one day when Bob was just resting on the couch and I had a million and one things yet to do. My house was in shambles. I hated to see him so sick. I was exhausted. He asked me to sit by him and take a break. I didn't see how I could. I didn't want to lose my momentum. He insisted and I sat. He fell asleep shortly after that, but not before saying some of the sweetest things he's ever said. I hold onto that as one of my greatest memories of him, of us, taking time for just being together. There was no great romance, or long conversations; it was short and simple and will be treasured forever as he died soon after. I really had no idea his time here was almost done. I refused to believe it. Don't draw away. Talk about how hard it is to stay close. Many of us have been in those shoes. Strained and drained, scared and in disbelief.

Now, we mourn what will never be, while holding onto every detail, every moment, every whisper that ever was.

[leeann]

Thanks for all of your concern, wise words and understanding.

I think though that I didn't state this as clearly as I should have.

When I say I am pulling away .. I'm not physically doing that. I'm emotionally doing that. I tend to him and his needs as I always have and maybe even more so. I try to be there for him on all levels.

But I hold back my own emotions from him a bit or I don't express them as much in front of him. I deal with issues or problems with the kids more and try to "save" him from the worst of it... LOL Kinda like shielding him a bit. He always is aware of what is going on, I'm not into "hiding" things from him. But let's say I end up taking the lead on much more stuff than I used to... and to be fair... he is aware of that & lets me. Like in the 2 hours we have between the kids coming home from school and him coming home from work... I try to get what the problem is clearly and do what I can to help the kids get to a solution themselves. Whereas before... I would always say let's wait to talk to Dad about this together. Now we may get through the whole thing and the kids have a plan ready to try and solve it beofre he gets home. But then I always say... "Tell Dad what happened today." So that he is informed of what is going on.

But I clearly do not talk to him as much about things that I'm feeling or thinking. I deal with most things with my own counsel. If a problem arises I try to take care of it and when or if I can't.. only then will I ask him to help me. That's really one of the bigger things... I don't ask him for help much anymore. If I am upset or nervous about something... I tend to keep it to myself, figure it out on my own or ask a close friend if I just can't obtain the correct perspective myself. Whereas before I would automatically go to him with it. I'm kinda like in emotional independence mode. However if he happens to ask me.. of course I would tell him. But I don't just go to him right away and run things by him like I used to. Almost like I don't want to "wear him out" LOL and I also want to get used to being a bit more emotionally independent.

Does this make sense? I'm not as "needy" as I used to be with him. And on some level that makes me feel a bit more prepared if something were to happen to him. Yes I keep alot more to myself but I'm not sure that is always a bad thing for me. Perhaps I was too "needy" and I'm trying to balance that out and feel stronger in myself.

BTW he just had a test completed again to check on his earlier surgeries and apparently something showed up on that test that warrants a discussion with the Doc. But we won't know til the appointment in 2 weeks. He's kinda fed up with Docs in general and really tired of all of this... so I tried the best I could to support him... hear him out... and gently point out that he will have a lifetime of "checks" on this ahead of him. That's just part of this. I know it is beyond annoying to have to do this and wait and wonder every few months.. but... the alternative to having the surgery..wasn't all that appealing, to say the least. But it is hard to deal with this all of the time I know. It's just hard for him and I guess for me to.

So plans??? NOT too many being laid out in great detail... no.

We just never know how he is going to be or if more surgery will be needed etc... How he will do with those surgeries or if any complications may arise.. and on and on and on. We make shorter range plans.. but we try to build in as much flexibility as we can. And in the meantime.... I'm trying to grow a bit more independent emotionally.

I hope I made this clearer for you all.

Thanks!

XO

leeann

[kayc]

Leeann,

Live each day as if it's your last and be so thankful you still have your husband to cuddle up to, talk to, hear his voice, etc. I'm sure the pulling back is self-protection because you're afraid you'll lose him and it'll hurt...but there's no way to protect yourself, in the event that you lose him, you'll still miss him and if you've pulled back from him, you'll wish that you hadn't. We can't control tomorrow, only the right now.

Love,

Kay

[leeann]

Live each day as if it's your last and be so thankful you still have your husband to cuddle up to, talk to, hear his voice, etc.

Well that's what I AM doing as best I can.

I'm sure the pulling back is self-protection

In part .. yes probably so.

because you're afraid you'll lose him and it'll hurt

I already know it will hurt. And I will lose him someday or he will lose me. Don't want that to happen but it is, of course, reality.

but there's no way to protect yourself, in the event that you lose him,

I disagree. I could spend time now getting myself a bit more emotinally independent. I don't regret or have second thoughts about the type of pulling back I am doing. I think it is doing me some good.

you'll still miss him

Of course. There is nothing that I or anyone can do to avoid that.

and if you've pulled back from him, you'll wish that you hadn't.

