October 3Rd

[PaulaB.]

When someone asks you to carry out their wishes usually it involves a funeral in the traditional sense. Tom's request to have his ashes spread at Crown King, AZ has not been an easy task. There will be over 10 sand rails going up the back of the mountain and then there will be other rails and other cars that will go up the front of the mountain. I tried to get Tom's rail through emissions five times last week and it wouldn't pass. So, I am going up the back way with a mutual friend in his rail. I think Tom was trying to tell us something. We are all going to camp in the pines and the cool weather that night. And cross the bridge that we need to cross together.

A Bridge Called Love

It takes us back to brighter years,

to happier sunlit days

and to precious moments

that will be with us always.

And these fond recollections

are treasured in the heart

to bring us always close to those

from whom we had to part.

There is a bridge of memories

from earth to Heaven above...

It keeps our dear ones near us

It's the bridge that we call love.

``Author Unknown

I am sad. I hope that I will have the strength to do what I need to do. I have wanted to cross the bridge and at the same time there is some comfort there. Things are constant right now, even though they're not. I promised Tom that I would be OK. Some days I am, some days I'm not.

I put together some thoughts for the service on paper to hand out to everyone. It came from my heart. It's unfortunate that his family will not be attending. That's there decision and their loss. Paula

[carrieboo]

I am confident you will find the strength to carry out his wishes. As you said, yes it is unfortunate his family will not be there, but that is their decision. I hope you find comfort in spreading his ashes, as its something he wanted you to do.

Best of luck and tell us how it goes,

hugs

carrieboo

[mrspapajohn]

Paula - - I wish you strength and peace in spreading your husband's ashes. My mother, who died several years ago, requested my husband to spread her ashes in the White Tank Mountains in Arizona. At the time, I thought that it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but my husband was there to give me strength. He died last January and, since yesterday was my mother's birthday, I visited the White Tanks alone. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I am sorry that your husband's family will not be there with you when you spread his ashes. You are correct when you say that it will be their loss. You should be so proud of yourself for carrying out his wishes. Just remember that wherever you go, he will always be with you.

Kathy

[Korina]

What a beautiful verse! I wish you strength, as well.

Korina

[mlg]

I don't understand the part about the sand rails but am assuming this is something to do with actually climbing the mountain since you said you were going to camp.

Sometimes it is so hard to accomplish our loved ones dying wishes. One of Tom's was to go to Vegas one last time and I barely got it pulled off. If we had not gone the weekend we did I would never have gotten him there because he would not have been strong enough.

I think most of us here would climb heaven and earth to fulfill our loved ones wishes.

Good luck and be careful. I know he wouldn't want anything to happen to you in trying to fulfill his wishes.

[LarrysGirl]

I wish for you strength, comfort and peace on your journey. He will be with you and you have his love to strengthen you always. Deborah

[valley]

Paula,

I am wishing you peace and a good journey as you fulfill the wishes of your Tom. It sounds like an adventure that you are both going on together.

Much love to you. I am sure what you have written, coming from your heart, will be meaningful to all.

Take care,

Valley

[Boo Mayhew]

Paula, I can't add anything to what the others here have said, but I hope that you feel some degree of comfort when you have carried out your love's wishes. It is your place as his soulmate to do so, and I have every faith that you will find the strength. Please be gentle to yourself. HUGS

[DeeGee]

Hi Paula,

The best to you in honoring Tom's wishes. I would wish for you that you feel a sense of completion afterwards. As far as the families go, I have seen for myself that the primary relationship was between me and my husband. His relatives were only on the periphery of life - even his identicall twin brother.

When it came to the end - and I mean the very end of John's days - it was me who was there with him. Not his brother. It was me.

You were there for Tom. And, yes, it is his family's loss. But my dear, it is your gain. Go with God and do this final act for him. And may you have a great feeling of satisfacion and peace after having done so.

Sincerely,

Dee Gee

PS I did not know what a sand rail is either. I googled it. It is a motorvehicle like an All Terrain Vehicle. Paula, maybe you could tell those of us from the Eastern US a little more about these.

[PaulaB.]

Thank you all of you for your kind words and support. They will give me strength this weekend. I've attached two pictures here that were taken at the Dunes in California, two years ago. Tom built his own rail as did all of our friends. Tom is from PA and he moved to Arizona over 20 years ago so that he could drive his rail on the road and "put it on the dirt". Tom took me to places in the desert and the mountains that most people don't even know about because there are no paved roads, just trails. The roads are rocky and steep, sometimes muddy, but the vistas are timeless memories. This weekend we will ascend to 7 thousand feet from the valley of Phoenix, into the cool pines of Crown King. There will be rails coming up the back road which is rocky and steep and muddy. There will be rails coming up the front road which is graded. We will meet at a place called the "point". There is another railer already there. He and Tom can drive their rails together in heaven.

[MartyT]

We'll all be right there with you on Saturday, Paula . . .

[PaulaB.]

Tom and I were blessed on Saturday with one of the most beautiful days in Arizona. The sky was just this most incredible clear blue. No clouds, we could see for miles. The sunshine was warm, but not hot and it was just perfect. We had 10 sandrails that went up the back road without too much difficulty. We had three rails that went up the front road. We all met at the point. There were so many people that when they walked out to the point they said "I understand why Tom wanted to be here". It's a place that you have to see with your own eyes to understand. It took my breath away and rocked my heart the first time that I saw it with Tom as it did this time, too. As it always will. It gave me a lot of joy that this was a place that Tom could share even in his passing. The eagle feather kept coming back to me and I brought it home safely. This will make more sense when you view the feelings from my heart which I handed out to everyone there... I can't figure out how to attach it.

[mlg]

I'm so happy that it went so well and you had such a good turn out. What a tribute to your Tom

I hope this brings you some peace to help with the rest of your journey.

[kath]

Paula,

It sounds like it was really wonderful. I'm glad the weather cooperated and all your friends were able to see why Tom loved this spot so much. It will continue to make the memory of this so much sweeter having people to recall it with.

[kayc]

Paula,

My heart goes out to you...I didn't lay George's ashes to rest until two years later, I wasn't ready before. It's good that you're carrying out his wishes.

[PaulaB.]

Spreading Tom's ashes gave my daughter the strength to spread her father's ashes. She was with me on this trip. She is 22. Her father committed suicide 8 years ago. She sat down and talked to me this afternoon about how stuck she has been and how unwilling she is to let go of him. But spreading Tom's ashes gave her the strength and the understanding of what this process really means. The crossing of the "bridge", if you will. Once again, Tom has helped someone even in his passing....