nats Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Hello My Friends, I am approaching the closing on my new home and so Sad yet Excited and Happy??? I was advised by my attorney to not take my Life Estate in our marital property and purchase a new home due to market value and my wife's children did not honor the wishes of my wife to convey there intrest to the property to me....so I have found a new home built in 2006 and just the home my wife dreamed of and talked about moving into and leaving our 2.5 acres and double wide that's requiring major up keep and no hurricane protection as I live in Florida....so I guess things happen for a reason but it's very emotional packing our things, I am sad I have to leave but happy I am going to have a new 4BR 2 Bath Real Block home to start fresh in, I know all the things we built together will be with me just in another location but I cry and feel her sadness as well about the move, but I also feel her encouragement and joy for me.... Brenda my new friend has been a great help in motivating me and keeping me upbeat because even though I know it's the best for my future and finances it still hurts.....so I will take this challange as I have all since Ruth joined God, with my chin held high, taking head on and putting my faith in God and my Angel Ruth.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 nats, I can imagine how hard this all must be for you, but as you say, there is a reason for everything that happens. I would really find it difficult to leave the home Lars and I lived in for 30 years. There are so many wonderful memories here, as I'm sure your house has, but they will be carried in your heart with you to your new house. Is the picture you posted a picture of Ruth? She is beautiful. Good luck in your move and I'm happy that you have Brenda to help with this transition. Keep us posted on your new adventure. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Lainey, Thank You so much for your thoughts and wishes....Yes, that's my Angel Ruth.... That was taken on our wedding day 6/17/09 she was 62 years old...the happiest I had ever seen her...we had been together for 7 years prior... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Nats, I know this is hard for you, but you are right, everything happens for a reason, and your new home sounds great. The picture of Ruth is wonderful, glad you posted it. I can imagine how hard it is to leave the home you lived in with her. I bought the house I live in, in 1978, when Mike and I married in 1990, we bought an adjacent lot, and at that time put all the property in both our names. I have lived in this house for a long time, and many of those years were with Michael, so I know how hard it would be for me to move. The yard is hard for me to keep up, it is really big and not level, but I love this place, so I will probably be hiring help for the yard. Will be thinking of you in this move, and also very glad you have Brenda to help you through this. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Nats, I am happy for you that things will be working out for your best. I know this is emotional and may at times feel like a double edged sword, but you have a great outlook and will get through this...plus you have Brenda by your side and that's a terrific help. Good luck in your new home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Nat's, What a great new beginning! I'm so happy to hear you found a place you like. Best wishes and have fun decorating, or maybe that's a girls dream! Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Queeniemary, kayc, and Cheryl, Thank you all so much for your thoughts and feedback, as always everyone here is so comforting in the responses posted.... as for the move, reality sat in Friday as I received an email from my loan officer confirming Friday 3/11 as my closing day and he provided me the total for the check I need at closing, WOW I really am moving!....I have been packing and preparing, some area's are very hard to pack as they were Ruth's special things like the curio cabinet with all the crystal, music boxes, and carousels, but I have taken pictures before I packed so I can return her layout to the cabinet in my new home, in fact it already has a spot where it will sit in the family/great room....as far as decorating, Yes Cheryl I am excited and going to have fun it's not just a woman thing for me as I like elegance but have never had it, Ruth and I lived very basic lifestyle, don't get me wrong we both liked nice things but lived a country living lifestyle and didn't decorate that way as we felt it didn't fit...but with this new home I will have the fit, I'm now in a more upscale area and with the home being pratically new being built in 06 it's going to look differant in my new home, also I have Brenda my new friend who has some plans to add the touch of a woman, with the new bond we have and are building she needs to play a big part in this to feel comfortable as this will be a neutral home not mine and Ruth's nor Brenda and Glenn's, she is almost excited as myself....we both have found a zone/connection between us we thought was not possible...today would have been Brenda and Glenn's anniversary and she's feeling kinda down and we won't have our normal Monday evening dinner as she wants to be alone at home tonight and I fully understand, I will miss her but must be able to give her space as she me while we continue to grieve our losses, so I will pack and we will be in contact via phone and back to our normal routine tomorrow when I join her for dinner at her home....we have a full crew in place for Saturday morning to move, her children as well as my son are going to help then when the trucks unloaded Brenda and I will spend the first night in the home Saturday and wake Sunday AM for our coffee....I will then be on vacation for a week to unpack and get used to my transistion, oh how life is a constant changing, challenging experience.....and I am so thankful I have God guiding me as well as all my friends here and in my life.