No, I don't think I will. I think that I need to be a bit more emotionally self-reliant. I don't need to run to him with every little thing like I used to. And ya know... he sure doesn't need that either. I'd like him to feel ok with me being on my own. I'd like to feel & I'd like him to feel less stress and more relaxed and more focused on himself for a change. Life is desperately short. And I want to feel that I'm strong and he can count on me. I think I was too needy for too many years with him. And now I feel a bit stronger and more capable.. but I'd like to feel that even more so.

We can't control tomorrow, only the right now.

Agreed.. but I sure can prepare for tomorrow a bit by changing my thinking and actions, and that's what I think I'm doing. Life is about learning and growing and this is an area I need some growth.

I have been co-dependent on him in the past. That's NOT good. And I have spent a long time trying to change that. No I don't want to be "too" close to him in that I don't feel any self confidence in myself. I have struggled with self confidence for a long time. And I think in my mind I was too dependent on him emotionally.

I'm still a work in progress. I need to keep my eyes peeled for where I am not being as self reliant as I could be. I must be in a postion to be comfortable in my own skin .. such as it is... and be confident that I will be intact no matter what life brings me. And I think he would feel much more content if I'm more content...

Do you see what I mean?

XO

leeann

[kath]

Leann,

I do get it. Bob was diagnosed in 2005. At that time he had to give himself shots for 6 months to help "cure" himself. It took everything out of him. While he still managed to pull it together to go to work, there was nothing left at the end of the day for the kids and myself. I sure didn't want to burden him with daily problems if I could take care of it. And I didn't ask for help even when I really needed it. It was obvious to me that he was spent. I just wanted him to get well. There were many nights I wanted to just talk about our days or things with the kids, but being that he was the "problem solver" in our household, I knew it could lead to him exherting more effort than he had in him.

I took on new roles. I got more involved in sports and scouts with my son, thinking it was just until his dad could get back into things. I did the minor repairs around the house. I talked to the experts on the bigger stuff. And I took care of Bob. Often that meant just letting him sleep. (A transplant specialist told me later on that most people don't get off the couch when going through the treatment, so him going to work was above and beyond what anyone could have expected.) So, I do understand. I still don't think we can prepare ourselves emotionally, although I would let my mind go there at times, thinking it would have been easier for Bob. Maybe it somehow helped to prepare me for my new role. Whatever, I still long for those moments when I could just watch him sleep.

Kath

[leeann]

Well I was much more like you were, right before and for quite awhile after his big surgery in 07. (And I even had to give him shots too.)

And I really never went all the way back to how I was before. Ya know?

And now I find myself keeping more and more to myself. And to be honest I don't think he could handle it anyway. He tires easily still and wears out much quicker than he did before. It kinda took the stuffing out of him and now I'm beginning to think that is kinda permanent.

I mean we are now very near two years out from that surgery. Course he has had two other procedures since and ... (apparently more to come... ) So he's as good that way today as he will ever be.

So in the meantime.... I'm trying to get stronger in myself. Like somehow gain the confidence that sets my myself to peace.

We did find out today that there definitely is something wrong again. We had an appointment with the Specialist for mid June... but our reg Doc got the report on the test he had done and and called & told hub what was what.

So we have another, at the very least, procedure to get through or another significant surgery. We'll have to wait til we see the Specialist to find out for sure. But we know it will be one of those two options.

I held him tonight after that phone call... there was just nothing to say.. ya know? It stinks. But... again.. the alternative is your reality. So... we go through what we must and I will continue to hold him... and once he falls asleep tonight....and probably other nights.... I'll cry.

Thanks for "getting it" Kath. And I hope I am not hurting you at all. I know it can't be a pleasant time to recall.

XO

leeann

[kath]

No Leann, you are not hurting me. What hurt was not being able to talk about Bob being sick when he was sick. I had to shoulder all of it because he "didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him." Well, it made it 100 times more difficult for me, emotionally and otherwise. Please don't feel you need to do that, too. I'll listen whenever you need to talk. And if it hurts me, then it would be just what I need to face at the time. I've come too far to turn away from what is difficult. I heard some guy on TV preaching about the opportunities God gives us. Challenges, including all those we feel the least equiped to handle are there because we have already been given the tools to get through them. How true that has been in my life.

But, it doesn't mean you need to go through it alone. Let us help, okay? You've given so much to all of us here.

Kath

[leeann]

Well I appreciate that offer Kath.. sincerely. So, thank you very much.

My hub doesn't talk too much about it to anyone but me either. I poke him a bit sometimes to talk to two of his closeest friends when I'm thinking he might need to unload to someone other than me. But I gotta poke him.. ya know? lol But hey.. at least he then makes an attempt.. so I can't complain.

But I'm grateful to you.

XO

leeann