Tom19 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 Thank you! I haven't received a reply and I don't expect to, I just have to be patient! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 It's been 9 1/2 months and Jim still isn't able to talk to me about it, he said he never will. I don't understand that but have to accept it. Perhaps Fern will be able to talk to you about how she's feeling in due time. At least Jim and I are able to be friends, at least that's something, although it's more "phone friends" and I miss spending time with him. Maybe it is loss of dreams, etc. Maybe they can't envision a future without their parent in it. I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 At least you have something, right now I have nothing. The fact you can't put a time on something like this either is hurting, I could wait for a year and she might still not ever want me in her life again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 It's been 9 1/2 months and Jim still isn't able to talk to me about it, he said he never will. I don't understand that but have to accept it. Perhaps Fern will be able to talk to you about how she's feeling in due time. At least Jim and I are able to be friends, at least that's something, although it's more "phone friends" and I miss spending time with him. Maybe it is loss of dreams, etc. Maybe they can't envision a future without their parent in it. I don't know. I'm sorry Jim can't talk to you about it Kay. I think grief can be possibly "harder" for some males to talk about. I had a friend who came into my life towards the end of last year, he lost his Mom 4 years ago ..........I thought, at last, someone in real life who will be able to relate to me. Unfortunately I was wrong, he told me that he has not dealt with losing his Mom and has the idea that grief is just simply negative thinking, tears a sign of weakness etc. I tried initially to explain it but we just think so differently on it so eventually I just stopped talking about it . I had no choice but to respect his decision much as it saddened me ..........while I know I could not take away his pain, I could have just kept him company on this lonely road. But I knew I couldn't push, it's not for me to force anything. Unfortunately as time went on I had to hide my grief from him and we've had some real heated discussions about it all, haven't seen or heard from him in a couple of months now, the 15 month mark for me hit me pretty bad and I couldn't hide anything and when I tried to talk to him it all blew up on me. I hope someday Jim will be able to talk to you about it, I think we all know on this site how much it means to have people relate, have people who can listen without judgement. wishing you lots of peace and comfort Niamh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 Oh Jim can talk to me about the grief, just not about the breakup. Last night he called while I was out so I returned his call...he was watching tv with and visiting with his ex-wife. That kind of bummed me out but I didn't let it show. I can't say as I have much with him, Tom...just a phone call now and then but he doesn't spend time with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 Things are going just great right now.. On Saturday I broke my phone and this morning my car decided to pack up as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 26, 2011 Report Share Posted May 26, 2011 Gosh, you're starting to sound like me...I hope my luck isn't rubbing off on you! Hang in there, there's a country song I was listening to yesterday "Sounds like Life to me" and it reminded me that whatever I'm going through, it's usual stuff, even though it feels overwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2011 Haha, I'd rather I share your bad luck than just you have it all! Hopefully getting a new car tomorrow, and I have a job interview for promotion next week too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 27, 2011 Report Share Posted May 27, 2011 That's great! Tell me about your new car and let me know how the interview goes! I don't know...I think someone has a voodoo doll of me or something! LOL I had eye surgery scheduled for today, been waiting for it for ten months and now I think it's going to be postponed...of course with insurance running out due to my layoff, that's not a good thing. I was so looking forward to getting this taken care of... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2011 Well I got my new car! I'm picking it up on Tuesday! Can't wait to get it, something to look forward to anyway! Hope things start to improve for you quickly! Got my last week of my teenage years next week, then I'm going to be 20! With regards to Fern, still not heard anything from her. Don't know whether she's gone for good now, again it's not something anyone can put a time one. Wonder if she will say happy birthday or anything next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 27, 2011 Report Share Posted May 27, 2011 Tom, what day is your birthday? What kind of car did you get? And you have to wait until TUESDAY to get it?? That must be killing you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2011 It's on Tuesday 7th June, so just over a week to go! Would have been our 2 year mark as well. I got a Peugeot 107 in electric blue, I can't wait to pick it up on Tuesday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 29, 2011 Report Share Posted May 29, 2011 OMG, you've got to be kidding me, what a great birthday present to yourself! Can you post a picture of it here? I'm sorry about the anv....I know how hard that is. Jim broke up with me exactly one year to the date of writing that he was so lucky to have me in his life...it made it feel like a stab when I saw that. I guess he must have changed his mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 29, 2011 That's it, although it's 5 door and not the 3 door that is shown on the picture. Yeah, it's not really nice thinking about it, although there's