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Hello My Friends, Well I've moved out of home today, it was rough at times but with my son, Brenda and her children we have it all packed on a truck waiting to close I was supposed to close Fri but got delayed and had to be out due to legal and financial reasons...I should close Mon or Tue so the dogs and I are staying with my friend Brenda and the trucks parked in her driveway waiting to go to my new home....I am so blessed to have her during this big bump....I cried when I walked into to her home tonight after unpacking and she had Ruth's Urn and candle set up in an area where she displays pictures....so I am waiting to settle in and praying I close Mon so I can take vacation and get things in order....It was very emotional today packing and seeing the house empty but somehow I know it will be OK with my faith and positive outlook... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostmyHoney Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Nats, I have been packing our things up getting ready for my move as well. Due to the length of my move I am haveing movers take all our things, and my car cross country, while I fly home and find an apartment to put it all into when it gets there. I will thankfully have my parents there to help me and allow me to use one of their cars. I am packing my stuffed family in one of my suitcases as I dont feel I would make it more than a few days without them. My Honey is going to be in my carry-on bag. Though I dont leave till March 31st, I have been feeling the stress theas past few days. I am glad that you have such a good friend in Brenda! I hope all goes well with your closing and you dont remain in limbo for too long! Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 Thinking of you Nats, and you too Rachel. I know moving must be very hard. I have lived in this house since 1978, and I guess would just have to burn it down, as I don't think I could ever get it all packed up and cleaned out. Guess I will leave that for my children someday. Praying everything goes smoothly for both of you. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 Rachel and Mary, Your thoughts and kindness are comforting, I got word yesterday everything's in for a closing today, my contract stated closing on or before 3/15/11 we wanted Friday because I had all my help set for Sat and Sun but it seems the sellers title company and other enities saw 3/15 and pushed others ahead or just drug there feet completing the documents, my title company and Real Estate agent have been great in putting the extra push behind them, so I'm praying for today as everyone is aware of the 3/15 deadline and we've had not request for an extension which I must approve....It's funny how things work, things have been standing still but yesterday while at Brenda's home waiting around I broke down and had a wave of grief as all this has been so overwhelming, I went to Ruth's Urn gave it a big hug, said some prayers with her and ask her to help me with her strength, about 15 minutes later I got the call that the final document was in???....WOW was I floored, and when I spoke to my agent she told me she had been praying all day we would get the document, needless to say we both shared some tears when we shared our stories....I'm anxious to get settled and I miss my home but I have everything with me and the pups are a little unsettled but we are doing OK as we have much Love from God and Brenda and a beautiful new home waiting for us.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 Well today at 10AM is my closing for my home, I'm anxious, nervous, excited, happy, sad, feeling uncertin, and many other feelings I didn't know we could have....yesterday was an unusual day while waiting for the call to close I got a very strong wave of grief and I felt as if Ruth was telling me I had forgot something at our old place, I got in the car and returned and sure enough in all the rush and confusion we had forgot to pack a box of documents and personal papers that had been in one of the storage buildings, I was taken by surprise of my findings but more than that by the feelings and message I had received, because both myself and Brenda had done several walks to ensure nothing was missed, after packing the items in the SUV I heard Ruth say lets go now we're done, and within 30 minutes I received a call that all my documents were in and we are set to close today at 10AM....I can not stress enough how we must keep our minds open to anything, as our Loved ones are still with us just in another place, a place of Love, Peace, Comfort and Joy.... May God Bless Us All NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 Nats, dear ~ The stories you've shared about the messages you've received from Ruth are wonderful. You and Brenda may appreciate the post I put on my blog earlier this week: After-Death Communication: A List of Resources ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Hello My Friends, Thanks Marty, we will review your link, Yes I do have some very powerful messages/guidance from Ruth.... I didn't get to post sooner as I was busy unloading the truck and I just got the internet installed today...Well I am in my new home after much stress and anxiety, we have put alot away already and I have the kitchen, living and sleeping area functional with it starting to look like a cozy home, I have been putting up lights as they were none in any room, and I have conquered unpacking about 1/2 the boxes, I have Ruth's memorial set up on her favorite credenza in the family/great room and the dogs are adapting well to the new surroundings... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 nats, Good to hear that things are going well for you. You sure are getting alot done quickly. What do you mean when you say there were no lights in the house? Do people remove them before they sell in the States? In Canada it is required that if you want a certain thing that is normally part of the house, it must be stated in the contract. Just curious. Anyway, I wish you much enjoyment in you new house and that now you can focus on more important things. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Yes Laniey I purchased a bank foreclosed home and when that happens the previous owners sometime take the fixtures....a small price to pay as this home is only 4 years old and when new it sold for $240,000, but due to the real estate crisis and economy I was able to purchase for $85,000 so the cost of lighting and ceiling fans is minor, it truely is my dream home, I feel Ruth is/would have been proud and happy with my choice. The home looks so nice with the nicer peices of decor we have now in place at this home. Home truely is where the heart is. a statement I have found to be so true during this tranistion in my life.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted March 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hi Friends, Just thought I'd vent and update everyone on the aspect of moving after your spouse passes...first I'm very happy with my home don't get me wrong, I love every sq foot, but it's missing something very important "memories" I am actully grieving the loss of my our old home and the "memories" it held, the last 2 days I have just cried and really missed the old place, it doesn't help I had to view pictures of the inside while sending them to my attorney for legal reasons...I have been so busy doing the moving thing and unpacking it just caught up with me...I feel Ruth here in my new home and I have all our furniture and decor but I miss being where my wife and I lived, I'm sure it will pass as my home is just beautiful and the memories need to be made with my new life, but that just goes to show you how gentle we must be with ourselves as this has surely been another life change that I never would have thought would've been so emotional...I am truely Sad but Happy a very strange feeling almost like being on a balancing beam....but I know with prayer, the love of God and Brenda I will work thru yet another sharp curve in my journey....anyone else had to move? I could use some adjustment pointers.... God Bless All.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I can only imagine how difficult it would be to leave the home where Bill and I lived. You are right...she is with you no matter where you go...you also have your furniture and your memories. Still hard though. Today, a couple days after the first anniversary, I took a long drive and ended up going past the home Bill and I lived in the first years of our marriage 25 years ago. We had a home on 67 acres of land and knew every inch of it so well as we cut paths through the woods and walked the paths and off path daily for many years. I wept as the memories of those days created a movie in my mind. i am sure you will do that many times as you become acquainted with your new home...grab those memories...hang on to them....they are our joy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostmyHoney Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Oh how I didnt want to hear that nats... Im sitting here in a hotel by the airport and cant sleep though I have had an exausting stresfull 3 days getting packed and waiting on someone to pickup my car (which never happened) so I have had to contact a diffrent transport co. and leave my car with my Honey's sister and Im praying it will work out. The movers that came and got all the furniture that we had bought together were great though. I have my Honey's ashes in my carry-on bag and Im hoping that will go smoothly in the morning. I still have to find an aprtment when I get out there too. I know when I get home my parents and at least one of my 3 sons will be delighted to have me back home and so will I to be there with them. Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted April 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 Hi My Friends, I needed to post today as it's another rough morning in my new home, I cannot understand the guilt I'm feeling and I miss "our" home bad....this is a classic example of money cannot buy happiness, I say that because I wonder if I should have stayed at "our" home despite the finanical down side because I've taken the money aspect now and thrown it in with all this grief and I'm not 100% happy and miss many things about "our" home....I do Love my new home it's so beautiful and I'm so blessed to be able to have a home such as this but I wonder if I deserve it???....I was happy in "our" double wide on 2 acres but it never felt like home because my wife owned it before we married, but I now feel the loss of "our" home and I really do miss the feeling of the home I didn't think I had.....I miss the memories from that home and looking around and remembering things Ruth used to do or where she'd be sitting....but I am getting "our" special things in place now I worked in the yard yesterday and going out now as I feel her presence guiding me and with me when I'm out there arranging and placing her special yard ornaments where she wants them....as for the guilt and other feelings, Brenda reminds me I've only been in this home just a month now and I have to give myself some more adjustment time and she also reminds me Ruth would have wanted this for me, not to struggle with keeping up a 25 year old mobile home up let alone keep paying on an upside down loan with an adjustable rate, so I guess I just need have more patience with myself and enjoy this new home and build new memories here while I remember all the things Ruth and I had in my heart and photos.