nothing I can do about what's go on. I don't really know what I feel anymore, I tried everything and at least I know that, even if Fern might not have appreciated what I tried to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 29, 2011 Just on a bit of a downer right now, I hate it when I get like this! My Mum's on holiday and my Dad's at work so it's just me and my dog at home. Makes me feel so alone. It's just me now, no more 'us', 'we', 'our' etc. I hate not being able to do things for her, it made me feel happy knowing she was, but now I don't have a clue what she feels anymore, whether she cares if anything happened to me anymore. I hate how that she used to love me and now it seems like she doesn't want to know. I hate how painful this whole experience is for me, yet Fern's pain is a 1000 times more. I miss everything about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 30, 2011 Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 Your car is beyond adorable, and what a gorgeous color!! I can relate to everything you've said her...it's exactly what I was feeling when Jim wasn't talking to me and his mom was dying, he was taking care of her 24/7 with no relief and all I could think about was how was he doing and I had no contact whatsoever. I couldn't understand why he cut me off when he needed me the most, why wouldn't he at least let me bring him a meal or come sit with him? I could have ran errands or anything, but instead he cut me off. He didn't cut off his neighbors and friends, just me. And it's continued to amaze me that he apparently didn't feel as I didn't, didn't miss me like I did him, etc. I've gotten used to things as well as can be expected, but then it's been nearly ten months now, but it's affected me, I can't trust any more, don't want to date at all. And yes, I'm aware of just how alone I am. Now that I've lost my job and the housing market ruined the value of my home, I'm feeling overwhelmed and alone in it all. It's funny what a difference one person can make to you, but the absence of them ruins everything for you. You feel like your sense of purpose is gone, like there's no meaning in life. It's hard just to keep going. This is supposed to be a fun weekend, Memorial Day, where families get together and go camping and enjoy each other's company, yet I'm alone. It's very depressing. I'm sorry you find yourself alone too and your mom is gone on holiday. Just keep in mind she'll be back...hang in there and know everything won't always stay the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 It's what annoys me, that she can be with everyone else apart from me! She doesn't speak to me, and doesn't even have the decency to sort my things out and give me the money she owes me back. She also took my camera out on a night out with her! My camera, not hers. Sometimes I just feel like I should forget it all and just go and get my stuff whether she likes it or not, but I'm not insensitive and I care about her, so I wouldn't think of upsetting her, although I just feel like she's trying to walk all over me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 It's hard to know their intentions so I try not to attribute anything to what they're intending. Lord knows I've analyzed my situation to death and still know no more than I started out knowing. I don't think it'd be out of line to go get your belongings...I would ask her what day this week is the best day for you to come collect them, don't give her an out. Can you pack them up at her place or is that something she has to do? If you can help her do that maybe it wouldn't be so hard for her to. It also might help her realize the reality of what she's done in tossing you aside...as long as she has your belongings there she may feel she can stay on the fence and not have consequences for her choices. That's kind of an unfair position to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Well I seen Fern today as I was walking past her work, we both waved and so I went over to her. Asked about my stuff, she said that she would bring it round next week for me. So we'll see if she actually does or not! Also spoke to Fern's Mum today, she described Fern as 'plodding along' at the moment. I hated seeing her, I really did, it just seems so different, nothing like the happiness we once had on each others faces when we met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 She will get better...not ever the same exactly, but better. Jim was totally different than himself when his mom died, but he's doing better, I don't think he'll ever be exactly the same, but at least he shows interest in some activities once in a while, at first...well, I can't even describe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 I guess so but I don't really know a thing at the moment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Tom, Did you ever get your things settled? How are you enjoying your new car? Are you still staying busy with friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Hello! Nope nothings been sorted yet! Nothings really happened since, of course if something did happen then I would have posted on here anyway to tell you about it. Loving the new car! Had a decent drive out to Rugby today in it which is a good 45 minutes each way from Leicester, was good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 Good...keep trying to have fun and go on with your life as best as you can...I know it's hard, it kind of sucked the wind out of me when Jim broke up with me and I feel like I'm in limbo now, don't know how to change that, partly it's the isolation and then losing my job...but if you have friends and can go out and have a good time, do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 That's what I'm trying to do, doing a bit of overtime at work today to keep me busy! Getting a new puppy tomorrow as well! Then it's my birthday on Tuesday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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