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 NATS, Is it guilt you are feeling? Maybe it's just another big change bringing anxiety about what the future may hold. The comfortable spot you shared your life is gone now also. That's a big loss. Your choices were limited in your situation. I think you are on the right track, creating a special place for the things you shared and the memories of your life together. One step, one day at a time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbylh Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 My house is up for sale,(since March). A lot of people have looked at it but no buyer yet. I dread when I have to empty the house. I also will be happy because my husband died in this house. I will have to move into a apartment. I looked at the one i will be living at. It is near stores since I don't drive which is a plus. My house is near nothing,(a bar down the road). I take one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Claire Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Lost my wonderful husband May 2nd and moved the beginning of November. Could not get down to do laundry etc. He always helped me with so much that was hard for me to do. We knew in time we would have to move, but this went so fast I ended up doing it alone. Have a beautiful apartment in a great building with all the extras-- pool etc. It was a very lonely transition but all the furniture he made for our house if here with us and everything we had together. Actually found an apartment that could take on things from a 3 bedroom, and full basement. I know he is here with me. Just last week he was really here after I had had a very sad day. Came to visit me that night. My grandchildren suffered the most actually in selling the house as they had grown up and stayed with us many times and that would always be grandpa and grandma's house to them. Easier on my kids cause they grew up elsewhere. I for one will never adjust to him not being here with me. Guess in my dream world I thought we would be together forever....... Never entered my head that one day I could be without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted April 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Cheryl,debbylh,and Marion, All of your toughts and input are welcomed and helpful, Thanks, that's what's good here we are all going thru the same thing and all the differant perspective's help make some sense of this journey, and knowing other people go thru the same anxiety and I'm not bonkers helps but I sure wish none of us had to take this journey....your so right Marion I guess I thought Ruth and I would always be together, no one wants to think of losing our spouse....this whole journey is so sureal and seems almost like a bad dream at times....on another note and twist in my life is Brenda my new found Love has decided she doesn't want to be lovers anymore just friends, she lost her husband 2 years ago, our time we have spent has been fantastic, but I can't accept this, we have had in depth conversations about this and now it's happened when it wasn't supposed to, I am keeping the hopes alive things will work out but the pain is intense as I'm still grieving the loss of my wife and now her...I hope it's just an adjustment phase but really unsure, I just know I have pretty bad feeling inside as she brought the life back to me and now I feel like someone knocked the wind right out of me...I was warned by several people including my dear Mother about getting hurt but as normal I didn't listen as I longed for the love and companionship, now I feel like I'm starting the grieving process again....and it's rougher than before, I keep praying God will allow us to get thru this and we may continue down the path we were on....and then again I have reservations as I don't want anymore hurt and pain.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Oh Nats, I'm so sorry to hear about Brenda's decision. I can't imagine having to face rejection on top of grief. My councelor has told me that the longer I can wait to date the easier it will be to move through the grief of losing my husband. I think she said that it's hard to juggle so much emotion and things can become tangled. I haven't given it much thought since no one is banging on the door to take me out. But seeing how much Brenda has helped you along the path has made me jealous. I think you are wise to realize that somethings take time and adjustments. I hope the space you both take will bring you growth and healing. Perhaps then you can rekindle the romance. Your grief journey is obviously taking you to place you were not prepared for it to go and I can imagine that you feel very alone. Please let us know what we all can do to help. Take care of yourself, Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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